I pulled my hand out of his grip and sat on it so he couldn't see.
"What is it?" he asked again.
"Nothing, Tyson. Leave it alone."
"When did you—"
"I said leave it alone."
He didn't mention it again.
***
The sun had started to come up by the time everyone left. I’d wanted to go to bed earlier, but I knew Ethan would shut the party down if I did, so I dealt with it.
I couldn't sleep, even if I wanted to. I lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to drown out the silence with music, but it made me feel worse.
Tyson knocked on my door before coming in. He didn't say anything; just lay on the bed, on top of the covers.
"I'd gotten so used to having someone else in the bed. It feels strange now," he explained.
"Yeah." I knew exactly what he meant. "Have you heard from her?"
"Yeah, I just got off the phone.
"And?"
"Nothing. She said she was sorry."
"Do you think you can forgive her?"
"No. I think my mind's pretty set on the whole cheating thing. If I was able to forgive, I'd have forgiven you, you know?"
I didn't know what came over me, but I reached over, felt for his hand and held it. "Yeah," I whispered.
"I'm sad, Dim." His voice broke. "Are you sad?"
"Yeah," I repeated quietly.
"You don't seem sad."
I thought about my next words. "I have to numb myself emotionally, you know? I mean it's not just me that's in this. It's Ethan, too. If I show him how bad I'm hurting, he'll want to fix it, and he can't."
He squeezed my hand once.
I continued, "We're going to be okay, Tyson."
"Yeah," he agreed. "And if not, we'll be broken together."
A few minutes of silence passed before he started to chuckle.
"What?" I asked.
He laughed harder.
"What?" I asked again.
"You should've seen this kid barking at that girl," he managed to say.
I started to giggle. "What do you mean bark? Like, howl?"
"No, Dim." His words came out in a rush of excitement. "I mean . . . ruff, ruff . . . ruff, ruff . . ."
I laughed into my pillow. "Why was he doing that?"
"I don't know." He turned to face me, leaning on his elbow and resting his head in his hand. "This is your school. You tell me."
"Ooh, sorry," I mocked sarcastically. "We can't all go to musical genius school. That was just your run-of-the-mill college party."
"You can say that again." His smile came through in his tone. "No musical geniuses bark where I come from."
I giggled. "Well, that's a shame. You're missing out."
A loud, girly shriek echoed through the house.
I rolled my eyes.
"Ethan got a girl in there?" Ty asked.
"I assume so."
Then a rhythmic banging sound filled my ears. "Oh God," I moaned. It wasn’t the first time I'd had to hear it, but it never got easier.
Tyson chuckled. "How awkward for you—having to listen to your own brother banging—"
"Shut up!" I pulled the pillow from under my head and used it to cover my eyes and ears.
Then we heard her speak again. "Say it!"
"No." Ethan's voice was firm.
The banging stopped.
I pulled the pillow away from my face and looked at Tyson.
His eyes were huge, waiting. "I feel like we're kids eavesdropping."
"We kind of are," I whispered.
She was louder this time. "SAY IT!"
"Oww. Fine!" Ethan bellowed. "Ruff, ruff . . . ruff, ruff!"
Instantly, Tyson and I were kicking our legs, laughing into the pillows. "No way!" Ty laughed.
I couldn't speak. My body wouldn't stop shaking from laughter. Tears had pooled in my eyes.
"Ruff, ruff . . . ruff, ruff!" We heard once more.
Then the rhythmic banging started again.
***
Tyson and I moved into the living room to watch TV so we didn't have to listen to them . . . um . . . bark?
"What are you planning on doing tomorrow—actually, today?" I handed him a coffee and sat next to him.
"I don't know. Sleep a little, find a job, I guess."
"So you plan on staying for a while?" I couldn't help the excitement from showing. It felt good to have him here. It felt familiar.
"If it's okay with you. I kind of just want to hide out for a bit. I haven't even told my parents I'm back."
I nodded. "I get that. It's fine."
A door opened. Tyson and I quickly looked at each other, and then pretended to pay attention to the TV.
"You guys still up?" Ethan asked, walking towards the sofa. A brunette walked behind him, adjusting her dress. Tyson chuckled under his breath.
"Yup," I answered for both of us. I watched Tyson pretend to be engrossed with what was on the TV.
"Dimmy, Tyson," Ethan started. Tyson looked up. Ethan pointed at the girl behind him. "This is Kat."
Tyson fell into a fit of laughter. I held it together. "Nice to meet you, Kat. Sorry—" I pointed my thumb at Tyson. "—he's drunk."
She smiled right before Ethan led her out of the house with his hand on her back. When I heard the door click shut, I turned to Tyson. His face was red from his attempt at containing his laughter. I slapped his shoulder.
"Holy shit, Dim." He held his stomach. "Her name is Kat and she makes guys bark like a dog. What the fuck?"
My head flew back with my laugh. I snorted. Multiple times.
Ethan interrupted us. "What's so funny?" he asked seriously.
"Kat?" I asked, at the same time as Tyson started barking.
"Fuck you," Ethan said, but he was laughing, too. He exited the room and left us in our state of idiotic bliss.
And for a moment, I forgot who the hell Logan Matthews was.
And soon enough, I determined, I'd make it permanent.
4
It didn't take long for Tyson to make himself at home. A few weeks had passed and he’d landed a job at a record store. He didn't really need a job. He lived off a trust fund left to him by his grandparents, and he was getting paid monthly royalty payments for a few songs he'd recorded on compilation albums. Things were just starting to take off for him in New York when that stuff happened with Ally. He said he'd go back to that eventually, but was happy just to sit back for a few months and wait it out. Music would always be there, he’d said, but being young with no major responsibility is limited. He just wanted to live a little. Good for him.
Summer break went by quickly; way too quickly. We spent the time working, and lazing around. Ethan’s shifts were sporadic but he made sure someone was always home with me. He and Tyson had come up with a schedule.
I’d thought it was stupid today, until I was left alone in the house, and it no longer seemed that way. I felt like a child afraid of monsters. Maybe I was.
"What is it?" he asked again.
"Nothing, Tyson. Leave it alone."
"When did you—"
"I said leave it alone."
He didn't mention it again.
***
The sun had started to come up by the time everyone left. I’d wanted to go to bed earlier, but I knew Ethan would shut the party down if I did, so I dealt with it.
I couldn't sleep, even if I wanted to. I lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to drown out the silence with music, but it made me feel worse.
Tyson knocked on my door before coming in. He didn't say anything; just lay on the bed, on top of the covers.
"I'd gotten so used to having someone else in the bed. It feels strange now," he explained.
"Yeah." I knew exactly what he meant. "Have you heard from her?"
"Yeah, I just got off the phone.
"And?"
"Nothing. She said she was sorry."
"Do you think you can forgive her?"
"No. I think my mind's pretty set on the whole cheating thing. If I was able to forgive, I'd have forgiven you, you know?"
I didn't know what came over me, but I reached over, felt for his hand and held it. "Yeah," I whispered.
"I'm sad, Dim." His voice broke. "Are you sad?"
"Yeah," I repeated quietly.
"You don't seem sad."
I thought about my next words. "I have to numb myself emotionally, you know? I mean it's not just me that's in this. It's Ethan, too. If I show him how bad I'm hurting, he'll want to fix it, and he can't."
He squeezed my hand once.
I continued, "We're going to be okay, Tyson."
"Yeah," he agreed. "And if not, we'll be broken together."
A few minutes of silence passed before he started to chuckle.
"What?" I asked.
He laughed harder.
"What?" I asked again.
"You should've seen this kid barking at that girl," he managed to say.
I started to giggle. "What do you mean bark? Like, howl?"
"No, Dim." His words came out in a rush of excitement. "I mean . . . ruff, ruff . . . ruff, ruff . . ."
I laughed into my pillow. "Why was he doing that?"
"I don't know." He turned to face me, leaning on his elbow and resting his head in his hand. "This is your school. You tell me."
"Ooh, sorry," I mocked sarcastically. "We can't all go to musical genius school. That was just your run-of-the-mill college party."
"You can say that again." His smile came through in his tone. "No musical geniuses bark where I come from."
I giggled. "Well, that's a shame. You're missing out."
A loud, girly shriek echoed through the house.
I rolled my eyes.
"Ethan got a girl in there?" Ty asked.
"I assume so."
Then a rhythmic banging sound filled my ears. "Oh God," I moaned. It wasn’t the first time I'd had to hear it, but it never got easier.
Tyson chuckled. "How awkward for you—having to listen to your own brother banging—"
"Shut up!" I pulled the pillow from under my head and used it to cover my eyes and ears.
Then we heard her speak again. "Say it!"
"No." Ethan's voice was firm.
The banging stopped.
I pulled the pillow away from my face and looked at Tyson.
His eyes were huge, waiting. "I feel like we're kids eavesdropping."
"We kind of are," I whispered.
She was louder this time. "SAY IT!"
"Oww. Fine!" Ethan bellowed. "Ruff, ruff . . . ruff, ruff!"
Instantly, Tyson and I were kicking our legs, laughing into the pillows. "No way!" Ty laughed.
I couldn't speak. My body wouldn't stop shaking from laughter. Tears had pooled in my eyes.
"Ruff, ruff . . . ruff, ruff!" We heard once more.
Then the rhythmic banging started again.
***
Tyson and I moved into the living room to watch TV so we didn't have to listen to them . . . um . . . bark?
"What are you planning on doing tomorrow—actually, today?" I handed him a coffee and sat next to him.
"I don't know. Sleep a little, find a job, I guess."
"So you plan on staying for a while?" I couldn't help the excitement from showing. It felt good to have him here. It felt familiar.
"If it's okay with you. I kind of just want to hide out for a bit. I haven't even told my parents I'm back."
I nodded. "I get that. It's fine."
A door opened. Tyson and I quickly looked at each other, and then pretended to pay attention to the TV.
"You guys still up?" Ethan asked, walking towards the sofa. A brunette walked behind him, adjusting her dress. Tyson chuckled under his breath.
"Yup," I answered for both of us. I watched Tyson pretend to be engrossed with what was on the TV.
"Dimmy, Tyson," Ethan started. Tyson looked up. Ethan pointed at the girl behind him. "This is Kat."
Tyson fell into a fit of laughter. I held it together. "Nice to meet you, Kat. Sorry—" I pointed my thumb at Tyson. "—he's drunk."
She smiled right before Ethan led her out of the house with his hand on her back. When I heard the door click shut, I turned to Tyson. His face was red from his attempt at containing his laughter. I slapped his shoulder.
"Holy shit, Dim." He held his stomach. "Her name is Kat and she makes guys bark like a dog. What the fuck?"
My head flew back with my laugh. I snorted. Multiple times.
Ethan interrupted us. "What's so funny?" he asked seriously.
"Kat?" I asked, at the same time as Tyson started barking.
"Fuck you," Ethan said, but he was laughing, too. He exited the room and left us in our state of idiotic bliss.
And for a moment, I forgot who the hell Logan Matthews was.
And soon enough, I determined, I'd make it permanent.
4
It didn't take long for Tyson to make himself at home. A few weeks had passed and he’d landed a job at a record store. He didn't really need a job. He lived off a trust fund left to him by his grandparents, and he was getting paid monthly royalty payments for a few songs he'd recorded on compilation albums. Things were just starting to take off for him in New York when that stuff happened with Ally. He said he'd go back to that eventually, but was happy just to sit back for a few months and wait it out. Music would always be there, he’d said, but being young with no major responsibility is limited. He just wanted to live a little. Good for him.
Summer break went by quickly; way too quickly. We spent the time working, and lazing around. Ethan’s shifts were sporadic but he made sure someone was always home with me. He and Tyson had come up with a schedule.
I’d thought it was stupid today, until I was left alone in the house, and it no longer seemed that way. I felt like a child afraid of monsters. Maybe I was.
