She sat on the farthest end of the couch from me. A picture of Skylar and him standing in front of the Washington monument taunted me from the end table.
“You have a little boy…”
“Yes. His name is Henry.”
A teardrop fell from her eye almost instantly after I said his name. I guess that made it real for her. I wished she could have known him. She would have felt differently. He was my world now.
She sniffled. “He’s four?”
“Yes.”
Her mouth quivered. “Is she around? Are you with her?”
“With Charisma?” I couldn’t believe she would even think that. My tone was shrill. “Of course, not…after what she did to you…to us? You think I would get involved with that crazy bitch?” That question had angered me, and I suddenly realized why she was so scared to find out information about me. She actually thought there was a chance Charisma was a part of my life. That broke my heart. I needed to clarify this real fast. “The only good thing that woman ever did was give birth to my son. Other than that, she’s garbage as far as I’m concerned. Actually…she did one other good thing. She took off.”
“What?”
“I have full custody.”
“I don’t understand. How could she do that?”
“I need to tell you the whole story. Can I?”
Clutching the pink blanket, she nodded and settled into her seat.
I took a deep breath and geared myself up. “After you left, my grades were in the toilet, and I lost my scholarship because it was contingent on keeping up a certain GPA every semester. One strike, you’re out. So, I moved home. Charisma stayed back at Wellesley the whole time she was pregnant. I still didn’t know at that point if the baby was even mine. I was in a really rough place. The following summer, he was born in Manhattan. She put my name on the certificate as the father. A DNA test later confirmed it. I still don’t understand how it happened since I was never with her without protection. Anyway, she tried one last time to convince me to give her a chance. She tried to lie to me about what happened between you and her and tried to make it seem like she didn’t have this whole thing planned out. But I knew better. You have to know, I never once considered being with her, Skylar…not even for a split second.”
She let out a sigh of relief but said nothing.
I continued, “That summer, I got a job working in construction and would travel to New York on weekends to see Henry. She told me she was planning on going back to Wellesley to finish her last year that fall. When I asked who would be taking care of the baby, she told me her parents were going to hire someone. It didn’t feel right. I told her I wanted to take my son to live with me while she was in school. My mother offered to stay home and watch him while I worked. Charisma actually agreed to it. She saw him maybe three times that school year. I didn’t care because I didn’t want her bad energy around him. After she graduated, she took a job in New York and told me she was gonna fight for full custody. She took me to court, and the judge ruled that she could have him during the week, and I’d get him on weekends. I’m pretty sure hired strangers were taking care of him during those weeks.”
“I don’t get it. How did she end up agreeing to your getting full custody?”
“When Henry turned two, things changed. We started to notice that he didn’t have the same kind of eye contact as other kids, and he wasn’t using any words. He wasn’t pointing to things. He stopped sleeping through the night and was having a lot of tantrums where he’d be inconsolable. Even with the little time she spent with him, she couldn’t handle him anymore. She was too self-centered to deal with it. Her new boyfriend was from Europe and wanted her to travel. Let’s just say, Henry wouldn’t do well on a Transatlantic flight. She started letting me have him more often. Eventually, I asked for full custody, and she just…gave it to me. Skylar, she didn’t even put up a fight.”
“I just…wow. I can’t believe that.”
“A year ago, she moved to London with the boyfriend. She’s seen her son one time since then. So, anyway…fuck her. Around the time she moved, I got him in to see a neurologist. They diagnosed him with something called pervasive developmental disorder, but it’s since been upgraded to autism.”
“Henry still can’t talk?”
I offered a slight smile, unable to contain my relief that she used my son’s name. I didn’t want her to view him in a negative light because of how he came into the world. He didn’t deserve that. “No. He tries to sound out some words, but he’s non-verbal. It’s not easy. My mother has been a huge help. We finally got him on this waiting list for state-funded therapy, but it hasn’t started up yet. Thank God my job has good benefits to cover all these doctor appointments.”
“You’re still working in construction?”
“Yeah, but I manage the company now, too. I’m also a part owner. So, it’s a mix of site work and office stuff. It’s a good gig. Where are you working?”
“I’m actually trying to start my own interior design business. I only have a couple of private clients right now. So, business is slow, but self-promotion is the full-time job. I’m designing a website myself at the moment.”
“That’s really cool. That was always what you said you wanted to do…interior design.”
She changed the subject back to Henry. “Do you have a picture of him?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.” I took out my phone and scrolled through, pulling up a photo of Henry in the bathtub smiling with suds all over his head. “He loves the water.”
She covered her mouth with her hand, and her eyes became watery again as she took the phone from me. I didn’t ask what she was thinking because it felt like a private moment. I had to remind myself she was seeing him for the first time. As she continued to gaze at the image, I took the opportunity to gaze at her. With every passing second, I wondered how the hell I was going to walk out of here tonight. I couldn’t even seem to move from this couch.
I didn’t want to ask, but I had to know what I was up against. “Tell me about this guy you’re with. Where is he tonight?”
“Kevin.”
Kevin.
“You’re really going to marry him?”
“He asked me. I said yes.”
“But is there a date set?”
“No.”
Thank fuck. I think I just got hard.
“You never said where he was.”
“He goes away for a few days to Virginia twice a month.”
That explained why sometimes he wasn’t home.
“Are you happy?”
She didn’t respond.
“This house is a f**king mess, Sky.”
“What the hell was that?” I asked.
“You don’t know who that is?”
“Seamus? He’s still alive?”
She got up from the couch, went upstairs and returned with the bird propped on her finger. She handed him to me.
“Hey, little guy. Remember me?”
He flapped his wings in excitement. “This house is a f**king mess, Sky.”
“Why is he saying that?”
“He overheard Kevin and me arguing one night. That was the phrase that stuck. You know how unpredictable he can be.”
Kevin sounds like a real winner.
I looked Seamus in the eye. Over the past five years, this bird has seen everything I wasn’t able to. He was being really friendly to me, which was uncharacteristic. I liked to think he was sending me a message. At least that was what I thought until he sprayed me with lime green shit droplets. “Aw, man! You haven’t changed one bit!”
Skylar couldn’t contain her laughter. “You look like you got slimed at the Kids Choice Awards.”
“What have you been giving him to eat? Goddamn.”
She took Seamus. “I’ll bring him back to his cage and get you a clean shirt.”
She ran upstairs and returned with a plain white t-shirt, throwing it to me. “Here. He won’t miss this.”
“Are you sure?”
She was still laughing. “It’s fine.”
As I lifted off my soiled shirt, I watched closely to gauge her reaction.
“Whoa. When did you get all those?”
Her eyes zoned in on the three tattoos on my chest, specifically the one of her name scrawled across the top.
“Does that make you uncomfortable?”
“No.”
I pointed to the name tattoo. “This one was done right after you left. I got most of them during the time I’d moved back home before Henry was born. It became like an addiction. I was trying to find a way to express how lost I was without you—still am in many ways. The only difference is now I have my son to take my mind off it.”
She slowly walked toward me and ran her fingertips from left to right across the letters that spelled out SKYLAR. She placed her hand over my heart that was beating out of control. She kept her hand there as she looked down at the words spread across my abdomen.
To be continued…because true love never ends.
Then, she placed her hand on my inner forearm where it said, Time can’t heal wounds that cut through your heart.
She looked up at me. “They’re beautiful.”
“So are you.”
Fighting the urge to grab her and kiss her senseless, I slipped the clean garment over my head. As she continued to look up at me, I felt it. Her heart still belonged to me. I didn’t want to live without her anymore, but it would be a long road to getting her back. It would be worth it. I just had to be patient and not rush things. I needed to start by being her friend again. I would rebuild what we had from the ground up.
In that moment, I vowed that no matter what it took, the shirt wouldn’t be the only thing I’d be stealing from him.
CHAPTER 22
SKYLAR
Kevin pulled out my chair. “You really look stunning tonight.”
“Thanks.”
I decided not to intentionally embarrass him for once and kept my wardrobe choice modest. Even though ruffling his feathers was more fun, I figured it was the least I could do considering the better part of the past week was spent fantasizing over my ex-boyfriend’s chest, which had apparently become a shrine in honor of me.
Tonight, we were at dinner with one of Kevin’s co-workers, Ray Michaelson and his wife, Linda.
Linda placed a cloth napkin on her lap. “So, Sky, Kevin tells me you’re an interior designer?”
“Yes. I’m starting my own company, actually. It’s still in the early stages. What do you do?”
“I don’t work, but I chair my community Agriburbia board.”
“Agri what?”
“Agriburbia.”
“That sounds like a digestive issue…”
Kevin put his fork down. “Sky…”
I whispered, “I was just making a joke. Sorry.”
Linda continued, “Actually, it’s a concept for integrating agricultural production with housing developments.”
“Ah…very nice.” I took a sip of water.
Kevin rolled his eyes.
“Have you two set a date?” Ray asked.
I hated this question. “Well—”
Kevin chimed in. “I was thinking summer. What about you, Sky?”
“We haven’t really discussed it, Kev.”
“I know, but summer would be ideal, and we’re not having anything big anyway, so we should have enough time to plan.”
“Okay, well, we should talk about this in private another time.”
Linda clasped her hands together. “Summer weddings are fabulous. You could book something down the shore or…Ray, what about your uncle who lives in the Hamptons? Do you think he’d be willing to rent out his house for the event? Wouldn’t that be the perfect venue for a wedding?”
Great. Now, agriburbibitch was planning my wedding?
“I think we’ll be good, but thank you.”
Kevin turned to her. “Actually, Linda, would you mind looking into that? A Hamptons wedding might be nice.”
I cleared my throat. “Excuse me. Don’t I have a say in this?”
“Sky…come on. I just asked her to look into it.”
“Well, I don’t want to get married in the Hamptons.”
Ray and Linda quietly munched on their salads as the mood became tense.
After dinner that night, Kevin paused before starting the car.
“Do you mind telling me what’s going on with you? They were trying to be helpful, and you shit all over it.”
“I just don’t like people prying into my life when I didn’t ask them to.”
“It’s more than that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been distant. It’s been that way for a couple of months.”
I hadn’t realized how transparent it was. Mitch was all I could focus on lately. My feelings for him weren’t going to disappear, but it wasn’t feasible to think that he and I could actually have a future, that we could just pick up where we left off. There was a child involved now, and I wasn’t sure I could ever move past what happened in order to accept Henry the way he deserved and the way I would need to in order to be with Mitch. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about him: the passionate way he looked at me, the love he had for Henry, his smell, how his heart beat against his smooth, hard chest that now bore my name. Thoughts of Mitch were consuming my life.
At the same time, I truly cared about Kevin. He didn’t deserve to be strung along while I dealt with these other feelings. We had our moments, but deep down, he was a good man. Kevin had been my safety net for so long, and losing him could mean ending up alone altogether.
“You have a little boy…”
“Yes. His name is Henry.”
A teardrop fell from her eye almost instantly after I said his name. I guess that made it real for her. I wished she could have known him. She would have felt differently. He was my world now.
She sniffled. “He’s four?”
“Yes.”
Her mouth quivered. “Is she around? Are you with her?”
“With Charisma?” I couldn’t believe she would even think that. My tone was shrill. “Of course, not…after what she did to you…to us? You think I would get involved with that crazy bitch?” That question had angered me, and I suddenly realized why she was so scared to find out information about me. She actually thought there was a chance Charisma was a part of my life. That broke my heart. I needed to clarify this real fast. “The only good thing that woman ever did was give birth to my son. Other than that, she’s garbage as far as I’m concerned. Actually…she did one other good thing. She took off.”
“What?”
“I have full custody.”
“I don’t understand. How could she do that?”
“I need to tell you the whole story. Can I?”
Clutching the pink blanket, she nodded and settled into her seat.
I took a deep breath and geared myself up. “After you left, my grades were in the toilet, and I lost my scholarship because it was contingent on keeping up a certain GPA every semester. One strike, you’re out. So, I moved home. Charisma stayed back at Wellesley the whole time she was pregnant. I still didn’t know at that point if the baby was even mine. I was in a really rough place. The following summer, he was born in Manhattan. She put my name on the certificate as the father. A DNA test later confirmed it. I still don’t understand how it happened since I was never with her without protection. Anyway, she tried one last time to convince me to give her a chance. She tried to lie to me about what happened between you and her and tried to make it seem like she didn’t have this whole thing planned out. But I knew better. You have to know, I never once considered being with her, Skylar…not even for a split second.”
She let out a sigh of relief but said nothing.
I continued, “That summer, I got a job working in construction and would travel to New York on weekends to see Henry. She told me she was planning on going back to Wellesley to finish her last year that fall. When I asked who would be taking care of the baby, she told me her parents were going to hire someone. It didn’t feel right. I told her I wanted to take my son to live with me while she was in school. My mother offered to stay home and watch him while I worked. Charisma actually agreed to it. She saw him maybe three times that school year. I didn’t care because I didn’t want her bad energy around him. After she graduated, she took a job in New York and told me she was gonna fight for full custody. She took me to court, and the judge ruled that she could have him during the week, and I’d get him on weekends. I’m pretty sure hired strangers were taking care of him during those weeks.”
“I don’t get it. How did she end up agreeing to your getting full custody?”
“When Henry turned two, things changed. We started to notice that he didn’t have the same kind of eye contact as other kids, and he wasn’t using any words. He wasn’t pointing to things. He stopped sleeping through the night and was having a lot of tantrums where he’d be inconsolable. Even with the little time she spent with him, she couldn’t handle him anymore. She was too self-centered to deal with it. Her new boyfriend was from Europe and wanted her to travel. Let’s just say, Henry wouldn’t do well on a Transatlantic flight. She started letting me have him more often. Eventually, I asked for full custody, and she just…gave it to me. Skylar, she didn’t even put up a fight.”
“I just…wow. I can’t believe that.”
“A year ago, she moved to London with the boyfriend. She’s seen her son one time since then. So, anyway…fuck her. Around the time she moved, I got him in to see a neurologist. They diagnosed him with something called pervasive developmental disorder, but it’s since been upgraded to autism.”
“Henry still can’t talk?”
I offered a slight smile, unable to contain my relief that she used my son’s name. I didn’t want her to view him in a negative light because of how he came into the world. He didn’t deserve that. “No. He tries to sound out some words, but he’s non-verbal. It’s not easy. My mother has been a huge help. We finally got him on this waiting list for state-funded therapy, but it hasn’t started up yet. Thank God my job has good benefits to cover all these doctor appointments.”
“You’re still working in construction?”
“Yeah, but I manage the company now, too. I’m also a part owner. So, it’s a mix of site work and office stuff. It’s a good gig. Where are you working?”
“I’m actually trying to start my own interior design business. I only have a couple of private clients right now. So, business is slow, but self-promotion is the full-time job. I’m designing a website myself at the moment.”
“That’s really cool. That was always what you said you wanted to do…interior design.”
She changed the subject back to Henry. “Do you have a picture of him?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.” I took out my phone and scrolled through, pulling up a photo of Henry in the bathtub smiling with suds all over his head. “He loves the water.”
She covered her mouth with her hand, and her eyes became watery again as she took the phone from me. I didn’t ask what she was thinking because it felt like a private moment. I had to remind myself she was seeing him for the first time. As she continued to gaze at the image, I took the opportunity to gaze at her. With every passing second, I wondered how the hell I was going to walk out of here tonight. I couldn’t even seem to move from this couch.
I didn’t want to ask, but I had to know what I was up against. “Tell me about this guy you’re with. Where is he tonight?”
“Kevin.”
Kevin.
“You’re really going to marry him?”
“He asked me. I said yes.”
“But is there a date set?”
“No.”
Thank fuck. I think I just got hard.
“You never said where he was.”
“He goes away for a few days to Virginia twice a month.”
That explained why sometimes he wasn’t home.
“Are you happy?”
She didn’t respond.
“This house is a f**king mess, Sky.”
“What the hell was that?” I asked.
“You don’t know who that is?”
“Seamus? He’s still alive?”
She got up from the couch, went upstairs and returned with the bird propped on her finger. She handed him to me.
“Hey, little guy. Remember me?”
He flapped his wings in excitement. “This house is a f**king mess, Sky.”
“Why is he saying that?”
“He overheard Kevin and me arguing one night. That was the phrase that stuck. You know how unpredictable he can be.”
Kevin sounds like a real winner.
I looked Seamus in the eye. Over the past five years, this bird has seen everything I wasn’t able to. He was being really friendly to me, which was uncharacteristic. I liked to think he was sending me a message. At least that was what I thought until he sprayed me with lime green shit droplets. “Aw, man! You haven’t changed one bit!”
Skylar couldn’t contain her laughter. “You look like you got slimed at the Kids Choice Awards.”
“What have you been giving him to eat? Goddamn.”
She took Seamus. “I’ll bring him back to his cage and get you a clean shirt.”
She ran upstairs and returned with a plain white t-shirt, throwing it to me. “Here. He won’t miss this.”
“Are you sure?”
She was still laughing. “It’s fine.”
As I lifted off my soiled shirt, I watched closely to gauge her reaction.
“Whoa. When did you get all those?”
Her eyes zoned in on the three tattoos on my chest, specifically the one of her name scrawled across the top.
“Does that make you uncomfortable?”
“No.”
I pointed to the name tattoo. “This one was done right after you left. I got most of them during the time I’d moved back home before Henry was born. It became like an addiction. I was trying to find a way to express how lost I was without you—still am in many ways. The only difference is now I have my son to take my mind off it.”
She slowly walked toward me and ran her fingertips from left to right across the letters that spelled out SKYLAR. She placed her hand over my heart that was beating out of control. She kept her hand there as she looked down at the words spread across my abdomen.
To be continued…because true love never ends.
Then, she placed her hand on my inner forearm where it said, Time can’t heal wounds that cut through your heart.
She looked up at me. “They’re beautiful.”
“So are you.”
Fighting the urge to grab her and kiss her senseless, I slipped the clean garment over my head. As she continued to look up at me, I felt it. Her heart still belonged to me. I didn’t want to live without her anymore, but it would be a long road to getting her back. It would be worth it. I just had to be patient and not rush things. I needed to start by being her friend again. I would rebuild what we had from the ground up.
In that moment, I vowed that no matter what it took, the shirt wouldn’t be the only thing I’d be stealing from him.
CHAPTER 22
SKYLAR
Kevin pulled out my chair. “You really look stunning tonight.”
“Thanks.”
I decided not to intentionally embarrass him for once and kept my wardrobe choice modest. Even though ruffling his feathers was more fun, I figured it was the least I could do considering the better part of the past week was spent fantasizing over my ex-boyfriend’s chest, which had apparently become a shrine in honor of me.
Tonight, we were at dinner with one of Kevin’s co-workers, Ray Michaelson and his wife, Linda.
Linda placed a cloth napkin on her lap. “So, Sky, Kevin tells me you’re an interior designer?”
“Yes. I’m starting my own company, actually. It’s still in the early stages. What do you do?”
“I don’t work, but I chair my community Agriburbia board.”
“Agri what?”
“Agriburbia.”
“That sounds like a digestive issue…”
Kevin put his fork down. “Sky…”
I whispered, “I was just making a joke. Sorry.”
Linda continued, “Actually, it’s a concept for integrating agricultural production with housing developments.”
“Ah…very nice.” I took a sip of water.
Kevin rolled his eyes.
“Have you two set a date?” Ray asked.
I hated this question. “Well—”
Kevin chimed in. “I was thinking summer. What about you, Sky?”
“We haven’t really discussed it, Kev.”
“I know, but summer would be ideal, and we’re not having anything big anyway, so we should have enough time to plan.”
“Okay, well, we should talk about this in private another time.”
Linda clasped her hands together. “Summer weddings are fabulous. You could book something down the shore or…Ray, what about your uncle who lives in the Hamptons? Do you think he’d be willing to rent out his house for the event? Wouldn’t that be the perfect venue for a wedding?”
Great. Now, agriburbibitch was planning my wedding?
“I think we’ll be good, but thank you.”
Kevin turned to her. “Actually, Linda, would you mind looking into that? A Hamptons wedding might be nice.”
I cleared my throat. “Excuse me. Don’t I have a say in this?”
“Sky…come on. I just asked her to look into it.”
“Well, I don’t want to get married in the Hamptons.”
Ray and Linda quietly munched on their salads as the mood became tense.
After dinner that night, Kevin paused before starting the car.
“Do you mind telling me what’s going on with you? They were trying to be helpful, and you shit all over it.”
“I just don’t like people prying into my life when I didn’t ask them to.”
“It’s more than that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been distant. It’s been that way for a couple of months.”
I hadn’t realized how transparent it was. Mitch was all I could focus on lately. My feelings for him weren’t going to disappear, but it wasn’t feasible to think that he and I could actually have a future, that we could just pick up where we left off. There was a child involved now, and I wasn’t sure I could ever move past what happened in order to accept Henry the way he deserved and the way I would need to in order to be with Mitch. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about him: the passionate way he looked at me, the love he had for Henry, his smell, how his heart beat against his smooth, hard chest that now bore my name. Thoughts of Mitch were consuming my life.
At the same time, I truly cared about Kevin. He didn’t deserve to be strung along while I dealt with these other feelings. We had our moments, but deep down, he was a good man. Kevin had been my safety net for so long, and losing him could mean ending up alone altogether.
