“Yeah, we went to the beach a lot that summer. Remember when Davey shaved his chest hair into the shape of a bikini top?”
I burst into laughter. “How could I forget? Then, there was that time right before he met Zena. He was checking out that girl sunbathing on her stomach only to find it was a guy with long hair and a beard when the person finally flipped around.”
She shook her head. “Davey always got himself into the funniest situations. I wish I could remember them all.”
We walked and reminisced until we made our way back inside the beach house. We sat down on opposite sides of the white couch in the living room.
My mind was still moonlighting in the past. “You know what I remember most about that summer?”
“What?”
“Being so happy that you were home from Brooklyn and in remission. That and kissing the shit out of you every chance I got. Those were seriously the two best months of my life. I feel like everything changed so fast after that.”
“We had a lot of good times, Mitch.”
“Good times? No. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Whoa. Way to be subtle, Nichols.
She looked like she didn’t know how to respond to that and promptly changed the subject. “Did you know that Angie just had a baby?”
“Really? No.”
Angie and Cody had gotten married and moved to Seattle a few years ago. I wasn’t sure if Skylar had still been in touch with them.
“Yeah. They had a little girl. Her name is Ainsley.”
“That’s a cool name. I’m sure she’ll grow up to sound just like her father.”
Skylar threw a pillow at me playfully. “You’re bad.”
“It’s the truth though, isn’t it?” I threw it back.
“Yes. Of course, it is!” She wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. “Anyway…she quit her job. She’s home with the baby now, probably taking a zillion pictures all day.”
“Baby’s first 9,257 hours…”
“Exactly.”
Skylar stared off, and I knew why. It was something I tried to block out whenever it would cross my mind because it hurt like hell to think about. There was no one in the world that would make a better mother, and my heart ached for her. She looked at me, and I realized she knew what I was thinking.
She floored me when she said, “Kevin doesn’t want kids.”
“Does he know?”
“Yes. I was always up front with him about it.”
“You do, though…want kids.”
“You know I always have, but what does that matter if I can’t conceive?”
“There’s always adoption.”
“He doesn’t want kids period. If he doesn’t want one of his own, he’s certainly not going to want to adopt.”
I wasn’t talking about him. I was talking about us.
“Is that why you stay with him because you think you don’t have to worry about him leaving you if you can’t give him a child?”
She started to shut down. “No. That’s not why I’m with him. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
I thought it was a fair question, considering it was the very reason for our demise. If she hadn’t left me over that fear, we wouldn’t be in this position right now. I felt I had a right to ask.
“Okay.” I needed to change the subject. “Hey…I wanted to ask you. I don’t usually have a big birthday party for Henry. His birthday’s in the summer, but there’s this place that opens up in the fall. It’s an indoor kids gym, and you can rent it out. I was thinking of having a belated party for him at the end of September. He doesn’t really have any friends, so there won’t be too many kids there. He’ll just be able to jump around and go crazy and enjoy it without the chaos of a crowd. They have one of those moonbounces and a ball pit. They let you bring in pizza and cake. Do you think you’d be able to make it?”
Her face turned pale.
“Did I say something wrong? You don’t have to come. It was just an innocent invitation.”
“You said…the end of September?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I would love to go, but—”
“But what? What aren’t you saying?”
“There’s something I haven’t mentioned. I didn’t want to ruin this trip. I don’t really know how to tell you.”
I felt a sudden rush of panic. I started to sweat. “Say it.”
“Kevin was offered a vice president position in California. He’s taking it, and we’re supposed to be moving in a month.”
My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. All efforts to remain calm and composed during this trip were destroyed in that moment. “You’re moving away?”
“I don’t want to.”
She moved closer. I backed away.
“In a month? How long have you known about this?”
“Two weeks, maybe three.”
“Were you ever gonna tell me? Or were you going to just f**king disappear again?”
“I was going to tell you. I just—”
“WHEN?”
I got up from the couch and paced the floor.
“Please don’t get upset. You have no idea how badly this is hurting me. I don’t want to leave, but—”
“But you were going to anyway…maybe not even tell me until the last minute or never?” I rubbed my temples to soothe my pounding head as old wounds from her past abandonment burst open. “You knew…before you agreed to come here.” I looked deeply into her eyes, desperate for the truth. “This trip…it’s not a chance for us to get closer. It’s goodbye, isn’t it?”
Her voice trembled. “I don’t know what it is. I’m scared and so confused.”
“Well, I’ll make it easier for you.” I needed to get out of there before I totally lost it. I walked to the door and turned around one last time. “Thanks for dinner.”
A tear fell down her cheek. “Please don’t go away mad…”
“I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”
I slammed the door behind me.
When I got into the car, I couldn’t move. My hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel. I needed to calm down, so I could drive home. If she saw that I was still sitting out here, she would come outside. I needed to be away from her to think clearly.
I pulled out of the gravel and onto the dark road leading back to my hotel. A car driving toward me nearly blinded me with its high beams.
I replayed the night in my head as I drove. She loved me. I knew it in my heart. But love may not have been enough because she didn’t feel safe with me.
The text alert on my phone sounded, and I quickly looked down while trying to keep an eye on the road.
I didn’t say anything to you because I’m not sure I’m going with him.
My heart filled with hope and fear at the same time. While her words were encouraging, it was still a mixed message. Either way, it became abundantly clear that with this new threat looming, I had to fight harder and faster. I no longer had months to get her to see that she belonged with me. Maybe I would never be the safe choice, but I was the right choice. I would love her harder than I ever hurt her.
With only three nights left, I needed to capitalize on what strengths I had, including her physical attraction to me. I needed to show her how much she needed me, how happy and fulfilled I could make her in ways he couldn’t. Fuck my original plan to get her back gracefully.
Now, it was time to play dirty.
CHAPTER 26
SKYLAR
When my alarm sounded at six, my eyes were groggy, and my headache was splitting. I hadn’t been able to sleep most of the night. I stretched and walked over to the window. When I opened it, the salty smell of the ocean immediately greeted me along with the morning call of the seagulls.
I missed him.
After I’d made him angry, I felt guilty staying in this beautiful house that he paid for. My stomach was upset because I just didn’t know what to expect when I got to work this morning. He never responded to my text last night. Today was supposed to be one of my busiest days, as I’d be putting up all of the window treatments. I didn’t want to be spending all of that time inside the house if he’d just be giving me the cold shoulder.
I decided to stop by Starbucks on the way to get a latte for me and a coffee and muffin for Mitch. Maybe that small gesture would help get the day off on the right foot.
When I arrived, all of the guys were out front. I had forgotten that today was the day they would be putting in the wheelchair ramp.
When Mitch spotted me, he put down the tool he was using and walked over to where I was getting out of my car.
Butterflies swarmed in my belly as he approached. It was early, but his shirt was already off. A tool belt was wrapped around his waist where his jeans hung low. I don’t think I’d ever seen anything hotter in my life. I was expecting him to be mad, but instead when he stopped in front of me, he gave me a wicked grin.
He took the coffee and muffin from my hands. “Thank you. You shouldn’t have.”
“Well, I figured it was the least I could do after upsetting you with that news last night.”
I stepped back in surprise when he leaned in. I thought he was going to kiss me on the mouth, but instead he plastered a warm, firm kiss on my cheek.
His voice was low and deep as he spoke close to my ear. “Don’t worry about last night.”
Okay.
Then, he turned around without saying another word. I watched as he walked away. I tilted my head, admiring the way his jeans hugged his tight ass. My body was still tingling from the shock of feeling his mouth on my skin for the first time in so many years. My cheek was still wet from his saliva as I stood motionless, hating myself for wishing the kiss had been on my lips with his tongue down my throat.
When I walked inside the house, the fresh paint fumes were overwhelming. I got to work immediately, putting up the hardware for the curtains in the bedrooms.
After an hour or so, I jumped in surprise when Mitch appeared in the threshold, his chest glistening.
“Oh, hey,” I said.
“Hey.”
I stepped down from the stool. “What’s up?”
“I need a favor.”
“Shoot.”
He lifted a tube of sunscreen. “The sun is blazing. I’m starting to burn. Can you put some of this on my back?”
Oh God.
“Uh, yeah. Sure.”
He handed it to me and turned with his back facing me. “Thanks.”
His skin was flawless, smooth and golden from the sun. This was my first close-up of the large cross tattoo in the middle of his back. There was an awkward squirting sound as I squeezed the lotion into my palm and closed the cap, holding the tube between my knees.
I started at the top, rubbing in slow circles at the base of his neck before moving down over his shoulders and the rippling muscles of his upper back. They tightened and flexed at my touch. My massage was more sensual than appropriate. I couldn’t help it. It had been years since I could touch him like this. He was breathing fast, and I knew he felt the same electricity. My hands moved over the cross then to his lower back. I fantasized about slipping my hands into the waistband of his jeans, grateful that he couldn’t see the look of awe on my face, which would have been a dead giveaway to my weakness.
He turned around suddenly, and slowly reached down between my knees to grab the bottle. I felt weak, and my hands tremored with a need to touch him again.
I wished I could do the front.
As he looked at me, his blue eyes reflected the sunlight pouring into the room. They were filled with more raw desire than I had seen in a long time. “Thank you.”
I gulped the saliva that built up from my drooling. “You’re welcome.”
Then, he just turned around and disappeared.
He spent the rest of the afternoon outside, leaving me rattled as I struggled to focus on my work and not the memory of how his skin felt.
Around three in the afternoon, he came into one of the bedrooms where I was arranging furniture. Sweat was dripping down his chest, and he wiped his head with his forearm. “I’m heading out of here. You should do the same.”
“I just have a couple more things to finish up.”
“I’m picking you up at five.”
“Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry about it. Wear the nicest thing you have.”
Before I could respond, he was gone. My body filled with excitement. I fiddled with my engagement ring in the hopes that it would magically knock some sense into me. Unfortunately, it did nothing to curb the throbbing between my legs.
***
I put on a tiny, red dress that left little to the imagination and slipped my feet into a pair of my highest stilettos. I styled my hair in long, loose curls and finished up getting ready just as the doorbell rang.
A whiff of his delicious scent greeted me when the door opened. Wearing a fitted, white linen shirt, Mitch was more dressed up than I’d probably ever seen him. His sleeves were rolled up and a few buttons at the top were opened just enough to see the beginning of my name tattoo. He wore dark, khaki pants that fit snugly. After all these years, a sense of pride filled me upon seeing him so grown-up and dapper.
“Well, don’t you look like a member of the yacht club.”
His eyes moved from top to bottom. “And you—much to my delight—in those heels, could be a member of the gentleman’s club.”
“Good one.”
My ni**les practically turned to steel when he rubbed my arm. “You know I’m kidding.”
I burst into laughter. “How could I forget? Then, there was that time right before he met Zena. He was checking out that girl sunbathing on her stomach only to find it was a guy with long hair and a beard when the person finally flipped around.”
She shook her head. “Davey always got himself into the funniest situations. I wish I could remember them all.”
We walked and reminisced until we made our way back inside the beach house. We sat down on opposite sides of the white couch in the living room.
My mind was still moonlighting in the past. “You know what I remember most about that summer?”
“What?”
“Being so happy that you were home from Brooklyn and in remission. That and kissing the shit out of you every chance I got. Those were seriously the two best months of my life. I feel like everything changed so fast after that.”
“We had a lot of good times, Mitch.”
“Good times? No. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Whoa. Way to be subtle, Nichols.
She looked like she didn’t know how to respond to that and promptly changed the subject. “Did you know that Angie just had a baby?”
“Really? No.”
Angie and Cody had gotten married and moved to Seattle a few years ago. I wasn’t sure if Skylar had still been in touch with them.
“Yeah. They had a little girl. Her name is Ainsley.”
“That’s a cool name. I’m sure she’ll grow up to sound just like her father.”
Skylar threw a pillow at me playfully. “You’re bad.”
“It’s the truth though, isn’t it?” I threw it back.
“Yes. Of course, it is!” She wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. “Anyway…she quit her job. She’s home with the baby now, probably taking a zillion pictures all day.”
“Baby’s first 9,257 hours…”
“Exactly.”
Skylar stared off, and I knew why. It was something I tried to block out whenever it would cross my mind because it hurt like hell to think about. There was no one in the world that would make a better mother, and my heart ached for her. She looked at me, and I realized she knew what I was thinking.
She floored me when she said, “Kevin doesn’t want kids.”
“Does he know?”
“Yes. I was always up front with him about it.”
“You do, though…want kids.”
“You know I always have, but what does that matter if I can’t conceive?”
“There’s always adoption.”
“He doesn’t want kids period. If he doesn’t want one of his own, he’s certainly not going to want to adopt.”
I wasn’t talking about him. I was talking about us.
“Is that why you stay with him because you think you don’t have to worry about him leaving you if you can’t give him a child?”
She started to shut down. “No. That’s not why I’m with him. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
I thought it was a fair question, considering it was the very reason for our demise. If she hadn’t left me over that fear, we wouldn’t be in this position right now. I felt I had a right to ask.
“Okay.” I needed to change the subject. “Hey…I wanted to ask you. I don’t usually have a big birthday party for Henry. His birthday’s in the summer, but there’s this place that opens up in the fall. It’s an indoor kids gym, and you can rent it out. I was thinking of having a belated party for him at the end of September. He doesn’t really have any friends, so there won’t be too many kids there. He’ll just be able to jump around and go crazy and enjoy it without the chaos of a crowd. They have one of those moonbounces and a ball pit. They let you bring in pizza and cake. Do you think you’d be able to make it?”
Her face turned pale.
“Did I say something wrong? You don’t have to come. It was just an innocent invitation.”
“You said…the end of September?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I would love to go, but—”
“But what? What aren’t you saying?”
“There’s something I haven’t mentioned. I didn’t want to ruin this trip. I don’t really know how to tell you.”
I felt a sudden rush of panic. I started to sweat. “Say it.”
“Kevin was offered a vice president position in California. He’s taking it, and we’re supposed to be moving in a month.”
My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. All efforts to remain calm and composed during this trip were destroyed in that moment. “You’re moving away?”
“I don’t want to.”
She moved closer. I backed away.
“In a month? How long have you known about this?”
“Two weeks, maybe three.”
“Were you ever gonna tell me? Or were you going to just f**king disappear again?”
“I was going to tell you. I just—”
“WHEN?”
I got up from the couch and paced the floor.
“Please don’t get upset. You have no idea how badly this is hurting me. I don’t want to leave, but—”
“But you were going to anyway…maybe not even tell me until the last minute or never?” I rubbed my temples to soothe my pounding head as old wounds from her past abandonment burst open. “You knew…before you agreed to come here.” I looked deeply into her eyes, desperate for the truth. “This trip…it’s not a chance for us to get closer. It’s goodbye, isn’t it?”
Her voice trembled. “I don’t know what it is. I’m scared and so confused.”
“Well, I’ll make it easier for you.” I needed to get out of there before I totally lost it. I walked to the door and turned around one last time. “Thanks for dinner.”
A tear fell down her cheek. “Please don’t go away mad…”
“I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”
I slammed the door behind me.
When I got into the car, I couldn’t move. My hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel. I needed to calm down, so I could drive home. If she saw that I was still sitting out here, she would come outside. I needed to be away from her to think clearly.
I pulled out of the gravel and onto the dark road leading back to my hotel. A car driving toward me nearly blinded me with its high beams.
I replayed the night in my head as I drove. She loved me. I knew it in my heart. But love may not have been enough because she didn’t feel safe with me.
The text alert on my phone sounded, and I quickly looked down while trying to keep an eye on the road.
I didn’t say anything to you because I’m not sure I’m going with him.
My heart filled with hope and fear at the same time. While her words were encouraging, it was still a mixed message. Either way, it became abundantly clear that with this new threat looming, I had to fight harder and faster. I no longer had months to get her to see that she belonged with me. Maybe I would never be the safe choice, but I was the right choice. I would love her harder than I ever hurt her.
With only three nights left, I needed to capitalize on what strengths I had, including her physical attraction to me. I needed to show her how much she needed me, how happy and fulfilled I could make her in ways he couldn’t. Fuck my original plan to get her back gracefully.
Now, it was time to play dirty.
CHAPTER 26
SKYLAR
When my alarm sounded at six, my eyes were groggy, and my headache was splitting. I hadn’t been able to sleep most of the night. I stretched and walked over to the window. When I opened it, the salty smell of the ocean immediately greeted me along with the morning call of the seagulls.
I missed him.
After I’d made him angry, I felt guilty staying in this beautiful house that he paid for. My stomach was upset because I just didn’t know what to expect when I got to work this morning. He never responded to my text last night. Today was supposed to be one of my busiest days, as I’d be putting up all of the window treatments. I didn’t want to be spending all of that time inside the house if he’d just be giving me the cold shoulder.
I decided to stop by Starbucks on the way to get a latte for me and a coffee and muffin for Mitch. Maybe that small gesture would help get the day off on the right foot.
When I arrived, all of the guys were out front. I had forgotten that today was the day they would be putting in the wheelchair ramp.
When Mitch spotted me, he put down the tool he was using and walked over to where I was getting out of my car.
Butterflies swarmed in my belly as he approached. It was early, but his shirt was already off. A tool belt was wrapped around his waist where his jeans hung low. I don’t think I’d ever seen anything hotter in my life. I was expecting him to be mad, but instead when he stopped in front of me, he gave me a wicked grin.
He took the coffee and muffin from my hands. “Thank you. You shouldn’t have.”
“Well, I figured it was the least I could do after upsetting you with that news last night.”
I stepped back in surprise when he leaned in. I thought he was going to kiss me on the mouth, but instead he plastered a warm, firm kiss on my cheek.
His voice was low and deep as he spoke close to my ear. “Don’t worry about last night.”
Okay.
Then, he turned around without saying another word. I watched as he walked away. I tilted my head, admiring the way his jeans hugged his tight ass. My body was still tingling from the shock of feeling his mouth on my skin for the first time in so many years. My cheek was still wet from his saliva as I stood motionless, hating myself for wishing the kiss had been on my lips with his tongue down my throat.
When I walked inside the house, the fresh paint fumes were overwhelming. I got to work immediately, putting up the hardware for the curtains in the bedrooms.
After an hour or so, I jumped in surprise when Mitch appeared in the threshold, his chest glistening.
“Oh, hey,” I said.
“Hey.”
I stepped down from the stool. “What’s up?”
“I need a favor.”
“Shoot.”
He lifted a tube of sunscreen. “The sun is blazing. I’m starting to burn. Can you put some of this on my back?”
Oh God.
“Uh, yeah. Sure.”
He handed it to me and turned with his back facing me. “Thanks.”
His skin was flawless, smooth and golden from the sun. This was my first close-up of the large cross tattoo in the middle of his back. There was an awkward squirting sound as I squeezed the lotion into my palm and closed the cap, holding the tube between my knees.
I started at the top, rubbing in slow circles at the base of his neck before moving down over his shoulders and the rippling muscles of his upper back. They tightened and flexed at my touch. My massage was more sensual than appropriate. I couldn’t help it. It had been years since I could touch him like this. He was breathing fast, and I knew he felt the same electricity. My hands moved over the cross then to his lower back. I fantasized about slipping my hands into the waistband of his jeans, grateful that he couldn’t see the look of awe on my face, which would have been a dead giveaway to my weakness.
He turned around suddenly, and slowly reached down between my knees to grab the bottle. I felt weak, and my hands tremored with a need to touch him again.
I wished I could do the front.
As he looked at me, his blue eyes reflected the sunlight pouring into the room. They were filled with more raw desire than I had seen in a long time. “Thank you.”
I gulped the saliva that built up from my drooling. “You’re welcome.”
Then, he just turned around and disappeared.
He spent the rest of the afternoon outside, leaving me rattled as I struggled to focus on my work and not the memory of how his skin felt.
Around three in the afternoon, he came into one of the bedrooms where I was arranging furniture. Sweat was dripping down his chest, and he wiped his head with his forearm. “I’m heading out of here. You should do the same.”
“I just have a couple more things to finish up.”
“I’m picking you up at five.”
“Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry about it. Wear the nicest thing you have.”
Before I could respond, he was gone. My body filled with excitement. I fiddled with my engagement ring in the hopes that it would magically knock some sense into me. Unfortunately, it did nothing to curb the throbbing between my legs.
***
I put on a tiny, red dress that left little to the imagination and slipped my feet into a pair of my highest stilettos. I styled my hair in long, loose curls and finished up getting ready just as the doorbell rang.
A whiff of his delicious scent greeted me when the door opened. Wearing a fitted, white linen shirt, Mitch was more dressed up than I’d probably ever seen him. His sleeves were rolled up and a few buttons at the top were opened just enough to see the beginning of my name tattoo. He wore dark, khaki pants that fit snugly. After all these years, a sense of pride filled me upon seeing him so grown-up and dapper.
“Well, don’t you look like a member of the yacht club.”
His eyes moved from top to bottom. “And you—much to my delight—in those heels, could be a member of the gentleman’s club.”
“Good one.”
My ni**les practically turned to steel when he rubbed my arm. “You know I’m kidding.”
