“I love you, too.”
“Have a safe flight. Please call me when you land. I’ll be in the car.”
“I will.”
She rolled her suitcase out the door as I followed her. After I put the luggage in the trunk, we kissed one last time before she got in and drove off the gravel onto the road. I watched until her car was completely out of sight.
The house was eerily quiet. She was gone, but the smell of her flowery perfume that remained in the foyer teased me. I missed her already. I picked up one of her hair ties that had fallen and played it with it as I pondered our week together unable to contain my smile.
I walked to the French doors to admire the ocean one last time before I’d lock up. This place would always be special to me because of what happened here. I made a mental note to book it for next year. We could take Henry and my mother and turn it into a tradition. My son loved to play at the beach. The water calmed him down. I always said I’d love to move close to an ocean for that reason alone.
As I daydreamed about a future that seemed brighter than ever, there was a knock at the door.
She came back.
My heart filled with anticipation as I walked over and opened it. That was when I realized she wasn’t heading home to him after all.
Because he and his fist were right here, heading straight for my face.
CHAPTER 30
SKYLAR
When my plane landed, and I walked out into the passenger area at Newark, I just knew something was wrong. Kevin was never late for anything. A couple of days ago, he had insisted on picking me up, but now, he was nowhere to be found.
With all that happened with Mitch, I had stupidly forgotten to charge my phone the night before. I realized it was dead after I got on the plane and had left my charger in the suitcase. I had no way to reach anyone. I didn’t even know Kevin’s number by heart since it had been programmed into my phone for so long.
My luggage was the last piece rotating around the conveyer belt when I grabbed it and conceded that he wasn’t coming. An ominous feeling came over me as I stood in the crowded baggage claim area unsure of where to go or what to do. Boarding calls played over the intercom, and people were bumping into me as I stood dazed and confused.
An airline representative ended up calling me a car service that drove me all the way home.
My heart was palpitating as I approached our front door on Bayberry Lane. My hand shook as I put the key into the slot. It wouldn’t budge. I double-checked to make sure I hadn’t grabbed the wrong one and soon realized that the locks had been changed.
I heard barking coming from the upstairs bedroom. It was Seamus. He hadn’t done that in years. Something was wrong. I couldn’t get to him and started to panic.
Kevin knew.
Birds chirped as I looked from side to side paranoid, expecting him to jump out of the bushes or something.
I got into my car to connect my phone to a charger and drove aimlessly around the neighborhood. Stopping for a group of boys playing hockey in the street, I started to sweat. Something bad was about to happen.
When my phone eventually turned on, I pulled over to the side of the road. There were ten missed calls and several missed texts. All were from Mitch, except one: from Kevin.
It was a photo of Mitch and me taken early this morning while we were in the water holding hands.
My heart sank, and I covered my mouth with my hand in shock. The message under it was simply: How could you do this to us?
There were no further texts or calls from him. If he had taken this photo, that meant he was in Virginia. I wondered what else he had seen. Before my mind could attempt to compute it all further, the phone rang.
It was Mitch.
“Mitch? Kevin…he—”
“He knows.”
I was speed talking. “I just got in. My phone had died. He sent me a pic—”
“Try to calm down. Listen to me, Skylar. He came to the beach house.”
“What?”
“Right after you left, there was a knock at the door. I opened it because I thought you had come back. It was him, and he punched me.”
No.
“Are you okay?”
“I have a slight black eye, but I’m fine. He tried to hit me a second time, but I tackled him and locked his hands. I’m stronger than he is. I just hadn’t seen that first punch coming.”
“Where is he now? Where are you?”
“I’m guessing he’s on a flight back to New Jersey. I’m driving home. I got a late start because he was interrogating me for a while. He’s a mess, but I can’t blame him.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him the truth about how we reconnected and that we were in love. I don’t remember every detail of what I said, but basically, he accused me of manipulating you. He reminded me of how messed up you were when he met you. He said if you were stupid enough to go back to me after all that, then we deserved each other.”
“Did he say how long he had been in Virginia? How much he saw?”
“It sounded like he caught an early flight down there this morning. I don’t think he was there last night. He said he checked your laptop and found the email I sent you before the trip. When he saw my name on it, he figured it out. I think he was waiting for you to leave for the airport, so he could f**k me up man to man without you having to witness it.”
I banged my head against the back of the seat and closed my eyes. “He must have snooped around after I was hesitant to tell him I loved him on the phone last night.”
“Either way, he knows everything now. I’m so sorry this happened, but I want you away from that house.”
“He locked me out, but I need to wait here and face him tonight.”
“I don’t want you doing that alone.”
“He won’t hurt me.”
“He f**king hit me without thinking twice. If he ever laid a hand on you, I’d never forgive myself.”
“He wouldn’t hit me. I’m pretty sure he’s never punched anyone before you in his entire life. It’s not in his nature.”
“I won’t be there for a few hours. If he gets there before me and you insist on this, you need to charge your phone and call the police if he so much as touches you. Do you understand?”
“Don’t worry.”
After I hung up with Mitch, I drove back to the house and parked out front. The sun set into darkness and after two hours, still no sign of Kevin. He hadn’t answered his phone, so there was no choice but to continue waiting. I didn’t have anything to eat or drink, but my appetite was nonexistent regardless.
Around 11:30, blinding headlights approached from behind my car. Kevin pulled into the garage and immediately closed the electric door. I knew he must have seen me parked out front.
My mouth was dry, and I felt like I was going to pee my pants as I approached the front door and knocked. He wouldn’t answer. I started to bang on it until my knuckles hurt and finally yelled, “Kevin, let me in!” as a tear drop fell. I hated myself for hurting him.
He still wouldn’t come to the door. I heard a window open on the second floor and then it started raining clothes. Kevin was throwing all of my belongings down onto the bushes and grass. As I moved toward the window, one of my skirts fell on my head.
I screamed, “Please talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say. I want you and all of your shit gone.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was going to talk to you about it when I got back. Nothing happened before the trip.”
Seamus was barking again.
“I should let the bird out the window, too.” I heard him say.
“Don’t!”
He finally stopped and stuck his head out. His nostrils flared in anger. “I wouldn’t actually do that, Skylar. That’s the difference between us. I’m not a cold, heartless person.”
After he seemed to have finished throwing every last item I owned onto the grass, he disappeared. I looked around in shame at my clothing strewn about. When Seamus stopped barking suddenly, the silence was deafening.
My heart broke for Kevin. I was a terrible person.
Suddenly, the front door creaked open slowly, and I walked over to it. Kevin leaned against it, blocking me from entering. His eyes were red, and his shirt was untucked. It devastated me to see him looking so disheveled.
His voice was hoarse. “Did you ever love me?”
Listening to crickets, I looked down at his shoes and thought about how to respond sensitively to that question. “I thought I did. I care about you so much. You’ve been my world for so long. I love you in many ways, just—”
“Not the way you love him.”
I started to cry. “No, not in the same way.”
He shook his head and rubbed his unshaven chin. “I should have trusted my gut. I knew something was wrong for a very long time. I just tried to ignore it and hoped it would get better.”
I had the urge to say a million things to try to make him feel better but knew it wouldn’t matter. Making excuses for bad behavior doesn’t change it. I cheated on him with the man I love. Last night, I had somehow justified it in my own mind because I’d mentally ended things with Kevin, vowing to tell him as soon as I got back. Explaining it that way wouldn’t help him, though. This was going to sting no matter what I said, so I chose not to insult him with my own sorry excuse.
“I don’t want to look at your face anymore tonight,” he said. “You can take your clothes home…wherever that is now. I’ll pack up the rest of your things and drop them off at your mother’s. Please leave.”
“I understand. I’ll go. Can I please just get Seamus?”
He sighed and let me in. I walked up the stairs and when I entered the room, Seamus tilted his head at me. He squawked when I grabbed his cage and breathable blanket before carrying him downstairs. He’d been shuffled around so much, he was probably thinking, “not again.”
Kevin was in the same spot at the door looking at me coldly when I returned. I put Seamus down just long enough to take my diamond off, placing it carefully on the small table in the foyer.
I took one last look around at the house that never felt like a home and didn’t look back.
***
Darjeeling tea warmed my throat as I sipped it by the window at my mother’s house and pondered what my life had become.
It had been a month since the altercation with Kevin. We met one time for coffee after that, mainly because I begged him. I needed to know he didn’t hate me. I wanted to reiterate how much I appreciated our years together even if he felt I threw it all away. He didn’t say much as I rambled on nervously that day. He was clearly still bitter and had closed himself off to me. I understood. A part of me would never forgive myself for hurting him, but the meeting gave me a little closure. At least we were on speaking terms. That was more than I would have given him had the roles been reversed. I offered to help take care of the house while it was still on the market, but he declined. He moved to California the next day. His moving away hadn’t phased me, and that validated the fact that I’d made the right choice.
If someone had told me a month ago that I’d be living at my mother’s house again, I wouldn’t have believed it. Mom was absolutely shocked when she found out what had happened. She knew nothing about Mitch being back in the picture and had really loved Kevin, probably more than I ever did. She didn’t try to push guilt, but things were tense for the first few days back here.
Mitch had begged me to move in with him. I wanted nothing more, but we needed to let Henry get used to me being around before I invaded their space. There was no need to rush things. Living in their world would also mean someday possibly facing the one thing I hoped I would never have to: Charisma. What if she came to visit? Seeing her was what I dreaded the most. There were a lot of things that scared me but not enough to live my life apart from him anymore.
In fact, over the past few nights, I couldn’t get enough of Mitch. I felt like a kid again. Waiting for his nightly text would make me giddy. After Henry would fall asleep, Mitch would message me to come over. He’d be waiting at the doorway, watching me cross the street. He’d take me into his arms before I even stepped foot inside. Candles would be flickering in the living room and a bottle of my favorite wine opened. We were forced to be quiet like a couple of teenagers sneaking around. We’d make out on the couch while watching something on Netflix, and that would inevitably turn into mind-numbing sex before the movie was finished. It was the first time in our lives we could just enjoy each other.
This particular afternoon, when I got up to put my mug in the kitchen, I noticed a piece of white paper had been slipped under the door.
Meet us at the basketball hoop at three.
It made me chuckle, realizing he was recreating the first note he ever left me when we were kids.
My watch showed the time as 2:50, so I went back to the window to wait. About 2:55, Mitch and Henry came outside. Mitch was carrying one of those plastic kids’ basketball hoops. He placed it down in the middle of the concrete driveway as Henry ran around in circles. Mitch was struggling to get his attention, but Henry wouldn’t stop. Finally, he grabbed his son, lifted him up in the air and placed him in front of the hoop. He demonstrated how to throw the ball in, but Henry continued to be more interested in looking down at the ground and running. Mitch lifted him up again and held Henry’s hands around the ball, guiding them into the hoop. When the ball went in, Mitch clapped excitedly while Henry started jogging around him in circles again, completely disinterested in the game.
Looking defeated, Mitch stood there with the ball under his arm. It made my heart hurt to see him trying so hard. He was such a good father. There was something about that moment, watching him standing there, facing the challenge alone. I really wanted to be a part of it…not tomorrow, not next year…but today and forever. I loved him so much.
“Have a safe flight. Please call me when you land. I’ll be in the car.”
“I will.”
She rolled her suitcase out the door as I followed her. After I put the luggage in the trunk, we kissed one last time before she got in and drove off the gravel onto the road. I watched until her car was completely out of sight.
The house was eerily quiet. She was gone, but the smell of her flowery perfume that remained in the foyer teased me. I missed her already. I picked up one of her hair ties that had fallen and played it with it as I pondered our week together unable to contain my smile.
I walked to the French doors to admire the ocean one last time before I’d lock up. This place would always be special to me because of what happened here. I made a mental note to book it for next year. We could take Henry and my mother and turn it into a tradition. My son loved to play at the beach. The water calmed him down. I always said I’d love to move close to an ocean for that reason alone.
As I daydreamed about a future that seemed brighter than ever, there was a knock at the door.
She came back.
My heart filled with anticipation as I walked over and opened it. That was when I realized she wasn’t heading home to him after all.
Because he and his fist were right here, heading straight for my face.
CHAPTER 30
SKYLAR
When my plane landed, and I walked out into the passenger area at Newark, I just knew something was wrong. Kevin was never late for anything. A couple of days ago, he had insisted on picking me up, but now, he was nowhere to be found.
With all that happened with Mitch, I had stupidly forgotten to charge my phone the night before. I realized it was dead after I got on the plane and had left my charger in the suitcase. I had no way to reach anyone. I didn’t even know Kevin’s number by heart since it had been programmed into my phone for so long.
My luggage was the last piece rotating around the conveyer belt when I grabbed it and conceded that he wasn’t coming. An ominous feeling came over me as I stood in the crowded baggage claim area unsure of where to go or what to do. Boarding calls played over the intercom, and people were bumping into me as I stood dazed and confused.
An airline representative ended up calling me a car service that drove me all the way home.
My heart was palpitating as I approached our front door on Bayberry Lane. My hand shook as I put the key into the slot. It wouldn’t budge. I double-checked to make sure I hadn’t grabbed the wrong one and soon realized that the locks had been changed.
I heard barking coming from the upstairs bedroom. It was Seamus. He hadn’t done that in years. Something was wrong. I couldn’t get to him and started to panic.
Kevin knew.
Birds chirped as I looked from side to side paranoid, expecting him to jump out of the bushes or something.
I got into my car to connect my phone to a charger and drove aimlessly around the neighborhood. Stopping for a group of boys playing hockey in the street, I started to sweat. Something bad was about to happen.
When my phone eventually turned on, I pulled over to the side of the road. There were ten missed calls and several missed texts. All were from Mitch, except one: from Kevin.
It was a photo of Mitch and me taken early this morning while we were in the water holding hands.
My heart sank, and I covered my mouth with my hand in shock. The message under it was simply: How could you do this to us?
There were no further texts or calls from him. If he had taken this photo, that meant he was in Virginia. I wondered what else he had seen. Before my mind could attempt to compute it all further, the phone rang.
It was Mitch.
“Mitch? Kevin…he—”
“He knows.”
I was speed talking. “I just got in. My phone had died. He sent me a pic—”
“Try to calm down. Listen to me, Skylar. He came to the beach house.”
“What?”
“Right after you left, there was a knock at the door. I opened it because I thought you had come back. It was him, and he punched me.”
No.
“Are you okay?”
“I have a slight black eye, but I’m fine. He tried to hit me a second time, but I tackled him and locked his hands. I’m stronger than he is. I just hadn’t seen that first punch coming.”
“Where is he now? Where are you?”
“I’m guessing he’s on a flight back to New Jersey. I’m driving home. I got a late start because he was interrogating me for a while. He’s a mess, but I can’t blame him.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him the truth about how we reconnected and that we were in love. I don’t remember every detail of what I said, but basically, he accused me of manipulating you. He reminded me of how messed up you were when he met you. He said if you were stupid enough to go back to me after all that, then we deserved each other.”
“Did he say how long he had been in Virginia? How much he saw?”
“It sounded like he caught an early flight down there this morning. I don’t think he was there last night. He said he checked your laptop and found the email I sent you before the trip. When he saw my name on it, he figured it out. I think he was waiting for you to leave for the airport, so he could f**k me up man to man without you having to witness it.”
I banged my head against the back of the seat and closed my eyes. “He must have snooped around after I was hesitant to tell him I loved him on the phone last night.”
“Either way, he knows everything now. I’m so sorry this happened, but I want you away from that house.”
“He locked me out, but I need to wait here and face him tonight.”
“I don’t want you doing that alone.”
“He won’t hurt me.”
“He f**king hit me without thinking twice. If he ever laid a hand on you, I’d never forgive myself.”
“He wouldn’t hit me. I’m pretty sure he’s never punched anyone before you in his entire life. It’s not in his nature.”
“I won’t be there for a few hours. If he gets there before me and you insist on this, you need to charge your phone and call the police if he so much as touches you. Do you understand?”
“Don’t worry.”
After I hung up with Mitch, I drove back to the house and parked out front. The sun set into darkness and after two hours, still no sign of Kevin. He hadn’t answered his phone, so there was no choice but to continue waiting. I didn’t have anything to eat or drink, but my appetite was nonexistent regardless.
Around 11:30, blinding headlights approached from behind my car. Kevin pulled into the garage and immediately closed the electric door. I knew he must have seen me parked out front.
My mouth was dry, and I felt like I was going to pee my pants as I approached the front door and knocked. He wouldn’t answer. I started to bang on it until my knuckles hurt and finally yelled, “Kevin, let me in!” as a tear drop fell. I hated myself for hurting him.
He still wouldn’t come to the door. I heard a window open on the second floor and then it started raining clothes. Kevin was throwing all of my belongings down onto the bushes and grass. As I moved toward the window, one of my skirts fell on my head.
I screamed, “Please talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say. I want you and all of your shit gone.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was going to talk to you about it when I got back. Nothing happened before the trip.”
Seamus was barking again.
“I should let the bird out the window, too.” I heard him say.
“Don’t!”
He finally stopped and stuck his head out. His nostrils flared in anger. “I wouldn’t actually do that, Skylar. That’s the difference between us. I’m not a cold, heartless person.”
After he seemed to have finished throwing every last item I owned onto the grass, he disappeared. I looked around in shame at my clothing strewn about. When Seamus stopped barking suddenly, the silence was deafening.
My heart broke for Kevin. I was a terrible person.
Suddenly, the front door creaked open slowly, and I walked over to it. Kevin leaned against it, blocking me from entering. His eyes were red, and his shirt was untucked. It devastated me to see him looking so disheveled.
His voice was hoarse. “Did you ever love me?”
Listening to crickets, I looked down at his shoes and thought about how to respond sensitively to that question. “I thought I did. I care about you so much. You’ve been my world for so long. I love you in many ways, just—”
“Not the way you love him.”
I started to cry. “No, not in the same way.”
He shook his head and rubbed his unshaven chin. “I should have trusted my gut. I knew something was wrong for a very long time. I just tried to ignore it and hoped it would get better.”
I had the urge to say a million things to try to make him feel better but knew it wouldn’t matter. Making excuses for bad behavior doesn’t change it. I cheated on him with the man I love. Last night, I had somehow justified it in my own mind because I’d mentally ended things with Kevin, vowing to tell him as soon as I got back. Explaining it that way wouldn’t help him, though. This was going to sting no matter what I said, so I chose not to insult him with my own sorry excuse.
“I don’t want to look at your face anymore tonight,” he said. “You can take your clothes home…wherever that is now. I’ll pack up the rest of your things and drop them off at your mother’s. Please leave.”
“I understand. I’ll go. Can I please just get Seamus?”
He sighed and let me in. I walked up the stairs and when I entered the room, Seamus tilted his head at me. He squawked when I grabbed his cage and breathable blanket before carrying him downstairs. He’d been shuffled around so much, he was probably thinking, “not again.”
Kevin was in the same spot at the door looking at me coldly when I returned. I put Seamus down just long enough to take my diamond off, placing it carefully on the small table in the foyer.
I took one last look around at the house that never felt like a home and didn’t look back.
***
Darjeeling tea warmed my throat as I sipped it by the window at my mother’s house and pondered what my life had become.
It had been a month since the altercation with Kevin. We met one time for coffee after that, mainly because I begged him. I needed to know he didn’t hate me. I wanted to reiterate how much I appreciated our years together even if he felt I threw it all away. He didn’t say much as I rambled on nervously that day. He was clearly still bitter and had closed himself off to me. I understood. A part of me would never forgive myself for hurting him, but the meeting gave me a little closure. At least we were on speaking terms. That was more than I would have given him had the roles been reversed. I offered to help take care of the house while it was still on the market, but he declined. He moved to California the next day. His moving away hadn’t phased me, and that validated the fact that I’d made the right choice.
If someone had told me a month ago that I’d be living at my mother’s house again, I wouldn’t have believed it. Mom was absolutely shocked when she found out what had happened. She knew nothing about Mitch being back in the picture and had really loved Kevin, probably more than I ever did. She didn’t try to push guilt, but things were tense for the first few days back here.
Mitch had begged me to move in with him. I wanted nothing more, but we needed to let Henry get used to me being around before I invaded their space. There was no need to rush things. Living in their world would also mean someday possibly facing the one thing I hoped I would never have to: Charisma. What if she came to visit? Seeing her was what I dreaded the most. There were a lot of things that scared me but not enough to live my life apart from him anymore.
In fact, over the past few nights, I couldn’t get enough of Mitch. I felt like a kid again. Waiting for his nightly text would make me giddy. After Henry would fall asleep, Mitch would message me to come over. He’d be waiting at the doorway, watching me cross the street. He’d take me into his arms before I even stepped foot inside. Candles would be flickering in the living room and a bottle of my favorite wine opened. We were forced to be quiet like a couple of teenagers sneaking around. We’d make out on the couch while watching something on Netflix, and that would inevitably turn into mind-numbing sex before the movie was finished. It was the first time in our lives we could just enjoy each other.
This particular afternoon, when I got up to put my mug in the kitchen, I noticed a piece of white paper had been slipped under the door.
Meet us at the basketball hoop at three.
It made me chuckle, realizing he was recreating the first note he ever left me when we were kids.
My watch showed the time as 2:50, so I went back to the window to wait. About 2:55, Mitch and Henry came outside. Mitch was carrying one of those plastic kids’ basketball hoops. He placed it down in the middle of the concrete driveway as Henry ran around in circles. Mitch was struggling to get his attention, but Henry wouldn’t stop. Finally, he grabbed his son, lifted him up in the air and placed him in front of the hoop. He demonstrated how to throw the ball in, but Henry continued to be more interested in looking down at the ground and running. Mitch lifted him up again and held Henry’s hands around the ball, guiding them into the hoop. When the ball went in, Mitch clapped excitedly while Henry started jogging around him in circles again, completely disinterested in the game.
Looking defeated, Mitch stood there with the ball under his arm. It made my heart hurt to see him trying so hard. He was such a good father. There was something about that moment, watching him standing there, facing the challenge alone. I really wanted to be a part of it…not tomorrow, not next year…but today and forever. I loved him so much.
