My Soul to Keep
Page 53
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I should be there. Emma sat straighter, oblivious to the turn my thoughts had taken. Can you take me to the hospital? He might not be gone yet, and I should be there. I know that sounds stupidits not like we were in love or anythingbut I feel awful for just leaving him.
I shook my head slowly and made the turn onto her street. It doesnt sound stupid. But Em, theyre not going to let you in. Youre not family. And Dougs familyjust the father and stepmother, as far as I knewwere still in New York on a working vacation. Did that mean Doug would die alone? Surely Nash could Influence his way into the room. Besides, Emma, the last place you need to be is in a hospital swarming with cops.
Emma sighed and sank into her seat as I pulled to a stop on the street in front of her mailbox. Her house was dark.
Where is everybody? The hum of the engine faded as I pulled the keys from the ignition.
Tracis working, and Caras at her sororitys Christmas party, Emma said as I pushed my car door opened. I hadnt really expected either of her sisters to be home on a Friday night, but I was worried about her mom catching Emma before wed washed her shirt and brushed her teeth. And Mom has a date, if you can believe that. She shoved her own door open and stepped onto the grass, surprisingly steady.
Evidently death is sobering. No real shock there.
I grabbed my overnight bagnow minus one T-shirtthen swung the door shut and locked the car. Emma was already halfway up the cute stone path, digging in her pocket for her keys before she remembered that Id taken them. I gave them to her, but her hand shook too badly to slide the key into the lock, so I took it back and opened the door myself.
I feel so helpless! Emma dropped onto the overstuffed couch as I bolted the door behind us. Worthless. So frustrated andimpotent! She sat up straight then and punched the arm of her couch so hard I wasnt surprised when her knuckles came away skinned and oozing blood from the rough weave.
I handed her a tissue from a box on the end table. Thats not a phrase you hear very often from girls. I forced a smile, but my joke landed like a brick dropped from a skyscraper.
I knew exactly how she felt.
Im serious. She dabbed at her fist, then dropped the tissue on the coffee table. Whats the point of knowing someones going to die if you cant do anything about it? How can you stand this? she demanded. All this death? How can you stand knowing about it before anyone else does?
I took my shoes off and lined them up with the others in the front closet, then sank onto the couch beside her, leaning my head on her shoulder. Have you everknown anyone who died? Her parents had divorced when Em was only four, but I was pretty sure her dad was still alive. Somewhere.
Just Roger.
Whos Roger?
The hamster we had when I was seven. Does he count?
I dont think so. I almost smiled, but held it back when I realized she might be offended. For all I knew, she and Roger had been very close.
Then, no. She folded one leg beneath the other and twisted to face me. And Ive certainly never had to look at someone, knowing hed be dead soon. How can you stand this? she asked again. And in that moment, I came very close to telling her the truth: that I couldnt. Not without Nash.
Its not easy. I stood and pulled Emma up by both hands.
In fact, it sucks. Do you have ice cream?
Yeah. She wiped fresh tears from her face and gestured vaguely toward the kitchen. Tracis boyfriend dumped her yesterday. Fourth one this year. Which made no sense to me. The Marshall girls were gorgeous beyond all reason. Theres a pint of Phish Food in the freezer.
Great. Pick out a movie while I get the ice cream.
Emma nodded hesitantly, then crossed the living room toward the rack of DVDs to the left of a slim, simple entertainment center. Bring two spoons! she shouted over her shoulder as she knelt to scan the titles.
For the first half hour of the moviea lighthearted, predictable romantic comedyEmma shoveled ice cream into her mouth and glanced regularly at my cell lying on her nightstand, obviously willing it to ring with an update from Nash.
But my phone never rang.
By the time the credits rolled, Emma had fallen asleep, her spoon still dangling from one hand, several drops of chocolate ice cream dotting the front of the shirt shed borrowed from me. When I got up to turn off the movie, her spoon thumped to the floor, so I rolled carefully off the bed and took both spoons and the empty ice cream container into the kitchen, yawning so hard my jaw ached.
The clock on the microwave read a quarter to one, and I wondered idly how late Ms. Marshall would be out. I had no frame of reference for adult dating.
I grabbed a Coke from the fridge, then padded back to Emmas room, intending to call Nash. But when I reached for my phone from the nightstand on Emmas side of the bed, her eyes popped wide-open, as if some unseen clasp holding them closed had just been released.
Startled, I squealed and jumped back. Em, you okay? But even when she finally blinked, her face still pressed into the pillow, her eyes didnt lose that sleep haze, nor did they focus on me. Or on anything else. Em?
I shook my head slowly and made the turn onto her street. It doesnt sound stupid. But Em, theyre not going to let you in. Youre not family. And Dougs familyjust the father and stepmother, as far as I knewwere still in New York on a working vacation. Did that mean Doug would die alone? Surely Nash could Influence his way into the room. Besides, Emma, the last place you need to be is in a hospital swarming with cops.
Emma sighed and sank into her seat as I pulled to a stop on the street in front of her mailbox. Her house was dark.
Where is everybody? The hum of the engine faded as I pulled the keys from the ignition.
Tracis working, and Caras at her sororitys Christmas party, Emma said as I pushed my car door opened. I hadnt really expected either of her sisters to be home on a Friday night, but I was worried about her mom catching Emma before wed washed her shirt and brushed her teeth. And Mom has a date, if you can believe that. She shoved her own door open and stepped onto the grass, surprisingly steady.
Evidently death is sobering. No real shock there.
I grabbed my overnight bagnow minus one T-shirtthen swung the door shut and locked the car. Emma was already halfway up the cute stone path, digging in her pocket for her keys before she remembered that Id taken them. I gave them to her, but her hand shook too badly to slide the key into the lock, so I took it back and opened the door myself.
I feel so helpless! Emma dropped onto the overstuffed couch as I bolted the door behind us. Worthless. So frustrated andimpotent! She sat up straight then and punched the arm of her couch so hard I wasnt surprised when her knuckles came away skinned and oozing blood from the rough weave.
I handed her a tissue from a box on the end table. Thats not a phrase you hear very often from girls. I forced a smile, but my joke landed like a brick dropped from a skyscraper.
I knew exactly how she felt.
Im serious. She dabbed at her fist, then dropped the tissue on the coffee table. Whats the point of knowing someones going to die if you cant do anything about it? How can you stand this? she demanded. All this death? How can you stand knowing about it before anyone else does?
I took my shoes off and lined them up with the others in the front closet, then sank onto the couch beside her, leaning my head on her shoulder. Have you everknown anyone who died? Her parents had divorced when Em was only four, but I was pretty sure her dad was still alive. Somewhere.
Just Roger.
Whos Roger?
The hamster we had when I was seven. Does he count?
I dont think so. I almost smiled, but held it back when I realized she might be offended. For all I knew, she and Roger had been very close.
Then, no. She folded one leg beneath the other and twisted to face me. And Ive certainly never had to look at someone, knowing hed be dead soon. How can you stand this? she asked again. And in that moment, I came very close to telling her the truth: that I couldnt. Not without Nash.
Its not easy. I stood and pulled Emma up by both hands.
In fact, it sucks. Do you have ice cream?
Yeah. She wiped fresh tears from her face and gestured vaguely toward the kitchen. Tracis boyfriend dumped her yesterday. Fourth one this year. Which made no sense to me. The Marshall girls were gorgeous beyond all reason. Theres a pint of Phish Food in the freezer.
Great. Pick out a movie while I get the ice cream.
Emma nodded hesitantly, then crossed the living room toward the rack of DVDs to the left of a slim, simple entertainment center. Bring two spoons! she shouted over her shoulder as she knelt to scan the titles.
For the first half hour of the moviea lighthearted, predictable romantic comedyEmma shoveled ice cream into her mouth and glanced regularly at my cell lying on her nightstand, obviously willing it to ring with an update from Nash.
But my phone never rang.
By the time the credits rolled, Emma had fallen asleep, her spoon still dangling from one hand, several drops of chocolate ice cream dotting the front of the shirt shed borrowed from me. When I got up to turn off the movie, her spoon thumped to the floor, so I rolled carefully off the bed and took both spoons and the empty ice cream container into the kitchen, yawning so hard my jaw ached.
The clock on the microwave read a quarter to one, and I wondered idly how late Ms. Marshall would be out. I had no frame of reference for adult dating.
I grabbed a Coke from the fridge, then padded back to Emmas room, intending to call Nash. But when I reached for my phone from the nightstand on Emmas side of the bed, her eyes popped wide-open, as if some unseen clasp holding them closed had just been released.
Startled, I squealed and jumped back. Em, you okay? But even when she finally blinked, her face still pressed into the pillow, her eyes didnt lose that sleep haze, nor did they focus on me. Or on anything else. Em?
