My Soul to Steal
Page 23
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My tears run over, blurring him and the room and my whole pathetic life. His words burn like acid dripped onto my exposed heart. But hes sitting straighter now, like he draws strength from this. The truth is supposed to set you free, but its killing me. And it is the truth. I can see that in his eyes, and his eyes dont lie. They cant.
I truly have no worth. And I dont think I can live with that.
Go ahead and cry. Nash picks at the knot I tied, trying to loosen it. Your tears are worth more than my memories, anyway. Wonder what I could get for the rest of you? Kaylee Cavanaugh, body and soul. Probably be enough to keep me high for life. Guess youre worth something, after all.
8
I SAT UP IN BED, sticky with sweat. My pillow was damp from tears, and lingering fear pulsed through me, throbbing with each beat of my heart. I wasnt worth loving, or even remembering. I tried too hard, but gave too little. Nash had wasted his time on me, and selling me to Avari was the only way to recoup his loss.
My worst fears, ripped from my own soul and left bleeding like an open wound.
Then the room came into focus through my tears, and I shook off sleep. With awareness came logic. And anger.
Fury, like Id never felt.
Sabine, get the hell out of my room! I snapped through clenched teeth, remembering not to yell at the last minute, to keep from waking my dad. Stay out of my head and out of my dreams, and stay away from Nash, or I swear your last semester of high school will make you homesick for prison!
Unfortunately, I wasnt even sure she was still there. But I had no doubt she had been. Shed given me the new nightmare, playing on my own fears. And that was the worst part.
Sabine was a horrible, cruel, emotional parasite, but she couldnt have played architect in my dreams if I hadnt given her the building material. The fears were real. Deep down, I was terrified that Nash wouldnt stay clean. That he didnt love me enough to even try. Because I wasnt worth loving. Why else would my father have left me with his brother and let me be hospitalized?
My resolve wavered again, and I clutched at it like a life preserver, refusing to give in. Refusing to wallow in my own fear, which was no doubt what Sabine wanted.
I threw back the covers and grabbed my cell from the nightstand, pacing back and forth on my rug while the phone rang. My alarm clock read 2:09.
Kaylee? Nash sounded groggy. Whats wrong?
Is she there? I demanded, stomping all the way to my closet, then turning to stomp the length of my bed.
Is who here? As if he didnt know!
Sabine. Is she there with you? Tell me the truth.
His bedsprings creaked. You woke me up in the middle of the night to ask if Sabines with me?
Its not like thats a stretch, considering how late she was therelast night.
Nash groaned and I heard him roll over. I sent her home hours ago. Before midnight, he added. Why?
Because she just gave me another nightmare, Nash. She was feeding from me in my sleep, like a great big flea! Which made me feel a bit like a dog and gave me a huge case of the creeps. I dont want her in my head, or in my dreams, or in my room. Or in my life, or in his. If you dont do something about her, I will.
I had no idea what I would do, but Id come up with something. Fortunately, Nash didnt press for details.
I will. Ill take care of it, Kaylee. I swear.
What on earth did you guys talk about? Cause it obviously wasnt the fact that she is not allowed to stalk my dreams!
Kay, Im sorry. It wont happen again.
It better not. Sabine had invaded my most private thoughts. Its almost as bad as having you in my head.
Nashs sigh sounded like it had completely deflated him. I dont He stopped and started over. I said I was sorry about that. So sorry. I wasnt thinking straight. Because hed been high when hed tried to Influence me into his bed. Itll never happen again. Can we please just move on from that? Please?
You can, obviously. Forgive me if Im having a little more trouble with that. Especially with your new girlfriend playing dreamweaver in my sleep!
Shes not my girlfriend, Kaylee.
I sank onto my bed, clenching one fist around a handful of my comforter. Well, shes not much of a friend to you, either, if this is how she treats yourpeople you care about.
He sighed again. You have her at a disadvantage. She thinks she has to use her entire arsenal just to even the odds.
I have her at a disadvantage? Tod says the two of you were attached at the hip. Or was it the crotch? Yes, I was being petty and unreasonable. That may have had something to do with the fact that I wasnt getting any sleep, and Id just had my psychic energy drained by my ex-boyfriends leech of an ex-girlfriend.
Nashs bedsprings creaked again, and the soft click told me hed just turned on his bedside lamp. Are you mad at me because I slept with someone else two and a half years ago? Before I even met you?
Yes! I stood again and rubbed my forehead, well aware that my lack of logic wasnt helping my case. But I couldnt help how I felt, and he wasnt doing much to alleviate my worries. And dont say thats not fair, because fair isnt even in the equation anymore. What you let happen to me wasnt fair, either. And Im sure Scott would agree.
I truly have no worth. And I dont think I can live with that.
Go ahead and cry. Nash picks at the knot I tied, trying to loosen it. Your tears are worth more than my memories, anyway. Wonder what I could get for the rest of you? Kaylee Cavanaugh, body and soul. Probably be enough to keep me high for life. Guess youre worth something, after all.
8
I SAT UP IN BED, sticky with sweat. My pillow was damp from tears, and lingering fear pulsed through me, throbbing with each beat of my heart. I wasnt worth loving, or even remembering. I tried too hard, but gave too little. Nash had wasted his time on me, and selling me to Avari was the only way to recoup his loss.
My worst fears, ripped from my own soul and left bleeding like an open wound.
Then the room came into focus through my tears, and I shook off sleep. With awareness came logic. And anger.
Fury, like Id never felt.
Sabine, get the hell out of my room! I snapped through clenched teeth, remembering not to yell at the last minute, to keep from waking my dad. Stay out of my head and out of my dreams, and stay away from Nash, or I swear your last semester of high school will make you homesick for prison!
Unfortunately, I wasnt even sure she was still there. But I had no doubt she had been. Shed given me the new nightmare, playing on my own fears. And that was the worst part.
Sabine was a horrible, cruel, emotional parasite, but she couldnt have played architect in my dreams if I hadnt given her the building material. The fears were real. Deep down, I was terrified that Nash wouldnt stay clean. That he didnt love me enough to even try. Because I wasnt worth loving. Why else would my father have left me with his brother and let me be hospitalized?
My resolve wavered again, and I clutched at it like a life preserver, refusing to give in. Refusing to wallow in my own fear, which was no doubt what Sabine wanted.
I threw back the covers and grabbed my cell from the nightstand, pacing back and forth on my rug while the phone rang. My alarm clock read 2:09.
Kaylee? Nash sounded groggy. Whats wrong?
Is she there? I demanded, stomping all the way to my closet, then turning to stomp the length of my bed.
Is who here? As if he didnt know!
Sabine. Is she there with you? Tell me the truth.
His bedsprings creaked. You woke me up in the middle of the night to ask if Sabines with me?
Its not like thats a stretch, considering how late she was therelast night.
Nash groaned and I heard him roll over. I sent her home hours ago. Before midnight, he added. Why?
Because she just gave me another nightmare, Nash. She was feeding from me in my sleep, like a great big flea! Which made me feel a bit like a dog and gave me a huge case of the creeps. I dont want her in my head, or in my dreams, or in my room. Or in my life, or in his. If you dont do something about her, I will.
I had no idea what I would do, but Id come up with something. Fortunately, Nash didnt press for details.
I will. Ill take care of it, Kaylee. I swear.
What on earth did you guys talk about? Cause it obviously wasnt the fact that she is not allowed to stalk my dreams!
Kay, Im sorry. It wont happen again.
It better not. Sabine had invaded my most private thoughts. Its almost as bad as having you in my head.
Nashs sigh sounded like it had completely deflated him. I dont He stopped and started over. I said I was sorry about that. So sorry. I wasnt thinking straight. Because hed been high when hed tried to Influence me into his bed. Itll never happen again. Can we please just move on from that? Please?
You can, obviously. Forgive me if Im having a little more trouble with that. Especially with your new girlfriend playing dreamweaver in my sleep!
Shes not my girlfriend, Kaylee.
I sank onto my bed, clenching one fist around a handful of my comforter. Well, shes not much of a friend to you, either, if this is how she treats yourpeople you care about.
He sighed again. You have her at a disadvantage. She thinks she has to use her entire arsenal just to even the odds.
I have her at a disadvantage? Tod says the two of you were attached at the hip. Or was it the crotch? Yes, I was being petty and unreasonable. That may have had something to do with the fact that I wasnt getting any sleep, and Id just had my psychic energy drained by my ex-boyfriends leech of an ex-girlfriend.
Nashs bedsprings creaked again, and the soft click told me hed just turned on his bedside lamp. Are you mad at me because I slept with someone else two and a half years ago? Before I even met you?
Yes! I stood again and rubbed my forehead, well aware that my lack of logic wasnt helping my case. But I couldnt help how I felt, and he wasnt doing much to alleviate my worries. And dont say thats not fair, because fair isnt even in the equation anymore. What you let happen to me wasnt fair, either. And Im sure Scott would agree.
