My Soul to Steal
Page 35
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I swallowed, guilt bubbling up inside me, but she wasnt done.
If you really cared about him, you wouldnt have told him to stay out of your head. His Influence is part of who and what he is, and you made it clear that he cant be that person when hes with you.
You dont know what he did I started, blinking away tears I refused to let fall. He didnt tell you that. I know he didnt.
Youre so naive it would be cute, if it werent so pathetic. Sabine shook her head, but her focus never left me. Nash and I dont have any secrets. He told me. It was this whole big confession for him, and the entire time hes telling me how he lied to you, and pushed you, and let that demon use you, hes looking at me like his fates in my hands. Like hell be damned forever if he sees judgment in my eyes. But he wont. He never will, because heres the thingNash can tell me anything. He can tell me how guilty he feels for using Influence to try to get into your pants. Thats one of his very worst fears, and maybe it should be. He shouldnt have done that to you, because you cant take it. Youre too fragile. One push too many, and youll shatter into a million shards of Kaylee, all sharp and broken, and hell be left to pick up the pieces.
But I wont break, she continued. And guess what else. Her voice dropped into an exaggerated whisper, and she leaned closer as Tod tensed beside me. This may make me a dirty girl, but I like it. Nashs Influence? Its a game of controla challenge to see who has it, which is a high all on its own for someone like me. Someone who has to be in control of herself for every minute of every single day, to keep from creeping out everyone she ever looks at. After that, letting someone else have control for a few minutes Its something between a relief and a rush, and its fun. Nash cant hurt me, and I cant hurt him. We can be ourselves around each other, and thats something you and he will never, ever have. Not ever. Because you dont trust him. And you never will. And in his heart, he knows it.
11
AT 4:23, SOMEONE KNOCKED on my front door. Id just pulled a bag of popcorn out of the microwave and was about to do some research online, trying to dig up dirt on Sabine. Looking for anything that would make Nash and Tod take my suspicions seriously.
At first, I hesitated to answer the door. What if it was my own personal Nightmare, come to kick my teeth in when Tod wasnt there to stop her? But I shrugged that off. The last thing I needed was something else to be afraid of, and the truth was that in spite of her record, in-your-face violence didnt seem to be Sabines style. She was much more likely to sneak in at night and make medream she beat the crap out of me. Then had victory sex with Nash. Or something equally violent and crude.
Still, I peeked through the front window, just in case, and sucked in a surprised breath. Nash. I should have guessed from the fact that I hadnt heard a car pull up.
My heart beat a little harder when I opened the door, but I didnt invite him in.
He didnt smile. Did you really hit Sabine?
Yeah. I went back to my homework on the couch and he followed me in, pushing the door shut at his back.
Why?
I lifted both brows at him and pulled open the popcorn bag from its corners. Fragrant steam puffed up onto my face. The more logical question might be why I waited so long.
Nash sighed and sank into my fathers chair while I dumped popcorn into a bowl on the coffee table. She wouldnt tell me why.
I faked shock. I thought you two told each other everything? How could she keep a secret from her soul mate?
Nash frowned, but looked more frustrated than angry. If you dont tell me, Ill just ask Tod.
What makes you think hell talk?
Hell tell me if he thinks itll help you, or piss her off.
They sounded pretty chummy this afternoon. All dark and morbid together.
Nash shrugged. He likes you better. He pulled off his jacket and laid it over the arm of the chair. Please tell me, Kaylee. What the hell happened in third period?
Tod and I had left for Chick-fil-A before the lunch bell rang, specifically to avoid Nash and Sabine. Wed texted Em to meet us at the restaurant. I was now considering eating out every day, just to avoid another confrontation. With either one of them.
I shook salt over the popcorn, avoiding his gaze. She told me she was going to sleep with you. Not a huge surpriseI know what she wantsbut it was the way she said it. Shes so sure I have nothing to offer you, and she has everything you cant resist.
And you believe her?
I closed my laptop and finally looked at him. I dont know what to believe. You told her things about me. You had no right to talk about me when I wasnt there.
I wasnt telling her about you. I was telling her about me. You just happen to be a big part of my life. And, unfortunately, a big part of everything Ive screwed up lately. Kaylee, what I want from her and what I want from you are two completely different things.
Could you be more vague? I crunched into the first bite of popcorn, but found it tasteless.
I want you the same way Ive always wanted you.
If you really cared about him, you wouldnt have told him to stay out of your head. His Influence is part of who and what he is, and you made it clear that he cant be that person when hes with you.
You dont know what he did I started, blinking away tears I refused to let fall. He didnt tell you that. I know he didnt.
Youre so naive it would be cute, if it werent so pathetic. Sabine shook her head, but her focus never left me. Nash and I dont have any secrets. He told me. It was this whole big confession for him, and the entire time hes telling me how he lied to you, and pushed you, and let that demon use you, hes looking at me like his fates in my hands. Like hell be damned forever if he sees judgment in my eyes. But he wont. He never will, because heres the thingNash can tell me anything. He can tell me how guilty he feels for using Influence to try to get into your pants. Thats one of his very worst fears, and maybe it should be. He shouldnt have done that to you, because you cant take it. Youre too fragile. One push too many, and youll shatter into a million shards of Kaylee, all sharp and broken, and hell be left to pick up the pieces.
But I wont break, she continued. And guess what else. Her voice dropped into an exaggerated whisper, and she leaned closer as Tod tensed beside me. This may make me a dirty girl, but I like it. Nashs Influence? Its a game of controla challenge to see who has it, which is a high all on its own for someone like me. Someone who has to be in control of herself for every minute of every single day, to keep from creeping out everyone she ever looks at. After that, letting someone else have control for a few minutes Its something between a relief and a rush, and its fun. Nash cant hurt me, and I cant hurt him. We can be ourselves around each other, and thats something you and he will never, ever have. Not ever. Because you dont trust him. And you never will. And in his heart, he knows it.
11
AT 4:23, SOMEONE KNOCKED on my front door. Id just pulled a bag of popcorn out of the microwave and was about to do some research online, trying to dig up dirt on Sabine. Looking for anything that would make Nash and Tod take my suspicions seriously.
At first, I hesitated to answer the door. What if it was my own personal Nightmare, come to kick my teeth in when Tod wasnt there to stop her? But I shrugged that off. The last thing I needed was something else to be afraid of, and the truth was that in spite of her record, in-your-face violence didnt seem to be Sabines style. She was much more likely to sneak in at night and make medream she beat the crap out of me. Then had victory sex with Nash. Or something equally violent and crude.
Still, I peeked through the front window, just in case, and sucked in a surprised breath. Nash. I should have guessed from the fact that I hadnt heard a car pull up.
My heart beat a little harder when I opened the door, but I didnt invite him in.
He didnt smile. Did you really hit Sabine?
Yeah. I went back to my homework on the couch and he followed me in, pushing the door shut at his back.
Why?
I lifted both brows at him and pulled open the popcorn bag from its corners. Fragrant steam puffed up onto my face. The more logical question might be why I waited so long.
Nash sighed and sank into my fathers chair while I dumped popcorn into a bowl on the coffee table. She wouldnt tell me why.
I faked shock. I thought you two told each other everything? How could she keep a secret from her soul mate?
Nash frowned, but looked more frustrated than angry. If you dont tell me, Ill just ask Tod.
What makes you think hell talk?
Hell tell me if he thinks itll help you, or piss her off.
They sounded pretty chummy this afternoon. All dark and morbid together.
Nash shrugged. He likes you better. He pulled off his jacket and laid it over the arm of the chair. Please tell me, Kaylee. What the hell happened in third period?
Tod and I had left for Chick-fil-A before the lunch bell rang, specifically to avoid Nash and Sabine. Wed texted Em to meet us at the restaurant. I was now considering eating out every day, just to avoid another confrontation. With either one of them.
I shook salt over the popcorn, avoiding his gaze. She told me she was going to sleep with you. Not a huge surpriseI know what she wantsbut it was the way she said it. Shes so sure I have nothing to offer you, and she has everything you cant resist.
And you believe her?
I closed my laptop and finally looked at him. I dont know what to believe. You told her things about me. You had no right to talk about me when I wasnt there.
I wasnt telling her about you. I was telling her about me. You just happen to be a big part of my life. And, unfortunately, a big part of everything Ive screwed up lately. Kaylee, what I want from her and what I want from you are two completely different things.
Could you be more vague? I crunched into the first bite of popcorn, but found it tasteless.
I want you the same way Ive always wanted you.
