My Soul to Steal
Page 67
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I started to argue, but she spoke over me. And its none of anyones else business what our relationship is built on, but just so you understand, I know Nash better than you ever will. You cant truly know someone until youve seen what hes afraid of, and even if he tells you all his deep dark secrets, you can never understand them like I do. You can never understand him like I do.
Get out. Id heard enough.
No. She locked the passengers side door with her elbow and crossed both arms over her chest. Not until you fix this.
Why should I? You havent even apologized.
She frowned, looking genuinely confused. I cant apologize.
My hands clenched around the wheel. Why not?
Because Im not sorry! She sat straighter, eyes wide and earnest. I did what I had to do. It didnt work, and now I wish Id done something else, but I had to try, and Im not sorry for that. Ill do whatever it takes to get him back. I thought youd understand that.
I do. I exhaled heavily and stared at the dashboard, then made myself meet her pained gaze. Thats exactly why Im not going to help you. Now get out of my car. I have to go to work.
Her gaze went dark, her full lips pressed into a thin, angry line. Damn it, Kaylee, youre going to fix this, or I swear Ill be in your head all night long, every night for the rest of your life.
My jaw clenched so hard lights started flashing in front of my eyes. I shoved the key into the ignition and turned it, and when the engine rumbled to life, I twisted in my seat to check out the rear windshield as I backed down the drive. Fine. If you wont get out, consider yourself along for the ride. And dont ask me how youre getting home, cause this is a one-way argument.
I can do it, you know, she insisted a couple of minutes later, like I hadnt spoken at all. Like I wasnt halfway to the highway in my stupid Cinemark polo and pants. Those other nightmares only ended because I let them. I can ride your dreams all night longas long as I wantand you wont be able to wake up until I decide youve had enough. And that wont be until you make things right between me and Nash.
I swallowed thickly as I swerved onto the on-ramp, trying to pretend her threat hadnt scared the crap out of me. But it had. Aside from the terror she could inspire, my very worst fear was of not being in control of myself. I couldnt stand the thought of being at someone elses mercy. And she knew that. But I wouldnt bend to her threatsnot even the big one.
Threatening me isnt going to make me help you, you know, I said, wishing I could watch for her reaction, instead of staring at the road. Because frankly, I wasnt sure which wasmore dangerous, the highway traffic, or the mara in my passenger seat.
Then what will? She sniffled again, and wiped her face with both hands this time.
Nothing! I dont owe you anything, and Im glad Nash isnt talking to you! You half stripped and jumped my boyfriend, right in front of me, and you wanted to get caught. The whole thing was just another part of your mind game!
Well, yeah, Sabine said, and I glanced away from the road to see her frowning, apparently surprised by my statement of the obvious. You knew I was coming after himI told you that up front. Its nothing personal. But youre wrong about that last part. This isnt a game. This is my life, and hes the only good thing in it. Hes all Ive thought about in the two years I spent trying to get back to him, and Im not going to lose him now. You have to help me, Kaylee. Please.
Her voice cracked on the last word, and I glanced at her again in surprise. She obviously hated asking for my help, but shed do anything to get Nash back, and I knew how she felt.
Nash and I had made up, but not because Id forgiven him. I missed him so much that wed made up in spite of me not forgiving him. Which meant that Sabine was totally barking up the wrong ex-girlfriend.
No, I dont have to help you, I said at last, and the words sounded so foreign coming from my own mouth that I actually had to repeat them in my head, to reinforce the certainty.
You are such a selfish bitch! You have everything! she shouted, and I nearly swerved into the next lane. You could find someone else to love youhell, all youd have to do is open your eyesbut I cant. Nash is all I have. Hes all Ill ever have, and I put everything I am into finding him again. She stopped yelling and swallowed thickly, staring out the windshield for a long moment while we both tried to catch our breath.
Then she turned to me again, calmer now, but no less intense. Kaylee, Im not asking you to shove him at me. Im not even asking you to step aside. I just need you to stop pulling him away from me.
I flicked my right blinker on and veered smoothly off the highway at my exit, and when I didnt answer, Sabine tried again.
What do you want? she demanded. You want me to beg?
The theater was up ahead, and I picked a spot near the back of the lot. I want you to get out of my car! I couldnt help you even if I wanted to. Nash made up his own mind.
I know, and hes mad now, but hell get over it. Im pretty sure itll take longer without makeup sex, but he will get over it. But he wont tell either of us that unless you get over it, too. If you forgive me, hell forgive me, and we can go back to the way things were.
Get out. Id heard enough.
No. She locked the passengers side door with her elbow and crossed both arms over her chest. Not until you fix this.
Why should I? You havent even apologized.
She frowned, looking genuinely confused. I cant apologize.
My hands clenched around the wheel. Why not?
Because Im not sorry! She sat straighter, eyes wide and earnest. I did what I had to do. It didnt work, and now I wish Id done something else, but I had to try, and Im not sorry for that. Ill do whatever it takes to get him back. I thought youd understand that.
I do. I exhaled heavily and stared at the dashboard, then made myself meet her pained gaze. Thats exactly why Im not going to help you. Now get out of my car. I have to go to work.
Her gaze went dark, her full lips pressed into a thin, angry line. Damn it, Kaylee, youre going to fix this, or I swear Ill be in your head all night long, every night for the rest of your life.
My jaw clenched so hard lights started flashing in front of my eyes. I shoved the key into the ignition and turned it, and when the engine rumbled to life, I twisted in my seat to check out the rear windshield as I backed down the drive. Fine. If you wont get out, consider yourself along for the ride. And dont ask me how youre getting home, cause this is a one-way argument.
I can do it, you know, she insisted a couple of minutes later, like I hadnt spoken at all. Like I wasnt halfway to the highway in my stupid Cinemark polo and pants. Those other nightmares only ended because I let them. I can ride your dreams all night longas long as I wantand you wont be able to wake up until I decide youve had enough. And that wont be until you make things right between me and Nash.
I swallowed thickly as I swerved onto the on-ramp, trying to pretend her threat hadnt scared the crap out of me. But it had. Aside from the terror she could inspire, my very worst fear was of not being in control of myself. I couldnt stand the thought of being at someone elses mercy. And she knew that. But I wouldnt bend to her threatsnot even the big one.
Threatening me isnt going to make me help you, you know, I said, wishing I could watch for her reaction, instead of staring at the road. Because frankly, I wasnt sure which wasmore dangerous, the highway traffic, or the mara in my passenger seat.
Then what will? She sniffled again, and wiped her face with both hands this time.
Nothing! I dont owe you anything, and Im glad Nash isnt talking to you! You half stripped and jumped my boyfriend, right in front of me, and you wanted to get caught. The whole thing was just another part of your mind game!
Well, yeah, Sabine said, and I glanced away from the road to see her frowning, apparently surprised by my statement of the obvious. You knew I was coming after himI told you that up front. Its nothing personal. But youre wrong about that last part. This isnt a game. This is my life, and hes the only good thing in it. Hes all Ive thought about in the two years I spent trying to get back to him, and Im not going to lose him now. You have to help me, Kaylee. Please.
Her voice cracked on the last word, and I glanced at her again in surprise. She obviously hated asking for my help, but shed do anything to get Nash back, and I knew how she felt.
Nash and I had made up, but not because Id forgiven him. I missed him so much that wed made up in spite of me not forgiving him. Which meant that Sabine was totally barking up the wrong ex-girlfriend.
No, I dont have to help you, I said at last, and the words sounded so foreign coming from my own mouth that I actually had to repeat them in my head, to reinforce the certainty.
You are such a selfish bitch! You have everything! she shouted, and I nearly swerved into the next lane. You could find someone else to love youhell, all youd have to do is open your eyesbut I cant. Nash is all I have. Hes all Ill ever have, and I put everything I am into finding him again. She stopped yelling and swallowed thickly, staring out the windshield for a long moment while we both tried to catch our breath.
Then she turned to me again, calmer now, but no less intense. Kaylee, Im not asking you to shove him at me. Im not even asking you to step aside. I just need you to stop pulling him away from me.
I flicked my right blinker on and veered smoothly off the highway at my exit, and when I didnt answer, Sabine tried again.
What do you want? she demanded. You want me to beg?
The theater was up ahead, and I picked a spot near the back of the lot. I want you to get out of my car! I couldnt help you even if I wanted to. Nash made up his own mind.
I know, and hes mad now, but hell get over it. Im pretty sure itll take longer without makeup sex, but he will get over it. But he wont tell either of us that unless you get over it, too. If you forgive me, hell forgive me, and we can go back to the way things were.
