My Soul to Take
Page 36
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Nash caught up with me, already shaking his head again. He caught my arm and pulled me to a halt, but let go when I stiffened. Even if you could warn someone, it wouldnt change anything. It would just make the poor guys last moments terrifying. I started to shake my head, but he rushed on. Thats what Ive been trying to tell you, Kaylee. You cant stop death.
But you just said we could. I leaned against the side of a green plastic twisty-slide, frowning up at him. Together, we could have saved Meredith. Maybe even Heidi Anderson. Doesnt it bother you that we didnt even try?
Of course it does, but saving Meredith wouldnt have stopped her death. It would only have prolonged her life. And reanimating someone whose time has come carries serious consequences. And believe me, the price isnt worth paying.
What does that mean? How could saving someone not be worth the price?
Nashs gaze burned into me, as if to underline the importance of what he was going to say. A life for a life, Kaylee. If wed saved Meredith, someone else would have been taken instead. Could be one of us, or anyone nearby.
Ouch.
I sank onto the rubber mat at the base of the slide, my eyes closed in horror. Okay, that was a high price. And even if Id been willing to pay it myself, I had no right to make that decision for an innocent bystander. Or for Nash. Yet I couldnt let the issue go. No matter what he said, no matter how logical the arguments, letting Meredith die felt wrong, and I couldnt stand the thought of ever having to do that again.
Nash sighed and sank onto the mat with me, his arms propped on his knees. Kaylee, I know how you feel, but thats the way death works. When someones time comes, he has to go, and youll only drive yourself crazy looking for loopholes in the system. Trust me. The anguish in Nashs voice resonated in my heart, and I ached to touch him. To ease whatever grief lent such pain to his words.
Youve tried, havent you? I whispered. He nodded, and I leaned over to let my mouth meet his, lingering when the contact shot sparks through my veins. I wanted to hold him, to somehow make it all better. Who was it?
My dad.
Stunned, I leaned back to see his face, and the hurt I found there seemed to leach through me, leaving me cold with dread. What happened?
Nash exhaled slowly and leaned back against the side of the slide. Light from the streetlamp above played on his hand when he rubbed his forehead, as if to fend off the memory. He fell off a ladder trying to paint the shutters on a second-story window and hit his head on some bricks bordering my moms flower bed. She was pruning the bushes when he fell, so she saw it happen.
Where were you? I spokesoftly, afraid hed stop talking if my voice shattered his memories.
In the backyard, but I came running when she screamed. When I got there, she was crying, holding his head on her lap. There was blood all over her legs. Then my dad stopped breathing, and she started singing.
It was beautiful, Kaylee. His words grew urgent and he sat straighter, like he was trying to convince me. Eerie and sad. And there was his soul, just kind of hanging above them both. I tried to guide it. I didnt really know what I was doing, but I had to try to save him. But he made me stop. His soulI could hear it. He said he had to go, and I should take care of my mom. He said she would need me, and he was right. She felt guilty because shed asked him to paint the shutters. She hasnt been the same since.
I didnt realize I was holding my breath until I had to take the next one. How old were you?
Ten. His eyes closed. My dads was the first soul I ever saw, and I couldnt save him. Not without killing someone else, and he wouldnt let me risk my own life. Or my moms. He opened his eyes to stare at me intently. And he was right about that too, Kaylee. We cant take an innocent life to spare someone whos supposed to die.
Hed get no argument from me there. ButWhat if Meredith wasnt supposed to die? What if it wasnt her time?
It was. Thats how it works. Nashs voice held the conviction of a child professing belief in Santa Claus. He was a little too sure, as if the strength of his assertion could make up for some secret doubt.
How do you know?
Because there are schedules. Official lists. There are people who make sure death is carried out the way its supposed to be.
I blinked at him, eyes narrowed in surprise. Are you serious?
Unfortunately. A breeze of bitterness swept across his face, but it was gone before I was even sure it was there in the first place.
That sounds sobureaucratic.
He shrugged. Its a very well-organized system.
Every system has flaws, Nash. He started to disagree, but I rushed on. Think about it. Three girls have died in the same area in the past three days, each with no known cause. They all just fell over dead. Thats not the natural order of things. Its the very definition of unnatural. Or at least suspicious.
Its definitely unusual, he admitted. Nash rubbed his temples again and suddenly sounded very tired. But even if they werent supposed to die, theres nothing we can do about it without getting someone else killed.
But you just said we could. I leaned against the side of a green plastic twisty-slide, frowning up at him. Together, we could have saved Meredith. Maybe even Heidi Anderson. Doesnt it bother you that we didnt even try?
Of course it does, but saving Meredith wouldnt have stopped her death. It would only have prolonged her life. And reanimating someone whose time has come carries serious consequences. And believe me, the price isnt worth paying.
What does that mean? How could saving someone not be worth the price?
Nashs gaze burned into me, as if to underline the importance of what he was going to say. A life for a life, Kaylee. If wed saved Meredith, someone else would have been taken instead. Could be one of us, or anyone nearby.
Ouch.
I sank onto the rubber mat at the base of the slide, my eyes closed in horror. Okay, that was a high price. And even if Id been willing to pay it myself, I had no right to make that decision for an innocent bystander. Or for Nash. Yet I couldnt let the issue go. No matter what he said, no matter how logical the arguments, letting Meredith die felt wrong, and I couldnt stand the thought of ever having to do that again.
Nash sighed and sank onto the mat with me, his arms propped on his knees. Kaylee, I know how you feel, but thats the way death works. When someones time comes, he has to go, and youll only drive yourself crazy looking for loopholes in the system. Trust me. The anguish in Nashs voice resonated in my heart, and I ached to touch him. To ease whatever grief lent such pain to his words.
Youve tried, havent you? I whispered. He nodded, and I leaned over to let my mouth meet his, lingering when the contact shot sparks through my veins. I wanted to hold him, to somehow make it all better. Who was it?
My dad.
Stunned, I leaned back to see his face, and the hurt I found there seemed to leach through me, leaving me cold with dread. What happened?
Nash exhaled slowly and leaned back against the side of the slide. Light from the streetlamp above played on his hand when he rubbed his forehead, as if to fend off the memory. He fell off a ladder trying to paint the shutters on a second-story window and hit his head on some bricks bordering my moms flower bed. She was pruning the bushes when he fell, so she saw it happen.
Where were you? I spokesoftly, afraid hed stop talking if my voice shattered his memories.
In the backyard, but I came running when she screamed. When I got there, she was crying, holding his head on her lap. There was blood all over her legs. Then my dad stopped breathing, and she started singing.
It was beautiful, Kaylee. His words grew urgent and he sat straighter, like he was trying to convince me. Eerie and sad. And there was his soul, just kind of hanging above them both. I tried to guide it. I didnt really know what I was doing, but I had to try to save him. But he made me stop. His soulI could hear it. He said he had to go, and I should take care of my mom. He said she would need me, and he was right. She felt guilty because shed asked him to paint the shutters. She hasnt been the same since.
I didnt realize I was holding my breath until I had to take the next one. How old were you?
Ten. His eyes closed. My dads was the first soul I ever saw, and I couldnt save him. Not without killing someone else, and he wouldnt let me risk my own life. Or my moms. He opened his eyes to stare at me intently. And he was right about that too, Kaylee. We cant take an innocent life to spare someone whos supposed to die.
Hed get no argument from me there. ButWhat if Meredith wasnt supposed to die? What if it wasnt her time?
It was. Thats how it works. Nashs voice held the conviction of a child professing belief in Santa Claus. He was a little too sure, as if the strength of his assertion could make up for some secret doubt.
How do you know?
Because there are schedules. Official lists. There are people who make sure death is carried out the way its supposed to be.
I blinked at him, eyes narrowed in surprise. Are you serious?
Unfortunately. A breeze of bitterness swept across his face, but it was gone before I was even sure it was there in the first place.
That sounds sobureaucratic.
He shrugged. Its a very well-organized system.
Every system has flaws, Nash. He started to disagree, but I rushed on. Think about it. Three girls have died in the same area in the past three days, each with no known cause. They all just fell over dead. Thats not the natural order of things. Its the very definition of unnatural. Or at least suspicious.
Its definitely unusual, he admitted. Nash rubbed his temples again and suddenly sounded very tired. But even if they werent supposed to die, theres nothing we can do about it without getting someone else killed.
