My Soul to Take
Page 52
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It didnt occur to you to talk to me? Tell me the truth? I plucked several pairs of underwear from the pile and stuffed them into another drawer, then slammed it shut.
I wanted to. I even tried to at one point, but you wouldnt listen. I doubt you could even hear me over your own screaming. I couldnt calm you down, even when I tried to Influence you.
Nash could. Hes done it twice now. I sank onto my bed at the memory, absently pulling another bundle of cloth onto my lap, placated by just thinking about Nash.
He has? A strange look passed over my uncles facesome odd combination of surprise, wistfulness, and concern. Hes Influenced you?
Only to calm me during those two premonitions. Why? And suddenly I understood what he was really asking. No! He would never try to Influence me into doing something. Hes not like that.
He seemed to consider my point for a moment, then finally nodded. Good. Im glad he can help you control your wail, even if he has to use his Influence. Thats certainly better than the alternative. He smiled as if to set me at ease, but instead, the tense line of his mouth set me on edge. But weve strayed from the point. Kaylee, you cant get involved in reaper business. And you certainly shouldnt have asked a reaper to spy on a coworker like that. If he gets caught, it wont be pretty. Theyll probably fire him.
So what? What was one lost job compared to an innocent girls life? Besides, losing a job wasnt the end of the world; Emma was proof of that. Shed lost one every couple of months for nearly a year until Id gotten her hired at the Cin. Soul-snatching seems like a pretty specialized skill, and Nash says there are reapers all over the world. Surely he can find another job somewhere else. He doesnt like the hospital much, anyway.
Uncle Brendon closed his eyes and took a deep breath before meeting my gaze again. Kaylee, you dont understand. Theres no coming back once a reaper loses his position.
Coming back? What does that mean? Coming back from what?
From the dead. Reapers are dead, Kaylee. The only thing keeping their bodies functioning and their souls inside is the job. Once a reaper loses that, its all over.
Nooo. The socks Id been pairing dropped into my lap as I tried to wrap my mind around what he was saying.
So when Tod said hed almost lost his job for letting the little girl live, what he meant was that hed almost lost his life. And if he got caught spying for me, thats exactly what would happen.
Not cool. Not cool at all.
Why on earth had he said hed do it? Surely not just for my name? I wasnt thatinteresting, and my name couldnt be too hard to find on his own. He already knew where I went to school.
But we had to do it. I met Uncle Brendons eyes, speaking the truth as soon as I recognized it. We had to know if those girls were on the list. I dont think they were supposed to die, and we wont know for sure without a peek at the list.
However, my resolve wavered even as I spoke. It was the same old moral dilemma. Did I have the right to decide whether one life was worth risking another? A girl I might not even know, for a guy Id only met once? An already dead guy, whod surely known the risk when he agreed to it.
Suddenly nothing made sense. I knew in my heart that these girls werent supposed to be dying, but trying to save the next one would expose me to creatures I couldnt even begin to imagine in a world I couldnt see, and put several other lives in danger. Including my own.
My shoulders fell and I stared at my uncle in almost paralyzing confusion. So what am I supposed to do? I hated how young and clueless I sounded, but he was right. I really had no idea what was going on, and all the good intentions in the world wouldnt mean a thing if I didnt know what to do with them.
I dont think theres anything you can do, Kaylee. Uncle Brendon looked just as frustrated as I felt. But we dont know theres anything actually wrong yet, and until we know for sure, youre just borrowing trouble.
I tried really hard to keep an open mind. Not to jump to conclusions. After all, I wasnt exactly rolling in evidence. All I had was a bad feeling and some soul-searing guilt. And even if I turned out to be right, my options were few and far between. Not to mention far -fetched. Id just found out I was a bean sidhe and had yet to try out a single one of my purported skills. There was no guarantee I could do anything to save the next girls life, even if it was wrongly endangered.
Maybe I should just stay out of reaper business. After all, it didnt really involve me.
Yet.
But what if it did soon? One girl from my school had already died, and there was no guarantee that wouldnt happen again. And it could happen to anyone. It could be me, or any one of my friends.
But what if I am right? If these girls are dying before their time, I cant just stand by and let it happen again if I can possibly stop it. But I cant save anyone on my own, and pulling someone else into it will just put more people in danger. Like Id risked Tod. And Nash.
Well then, I think you have your answer. Even if youre willing to risk yourselfand for the record, I will not let you do that so long as youre in my careyou have no right to risk anyone else.
I wanted to. I even tried to at one point, but you wouldnt listen. I doubt you could even hear me over your own screaming. I couldnt calm you down, even when I tried to Influence you.
Nash could. Hes done it twice now. I sank onto my bed at the memory, absently pulling another bundle of cloth onto my lap, placated by just thinking about Nash.
He has? A strange look passed over my uncles facesome odd combination of surprise, wistfulness, and concern. Hes Influenced you?
Only to calm me during those two premonitions. Why? And suddenly I understood what he was really asking. No! He would never try to Influence me into doing something. Hes not like that.
He seemed to consider my point for a moment, then finally nodded. Good. Im glad he can help you control your wail, even if he has to use his Influence. Thats certainly better than the alternative. He smiled as if to set me at ease, but instead, the tense line of his mouth set me on edge. But weve strayed from the point. Kaylee, you cant get involved in reaper business. And you certainly shouldnt have asked a reaper to spy on a coworker like that. If he gets caught, it wont be pretty. Theyll probably fire him.
So what? What was one lost job compared to an innocent girls life? Besides, losing a job wasnt the end of the world; Emma was proof of that. Shed lost one every couple of months for nearly a year until Id gotten her hired at the Cin. Soul-snatching seems like a pretty specialized skill, and Nash says there are reapers all over the world. Surely he can find another job somewhere else. He doesnt like the hospital much, anyway.
Uncle Brendon closed his eyes and took a deep breath before meeting my gaze again. Kaylee, you dont understand. Theres no coming back once a reaper loses his position.
Coming back? What does that mean? Coming back from what?
From the dead. Reapers are dead, Kaylee. The only thing keeping their bodies functioning and their souls inside is the job. Once a reaper loses that, its all over.
Nooo. The socks Id been pairing dropped into my lap as I tried to wrap my mind around what he was saying.
So when Tod said hed almost lost his job for letting the little girl live, what he meant was that hed almost lost his life. And if he got caught spying for me, thats exactly what would happen.
Not cool. Not cool at all.
Why on earth had he said hed do it? Surely not just for my name? I wasnt thatinteresting, and my name couldnt be too hard to find on his own. He already knew where I went to school.
But we had to do it. I met Uncle Brendons eyes, speaking the truth as soon as I recognized it. We had to know if those girls were on the list. I dont think they were supposed to die, and we wont know for sure without a peek at the list.
However, my resolve wavered even as I spoke. It was the same old moral dilemma. Did I have the right to decide whether one life was worth risking another? A girl I might not even know, for a guy Id only met once? An already dead guy, whod surely known the risk when he agreed to it.
Suddenly nothing made sense. I knew in my heart that these girls werent supposed to be dying, but trying to save the next one would expose me to creatures I couldnt even begin to imagine in a world I couldnt see, and put several other lives in danger. Including my own.
My shoulders fell and I stared at my uncle in almost paralyzing confusion. So what am I supposed to do? I hated how young and clueless I sounded, but he was right. I really had no idea what was going on, and all the good intentions in the world wouldnt mean a thing if I didnt know what to do with them.
I dont think theres anything you can do, Kaylee. Uncle Brendon looked just as frustrated as I felt. But we dont know theres anything actually wrong yet, and until we know for sure, youre just borrowing trouble.
I tried really hard to keep an open mind. Not to jump to conclusions. After all, I wasnt exactly rolling in evidence. All I had was a bad feeling and some soul-searing guilt. And even if I turned out to be right, my options were few and far between. Not to mention far -fetched. Id just found out I was a bean sidhe and had yet to try out a single one of my purported skills. There was no guarantee I could do anything to save the next girls life, even if it was wrongly endangered.
Maybe I should just stay out of reaper business. After all, it didnt really involve me.
Yet.
But what if it did soon? One girl from my school had already died, and there was no guarantee that wouldnt happen again. And it could happen to anyone. It could be me, or any one of my friends.
But what if I am right? If these girls are dying before their time, I cant just stand by and let it happen again if I can possibly stop it. But I cant save anyone on my own, and pulling someone else into it will just put more people in danger. Like Id risked Tod. And Nash.
Well then, I think you have your answer. Even if youre willing to risk yourselfand for the record, I will not let you do that so long as youre in my careyou have no right to risk anyone else.
