“Well, I have to go save Justin from the kids. He has to work tonight.” She sounded put out and disgruntled.
I walked around the counter and put my arms around her in a hug she stiffly returned.
“Don’t worry about me or Mom. We’ll all be fine.”
She gave me a sad smile and headed toward the door. “I wish I could believe that. I’ve seen what broken hearts do to the women in this family, and it never ends well.”
She had a point, so I just stared at the door after it shut behind her.
I had the day off and didn’t really know what to do with myself. Lately, when I wasn’t working I was with Nash. Before, when I had a day off I would spend it reading, or just puttering around the house, or with Faith and the kids. How boring was that? I had no social circle, no place to be, or anyone missing me. Maybe Sunny was right and I was just starting to see what living life fully meant.
I got dressed and decided instead of staying at my apartment and brooding, I was going to go shopping and find something cute and sassy to wear to the bar tonight so that when I met all of Nash’s crew I would feel confident and as comfortable as I could be. I wasn’t going to let my insecurity and nervousness ruin what could be an enjoyable night out even though I knew I was going to be on the spot. His friends wanted to meet me because we were spending so much time together lately, and I knew that it was unusual for him to be interested in the same girl for so long. I just hoped their reaction was different from Faith’s. I didn’t want them to tell him he could do better, because a secret part of me wanted to be the best thing that ever happened to him.
“It doesn’t bother you?” I was a little drunk, possibly sloppy, and talking way more than I normally did. Someone was passing around tequila shots, and to calm my nerves I may have had more than I meant to.
Shaw was really sweet and really pretty. She had made a beautiful bride, but up close and personal, the softness and sweetness that shined out of her was hard not to just melt into. She was also pre-med and really close to getting her undergrad, so she had about a million and one questions about what it was like working in an ER, which meant I got to talk about my favorite thing, my job. I could do that with or without the tequila.
She shook her head and gave a sardonic little grin. “If I got mad every time a girl hit on him—or tried to pick him up—or gave him sex eyes, I wouldn’t have time to feel anything else. It just comes with being with a guy like him.”
Rule and Nash had gone off to play a game of pool at the back of the bar with my other tablemate’s husband, the rocker, as well as a blond guy with really big hair and a big tattoo of an anchor on the side of his neck. Ayden was probably the most beautiful woman I had ever seen up close and personal. Her eyes were spectacular, and even though I found her intimidating and slightly cool, her drawl was charming and her sharp wit was infectious, so despite my inherent hesitation and irritation that Nash had left me alone on purpose to get grilled by the girls, I was doing all right carrying on a conversation with both of them.
“But they are being so obvious.”
I was talking about the group of college-aged girls that had gathered in a loose huddle around where the guys were playing the game. A collective sigh went up when Jet, Ayden’s husband, bent over the table to take a shot. I mean there wasn’t much he could hide in those tight pants he had on, but still, if that was my other half, my skin would be crawling. It already was and I didn’t even know what Nash was to me. I mean I was starting to figure it out, but I wasn’t brave enough or secure enough in myself or him to give it a name.
Ayden laughed a little and licked the salt off the back of her hand that had been left over from the last round of shots.
“They always are. You just have to know that even though the girls are looking, the guys never look back. You can’t be with someone and not trust them completely. It will never work out.”
Considering Jet was not only gorgeous but also in a band and on the road a lot, I guess that meant she really, really trusted him.
I made a face and blurted out with tequila-scented courage, “But I remember all of them in high school. They slept with everything that moved. How can you know that they are any different now?”
I blinked in shock because that wasn’t appropriate or something I would normally ever say. I felt a flush fill my face, but Shaw reached out a small hand and put it on my arm. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide.
“I was a few years behind you in school, Saint, so I know. I know what Rule was like, I remember very clearly how bad they all were. People change. Time makes us grow. Life happens, good and bad, and it’s the person you love, the man inside you can’t live without, not the sum of what he did or didn’t do when he was younger and still figuring life out.”
Ayden picked up her beer and nodded solemnly. “I spent years and years trying to bury a past that is really ugly, that I thought in turn made me really ugly. Who I am now is not that person, but I wouldn’t exist without those experiences.”
I bit my bottom lip. It was tangy from lime and booze. A tight breath shuddered out of my lungs and I let my gaze dance from one of them to the other. They were lovely young women. Strong enough to deal with the attention their men garnered, kind enough to welcome me into the fold with no judgment because they wanted Nash to be happy. I just didn’t know that I could ever be as clear on the past versus the present as they seemed to be.
I propped my elbow on the table and put my chin on my hand.
“I was fat.”
They both blinked at me and then shared a look. Ayden’s light twang asked, “So?”
“It made me shy and awkward, something I never outgrew. I got picked on a lot in school. People were mean, it hurt, and now even though I’m not that girl on the outside, I am still totally her on the inside, and it makes me act like a weirdo.”
Shaw pushed her long hair back over her shoulder and looked at me questioningly. “What does that have to do with Nash?”
I waved a hand sloppily in the air in front of me. “You trust Rule, Ayden trusts Jet … but to me, why should I trust anyone when there are girls like that throwing themselves at him? Boys like pretty girls that are no work.” I said it like I was an authority on the matter.
They shared another look and Shaw told me point-blank, “Nash isn’t like that. First of all he is the least judgmental guy in the world, and second he has never, and I mean never, spent as much time with any single girl as he has with you.”
Ayden made a noise and patted me on the knee. “I hate to tell you this, honey, but those boys have the pick of the ladies they want to spend time with: skinny, chubby, blond, brunette … you name it and they can have it. The point I think you might be missing is that clearly our boy has picked you to spend time with and he has made that choice over and over again.” She pushed some of her dark hair out of her face and lifted a dark eyebrow at me. “And believe me, none of them are scared of doing a little work.”
I was listening to their words, but at the same time one of the college girls broke from the pack and waltzed up to the table. Nash was leaning on the pool cue, and even though she was clearly headed in his direction, his gaze was locked directly on me. He was watching me closely and all I could do was stare back. I couldn’t ever imagine trusting someone, loving someone so unquestioningly that you just knew that you were the only person they were thinking about, the only person they wanted. That seemed like a fantasy to me. That couldn’t exist in real life … could it?
“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”
They both started to talk at the same time, trying to reassure me that Nash was loyal, that he was a great guy, that he was the nice one in the group, that he was typically the voice of reason because Rule was such a hothead and Jet tended to be moody and emotional. I listened to it all with half an ear while I watched the coed put her hand on Nash’s chest and smile coyly up at him. I don’t know what bothered me more, that she was openly flirting with him, or that it bothered me so much. It made me very uneasy to watch it happen.
Nash shook his tattooed head, took a step back, and handed his pool cue to Rowdy so he could wind his way through the throng of ladies. His eyes stayed locked on mine. I think he could tell I was upset, and not by anything the girls said, but by the overt attention he was drawing. He wasn’t mine, at least not in any kind of spoken, official capacity, so it shouldn’t matter, but it did.
He dropped his hands on my shoulders and I felt him drop a light kiss on the crown of my head. It was that, those simple little gestures that tried to untie all the things I thought I had knots tied securely around.
“Everything okay?”
Shaw and Ayden nodded and I gasped as he turned my chair around so that I was facing him. He put a hand on either side of the chair so I was caged in and forced to look up at him.
“Seriously, are you all right? We can go if you need to.”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It would be the second time he had left his friends early because of me, because I just couldn’t get my head together. I opened my mouth to respond, to tell him it was fine. His friends were actually really nice. I had a nice enough buzz going that I could fake my way through another hour or so, but I didn’t get the chance to speak because Rule suddenly appeared at the table, his light-colored eyes wide in his handsome face.
“Rome just called me. Cora’s in labor.”
Everyone was suddenly in a flurry of activity. Jet and Ayden, Rule and Shaw, all flew out of the bar without bothering to pay the bill. I looked at Nash in surprise as he waved the outrageously good-looking bartender over with a flick of his fingers.
“Why is everyone freaking out?” I didn’t understand the sudden rush and hasty departures.
Rowdy materialized and pulled a bunch of bills out of his wallet that was attached to his pocket with a chain and handed it to the bartender.
Nash put a hand on my wrist and helped me to my feet. I was a little bit wobbly, so I put an arm around his waist.
“She’s early, the baby. Cora wasn’t supposed to be due until closer to the end of the month. Man, she’s gonna be bummed out her dad isn’t here.”
He pulled out his phone and started firing off text messages.
“How many weeks is she?” I slipped easily into a role that I was comfortable with. Jealous, slightly drunk, not-quite girlfriend made my skin hurt.
He looked at me like I was speaking another language.
“She’s probably fine. She’s just petite and the baby is probably pretty big considering the size of the dad. If your friend is at least thirty-seven weeks, that’s considered full term, and she and the baby will be fine.”
He hustled me out of the bar and I balked when he stopped by the Charger and not the Jetta.
“You were doing shots with Ayden, so I know you had to be drinking more than you’re used to. I don’t want you driving, so I’ll take you home and we can get your car tomorrow.”
He put the key in the door and I looked up at him in a mixture of appreciation and fear. I really wished he didn’t make it so easy to like him … more than like him, really.
“I know you’re worried about your friends. I can call a cab.” His eyes got dark like they did when he was feeling something strongly.
“Saint …” His voice was scratchy and gruff. He ran his thumb over the curve of his chin, which made me quake. “I worry about you just as much. I’m not sure when that happened, but it did. I’ll get you home and then go to the hospital.”
I gulped and silently nodded. He helped me into the car and we took off into the night. He was tense; I could feel it, and while I could rattle off a million and one medical reasons that things would probably be just fine, I knew that wasn’t what would make him feel better. He already had one person he loved slipping away from him; the thought of losing another was probably torture. I reached out a shaky hand and put it on his arm where it was resting on the stick shift. The muscles were rock-hard and had a fine tremor in them.
I walked around the counter and put my arms around her in a hug she stiffly returned.
“Don’t worry about me or Mom. We’ll all be fine.”
She gave me a sad smile and headed toward the door. “I wish I could believe that. I’ve seen what broken hearts do to the women in this family, and it never ends well.”
She had a point, so I just stared at the door after it shut behind her.
I had the day off and didn’t really know what to do with myself. Lately, when I wasn’t working I was with Nash. Before, when I had a day off I would spend it reading, or just puttering around the house, or with Faith and the kids. How boring was that? I had no social circle, no place to be, or anyone missing me. Maybe Sunny was right and I was just starting to see what living life fully meant.
I got dressed and decided instead of staying at my apartment and brooding, I was going to go shopping and find something cute and sassy to wear to the bar tonight so that when I met all of Nash’s crew I would feel confident and as comfortable as I could be. I wasn’t going to let my insecurity and nervousness ruin what could be an enjoyable night out even though I knew I was going to be on the spot. His friends wanted to meet me because we were spending so much time together lately, and I knew that it was unusual for him to be interested in the same girl for so long. I just hoped their reaction was different from Faith’s. I didn’t want them to tell him he could do better, because a secret part of me wanted to be the best thing that ever happened to him.
“It doesn’t bother you?” I was a little drunk, possibly sloppy, and talking way more than I normally did. Someone was passing around tequila shots, and to calm my nerves I may have had more than I meant to.
Shaw was really sweet and really pretty. She had made a beautiful bride, but up close and personal, the softness and sweetness that shined out of her was hard not to just melt into. She was also pre-med and really close to getting her undergrad, so she had about a million and one questions about what it was like working in an ER, which meant I got to talk about my favorite thing, my job. I could do that with or without the tequila.
She shook her head and gave a sardonic little grin. “If I got mad every time a girl hit on him—or tried to pick him up—or gave him sex eyes, I wouldn’t have time to feel anything else. It just comes with being with a guy like him.”
Rule and Nash had gone off to play a game of pool at the back of the bar with my other tablemate’s husband, the rocker, as well as a blond guy with really big hair and a big tattoo of an anchor on the side of his neck. Ayden was probably the most beautiful woman I had ever seen up close and personal. Her eyes were spectacular, and even though I found her intimidating and slightly cool, her drawl was charming and her sharp wit was infectious, so despite my inherent hesitation and irritation that Nash had left me alone on purpose to get grilled by the girls, I was doing all right carrying on a conversation with both of them.
“But they are being so obvious.”
I was talking about the group of college-aged girls that had gathered in a loose huddle around where the guys were playing the game. A collective sigh went up when Jet, Ayden’s husband, bent over the table to take a shot. I mean there wasn’t much he could hide in those tight pants he had on, but still, if that was my other half, my skin would be crawling. It already was and I didn’t even know what Nash was to me. I mean I was starting to figure it out, but I wasn’t brave enough or secure enough in myself or him to give it a name.
Ayden laughed a little and licked the salt off the back of her hand that had been left over from the last round of shots.
“They always are. You just have to know that even though the girls are looking, the guys never look back. You can’t be with someone and not trust them completely. It will never work out.”
Considering Jet was not only gorgeous but also in a band and on the road a lot, I guess that meant she really, really trusted him.
I made a face and blurted out with tequila-scented courage, “But I remember all of them in high school. They slept with everything that moved. How can you know that they are any different now?”
I blinked in shock because that wasn’t appropriate or something I would normally ever say. I felt a flush fill my face, but Shaw reached out a small hand and put it on my arm. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide.
“I was a few years behind you in school, Saint, so I know. I know what Rule was like, I remember very clearly how bad they all were. People change. Time makes us grow. Life happens, good and bad, and it’s the person you love, the man inside you can’t live without, not the sum of what he did or didn’t do when he was younger and still figuring life out.”
Ayden picked up her beer and nodded solemnly. “I spent years and years trying to bury a past that is really ugly, that I thought in turn made me really ugly. Who I am now is not that person, but I wouldn’t exist without those experiences.”
I bit my bottom lip. It was tangy from lime and booze. A tight breath shuddered out of my lungs and I let my gaze dance from one of them to the other. They were lovely young women. Strong enough to deal with the attention their men garnered, kind enough to welcome me into the fold with no judgment because they wanted Nash to be happy. I just didn’t know that I could ever be as clear on the past versus the present as they seemed to be.
I propped my elbow on the table and put my chin on my hand.
“I was fat.”
They both blinked at me and then shared a look. Ayden’s light twang asked, “So?”
“It made me shy and awkward, something I never outgrew. I got picked on a lot in school. People were mean, it hurt, and now even though I’m not that girl on the outside, I am still totally her on the inside, and it makes me act like a weirdo.”
Shaw pushed her long hair back over her shoulder and looked at me questioningly. “What does that have to do with Nash?”
I waved a hand sloppily in the air in front of me. “You trust Rule, Ayden trusts Jet … but to me, why should I trust anyone when there are girls like that throwing themselves at him? Boys like pretty girls that are no work.” I said it like I was an authority on the matter.
They shared another look and Shaw told me point-blank, “Nash isn’t like that. First of all he is the least judgmental guy in the world, and second he has never, and I mean never, spent as much time with any single girl as he has with you.”
Ayden made a noise and patted me on the knee. “I hate to tell you this, honey, but those boys have the pick of the ladies they want to spend time with: skinny, chubby, blond, brunette … you name it and they can have it. The point I think you might be missing is that clearly our boy has picked you to spend time with and he has made that choice over and over again.” She pushed some of her dark hair out of her face and lifted a dark eyebrow at me. “And believe me, none of them are scared of doing a little work.”
I was listening to their words, but at the same time one of the college girls broke from the pack and waltzed up to the table. Nash was leaning on the pool cue, and even though she was clearly headed in his direction, his gaze was locked directly on me. He was watching me closely and all I could do was stare back. I couldn’t ever imagine trusting someone, loving someone so unquestioningly that you just knew that you were the only person they were thinking about, the only person they wanted. That seemed like a fantasy to me. That couldn’t exist in real life … could it?
“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”
They both started to talk at the same time, trying to reassure me that Nash was loyal, that he was a great guy, that he was the nice one in the group, that he was typically the voice of reason because Rule was such a hothead and Jet tended to be moody and emotional. I listened to it all with half an ear while I watched the coed put her hand on Nash’s chest and smile coyly up at him. I don’t know what bothered me more, that she was openly flirting with him, or that it bothered me so much. It made me very uneasy to watch it happen.
Nash shook his tattooed head, took a step back, and handed his pool cue to Rowdy so he could wind his way through the throng of ladies. His eyes stayed locked on mine. I think he could tell I was upset, and not by anything the girls said, but by the overt attention he was drawing. He wasn’t mine, at least not in any kind of spoken, official capacity, so it shouldn’t matter, but it did.
He dropped his hands on my shoulders and I felt him drop a light kiss on the crown of my head. It was that, those simple little gestures that tried to untie all the things I thought I had knots tied securely around.
“Everything okay?”
Shaw and Ayden nodded and I gasped as he turned my chair around so that I was facing him. He put a hand on either side of the chair so I was caged in and forced to look up at him.
“Seriously, are you all right? We can go if you need to.”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It would be the second time he had left his friends early because of me, because I just couldn’t get my head together. I opened my mouth to respond, to tell him it was fine. His friends were actually really nice. I had a nice enough buzz going that I could fake my way through another hour or so, but I didn’t get the chance to speak because Rule suddenly appeared at the table, his light-colored eyes wide in his handsome face.
“Rome just called me. Cora’s in labor.”
Everyone was suddenly in a flurry of activity. Jet and Ayden, Rule and Shaw, all flew out of the bar without bothering to pay the bill. I looked at Nash in surprise as he waved the outrageously good-looking bartender over with a flick of his fingers.
“Why is everyone freaking out?” I didn’t understand the sudden rush and hasty departures.
Rowdy materialized and pulled a bunch of bills out of his wallet that was attached to his pocket with a chain and handed it to the bartender.
Nash put a hand on my wrist and helped me to my feet. I was a little bit wobbly, so I put an arm around his waist.
“She’s early, the baby. Cora wasn’t supposed to be due until closer to the end of the month. Man, she’s gonna be bummed out her dad isn’t here.”
He pulled out his phone and started firing off text messages.
“How many weeks is she?” I slipped easily into a role that I was comfortable with. Jealous, slightly drunk, not-quite girlfriend made my skin hurt.
He looked at me like I was speaking another language.
“She’s probably fine. She’s just petite and the baby is probably pretty big considering the size of the dad. If your friend is at least thirty-seven weeks, that’s considered full term, and she and the baby will be fine.”
He hustled me out of the bar and I balked when he stopped by the Charger and not the Jetta.
“You were doing shots with Ayden, so I know you had to be drinking more than you’re used to. I don’t want you driving, so I’ll take you home and we can get your car tomorrow.”
He put the key in the door and I looked up at him in a mixture of appreciation and fear. I really wished he didn’t make it so easy to like him … more than like him, really.
“I know you’re worried about your friends. I can call a cab.” His eyes got dark like they did when he was feeling something strongly.
“Saint …” His voice was scratchy and gruff. He ran his thumb over the curve of his chin, which made me quake. “I worry about you just as much. I’m not sure when that happened, but it did. I’ll get you home and then go to the hospital.”
I gulped and silently nodded. He helped me into the car and we took off into the night. He was tense; I could feel it, and while I could rattle off a million and one medical reasons that things would probably be just fine, I knew that wasn’t what would make him feel better. He already had one person he loved slipping away from him; the thought of losing another was probably torture. I reached out a shaky hand and put it on his arm where it was resting on the stick shift. The muscles were rock-hard and had a fine tremor in them.
