Needing Her
Page 50
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With a wink, she turned and waited for Amber to join her before heading downstairs. Once everyone else began dispersing, I glanced over at Dakota and Dylan to see them watching me. Holding back a sigh, I headed downstairs as well and took the room I usually occupied.
Since I hadn’t taken the time to pack anything, I put everything on me on one of the nightstands, left my jeans on, and pulled my shirts off before climbing into bed. And for the first time since I’d made Maci cry, sleep came quickly.
JOLTING UP IN bed, I stopped reaching for my gun and blew out a deep breath when I saw Maci shutting and locking my door. The air rushed from my lungs at seeing her standing there, and I had to wonder if I was dreaming for a minute. A residual ache deep in my chest kept the reminder of what I’d done to her . . . but even through my sleep-fueled haze, I remembered driving up to Mammoth and fighting to get her back.
“Mace, what are you doing?” I asked when she started moving from the door toward my bed.
“I need to be with you . . . I need to know this isn’t all a dream.”
My lips quirked up on one side, knowing I’d just been thinking the same thing; and even as I grabbed her hand and pulled her down next to me, I shook my head. “Your dad is going to kill me if he finds you in here.”
She made a scoffing noise. “He hasn’t checked on us once tonight, and he’s snoring loud enough that I doubt he’ll be up anytime soon.”
“Maci . . .” I began in warning, but she moved so she was straddling me, and pressed her fingers against my lips.
“Please, Connor. I need to know I didn’t just imagine everything. I need . . . I need to hear you say it again.”
Kissing her fingers softly, I removed her hand from my face and gripped the back of her neck to pull her closer so I could look into her eyes. “Hear what? That you own me? That I love you? That I’m a f**king idiot for ever thinking I could live without you, even if it was what’s best for you?”
Even in the darkness, I could see the brightness in her eyes from the tears gathering there. When one slipped down her cheek, I used my free hand to wipe it away and searched her face for a long while.
“I’m sorry for ever making you cry,” I whispered, “and I’m sorry for taking so damn long to realize what you mean to me. I swear to you I’ll spend the next seventy years making up for all the time with you I’ve lost.”
“Seventy?” she asked, her voice thick with emotion even though she was smiling. “You think we’ll last that long?”
“I know we will,” I vowed.
“We drive each other crazy.”
“I like our kind of crazy.”
“We’re always fighting,” she argued.
“As long as it’s you I’m fighting with.”
“It’s only been a month.”
“I wouldn’t care if it’d only been a week. I need you, Maci. I’ll always need you.”
A shaky smile crossed her face, and she dropped her head so I couldn’t see her eyes anymore. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember,” she admitted, her eyelids slowly lifting up to see my reaction.
How had I not known? Again, how had I never noticed her before? Knowing that nothing could make up for the years that I was blind to her, I tilted her head back up and kissed her lips gently. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
She shrugged and said simply, “You’re here now.”
And I had no intentions of going anywhere. Maci now knew the one thing I’d been terrified of telling her, and though I didn’t know exactly how she felt about it all, I knew it wasn’t going to scare her away. But now that she knew about my past, and my fears, there was one more thing she needed to know.
“I need to tell you about Cassidy.”
I felt her body stiffen, and she sat up straighter, her eyes now worried with whatever I was about to tell her. “W-who?”
“Christ, Maci, no. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t cheat on you,” I promised, and waited for her to relax . . . When she didn’t, I spoke again. “She lives in Texas with her boyfriend, but she’s the reason why I’ve been so different since this summer. I need to tell you about everything so you’ll understand why I was the way I was.”
“Okay,” she said warily, and started to move off my lap, but I kept her there. I needed her there, needed to feel her touch while I told her.
With a deep breath in, I told Maci everything. Told her about the family-disturbance call that had first led me to Cassidy’s parents’ house years ago. How I’d believed Cassidy when she told me nothing was happening, and how after her mom burned the house to the ground right before summer started with her and her husband in it, I’d found out that Cassidy had been physically abused by her mom and stepdad every day since she was young. I told Maci about the black eye Cassidy’s boyfriend had given her accidentally when Cassidy tried to break up a fight he was involved in, and the day in the coffee shop where I’d told her everything about my life before being adopted. How our similar pasts, and her own fears that had closely matched mine, had left me begging her to be mine, and following her back to Texas after she’d left to be with her boyfriend again. And most importantly, how I’d left when she asked me to, and I’d spent six months trying to feel anything again, and find someone who could evoke any type of emotion in me. How Maci had done that, and more.
Since I hadn’t taken the time to pack anything, I put everything on me on one of the nightstands, left my jeans on, and pulled my shirts off before climbing into bed. And for the first time since I’d made Maci cry, sleep came quickly.
JOLTING UP IN bed, I stopped reaching for my gun and blew out a deep breath when I saw Maci shutting and locking my door. The air rushed from my lungs at seeing her standing there, and I had to wonder if I was dreaming for a minute. A residual ache deep in my chest kept the reminder of what I’d done to her . . . but even through my sleep-fueled haze, I remembered driving up to Mammoth and fighting to get her back.
“Mace, what are you doing?” I asked when she started moving from the door toward my bed.
“I need to be with you . . . I need to know this isn’t all a dream.”
My lips quirked up on one side, knowing I’d just been thinking the same thing; and even as I grabbed her hand and pulled her down next to me, I shook my head. “Your dad is going to kill me if he finds you in here.”
She made a scoffing noise. “He hasn’t checked on us once tonight, and he’s snoring loud enough that I doubt he’ll be up anytime soon.”
“Maci . . .” I began in warning, but she moved so she was straddling me, and pressed her fingers against my lips.
“Please, Connor. I need to know I didn’t just imagine everything. I need . . . I need to hear you say it again.”
Kissing her fingers softly, I removed her hand from my face and gripped the back of her neck to pull her closer so I could look into her eyes. “Hear what? That you own me? That I love you? That I’m a f**king idiot for ever thinking I could live without you, even if it was what’s best for you?”
Even in the darkness, I could see the brightness in her eyes from the tears gathering there. When one slipped down her cheek, I used my free hand to wipe it away and searched her face for a long while.
“I’m sorry for ever making you cry,” I whispered, “and I’m sorry for taking so damn long to realize what you mean to me. I swear to you I’ll spend the next seventy years making up for all the time with you I’ve lost.”
“Seventy?” she asked, her voice thick with emotion even though she was smiling. “You think we’ll last that long?”
“I know we will,” I vowed.
“We drive each other crazy.”
“I like our kind of crazy.”
“We’re always fighting,” she argued.
“As long as it’s you I’m fighting with.”
“It’s only been a month.”
“I wouldn’t care if it’d only been a week. I need you, Maci. I’ll always need you.”
A shaky smile crossed her face, and she dropped her head so I couldn’t see her eyes anymore. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember,” she admitted, her eyelids slowly lifting up to see my reaction.
How had I not known? Again, how had I never noticed her before? Knowing that nothing could make up for the years that I was blind to her, I tilted her head back up and kissed her lips gently. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
She shrugged and said simply, “You’re here now.”
And I had no intentions of going anywhere. Maci now knew the one thing I’d been terrified of telling her, and though I didn’t know exactly how she felt about it all, I knew it wasn’t going to scare her away. But now that she knew about my past, and my fears, there was one more thing she needed to know.
“I need to tell you about Cassidy.”
I felt her body stiffen, and she sat up straighter, her eyes now worried with whatever I was about to tell her. “W-who?”
“Christ, Maci, no. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t cheat on you,” I promised, and waited for her to relax . . . When she didn’t, I spoke again. “She lives in Texas with her boyfriend, but she’s the reason why I’ve been so different since this summer. I need to tell you about everything so you’ll understand why I was the way I was.”
“Okay,” she said warily, and started to move off my lap, but I kept her there. I needed her there, needed to feel her touch while I told her.
With a deep breath in, I told Maci everything. Told her about the family-disturbance call that had first led me to Cassidy’s parents’ house years ago. How I’d believed Cassidy when she told me nothing was happening, and how after her mom burned the house to the ground right before summer started with her and her husband in it, I’d found out that Cassidy had been physically abused by her mom and stepdad every day since she was young. I told Maci about the black eye Cassidy’s boyfriend had given her accidentally when Cassidy tried to break up a fight he was involved in, and the day in the coffee shop where I’d told her everything about my life before being adopted. How our similar pasts, and her own fears that had closely matched mine, had left me begging her to be mine, and following her back to Texas after she’d left to be with her boyfriend again. And most importantly, how I’d left when she asked me to, and I’d spent six months trying to feel anything again, and find someone who could evoke any type of emotion in me. How Maci had done that, and more.
