Nitro's Torment
Page 55
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“What happened to her, Nitro?”
“As in just recently or are you asking why she’s so withdrawn in general?”
She moved so she sat cross-legged next to me. “Both.”
I sat up with my back to the headboard of the bed. Talking about Marilyn wasn’t something I did, except with Renee, Dustin, and Marilyn’s doctor. And as much as we annoyed the fuck out of each other sometimes, I’d go to my grave to protect her. But I’d come to the realisation that Marilyn needed more people in her corner, in her life, and if Tatum wanted to get to know her better, she’d need help to do that because Marilyn wouldn’t open up easily.
“Lynny was the kid who didn’t make friends easily. She was withdrawn and sad a lot. Possibly depressed as a teen, but there was never a diagnosis, so I can’t be sure. Our parents died in a car crash when I was twelve. Lynny was six and Dustin was nine. We went to live with our Uncle Joseph in Melbourne. He’s not a good man and living with him was not good for her. Joseph didn’t allow us to leave the house except to go to school. He treated us like slaves around his house.” I took a breath. Dragging this shit up was something I hated to do. Hated to remember what he put us through. “Joseph was involved deeply in organised crime and is now one of the top dogs in Australia. He deals in guns, drugs, and prostitutes. Back then, though, he was building his business up. The day I turned thirteen, he started teaching me how to shoot a gun. By the time I turned fifteen, I knew how to shoot any gun given to me, kill with a knife, and torture someone to get information. Dustin was slow developmentally so Joseph had no interest in him. And Lynny was a girl so she was only good for stuff around the house. Even when she was young, like seven, he put her to work. Most of the time, though, she spent in her bedroom by herself.”
Tatum stared at me in shock. “Oh my God, Nitro, that’s awful.”
“Yeah, and it fucked us all up. Joseph trained me as a soldier. It was regimented and brutal. Some of the shit he put me through…. It’s deeply ingrained in me, Tatum. I’m violent because of him and no matter how hard I might want to change that, I can’t. You need to know this about me because sometimes I can’t switch it off.”
Fuck, she needed to take this in. I didn’t want to hurt her, but fuck knew what was down the track. I couldn’t predict the future and I sure as hell couldn’t always predict my own behaviour. The wiring in my brain had been screwed with, and my reactions to situations and people weren't always what I thought they would be. Sometimes the rage blinded me and I was helpless to react in any way but with violence.
Tatum pushed up so she was kneeling and then she straddled me. Bringing her hands to my face, she cupped my cheeks and kissed me. It was unlike any of our other kisses. There was no wild energy to it, just an intimacy that was new. When she ended the kiss, she said, “I know you have that violence and darkness in you, Nitro, but I’ve seen so much more than that. You saved my life when you could have easily chosen a different path. Even when I begged you to end my life, you didn’t. And yes, I’ve seen your inner struggle with your actions, but I feel safe with you. I know you get pissed off with me, but you always protect me. And that’s more than I can say for most of the people who have been in my life.”
I ran my hands over the bare skin of her back. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Vegas. You hardly know me.”
“I’ve seen you when your club was at war. When you killed a man, when a bomb almost killed us, and when you came back from an ambush where you had to fight for your life and those of your fellow club members. War shows us who we are. It drags us to our deepest depths and reveals just what we would do to survive. Good and bad.” She gripped my face harder. “You showed me that you’re a fighter, and you’re loyal and that you put others before yourself. I might not know all the little ins and outs that make you, you, like what your favourite colour is or what your dreams are in life or what your favourite dinner is, but I know your character, and that’s something a lot of people don’t ever truly find out about the people in their lives.”
I stared at her. Fuck, she’d surprised me again. And shown me just how fucking deep and intelligent she was. Leaning forward, I held her close and moved us so she lay on the bed with me on top of her. Pressing my mouth to hers, I kissed her hard. Rough. I tore a moan from her lips. And when I finished, I rasped, “You’re something fucking else, you know that?”
She smiled up at me, her lips swollen from our kiss. “Only because you told me.”
That right there pissed me off. That no man had ever shown her how fucking amazing she was or made her believe in herself. I would make that shit my mission. I’d show Tatum what I saw when I looked at her, and I’d make her understand the truth in it.
32
Tatum
“Arms” by Christina Perri
Nitro moved behind me as I brushed my teeth after our shower together the next morning. Well, if you could call using my finger to spread toothpaste over my teeth. It was the first time I’d stayed at his house after we started sleeping together and it hadn’t been planned, so I had no clothes or toiletries. He’d offered me his toothbrush, but I was funny about germs. He’d then made fun of me for doing all sorts of things with my mouth, yet not wanting to share a toothbrush. I’d told him that if he wanted to keep making fun of me, I’d happily stop doing those things with my mouth, at which point he immediately stopped making fun of me. Sliding his arm around me and slipping his hand inside the towel I wore to find skin, he said, “You want a clean shirt to wear home?” While he waited for my reply, he dropped his mouth to my shoulder and kissed me.
I watched him in the mirror, my belly fluttering with sensations that were unfamiliar to me. Everything in that moment sparked a surge of happiness in me. The way he held me, touched me, spoke to me, and the question he asked. Such a simple question, but one that showed me where his mind was at in our relationship. This feeling of closeness was something I didn’t want to admit to needing, because my failed attempt at it in the past made me unwilling to try for it again.
His eyes met mine in the mirror, and I smiled. “I want that black one with the skull on it.”
“As in just recently or are you asking why she’s so withdrawn in general?”
She moved so she sat cross-legged next to me. “Both.”
I sat up with my back to the headboard of the bed. Talking about Marilyn wasn’t something I did, except with Renee, Dustin, and Marilyn’s doctor. And as much as we annoyed the fuck out of each other sometimes, I’d go to my grave to protect her. But I’d come to the realisation that Marilyn needed more people in her corner, in her life, and if Tatum wanted to get to know her better, she’d need help to do that because Marilyn wouldn’t open up easily.
“Lynny was the kid who didn’t make friends easily. She was withdrawn and sad a lot. Possibly depressed as a teen, but there was never a diagnosis, so I can’t be sure. Our parents died in a car crash when I was twelve. Lynny was six and Dustin was nine. We went to live with our Uncle Joseph in Melbourne. He’s not a good man and living with him was not good for her. Joseph didn’t allow us to leave the house except to go to school. He treated us like slaves around his house.” I took a breath. Dragging this shit up was something I hated to do. Hated to remember what he put us through. “Joseph was involved deeply in organised crime and is now one of the top dogs in Australia. He deals in guns, drugs, and prostitutes. Back then, though, he was building his business up. The day I turned thirteen, he started teaching me how to shoot a gun. By the time I turned fifteen, I knew how to shoot any gun given to me, kill with a knife, and torture someone to get information. Dustin was slow developmentally so Joseph had no interest in him. And Lynny was a girl so she was only good for stuff around the house. Even when she was young, like seven, he put her to work. Most of the time, though, she spent in her bedroom by herself.”
Tatum stared at me in shock. “Oh my God, Nitro, that’s awful.”
“Yeah, and it fucked us all up. Joseph trained me as a soldier. It was regimented and brutal. Some of the shit he put me through…. It’s deeply ingrained in me, Tatum. I’m violent because of him and no matter how hard I might want to change that, I can’t. You need to know this about me because sometimes I can’t switch it off.”
Fuck, she needed to take this in. I didn’t want to hurt her, but fuck knew what was down the track. I couldn’t predict the future and I sure as hell couldn’t always predict my own behaviour. The wiring in my brain had been screwed with, and my reactions to situations and people weren't always what I thought they would be. Sometimes the rage blinded me and I was helpless to react in any way but with violence.
Tatum pushed up so she was kneeling and then she straddled me. Bringing her hands to my face, she cupped my cheeks and kissed me. It was unlike any of our other kisses. There was no wild energy to it, just an intimacy that was new. When she ended the kiss, she said, “I know you have that violence and darkness in you, Nitro, but I’ve seen so much more than that. You saved my life when you could have easily chosen a different path. Even when I begged you to end my life, you didn’t. And yes, I’ve seen your inner struggle with your actions, but I feel safe with you. I know you get pissed off with me, but you always protect me. And that’s more than I can say for most of the people who have been in my life.”
I ran my hands over the bare skin of her back. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Vegas. You hardly know me.”
“I’ve seen you when your club was at war. When you killed a man, when a bomb almost killed us, and when you came back from an ambush where you had to fight for your life and those of your fellow club members. War shows us who we are. It drags us to our deepest depths and reveals just what we would do to survive. Good and bad.” She gripped my face harder. “You showed me that you’re a fighter, and you’re loyal and that you put others before yourself. I might not know all the little ins and outs that make you, you, like what your favourite colour is or what your dreams are in life or what your favourite dinner is, but I know your character, and that’s something a lot of people don’t ever truly find out about the people in their lives.”
I stared at her. Fuck, she’d surprised me again. And shown me just how fucking deep and intelligent she was. Leaning forward, I held her close and moved us so she lay on the bed with me on top of her. Pressing my mouth to hers, I kissed her hard. Rough. I tore a moan from her lips. And when I finished, I rasped, “You’re something fucking else, you know that?”
She smiled up at me, her lips swollen from our kiss. “Only because you told me.”
That right there pissed me off. That no man had ever shown her how fucking amazing she was or made her believe in herself. I would make that shit my mission. I’d show Tatum what I saw when I looked at her, and I’d make her understand the truth in it.
32
Tatum
“Arms” by Christina Perri
Nitro moved behind me as I brushed my teeth after our shower together the next morning. Well, if you could call using my finger to spread toothpaste over my teeth. It was the first time I’d stayed at his house after we started sleeping together and it hadn’t been planned, so I had no clothes or toiletries. He’d offered me his toothbrush, but I was funny about germs. He’d then made fun of me for doing all sorts of things with my mouth, yet not wanting to share a toothbrush. I’d told him that if he wanted to keep making fun of me, I’d happily stop doing those things with my mouth, at which point he immediately stopped making fun of me. Sliding his arm around me and slipping his hand inside the towel I wore to find skin, he said, “You want a clean shirt to wear home?” While he waited for my reply, he dropped his mouth to my shoulder and kissed me.
I watched him in the mirror, my belly fluttering with sensations that were unfamiliar to me. Everything in that moment sparked a surge of happiness in me. The way he held me, touched me, spoke to me, and the question he asked. Such a simple question, but one that showed me where his mind was at in our relationship. This feeling of closeness was something I didn’t want to admit to needing, because my failed attempt at it in the past made me unwilling to try for it again.
His eyes met mine in the mirror, and I smiled. “I want that black one with the skull on it.”
