Nowhere But Here
Page 110
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Eli spent years warping the truth to protect Emily and while there’s a part of me that gets it, there’s another part that wants to shake the hell out of him and tell him that these lies are what killed him.
“You got it. Anything else?”
“No.” I hang up as the hospital comes into view. Come on, Eli, you can’t die on me now.
Emily
THERE’S NO SOUND in the room. In movies, there’s a beep to confirm that people are alive. It’s a track of their heartbeat. A reassurance that the person hasn’t died. I detest the silence. There should be a beep.
The other problem I have? The ICU room is tiny. Too tiny. If something huge happens the doctors will need more room to save Eli’s life. They told us that the next few hours are critical and if that’s the case then critical means more room.
I’m curled tight into a ball in the chair. My finger traces the cold skin of Eli’s finger that wears the heart monitor clip. Is it possible that the monitor is picking up my heart and that maybe his heart stopped beating again?
They’ve all been in and out. Olivia. Cyrus. Pigpen. Hook. Oz’s mom and dad plus my own father. It’s been busy as they flutter about and talk to me as if I’m on the verge of insanity. The only one who doesn’t treat me like I’m cracking is Oz.
A sliding of the glass door and Oz enters the room. He has two cups of coffee in his hand. He offers one to me, but I shake my head. I can’t break this connection with Eli. If I keep touching him, then his heart will continue to beat and he’ll stay alive. The monsters under my bed have returned and I’m convinced if I stare then I’ll scare the evil away.
Oz props a shoulder on the wall next to me. Blood stains the sleeve of his T-shirt and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. “You saved his life.”
“Are you kidding? If I had never visited Mom’s parents then he would never have offered his life for me. I’m not sure how he can forgive me.” I’m not sure how Oz can forgive me.
“Emily, if you had asked me to drive you into Louisville to meet your mother’s parents, I would have. I didn’t know your mom was Riot royalty and it turns out that only a few people did. Your mom being the child of the Riot was the most highly guarded secret in the club. You had no idea what you were walking into.”
I suck in a deep breath. “But he was willing to give up his life for me and that never would have happened if I had stayed in Snowflake.” If I had remained in Florida.
Oz crouches in front of me and sets a hand on my knee. “I’ve been talking to people over the past few hours. Lots of people. Olivia. Cyrus. Your dad. My parents. Eli even opened up before we went into the house. He made me promise I’d tell you the truth.”
My throat burns. “I don’t want to know it anymore.”
He squeezes my leg and repeats, “You saved his life today.”
“I didn’t,” I snap.
“You did,” Oz pushes. “The reason the Riot hasn’t bothered you for fifteen years is because Eli made a deal with them. His life for yours.”
Oz is tired. He’s mixed up. “That’s the deal they made today.”
“When your mom ran and he was awaiting trial, he went to the Riot and told them that they could kill him, get the revenge they wanted, as long as they left you and your mom alone.”
“They obviously didn’t accept it.” Because maybe they had a shred of decency.
“They agreed to leave you and Meg alone as long as Eli stayed away from you. They wanted Eli to be as miserable as they were, living every year like they did, knowing that he had a daughter that hated him.”
Hated him. My entire body flinches. I did worse than hate. I didn’t like or dislike him enough to care.
“Turns out the Riot knew you were staying in Snowflake. Eli and the Riot have been in negotiations the entire time you were here and they made an agreement this week where the Riot, once again, agreed to leave you alone.
“It’s why Eli was hot and heavy about you returning home this week. He knew they were going to be gunning for him and if you hadn’t shown up on their doorstep and put Eli and the Riot in the same room, I guarantee they would have gone after Eli in a situation where no one would have been around to save him.”
“This is too crazy.”
“You don’t break deals with people like them.”
My forehead furrows. He’s just trying to make me feel better. “None of this makes sense. Eli came to see me once a year. That sounds like a violation of the deal.”
Oz releases a ghost of that wicked smile I’ve come to love. “Eli’s never been much of a stickler for details. He knew he was taking a risk and felt selfish for doing it, but he was careful and made sure no one found out.”
“But he asked me to come and stay for two weeks this summer.”
“He loves Olivia almost as much as he loves you. He wanted her to have a chance to know you and he convinced himself that he could make it work so that the Riot stayed in the dark.”
My mind’s a mess. “It still doesn’t make sense. Normal people don’t act like this. Normal people don’t make deals to kill someone or not kill someone in exchange for staying away from their daughter. For real, who does that?”
“They’re a gang. Think about the evening news. An eighteen-year-old stabs a sixteen-year-old. Someone shot their friend, so they shoot one of theirs. The violence continues, it escalates. It’s not normal. It’s not right, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. What you witnessed today, all that I’m talking about, that’s what Eli and your mom were trying to save you from—they weren’t keeping you away from a motorcycle club, they were keeping you away from a gang.”
“You got it. Anything else?”
“No.” I hang up as the hospital comes into view. Come on, Eli, you can’t die on me now.
Emily
THERE’S NO SOUND in the room. In movies, there’s a beep to confirm that people are alive. It’s a track of their heartbeat. A reassurance that the person hasn’t died. I detest the silence. There should be a beep.
The other problem I have? The ICU room is tiny. Too tiny. If something huge happens the doctors will need more room to save Eli’s life. They told us that the next few hours are critical and if that’s the case then critical means more room.
I’m curled tight into a ball in the chair. My finger traces the cold skin of Eli’s finger that wears the heart monitor clip. Is it possible that the monitor is picking up my heart and that maybe his heart stopped beating again?
They’ve all been in and out. Olivia. Cyrus. Pigpen. Hook. Oz’s mom and dad plus my own father. It’s been busy as they flutter about and talk to me as if I’m on the verge of insanity. The only one who doesn’t treat me like I’m cracking is Oz.
A sliding of the glass door and Oz enters the room. He has two cups of coffee in his hand. He offers one to me, but I shake my head. I can’t break this connection with Eli. If I keep touching him, then his heart will continue to beat and he’ll stay alive. The monsters under my bed have returned and I’m convinced if I stare then I’ll scare the evil away.
Oz props a shoulder on the wall next to me. Blood stains the sleeve of his T-shirt and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. “You saved his life.”
“Are you kidding? If I had never visited Mom’s parents then he would never have offered his life for me. I’m not sure how he can forgive me.” I’m not sure how Oz can forgive me.
“Emily, if you had asked me to drive you into Louisville to meet your mother’s parents, I would have. I didn’t know your mom was Riot royalty and it turns out that only a few people did. Your mom being the child of the Riot was the most highly guarded secret in the club. You had no idea what you were walking into.”
I suck in a deep breath. “But he was willing to give up his life for me and that never would have happened if I had stayed in Snowflake.” If I had remained in Florida.
Oz crouches in front of me and sets a hand on my knee. “I’ve been talking to people over the past few hours. Lots of people. Olivia. Cyrus. Your dad. My parents. Eli even opened up before we went into the house. He made me promise I’d tell you the truth.”
My throat burns. “I don’t want to know it anymore.”
He squeezes my leg and repeats, “You saved his life today.”
“I didn’t,” I snap.
“You did,” Oz pushes. “The reason the Riot hasn’t bothered you for fifteen years is because Eli made a deal with them. His life for yours.”
Oz is tired. He’s mixed up. “That’s the deal they made today.”
“When your mom ran and he was awaiting trial, he went to the Riot and told them that they could kill him, get the revenge they wanted, as long as they left you and your mom alone.”
“They obviously didn’t accept it.” Because maybe they had a shred of decency.
“They agreed to leave you and Meg alone as long as Eli stayed away from you. They wanted Eli to be as miserable as they were, living every year like they did, knowing that he had a daughter that hated him.”
Hated him. My entire body flinches. I did worse than hate. I didn’t like or dislike him enough to care.
“Turns out the Riot knew you were staying in Snowflake. Eli and the Riot have been in negotiations the entire time you were here and they made an agreement this week where the Riot, once again, agreed to leave you alone.
“It’s why Eli was hot and heavy about you returning home this week. He knew they were going to be gunning for him and if you hadn’t shown up on their doorstep and put Eli and the Riot in the same room, I guarantee they would have gone after Eli in a situation where no one would have been around to save him.”
“This is too crazy.”
“You don’t break deals with people like them.”
My forehead furrows. He’s just trying to make me feel better. “None of this makes sense. Eli came to see me once a year. That sounds like a violation of the deal.”
Oz releases a ghost of that wicked smile I’ve come to love. “Eli’s never been much of a stickler for details. He knew he was taking a risk and felt selfish for doing it, but he was careful and made sure no one found out.”
“But he asked me to come and stay for two weeks this summer.”
“He loves Olivia almost as much as he loves you. He wanted her to have a chance to know you and he convinced himself that he could make it work so that the Riot stayed in the dark.”
My mind’s a mess. “It still doesn’t make sense. Normal people don’t act like this. Normal people don’t make deals to kill someone or not kill someone in exchange for staying away from their daughter. For real, who does that?”
“They’re a gang. Think about the evening news. An eighteen-year-old stabs a sixteen-year-old. Someone shot their friend, so they shoot one of theirs. The violence continues, it escalates. It’s not normal. It’s not right, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. What you witnessed today, all that I’m talking about, that’s what Eli and your mom were trying to save you from—they weren’t keeping you away from a motorcycle club, they were keeping you away from a gang.”
