On My Knees
Page 43

 J. Kenner

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When my phone rings, I don’t actually hear it—because how could I?—and it’s a wonder I even feel it vibrate, considering the way the car is shaking from the bass. But I’d taken it out to check the wiki on the band, and I’ve been holding it in my lap, and when my palm vibrates more than the rest of me, I realize that I’ve got a call.
I glance at the phone, see that it’s Cass, and gesture for Jackson to dial back the music.
He does, but he punctuates the action with a grin and a mouthed wimp.
I roll my eyes and hit the speaker.
“Fucking awesome,” she says, skipping preliminaries like “hello” or “how’s it going?”
“I’ll assume that means you got my message?” I’d texted her before we left the office about Jackson’s glorious reinstatement.
“Not only did I get it, I have performed a ritual sacrifice to the gods.”
“How very energetic of you.”
“Naturally, the gods have showered their wisdom upon us and revealed their grand celebratory plan to me.”
“Um.”
I catch Jackson’s eye. I can’t tell if he’s amused or if he fears that my best friend is a crazy person. “I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing,” I admit.
I can practically hear her rolling her eyes. “Where are you?”
I’ve been so overwhelmed by the decibel level inside the car that I hadn’t been paying attention to our surroundings. I glance outside. “We’re on the 10. Not to the 405 yet. Why?”
“Because we’re going to celebrate. Or haven’t you been listening?”
I laugh. “We’re going home. Tomorrow’s a full work day. Plus, I’m starving.”
“That is such bullshit,” she says. “You can have sex anytime. Westerfield’s in thirty. No excuses.”
Now I’m having no trouble reading Jackson. Definitely amused. But as for whether he wants to go get sweaty on a dance floor, I can’t say. And since he’s keeping his eyes on the road, he’s not really helping.
“Cass. Seriously, I don’t know.”
“Bullshit. You’re coming. There’s a limited window of opportunity for celebrating something like this. I mean, unless Damien kicks him off again, how many times do we get to have a reinstatement party?”
“She has a point,” Jackson says.
“See?” Cass says. “Am I on speaker?”
“No. You’re just loud.”
“Double bullshit. At any rate, Zee even said she was coming.”
“Really?” Despite having met Cass at a party, Zee never seems to want to go out. So I know this is kind of huge.
“Really,” Cass confirms. “So you have to come. It’s like a rule or something.”
I glance at Jackson, who lifts a shoulder. “If it’s a rule …”
I shake my head, because I can’t argue with both of them. “Can we at least run home and change?”
“Are you wearing clothes?”
“Shockingly, I did go to work dressed today.”
“Then no. What you’re wearing will do.”
“Cassidy!”
“I’m serious! We haven’t gone out dancing together in forever, and I am not running the risk that you’ll back out. Which is why I’m hanging up now, and warning you not to be late. I don’t want to have to stand in line, and you know they won’t let me skip to the front of the line without you.”
She hangs up without waiting for me to respond, and I know her well enough not to be surprised.
“Apparently we’re going to Westerfield’s,” I say to Jackson.
“If the celebration gods have ordained it, I don’t know how we can avoid it.”
“True.”
“You can bump her to the front of the line?” He exits the freeway and heads toward West Hollywood. “I didn’t realize you were such a party girl.”
“Not anymore,” I say. More accurately, not ever. Party girls flitter and bounce, flirting and dancing with a number of guys before letting the evening take them wherever it leads.
But that was never me. I never flittered or bounced. On the contrary, I approached clubbing like a goddamn military maneuver. Get in, get the guy, get off, go home. No attachments, and no surrendering the power.
At least not until I met Jackson.
He’s the only man to whom I’ve ever willingly given up control. The only man with whom I’ve wanted to surrender. And though that revelation had terrified me at first, now I hold it tight around me, and it is as comforting as a warm blanket. Because he knows me. He understands me. And I do not doubt that he will protect me.