Once and Again
Page 40

“No, no you’re doing the right thing. I imagine my life would have been a lot different if we’d had someone who was willing to do that for us kids. So what are your options?”
“Today I told her that she needed to see the counselor and figure out a way to get herself healthy again or I’d take Chris. I know my father won’t do a thing. Nancy is useless. She doesn’t even have a place to live. They said the court would likely ask Chris what he wanted. I didn’t tell him that. I don’t want to make him choose. I don’t want him to have to deal with this at all. I came here to help him and I feel like a total failure. And your brother and I fought because he got in my business and I told him to back off.”
“You can’t possibly think it’s over between the two of you.” Beth stole half of Lily’s cinnamon roll. “He adores you. I know you love him too, so don’t even bother trying to deny it to me.”
“You better have taken the half with all the raisins.” Lily inspected the remaining bit of the roll and took a bite, satisfied that she was safe from the passel of raisins on the side she’d been avoiding.
“They have cinnamon rolls without raisins here. You do know that, right?”
“I do. But they put more glaze on the raisin ones. Probably to hide the raisins. But I like glaze.”
Beth looked at her and raised a brow. “I heard that about you.”
She burst out laughing. “What a filthy mind you have. Can’t imagine why you’re single with a brain as dirty as the one you’ve got. Cripes. Anyway, I don’t think we’re broken up. He’s respecting my space and I appreciate it.”
“It’s year end. He’s always totally busy with grades, finals and all that. School has a zillion meetings. He’s working every day and night too. He’s not much of a space giver. I know he messed up before, but other than that, you know I’m telling the truth. He’s an up-in-your-business sort of man. And he misses you. He’s hurting and worried he pushed you too far.”
“I should have known he told you all about it.”
“He didn’t. He told Tate, who then told me like he knew she would. Boys. So dumb. Anyway, I think you should swing by my house tonight.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to leave Chris alone with my mom.”
“Bring him along. I’ve got an Xbox and all kinds of violent games that are totally inappropriate for him. I’m ordering pizzas anyway. Come on. You need the break and he likes being around Jake.”
Her brother did tend to totally idolize Jacob Murphy, who wasn’t quite ten years older than he was. Jake split his time between Kyle Chase’s landscaping business and Tim’s plumbing business. He was a hard worker and was trying to figure out his future after college. A good influence on Chris.
“If you’re sure. And it’s not… Well Chris doesn’t know about me and Nathan.”
“Got it. No one is going to say anything. Nathan has told us all to keep it quiet until the summer. Which is only three days from now, I should remind you. You know, just in case you forgot or something.”
“It’s a good thing you’re not a professional poker player. You lack any sort of subtlety.”
“He loves you. He’s trying to respect your space and be supportive, and he’s a little lost. He’s an alpha male trying to be a little more beta, you know? He wants to help you because that’s what he does. Help him.”
“I’m in so far above my head it’s not funny.” She scrubbed her hands over her face.
“Stay right here. We need more cinnamon rolls and coffee.”
She put her head down on her arms and groaned. Damn Murphys being so wonderful.
“Okay. William sent over the pot here.” Beth put the carafe down after refilling both mugs. “And freshly baked cinnamon rolls with extra glaze on the non-raisin ones. He says to ask for extra next time instead of picking the raisins out. He might have been slightly insulted or slightly proud. Hard to say which with that one.”
Not much better in the world but a warm-from-the-oven cinnamon roll with a hot cup of coffee.
After she’d eaten another, she sat back. “When he and I broke it off…before, it took me a while to get over it. I sort of fell into a pit of depression. I was totally pathetic. God. Anyway. I sat around all day in sweats and watched reality television, all the while just not going to class and risking my enrollment status. Everything was out of control and I saw him everywhere. At the grocery store, at the library or movies. I didn’t want to go out. He looked so happy. Man I wanted to slap his face.” She focused on Beth again. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. He’s my brother and I love him, but I’m your friend too. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could share this with me before. I was a crappy friend.”
Lily shook her head. “No. You were in an awkward position. I didn’t bring it to you of my own accord. You never said not to, I just didn’t want to put you in the middle and I was embarrassed too. Anyway. I realized one day that my life was not at all what I wanted it to be. And that by allowing it to continue, I was allowing your brother to continue to make me feel like nothing.
“So I made a plan to deal with my credit-card debt, which thankfully wasn’t bad. I made myself get up and out of the apartment every day. I studied on a strict schedule, and I stopped eating all the stuff that made me sick. My grades rebounded and I finished near the top of my class. I moved to Macon and landed a great job doing what I loved. My family was near enough that I could see them for all the big stuff but not every day where I’d go crazy, and I’d never have to see or speak to Nathan.”