When Ginger got up in the morning, she stumbled into the kitchen in her shapeless T-shirt and Capri-length leggings, her hair all lank and flat and ratty. She’d barely gotten down three swallows of her first cup of coffee when Ray Anne challenged her. “Well, buttercup, I’m taking you on an outing. We’re going to Eugene for the day. We’re going to shop and have a nice lunch and go to the beauty shop.”
“Thanks, Ray, but I’d rather just stay here, if you don’t mind.”
“But I do mind, honey, because we’ve gotta do something. What you’ve been doing isn’t working. You need a fresher-upper.” She smoothed her hand over Ginger’s hair and resisted the urge to say Ack. “A cut, some color, some new clothes. I’m going to get in the shower while you have your coffee. Make yourself some cereal or toast or both. You’ll need your strength.”
“Ray, really...I’m just not interested.”
“Believe me, it’s necessary.”
“Look, I don’t have money to spend on clothes that don’t matter, that I won’t wear.”
“I’m taking care of that for now, but we have to do something about your money situation, too. Once you’re fixed up a little bit, we’re going to find you a job.”
“I’m not sure I can...”
“I want you to try. It doesn’t have to be a fancy job. We can go out to the beach and see if Cooper and Sarah need help in the bar. Spring is here, summer is on the way and the beach gets real busy. Maybe Cliff needs a waitress or one of the businesses in town needs clerical help. But you can’t look like a vagrant if you mean to work with the public. Ginger, you have to do something with your time. You can’t sit around and think all the time. It’s not helping.”
“But I’m not staying here!”
“As far as I can tell, you have no idea what you’re going to do or where you’re going to do it. So we should just act like you need to get your life moving forward and part of that is work. Even if you leave in a few weeks.”
“Look, I’ll just call my mom, have her pack up a couple of boxes of clothes I left there and—”
“Ginger, honey, I’m sure those clothes you left behind don’t fit you any better than the ones you brought. Now, you keep an open mind and come along with me. I promise I won’t force anything on you that you don’t like. I’m not going to make you dress like me,” she added, then laughed.
“I don’t want you to do this,” Ginger said. “I’m not your problem. I just want to be left alone.”
“I know, baby,” she said softly. “I know you just want to sink in a hole and die. Want to know how I know? Because I’ve sort of been where you are. Not as bad, but still... I don’t usually talk about this, but when I was real young, way younger than you, I had a baby that didn’t live. She was stillborn, so I didn’t get to know her, didn’t get used to her. Because I was so young my folks sent me to Portland to stay with your daddy and his family until she was born. I wasn’t married, still in high school, no reason everyone had to know, right? Way back then, we worried a lot more about reputations. And I wasn’t real sure who the daddy was, so... Well, there’ve been times in my life when I made some hasty choices.”
Ginger just stared at her, eyes wide, mouth open.
“I held her for a long time before I let her go and the nurses didn’t rush me. I wasn’t even going to keep her—I figured she could do a lot better than me! I didn’t have much going for myself back in the day. Oh, that was so long ago. But for the longest time after that I just wanted to die, myself. Then my mom and dad both died a few years later and I was so alone. And then I really did want to sink in a hole and die. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do. So you know what I do when there’s a tragedy? When my life is falling apart? I try really hard to do the best I can. I wake up in the morning, put my feet on the floor, walk. I put on clean clothes every day. I fix myself to look like I’m getting through life even if everything inside me says I won’t make it another day. I mostly pretend, have a good hour here and there, then I collapse and cry because I just can’t do it, then I put my feet on the floor again and take another step.”
Ginger didn’t say anything, but a tear ran down her cheek.
“When you came along, I kind of felt like an auntie. You were a gift to me. We had so much fun playing, dressing up, watching movies, going on little trips together, having sleepovers. We can do this.”
Ginger shook her head, another tear sliding down her cheek.
“Now, you don’t have to tell me what I already know—getting a haircut and a pair of jeans that actually fit—that won’t help much. It’s just a shallow remedy. My friend Lou says I invented shallow.” Ray Anne smiled. “I think she’s secretly jealous I can still walk in those spike heels.”
“Ray...”
Ray Anne held up a hand. “I know, I get a little melodramatic. A little pushy, too. I can’t fix what you feel, Gingersnap. I know I can’t. But I can get you a good haircut, put you in a decent pair of jeans and get you some underwear that’s not shameful just in case you ever have to be taken to an emergency room. And don’t you worry about the money because if I can look at my pretty Ginger again, it’s worth my life savings. And if it makes you feel one inch better, it’s the right thing to do. Now eat something for breakfast—you’re wasting away. I’ll be ready to go in forty-five minutes. And it’s going to be a busy day.”
* * *
If Ginger went along with this refresher idea, she thought it was merely because Ray Anne, who she had loved so much since she was just a little girl, had revealed herself and her own losses. Ginger couldn’t imagine being a pregnant teenager and giving birth to a dead baby. Of course, she also couldn’t imagine giving one away—that notion was impossible to comprehend. But then she was thirty now, and had waited so long to get married and have her baby. And the right husband had clearly been a delusion.
So, to make an effort and to be kind, Ginger went with Ray Anne. Their first stop was the beauty salon. While Ray Anne had a manicure, Ginger sat in the beautician’s chair. The woman, Char, took the rubber tie out of her hair and combed it out. “So, what are we doing today?” she asked.
“Thanks, Ray, but I’d rather just stay here, if you don’t mind.”
“But I do mind, honey, because we’ve gotta do something. What you’ve been doing isn’t working. You need a fresher-upper.” She smoothed her hand over Ginger’s hair and resisted the urge to say Ack. “A cut, some color, some new clothes. I’m going to get in the shower while you have your coffee. Make yourself some cereal or toast or both. You’ll need your strength.”
“Ray, really...I’m just not interested.”
“Believe me, it’s necessary.”
“Look, I don’t have money to spend on clothes that don’t matter, that I won’t wear.”
“I’m taking care of that for now, but we have to do something about your money situation, too. Once you’re fixed up a little bit, we’re going to find you a job.”
“I’m not sure I can...”
“I want you to try. It doesn’t have to be a fancy job. We can go out to the beach and see if Cooper and Sarah need help in the bar. Spring is here, summer is on the way and the beach gets real busy. Maybe Cliff needs a waitress or one of the businesses in town needs clerical help. But you can’t look like a vagrant if you mean to work with the public. Ginger, you have to do something with your time. You can’t sit around and think all the time. It’s not helping.”
“But I’m not staying here!”
“As far as I can tell, you have no idea what you’re going to do or where you’re going to do it. So we should just act like you need to get your life moving forward and part of that is work. Even if you leave in a few weeks.”
“Look, I’ll just call my mom, have her pack up a couple of boxes of clothes I left there and—”
“Ginger, honey, I’m sure those clothes you left behind don’t fit you any better than the ones you brought. Now, you keep an open mind and come along with me. I promise I won’t force anything on you that you don’t like. I’m not going to make you dress like me,” she added, then laughed.
“I don’t want you to do this,” Ginger said. “I’m not your problem. I just want to be left alone.”
“I know, baby,” she said softly. “I know you just want to sink in a hole and die. Want to know how I know? Because I’ve sort of been where you are. Not as bad, but still... I don’t usually talk about this, but when I was real young, way younger than you, I had a baby that didn’t live. She was stillborn, so I didn’t get to know her, didn’t get used to her. Because I was so young my folks sent me to Portland to stay with your daddy and his family until she was born. I wasn’t married, still in high school, no reason everyone had to know, right? Way back then, we worried a lot more about reputations. And I wasn’t real sure who the daddy was, so... Well, there’ve been times in my life when I made some hasty choices.”
Ginger just stared at her, eyes wide, mouth open.
“I held her for a long time before I let her go and the nurses didn’t rush me. I wasn’t even going to keep her—I figured she could do a lot better than me! I didn’t have much going for myself back in the day. Oh, that was so long ago. But for the longest time after that I just wanted to die, myself. Then my mom and dad both died a few years later and I was so alone. And then I really did want to sink in a hole and die. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do. So you know what I do when there’s a tragedy? When my life is falling apart? I try really hard to do the best I can. I wake up in the morning, put my feet on the floor, walk. I put on clean clothes every day. I fix myself to look like I’m getting through life even if everything inside me says I won’t make it another day. I mostly pretend, have a good hour here and there, then I collapse and cry because I just can’t do it, then I put my feet on the floor again and take another step.”
Ginger didn’t say anything, but a tear ran down her cheek.
“When you came along, I kind of felt like an auntie. You were a gift to me. We had so much fun playing, dressing up, watching movies, going on little trips together, having sleepovers. We can do this.”
Ginger shook her head, another tear sliding down her cheek.
“Now, you don’t have to tell me what I already know—getting a haircut and a pair of jeans that actually fit—that won’t help much. It’s just a shallow remedy. My friend Lou says I invented shallow.” Ray Anne smiled. “I think she’s secretly jealous I can still walk in those spike heels.”
“Ray...”
Ray Anne held up a hand. “I know, I get a little melodramatic. A little pushy, too. I can’t fix what you feel, Gingersnap. I know I can’t. But I can get you a good haircut, put you in a decent pair of jeans and get you some underwear that’s not shameful just in case you ever have to be taken to an emergency room. And don’t you worry about the money because if I can look at my pretty Ginger again, it’s worth my life savings. And if it makes you feel one inch better, it’s the right thing to do. Now eat something for breakfast—you’re wasting away. I’ll be ready to go in forty-five minutes. And it’s going to be a busy day.”
* * *
If Ginger went along with this refresher idea, she thought it was merely because Ray Anne, who she had loved so much since she was just a little girl, had revealed herself and her own losses. Ginger couldn’t imagine being a pregnant teenager and giving birth to a dead baby. Of course, she also couldn’t imagine giving one away—that notion was impossible to comprehend. But then she was thirty now, and had waited so long to get married and have her baby. And the right husband had clearly been a delusion.
So, to make an effort and to be kind, Ginger went with Ray Anne. Their first stop was the beauty salon. While Ray Anne had a manicure, Ginger sat in the beautician’s chair. The woman, Char, took the rubber tie out of her hair and combed it out. “So, what are we doing today?” she asked.
