“So what happens after he leaves? Are you going to see each other again?” Emme asked.
“God, I hope so. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
“Wow. Maybe I’ll be planning your wedding next.” She nudged me under the table.
I laughed. “We’re not racing to the altar any time soon. We’re just happy to have a second chance.”
“Portland is far away,” Stella pointed out. “Are you going to do the long distance thing or will one of you move?”
“We haven’t really talked about that yet,” I confessed. “It’s all pretty new, but”—I put my hand on my chest again—“I feel this, you guys. In my bones. This is the real thing.”
Both of them smiled.
“I’m happy for you,” Emme said. “Maybe now your nightmares will stop.”
“I hope so.” I didn’t mention that I’d had it both nights Dallas had been with me.
“I wish I could meet him,” Stella said.
“Same,” Emme added. “When does he leave? Is there time?”
“Tomorrow, I think. Would you guys be able to meet us for dinner tonight?” I felt a little guilty floating the invitation since I’d offered to spend the night in with Dallas, but I really wanted to show him off to my sisters.
“Nate and I can,” Emme said. “He’ll be back from taking Paisley home by three.”
“I could check with Walter.” Stella pulled out her phone and began typing a message. “What are you thinking for time?”
“Seven?” I shrugged.
She finished typing and set her phone next to her coffee cup. “He’s usually pretty quick to get back to me.”
“Hey, I’m going up to Abelard next week to book some wedding stuff. Either of you guys want to go?” Emme looked back and forth between Stella and me.
“During the week?” Stella asked.
“That’s the plan. Probably Wednesday to Friday. I’ve got events over the weekend.”
“I took this weekend off, so I don’t know about taking days off next week too,” I said hesitantly. “But it would be fun. I’ll try.”
Stella’s phone pinged and she picked it up. “Dinner at seven works for us.”
I smiled. “Great. Let me run it by Dallas and then I’ll text you guys a time and place.”
We finished brunch, opened up our umbrellas on the sidewalk, and ran through the rain in opposite directions for our cars. As soon as I was in mine, I pulled out my phone and called Dallas. He didn’t answer, so I left him a message.
“Hey. I know I said we’d stay in tonight, but I just saw my sisters and they’re dying to meet you. Do you hate the idea of having dinner with them and their boyfriends tonight? Nate and Walter are both really nice, and I think it would be fun. Let me know, okay? Hope you’re feeling better.” I hung up and dropped my phone into my purse.
On the drive home, I couldn’t help thinking about what Stella had said—that what had happened to Dallas yesterday morning had sounded like some kind of seizure. Could she be right? His claim that it was just a dizzy spell had made sense to me at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more worried I became that it wasn’t so easily explained. When you’re dizzy, you close your eyes, right? His had remained open. And even when you’re dizzy, you can talk. Dallas hadn’t responded the first few times I’d said his name. Almost as if he hadn’t heard me.
It wasn’t like me to panic over something like this, but when I got home, I texted Stella.
Me: Hey what kind of seizure did you say that sounded like?
Stella: A focal aware seizure.
I grabbed my laptop and googled it. The first site that came up was related to epilepsy awareness. I read the entire section on focal seizures, and I still wasn’t sure if that’s what had happened to Dallas. He’d seemed to have some of the symptoms described but not others. And wouldn’t Dallas have been diagnosed with epilepsy as a kid?
I researched it a little more, learning that epilepsy could start at any age, and although there was no cure, the seizures could usually be managed with drug therapy, surgery, or changes in diet. Occasionally the condition just went away on its own.
Biting my lip, I set my laptop aside and wondered if that’s what was going on with Dallas and he was too proud or embarrassed to tell me. Knowing him, it seemed likely, and I wished more than anything he would open up to me. I didn’t want to have such a giant secret between us, mucking up our new beginning. But what could I do?
If I were Emme, I’d probably run right to him and demand to know the truth. But I’d always been more patient and even-tempered than my hot-headed sister. If I were Stella, I’d probably find a way to bring it up in conversation that would naturally lead to an admission. But Stella had training and a way with words that I didn’t. She knew how to get people to talk. I was too nervous about saying the wrong thing.
I got up from the couch and checked my phone—no reply yet from Dallas. Disappointed, I decided to spend the next hour meditating.
After changing into more comfortable clothing, I lit some candles, put my phone on Do Not Disturb, chose the sound of ocean waves on my Meditation Playlist, and sat on the rug. I was briefly consumed by the memory of kneeling over Dallas’s face yesterday in this very same spot, but I accepted the thought and its accompanying feelings of desire without judging them. Then I closed my eyes and focused on my breath and body awareness.
Sixty minutes later, I felt relaxed, refreshed and rebalanced. I didn’t need to panic. I didn’t need to confront anyone. Everything happened for a reason, and if there was something Dallas wanted me to know, he would tell me in his own time. Loving someone meant opening your heart to them; it didn’t mean forcing them to fill it at the soonest opportunity. Love needed room to breathe, room to grow. I didn’t have to behave like either one of my sisters would in this situation. I only had to be me, and trust my instincts.
I checked my messages, and found that I had a text from Dallas.
Dallas: Dinner at 7 is fine. I will be at your house by 6:30.
I was a little disappointed he wasn’t coming over earlier, since six thirty wouldn’t give us any time together before dinner, but I decided not to ask him. We had the entire night ahead of us, and I didn’t want to appear needy.
Me: Great! See you then.
I added a little kissy-face emoji and hit send. Next, I messaged my sisters that dinner was on, and we went back and forth about where to go before deciding on Republic Tavern. I called the restaurant and made a reservation.
After that, I texted Dallas back that since dinner would be downtown, there was no sense in his driving to my house to get me, which was just north of the city. Instead, I told him I’d grab an Uber down to his hotel around five or so, and maybe we could have a drink at the bar if he was feeling up to it.
He didn’t answer right away, so I got in the shower. When I was out, I checked my phone and saw his reply.
Dallas: Sorry. I was on the phone with Finn. Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up?
Me: Positive. I’ll be there in about an hour. Maybe less.
Dallas: Good. I missed you today.
Relieved, I smiled and texted back.
Me: I missed you too. Can’t wait to see you!
I blow-dried my hair and got dressed, choosing a white maxi dress with a deep V-neck and lace panels in its flowing skirt. I applied a little makeup, rubbed some lavender oil into my skin, and pulled on the strappy sandals I’d worn to the prom the other night. When I was ready, I ordered a car and went out on the porch to wait. The rain had stopped, and the sun was finally peeking out from behind the clouds. The temperature was warm, and the light breeze carried on it the scent of mint from my neighbor’s herb garden. I turned my face to the sun and inhaled deeply.
It was going to be a beautiful night.
Thirteen
Dallas
After leaving Maren’s house Sunday morning, I drove back to my hotel and crashed for five straight hours. I was exhausted. My head hurt. My eyes burned because I’d slept in my contacts. My gut was twisted into knots I knew I couldn’t unravel. Barricaded in my room, shades drawn, Do Not Disturb sign on the door, phone off, I pulled the covers over my head and shut out the world.
“God, I hope so. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
“Wow. Maybe I’ll be planning your wedding next.” She nudged me under the table.
I laughed. “We’re not racing to the altar any time soon. We’re just happy to have a second chance.”
“Portland is far away,” Stella pointed out. “Are you going to do the long distance thing or will one of you move?”
“We haven’t really talked about that yet,” I confessed. “It’s all pretty new, but”—I put my hand on my chest again—“I feel this, you guys. In my bones. This is the real thing.”
Both of them smiled.
“I’m happy for you,” Emme said. “Maybe now your nightmares will stop.”
“I hope so.” I didn’t mention that I’d had it both nights Dallas had been with me.
“I wish I could meet him,” Stella said.
“Same,” Emme added. “When does he leave? Is there time?”
“Tomorrow, I think. Would you guys be able to meet us for dinner tonight?” I felt a little guilty floating the invitation since I’d offered to spend the night in with Dallas, but I really wanted to show him off to my sisters.
“Nate and I can,” Emme said. “He’ll be back from taking Paisley home by three.”
“I could check with Walter.” Stella pulled out her phone and began typing a message. “What are you thinking for time?”
“Seven?” I shrugged.
She finished typing and set her phone next to her coffee cup. “He’s usually pretty quick to get back to me.”
“Hey, I’m going up to Abelard next week to book some wedding stuff. Either of you guys want to go?” Emme looked back and forth between Stella and me.
“During the week?” Stella asked.
“That’s the plan. Probably Wednesday to Friday. I’ve got events over the weekend.”
“I took this weekend off, so I don’t know about taking days off next week too,” I said hesitantly. “But it would be fun. I’ll try.”
Stella’s phone pinged and she picked it up. “Dinner at seven works for us.”
I smiled. “Great. Let me run it by Dallas and then I’ll text you guys a time and place.”
We finished brunch, opened up our umbrellas on the sidewalk, and ran through the rain in opposite directions for our cars. As soon as I was in mine, I pulled out my phone and called Dallas. He didn’t answer, so I left him a message.
“Hey. I know I said we’d stay in tonight, but I just saw my sisters and they’re dying to meet you. Do you hate the idea of having dinner with them and their boyfriends tonight? Nate and Walter are both really nice, and I think it would be fun. Let me know, okay? Hope you’re feeling better.” I hung up and dropped my phone into my purse.
On the drive home, I couldn’t help thinking about what Stella had said—that what had happened to Dallas yesterday morning had sounded like some kind of seizure. Could she be right? His claim that it was just a dizzy spell had made sense to me at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more worried I became that it wasn’t so easily explained. When you’re dizzy, you close your eyes, right? His had remained open. And even when you’re dizzy, you can talk. Dallas hadn’t responded the first few times I’d said his name. Almost as if he hadn’t heard me.
It wasn’t like me to panic over something like this, but when I got home, I texted Stella.
Me: Hey what kind of seizure did you say that sounded like?
Stella: A focal aware seizure.
I grabbed my laptop and googled it. The first site that came up was related to epilepsy awareness. I read the entire section on focal seizures, and I still wasn’t sure if that’s what had happened to Dallas. He’d seemed to have some of the symptoms described but not others. And wouldn’t Dallas have been diagnosed with epilepsy as a kid?
I researched it a little more, learning that epilepsy could start at any age, and although there was no cure, the seizures could usually be managed with drug therapy, surgery, or changes in diet. Occasionally the condition just went away on its own.
Biting my lip, I set my laptop aside and wondered if that’s what was going on with Dallas and he was too proud or embarrassed to tell me. Knowing him, it seemed likely, and I wished more than anything he would open up to me. I didn’t want to have such a giant secret between us, mucking up our new beginning. But what could I do?
If I were Emme, I’d probably run right to him and demand to know the truth. But I’d always been more patient and even-tempered than my hot-headed sister. If I were Stella, I’d probably find a way to bring it up in conversation that would naturally lead to an admission. But Stella had training and a way with words that I didn’t. She knew how to get people to talk. I was too nervous about saying the wrong thing.
I got up from the couch and checked my phone—no reply yet from Dallas. Disappointed, I decided to spend the next hour meditating.
After changing into more comfortable clothing, I lit some candles, put my phone on Do Not Disturb, chose the sound of ocean waves on my Meditation Playlist, and sat on the rug. I was briefly consumed by the memory of kneeling over Dallas’s face yesterday in this very same spot, but I accepted the thought and its accompanying feelings of desire without judging them. Then I closed my eyes and focused on my breath and body awareness.
Sixty minutes later, I felt relaxed, refreshed and rebalanced. I didn’t need to panic. I didn’t need to confront anyone. Everything happened for a reason, and if there was something Dallas wanted me to know, he would tell me in his own time. Loving someone meant opening your heart to them; it didn’t mean forcing them to fill it at the soonest opportunity. Love needed room to breathe, room to grow. I didn’t have to behave like either one of my sisters would in this situation. I only had to be me, and trust my instincts.
I checked my messages, and found that I had a text from Dallas.
Dallas: Dinner at 7 is fine. I will be at your house by 6:30.
I was a little disappointed he wasn’t coming over earlier, since six thirty wouldn’t give us any time together before dinner, but I decided not to ask him. We had the entire night ahead of us, and I didn’t want to appear needy.
Me: Great! See you then.
I added a little kissy-face emoji and hit send. Next, I messaged my sisters that dinner was on, and we went back and forth about where to go before deciding on Republic Tavern. I called the restaurant and made a reservation.
After that, I texted Dallas back that since dinner would be downtown, there was no sense in his driving to my house to get me, which was just north of the city. Instead, I told him I’d grab an Uber down to his hotel around five or so, and maybe we could have a drink at the bar if he was feeling up to it.
He didn’t answer right away, so I got in the shower. When I was out, I checked my phone and saw his reply.
Dallas: Sorry. I was on the phone with Finn. Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up?
Me: Positive. I’ll be there in about an hour. Maybe less.
Dallas: Good. I missed you today.
Relieved, I smiled and texted back.
Me: I missed you too. Can’t wait to see you!
I blow-dried my hair and got dressed, choosing a white maxi dress with a deep V-neck and lace panels in its flowing skirt. I applied a little makeup, rubbed some lavender oil into my skin, and pulled on the strappy sandals I’d worn to the prom the other night. When I was ready, I ordered a car and went out on the porch to wait. The rain had stopped, and the sun was finally peeking out from behind the clouds. The temperature was warm, and the light breeze carried on it the scent of mint from my neighbor’s herb garden. I turned my face to the sun and inhaled deeply.
It was going to be a beautiful night.
Thirteen
Dallas
After leaving Maren’s house Sunday morning, I drove back to my hotel and crashed for five straight hours. I was exhausted. My head hurt. My eyes burned because I’d slept in my contacts. My gut was twisted into knots I knew I couldn’t unravel. Barricaded in my room, shades drawn, Do Not Disturb sign on the door, phone off, I pulled the covers over my head and shut out the world.
