“Do you think you can help her?” Emme asked, but the madam held up a hand to silence her.
“Hush.” After an interminably long time, she finally opened her eyes and looked at me. “You are wrong.”
“I am?” I stared at her. “How?”
“Snake is not him. Snake is you.”
I shrank back. “Me!”
“Yes. Snake is often symbol of evil or temptation in dreams, but not in your case. Snake can also be sign of transformation because it sheds its skin. Your dream snake is you letting go of the past so you can move forward. It is you choosing love and not fear.”
“But I had no choice!” I protested. “He left me—again!”
“You are still having this dream, yes?”
“Yes.”
“Then the moment the dream is preparing you for has not yet come. The story is not done.”
“Great,” I snapped. “More trauma to look forward to.”
Emme rubbed my arm.
“Okay, the clock,” I challenged. I wasn’t convinced this woman knew better than I did what my own dream meant. “What’s that about?”
She shook her head. “Is not a clock you hold in your arms.”
“It’s not?”
“No. Is your heart. The ticking is your heartbeat.”
Emme looked at me. “That makes sense to me. You were guarding it.”
“She guards it still.” Madam Psuka spoke quietly, but her words struck a nerve.
“I have to, okay? I’m protecting myself from being hurt again.” I shook my head. “I should have seen this coming, especially since it wasn’t the first time.”
“This is vhy you are still trapped.” Madam Psuka’s voice was maddeningly calm. “Is not that you don’t trust man. You don’t trust yourself.”
“So what do I do about it?” I asked. “And don’t say fall in love again, because that is not going to happen. I am done with love. The universe was clearly trying to teach me a lesson, and I learned it.”
“Let me ask you another question.”
“Fine,” I said irritably, ready to leave.
“How do you know there is only one door in the room?”
I gave her a blank look. “What do you mean? That’s the only one I saw.”
“Did you look around? Perhaps there are other doors.”
“There are no other doors,” I insisted, pulling my hand away. “Nothing in the dream is a choice, okay? Nothing in real life was a choice either—I was misled, lied to, and cast aside. The End.”
Madam Psuka shook her head. “Is not the end. All is not lost.”
“Well, it feels that way to me.” I stood up. “Come on, Emme.”
But the madam wasn’t done with me. “Be stronger. Be braver. Trust yourself. Open yourself up to all possibilities. Stop seeing yourself trapped in a cycle of heartbreak, and a way out will present itself to you—but not if you refuse to let it. Not if you refuse love.”
“Fine.” At this point, I was ready to say anything just to get out of there.
She was wrong.
The story was over.
After we left Madam Psuka’s, Emme made me go with her to the drugstore, where she bought a pregnancy test.
“Have you even missed a period yet?” I asked her on our way back to the cabin we were staying in at Abelard.
“No. But I’m expecting it any day now. The test might work!”
“Aren’t you on the pill?”
“I am,” she admitted, pulling into the Abelard drive, “but there have been a couple times I forgot.”
“Didn’t you double up the next day?”
“Yes, Mom, I did everything right, and I’m probably not pregnant but if there’s a chance, I want to know.”
“Okay, okay.” I held up my hands. “Sorry. Let’s find out.”
When we got into our cabin, Emme disappeared into the bathroom and I sank onto the bed. I was disappointed that the session with Madam Psuka had made me feel worse, not better. Flopping onto my back, I threw an arm across my eyes. I felt hopeless. Helpless. Deceived and defeated.
A moment later, Emme came out of the bathroom and I sat up. She was holding the capped stick in her hand and staring at it as she walked slowly toward me.
“Well?”
“I don’t know yet. It’s thinking.” She froze. “Wait. It’s doing something.”
I jumped off the bed and walked around so I could see. Slowly, a bright pink line appeared on the right, but there was also a faint one coming in on the left too. I gasped and grabbed her arm. “Emme. Oh my God.”
She didn’t speak.
The line on the left wasn’t as vivid as the one to the right, but the stick clearly had two lines, and two lines means Emme was—
“Ahhh!” Emme screamed. “Maren, I’m pregnant!”
We turned to each other and hugged and squealed and jumped up and down, both of us tearing up.
“You’re having a baby!” I wiped my eyes. “I don’t believe it.”
“Me either.” She stared at the test again. “This is crazy.”
“I feel bad I know before Nate.”
Emme gave me a look. “No, you don’t.”
“Not really.” I smiled, so glad to have some good news. “Oh, Em, this is such great news. How do you feel?”
“Incredible! It’s just …” She turned around and sat on the bed, looking a little pale and dazed. “Sooner than planned. We’re not even married yet.”
“Well, look, you’ve only been pregnant for like, what, two weeks or something? You have time. You said yourself, you could put together a wedding in no time. And Mia said lots of Friday nights are open this fall.”
Emme nodded. “Right.” She put a hand on her stomach and looked at it. “Nate’s gonna die.”
I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulders. “He’s gonna be thrilled. He’s crazy about you.” An unwelcome knot of envy lodged in my stomach. I’d never have this.
She giggled. “He’s going to have two kids under the age of two.”
I shoved the uncomfortable reality of my jealousy aside and refocused. “So they’ll be close, like you and me. We’re only fifteen months apart. Sure, we fought like cats and dogs growing up, but I loved having a sibling close in age.”
“Me too.” She tipped her head onto my shoulder. “I’m so glad you made me go to that Madam Whoever. I never would have guessed.”
“Me either. At least the visit was helpful for one of us.”
“I’m sorry. Are you feeling any better?”
“Not about myself. But I’m happy about your news. Are you going to call Nate?”
“No, I should tell him in person. But I have to tell someone—let’s call Stella!” She hopped up and grabbed her phone from her purse.
“You’re telling everyone before you tell the dad,” I said. “He might be upset to be the last to know.”
Emme’s eyes were huge as she put the phone to her ear. “I know. That’s why you guys can never tell him.” She held out one pinky finger.
I hooked mine through it, grateful to have the support of my two incredible sisters. They’d always be there for me. “My lips are sealed.”
I didn’t have the nightmare that night, probably because I barely slept. I lay awake for hours listening to Emme’s deep, restful breaths and contemplating my life. Did I need to make a change? Move somewhere new? Start over? I didn’t necessarily want to, but I was clearly vibrating at the wrong frequency and needed to recalibrate. But how?
I could sell the studio. It was doing well enough that I didn’t think that would be a problem. But where would I go? What would I do? I was trying to puzzle it out when my phone buzzed. I reached over and picked it up from the nightstand, and my heart began to pound.
Dallas: Are you awake?
I stared at the screen. What the hell was this? I was still open-mouthed in shock when another message arrived.
Dallas: Probably not. It’s late here, so it’s even later for you. Even if you were, you probably wouldn’t reply. I don’t blame you. Anyway, I just wanted to say once more that I’m sorry about what happened. I never meant to hurt you. I promise I won’t contact you again.
“Hush.” After an interminably long time, she finally opened her eyes and looked at me. “You are wrong.”
“I am?” I stared at her. “How?”
“Snake is not him. Snake is you.”
I shrank back. “Me!”
“Yes. Snake is often symbol of evil or temptation in dreams, but not in your case. Snake can also be sign of transformation because it sheds its skin. Your dream snake is you letting go of the past so you can move forward. It is you choosing love and not fear.”
“But I had no choice!” I protested. “He left me—again!”
“You are still having this dream, yes?”
“Yes.”
“Then the moment the dream is preparing you for has not yet come. The story is not done.”
“Great,” I snapped. “More trauma to look forward to.”
Emme rubbed my arm.
“Okay, the clock,” I challenged. I wasn’t convinced this woman knew better than I did what my own dream meant. “What’s that about?”
She shook her head. “Is not a clock you hold in your arms.”
“It’s not?”
“No. Is your heart. The ticking is your heartbeat.”
Emme looked at me. “That makes sense to me. You were guarding it.”
“She guards it still.” Madam Psuka spoke quietly, but her words struck a nerve.
“I have to, okay? I’m protecting myself from being hurt again.” I shook my head. “I should have seen this coming, especially since it wasn’t the first time.”
“This is vhy you are still trapped.” Madam Psuka’s voice was maddeningly calm. “Is not that you don’t trust man. You don’t trust yourself.”
“So what do I do about it?” I asked. “And don’t say fall in love again, because that is not going to happen. I am done with love. The universe was clearly trying to teach me a lesson, and I learned it.”
“Let me ask you another question.”
“Fine,” I said irritably, ready to leave.
“How do you know there is only one door in the room?”
I gave her a blank look. “What do you mean? That’s the only one I saw.”
“Did you look around? Perhaps there are other doors.”
“There are no other doors,” I insisted, pulling my hand away. “Nothing in the dream is a choice, okay? Nothing in real life was a choice either—I was misled, lied to, and cast aside. The End.”
Madam Psuka shook her head. “Is not the end. All is not lost.”
“Well, it feels that way to me.” I stood up. “Come on, Emme.”
But the madam wasn’t done with me. “Be stronger. Be braver. Trust yourself. Open yourself up to all possibilities. Stop seeing yourself trapped in a cycle of heartbreak, and a way out will present itself to you—but not if you refuse to let it. Not if you refuse love.”
“Fine.” At this point, I was ready to say anything just to get out of there.
She was wrong.
The story was over.
After we left Madam Psuka’s, Emme made me go with her to the drugstore, where she bought a pregnancy test.
“Have you even missed a period yet?” I asked her on our way back to the cabin we were staying in at Abelard.
“No. But I’m expecting it any day now. The test might work!”
“Aren’t you on the pill?”
“I am,” she admitted, pulling into the Abelard drive, “but there have been a couple times I forgot.”
“Didn’t you double up the next day?”
“Yes, Mom, I did everything right, and I’m probably not pregnant but if there’s a chance, I want to know.”
“Okay, okay.” I held up my hands. “Sorry. Let’s find out.”
When we got into our cabin, Emme disappeared into the bathroom and I sank onto the bed. I was disappointed that the session with Madam Psuka had made me feel worse, not better. Flopping onto my back, I threw an arm across my eyes. I felt hopeless. Helpless. Deceived and defeated.
A moment later, Emme came out of the bathroom and I sat up. She was holding the capped stick in her hand and staring at it as she walked slowly toward me.
“Well?”
“I don’t know yet. It’s thinking.” She froze. “Wait. It’s doing something.”
I jumped off the bed and walked around so I could see. Slowly, a bright pink line appeared on the right, but there was also a faint one coming in on the left too. I gasped and grabbed her arm. “Emme. Oh my God.”
She didn’t speak.
The line on the left wasn’t as vivid as the one to the right, but the stick clearly had two lines, and two lines means Emme was—
“Ahhh!” Emme screamed. “Maren, I’m pregnant!”
We turned to each other and hugged and squealed and jumped up and down, both of us tearing up.
“You’re having a baby!” I wiped my eyes. “I don’t believe it.”
“Me either.” She stared at the test again. “This is crazy.”
“I feel bad I know before Nate.”
Emme gave me a look. “No, you don’t.”
“Not really.” I smiled, so glad to have some good news. “Oh, Em, this is such great news. How do you feel?”
“Incredible! It’s just …” She turned around and sat on the bed, looking a little pale and dazed. “Sooner than planned. We’re not even married yet.”
“Well, look, you’ve only been pregnant for like, what, two weeks or something? You have time. You said yourself, you could put together a wedding in no time. And Mia said lots of Friday nights are open this fall.”
Emme nodded. “Right.” She put a hand on her stomach and looked at it. “Nate’s gonna die.”
I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulders. “He’s gonna be thrilled. He’s crazy about you.” An unwelcome knot of envy lodged in my stomach. I’d never have this.
She giggled. “He’s going to have two kids under the age of two.”
I shoved the uncomfortable reality of my jealousy aside and refocused. “So they’ll be close, like you and me. We’re only fifteen months apart. Sure, we fought like cats and dogs growing up, but I loved having a sibling close in age.”
“Me too.” She tipped her head onto my shoulder. “I’m so glad you made me go to that Madam Whoever. I never would have guessed.”
“Me either. At least the visit was helpful for one of us.”
“I’m sorry. Are you feeling any better?”
“Not about myself. But I’m happy about your news. Are you going to call Nate?”
“No, I should tell him in person. But I have to tell someone—let’s call Stella!” She hopped up and grabbed her phone from her purse.
“You’re telling everyone before you tell the dad,” I said. “He might be upset to be the last to know.”
Emme’s eyes were huge as she put the phone to her ear. “I know. That’s why you guys can never tell him.” She held out one pinky finger.
I hooked mine through it, grateful to have the support of my two incredible sisters. They’d always be there for me. “My lips are sealed.”
I didn’t have the nightmare that night, probably because I barely slept. I lay awake for hours listening to Emme’s deep, restful breaths and contemplating my life. Did I need to make a change? Move somewhere new? Start over? I didn’t necessarily want to, but I was clearly vibrating at the wrong frequency and needed to recalibrate. But how?
I could sell the studio. It was doing well enough that I didn’t think that would be a problem. But where would I go? What would I do? I was trying to puzzle it out when my phone buzzed. I reached over and picked it up from the nightstand, and my heart began to pound.
Dallas: Are you awake?
I stared at the screen. What the hell was this? I was still open-mouthed in shock when another message arrived.
Dallas: Probably not. It’s late here, so it’s even later for you. Even if you were, you probably wouldn’t reply. I don’t blame you. Anyway, I just wanted to say once more that I’m sorry about what happened. I never meant to hurt you. I promise I won’t contact you again.
