“That’s what I thought,” her mother said primly. “The kissing was really just an experiment. I wondered what it would be like with another man. It wasn’t that great.”
Montana dropped her hands again. “Maybe it wasn’t the kissing, maybe it was the guy. Chemistry matters. There has to be that spark.”
“Maybe he was a nice enough man,” their mother said. “But there was no spark. I’m not going out with him again. I want to say I’m never going out again but it would be silly to make that decision based on a single date. I’ll think about it.”
She turned to Dakota. “And while we’re on the subject about thinking about things—have you told Finn about being pregnant?”
“Is Finn pregnant, too?” Montana asked, grinning.
“I’m ignoring you,” her mother said. “Eat your breakfast.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Montana reached for her fork.
The other two looked at Dakota. She shifted on her feet. “I haven’t told him, exactly.”
Her mother’s expression turned disapproving. “This is not information you keep to yourself. Finn has the right to know he’s going to be a father.”
“I know, and I’m going to tell him. Soon.” She drew in a breath. “Every time I think about telling him, I get a knot in my stomach. He’s still here. He doesn’t have to be here, but he is. Everything is settled with his brothers and he hasn’t said when he’s leaving. Which makes me think I might be the reason he’s staying.”
“You’re afraid if you tell him about the baby, he’ll run,” Nevada said gently.
“Yes,” Dakota whispered, knowing it was cowardly and still the truth. “I love him. I want him to stay. Having him go would break my heart.”
“Then tell him that,” Montana suggested. “Knowing how you feel could change his mind. And you don’t know that he won’t be happy about the baby. He might surprise you.”
Dakota would like to believe that, but she wasn’t holding her breath. As for telling Finn that she loved him…
“I don’t want him to see my feelings as a trap,” she admitted. “I don’t want him to think I’m telling him I love him to get him to stay. I’m not sure I can tell him those two things together. But if I tell him I love him and then tell him about the baby, it’s still a trap. If I tell him about the baby, I probably won’t get a chance to tell him that I love him. I don’t know how to fix this.”
“That’s because it can’t be fixed,” her mother told her. “There is nothing to be resolved. There is information to be shared and plans to be made.” She paused. “As for which you tell him first, I understand your dilemma. However you choose to handle this, he needs to know that you’re pregnant. Every man has the right to know he’s going to be a father. Don’t wait for the right time, because there isn’t one.”
It had been many years since her mother had scolded her, Dakota thought. No matter how old she got or how mature she felt, those chiding words still had the power to make her feel small. She wanted to protest that she had her reasons, but she knew her mother was right. She was hiding from the situation, avoiding what had to be done. Whatever the outcome, she had to tell him.
“I’ll tell him today.”
And by tomorrow he would be gone.
“SASHA CALLED from L.A. He’s found an apartment, and sharing it with two other guys. I guess they take turns sleeping. I’m not sure what happened with Lani, but whatever. He sounds happy.”
Dakota found it difficult to concentrate on Finn’s conversation. While she was usually happy to listen, this was different. The need to tell him the truth pressed in on her. She still hadn’t figured out the best words to use, but she was done procrastinating.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, interrupting him. “It’s important.” They were sitting on her living-room floor, Hannah on the carpet between them. The little girl held a set of baby keys in her hand and was delighted by the noise when she shook them.
Finn drew his eyebrows together. “Is everything okay? Is it Hannah?”
Dakota drew in her breath. She just had to say it, she told herself. Just blurt it out. Then hope for the best. “It’s not Hannah. It’s me.” She shook her head. “No, I don’t mean it that way. I’m…”
She swore silently. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard.
“You’ve been really great to me,” she said, forcing herself to stare into his dark blue eyes. “I know you didn’t want to come here. But I’m glad you did. I’m glad I got to meet you and spend time with you. You’re really special to me.”
She swallowed. There she was—about to say the word she’d never said to a man before. She’d never even come close. She loved her family, but this was different. This was romantic love. And this was the rest of her life.
“I’m in love with you. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. And I know you probably don’t want to stay here, but you’re not gone yet and I’m hoping Hannah and I are part of the reason. There are a lot of complications, your life in South Salmon, my life here, but I thought maybe we could figure it out together.”
She couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He kept looking at her, but his expression was unreadable. She didn’t know if that was good or bad.
Now came the hard part. “There’s just one more thing.”
FINN WASN’T SURE what the one more thing could be. Having Dakota spell out her feelings was a surprise. No one had ever been that honest with him. One more point in her favor, he thought, turning her words over in his mind and finding he liked them.
She was right. He’d never planned on staying in Fool’s Gold. He’d never wanted to come here in the first place. But he was glad he had. Being here had taught him to trust his brothers. Being here had allowed him to see they were adults and he could let go. Being here had even given him the opportunity to fall in love with Dakota.
His gaze drifted to Hannah. Sure, he didn’t want to take on any more responsibility, but this was different. She was a great kid, and he already knew her. Plus the idea of a little girl was fun. There would probably be a whole lot fewer broken windows. He hadn’t thought he would get seriously involved for a while, if ever, but life wasn’t always tidy.
“I’m pregnant.” She bit her lower lip. “I know this is a shock. I know I told you I couldn’t get pregnant and it was true. Well, obviously not completely true, but the doctor said it was unlikely and it was a one in one million chance and it’s probably because you have really good swimmers and…” She stared at him. “I’m pregnant.”
Pregnant.
He knew what the word meant intellectually. He knew where babies came from. He’d known that since he was ten. But pregnant?
He wanted to stand and raise his fist to the heavens. This was not supposed to happen. She’d told him she couldn’t get pregnant, and he’d believed her.
She was still talking, but he wasn’t listening. The occasional word slipped through. Something about a small chance. Something about them getting lucky.
He stared at her. “Lucky? You think this is lucky?” Now he did rise to his feet. “This isn’t lucky. This is a scam. Was there ever anything wrong with you? Or were you just trying to trick me?”
Even as he asked the question, he already knew the answer. Dakota wouldn’t trick him. That wasn’t her style. She’d been honest from day one. But damn. Why the hell had this happened?
She scrambled to her feet and pulled Hannah into her arms. The baby gurgled and held out her hands to him.
“I didn’t do this on purpose.” Dakota’s voice was quiet with determination.
He shoved his fists into his jeans pockets and stalked across the room. “I know that,” he said, nearly yelling. “But this isn’t what I wanted. Not now. Not again. I just got free and now I’m trapped again.”
“You’re not trapped. You’re not anything. Feel free to walk away.” She raised her chin. “We don’t need you here, Finn. I’m telling you because it’s the right thing to do. Not because I want anything from you.”
Which sounded good but wasn’t the least bit believable. After all, she’d started this conversation by telling him she loved him. Was that even true? Maybe it was all a way to lull him into a false sense of security. Or to make him feel obligated, so when she sprung the pregnancy on him, he would instantly want to be a part of things.
“How do I know this wasn’t just a big game to you?” he asked her.
“There are no winners here.” She shrugged. “I thought you’d want to know that you’re going to be a father. But don’t concern yourself. I can see it in your eyes. You want to run. Fine. Go ahead. There’s the door and I’m not stopping you.”
IN THAT SECOND when he just stood there, Dakota held her breath. She desperately hoped she was wrong, that Finn would want to stay. That somehow he’d realize he loved her back and that they belonged together.
As she watched, she saw the emotional door swing shut and knew that she’d lost. Before he bothered walking out, she knew he was already gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY
TREE-COVERED MOUNTAINS stretched for as far as Finn could see. The sky was blue, the sun bright, even though it was after nine in the evening. This time of year, the northern parts of Alaska got close to twenty hours of daylight.
He’d already completed two flights in the past twenty-four hours. When he flew back to South Salmon, he would rest for a while, then do it all over again. Orders were backed up, and he owed Bill. His partner had been damned understanding about his extended absence.
The controls of the plane were familiar. He didn’t have to think to fly—being in the sky, defying gravity, was as natural to him as breathing. This was all he’d ever needed.
In the distance he saw storm heads. The thick, dark clouds could have been a problem, but he knew the weather as well as he knew the sky. The clouds would pass west of him. By the time he was leaving again, the weather would have moved on.
Despite the steady drone of the engine, there was a relative silence. A sense of peace. No one sat next to him. No one waited for him when he landed. He could do what he wanted, when he wanted. He finally had the freedom he’d spent the past eight years longing for.
As he got closer to the South Salmon airport, he reported his approach and headed in to land. When the wheels touched down, he steered the plane toward the hangars he and Bill owned. His partner was waiting for him by the main building.
Bill was a tall, thin guy in his early forties. His father and Finn’s father had worked together in the business. There was a lot of history between them.
“How did it go?” Bill asked. “You’ve been flying a lot of hours.”
Finn handed over the clipboard containing the signed delivery receipts, as well as the plane’s log. “I’m going to get some rest now. I’ll be back about four.”
He meant four in the morning. Shifts started early in the summer. They wanted to take advantage of as much daylight as possible. Flying was a whole lot easier when you could see everything.
Bill took the clipboard. “You adjusting okay?”
“Sure. Why do you ask?”
His partner shrugged. “You’re not the same. I don’t know if you’re missing something or someone, or if it’s having your brothers gone. There’s a lot of new business, Finn. A couple contracts and other folks interested in signing. I’ve got them for you to look at. The thing is, if you’re not going to be here, then I need to hire new pilots. Maybe bring in my cousin.”
His partner looked at him. “Do you want me to buy you out? I can. My in-laws have offered me the money. I could pay about half in cash and get a bank loan for the rest. If you’re not sure, this is the time to tell me.”
Sell the business. He couldn’t say he hadn’t been thinking about it. Three months ago he would have sworn everything he wanted was in South Salmon. Now he wasn’t so sure. His brothers had left and they weren’t looking back. They’d found it surprisingly easy to make a life somewhere else. He had new ideas about what he wanted to do with his life. Run charters, teach kids to fly.
And then there was Dakota. He missed her. As much as he didn’t want to, as much as he was pissed and wondering if she’d done her best to trick him—even though he knew in his gut she hadn’t—he wanted to be with her. He wanted to see her and hold her and laugh with her. He wanted to watch Hannah grow from a baby to a toddler, then into a little girl with bright eyes and a ready smile.
As for the baby… He couldn’t go there. The thought of it overwhelmed him. He’d never considered the idea of more kids. From the day his parents had died, he’d always told himself that when his brothers were finally ready to walk away, he would do all the things he’d missed. He would go where he wanted, do what he wanted. He would be free. He never wanted to “have to” do anything again.
As much as he’d loved his brothers, there had been days he’d resented having to take care of everything. At a time when most guys his age were screwing everything that walked and partying with friends, he was checking homework, doing laundry and learning how to cook. He’d balanced work and parenting. He’d had to be both mother and father, and every single day he’d wondered if he’d been messing it up.
“Finn?”
Finn looked at his partner. “Sorry.”
Montana dropped her hands again. “Maybe it wasn’t the kissing, maybe it was the guy. Chemistry matters. There has to be that spark.”
“Maybe he was a nice enough man,” their mother said. “But there was no spark. I’m not going out with him again. I want to say I’m never going out again but it would be silly to make that decision based on a single date. I’ll think about it.”
She turned to Dakota. “And while we’re on the subject about thinking about things—have you told Finn about being pregnant?”
“Is Finn pregnant, too?” Montana asked, grinning.
“I’m ignoring you,” her mother said. “Eat your breakfast.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Montana reached for her fork.
The other two looked at Dakota. She shifted on her feet. “I haven’t told him, exactly.”
Her mother’s expression turned disapproving. “This is not information you keep to yourself. Finn has the right to know he’s going to be a father.”
“I know, and I’m going to tell him. Soon.” She drew in a breath. “Every time I think about telling him, I get a knot in my stomach. He’s still here. He doesn’t have to be here, but he is. Everything is settled with his brothers and he hasn’t said when he’s leaving. Which makes me think I might be the reason he’s staying.”
“You’re afraid if you tell him about the baby, he’ll run,” Nevada said gently.
“Yes,” Dakota whispered, knowing it was cowardly and still the truth. “I love him. I want him to stay. Having him go would break my heart.”
“Then tell him that,” Montana suggested. “Knowing how you feel could change his mind. And you don’t know that he won’t be happy about the baby. He might surprise you.”
Dakota would like to believe that, but she wasn’t holding her breath. As for telling Finn that she loved him…
“I don’t want him to see my feelings as a trap,” she admitted. “I don’t want him to think I’m telling him I love him to get him to stay. I’m not sure I can tell him those two things together. But if I tell him I love him and then tell him about the baby, it’s still a trap. If I tell him about the baby, I probably won’t get a chance to tell him that I love him. I don’t know how to fix this.”
“That’s because it can’t be fixed,” her mother told her. “There is nothing to be resolved. There is information to be shared and plans to be made.” She paused. “As for which you tell him first, I understand your dilemma. However you choose to handle this, he needs to know that you’re pregnant. Every man has the right to know he’s going to be a father. Don’t wait for the right time, because there isn’t one.”
It had been many years since her mother had scolded her, Dakota thought. No matter how old she got or how mature she felt, those chiding words still had the power to make her feel small. She wanted to protest that she had her reasons, but she knew her mother was right. She was hiding from the situation, avoiding what had to be done. Whatever the outcome, she had to tell him.
“I’ll tell him today.”
And by tomorrow he would be gone.
“SASHA CALLED from L.A. He’s found an apartment, and sharing it with two other guys. I guess they take turns sleeping. I’m not sure what happened with Lani, but whatever. He sounds happy.”
Dakota found it difficult to concentrate on Finn’s conversation. While she was usually happy to listen, this was different. The need to tell him the truth pressed in on her. She still hadn’t figured out the best words to use, but she was done procrastinating.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, interrupting him. “It’s important.” They were sitting on her living-room floor, Hannah on the carpet between them. The little girl held a set of baby keys in her hand and was delighted by the noise when she shook them.
Finn drew his eyebrows together. “Is everything okay? Is it Hannah?”
Dakota drew in her breath. She just had to say it, she told herself. Just blurt it out. Then hope for the best. “It’s not Hannah. It’s me.” She shook her head. “No, I don’t mean it that way. I’m…”
She swore silently. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard.
“You’ve been really great to me,” she said, forcing herself to stare into his dark blue eyes. “I know you didn’t want to come here. But I’m glad you did. I’m glad I got to meet you and spend time with you. You’re really special to me.”
She swallowed. There she was—about to say the word she’d never said to a man before. She’d never even come close. She loved her family, but this was different. This was romantic love. And this was the rest of her life.
“I’m in love with you. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. And I know you probably don’t want to stay here, but you’re not gone yet and I’m hoping Hannah and I are part of the reason. There are a lot of complications, your life in South Salmon, my life here, but I thought maybe we could figure it out together.”
She couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He kept looking at her, but his expression was unreadable. She didn’t know if that was good or bad.
Now came the hard part. “There’s just one more thing.”
FINN WASN’T SURE what the one more thing could be. Having Dakota spell out her feelings was a surprise. No one had ever been that honest with him. One more point in her favor, he thought, turning her words over in his mind and finding he liked them.
She was right. He’d never planned on staying in Fool’s Gold. He’d never wanted to come here in the first place. But he was glad he had. Being here had taught him to trust his brothers. Being here had allowed him to see they were adults and he could let go. Being here had even given him the opportunity to fall in love with Dakota.
His gaze drifted to Hannah. Sure, he didn’t want to take on any more responsibility, but this was different. She was a great kid, and he already knew her. Plus the idea of a little girl was fun. There would probably be a whole lot fewer broken windows. He hadn’t thought he would get seriously involved for a while, if ever, but life wasn’t always tidy.
“I’m pregnant.” She bit her lower lip. “I know this is a shock. I know I told you I couldn’t get pregnant and it was true. Well, obviously not completely true, but the doctor said it was unlikely and it was a one in one million chance and it’s probably because you have really good swimmers and…” She stared at him. “I’m pregnant.”
Pregnant.
He knew what the word meant intellectually. He knew where babies came from. He’d known that since he was ten. But pregnant?
He wanted to stand and raise his fist to the heavens. This was not supposed to happen. She’d told him she couldn’t get pregnant, and he’d believed her.
She was still talking, but he wasn’t listening. The occasional word slipped through. Something about a small chance. Something about them getting lucky.
He stared at her. “Lucky? You think this is lucky?” Now he did rise to his feet. “This isn’t lucky. This is a scam. Was there ever anything wrong with you? Or were you just trying to trick me?”
Even as he asked the question, he already knew the answer. Dakota wouldn’t trick him. That wasn’t her style. She’d been honest from day one. But damn. Why the hell had this happened?
She scrambled to her feet and pulled Hannah into her arms. The baby gurgled and held out her hands to him.
“I didn’t do this on purpose.” Dakota’s voice was quiet with determination.
He shoved his fists into his jeans pockets and stalked across the room. “I know that,” he said, nearly yelling. “But this isn’t what I wanted. Not now. Not again. I just got free and now I’m trapped again.”
“You’re not trapped. You’re not anything. Feel free to walk away.” She raised her chin. “We don’t need you here, Finn. I’m telling you because it’s the right thing to do. Not because I want anything from you.”
Which sounded good but wasn’t the least bit believable. After all, she’d started this conversation by telling him she loved him. Was that even true? Maybe it was all a way to lull him into a false sense of security. Or to make him feel obligated, so when she sprung the pregnancy on him, he would instantly want to be a part of things.
“How do I know this wasn’t just a big game to you?” he asked her.
“There are no winners here.” She shrugged. “I thought you’d want to know that you’re going to be a father. But don’t concern yourself. I can see it in your eyes. You want to run. Fine. Go ahead. There’s the door and I’m not stopping you.”
IN THAT SECOND when he just stood there, Dakota held her breath. She desperately hoped she was wrong, that Finn would want to stay. That somehow he’d realize he loved her back and that they belonged together.
As she watched, she saw the emotional door swing shut and knew that she’d lost. Before he bothered walking out, she knew he was already gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY
TREE-COVERED MOUNTAINS stretched for as far as Finn could see. The sky was blue, the sun bright, even though it was after nine in the evening. This time of year, the northern parts of Alaska got close to twenty hours of daylight.
He’d already completed two flights in the past twenty-four hours. When he flew back to South Salmon, he would rest for a while, then do it all over again. Orders were backed up, and he owed Bill. His partner had been damned understanding about his extended absence.
The controls of the plane were familiar. He didn’t have to think to fly—being in the sky, defying gravity, was as natural to him as breathing. This was all he’d ever needed.
In the distance he saw storm heads. The thick, dark clouds could have been a problem, but he knew the weather as well as he knew the sky. The clouds would pass west of him. By the time he was leaving again, the weather would have moved on.
Despite the steady drone of the engine, there was a relative silence. A sense of peace. No one sat next to him. No one waited for him when he landed. He could do what he wanted, when he wanted. He finally had the freedom he’d spent the past eight years longing for.
As he got closer to the South Salmon airport, he reported his approach and headed in to land. When the wheels touched down, he steered the plane toward the hangars he and Bill owned. His partner was waiting for him by the main building.
Bill was a tall, thin guy in his early forties. His father and Finn’s father had worked together in the business. There was a lot of history between them.
“How did it go?” Bill asked. “You’ve been flying a lot of hours.”
Finn handed over the clipboard containing the signed delivery receipts, as well as the plane’s log. “I’m going to get some rest now. I’ll be back about four.”
He meant four in the morning. Shifts started early in the summer. They wanted to take advantage of as much daylight as possible. Flying was a whole lot easier when you could see everything.
Bill took the clipboard. “You adjusting okay?”
“Sure. Why do you ask?”
His partner shrugged. “You’re not the same. I don’t know if you’re missing something or someone, or if it’s having your brothers gone. There’s a lot of new business, Finn. A couple contracts and other folks interested in signing. I’ve got them for you to look at. The thing is, if you’re not going to be here, then I need to hire new pilots. Maybe bring in my cousin.”
His partner looked at him. “Do you want me to buy you out? I can. My in-laws have offered me the money. I could pay about half in cash and get a bank loan for the rest. If you’re not sure, this is the time to tell me.”
Sell the business. He couldn’t say he hadn’t been thinking about it. Three months ago he would have sworn everything he wanted was in South Salmon. Now he wasn’t so sure. His brothers had left and they weren’t looking back. They’d found it surprisingly easy to make a life somewhere else. He had new ideas about what he wanted to do with his life. Run charters, teach kids to fly.
And then there was Dakota. He missed her. As much as he didn’t want to, as much as he was pissed and wondering if she’d done her best to trick him—even though he knew in his gut she hadn’t—he wanted to be with her. He wanted to see her and hold her and laugh with her. He wanted to watch Hannah grow from a baby to a toddler, then into a little girl with bright eyes and a ready smile.
As for the baby… He couldn’t go there. The thought of it overwhelmed him. He’d never considered the idea of more kids. From the day his parents had died, he’d always told himself that when his brothers were finally ready to walk away, he would do all the things he’d missed. He would go where he wanted, do what he wanted. He would be free. He never wanted to “have to” do anything again.
As much as he’d loved his brothers, there had been days he’d resented having to take care of everything. At a time when most guys his age were screwing everything that walked and partying with friends, he was checking homework, doing laundry and learning how to cook. He’d balanced work and parenting. He’d had to be both mother and father, and every single day he’d wondered if he’d been messing it up.
“Finn?”
Finn looked at his partner. “Sorry.”
