Geoff returned his attention back to his laptop. “Not gonna happen. We need ratings. There are no ratings with a widower and some kid. Cougars are hot right now. It’ll be fun.”
She could tell he’d already lost interest in the conversation. Normally, she would simply accept whatever the circumstance was and go with it. But this time she couldn’t. This time she had to fight.
She squared her shoulders and stared at the man who held her destiny in his indifferent hands. “No,” she said firmly. “I’m not a cougar. Look at me.” When he didn’t glance up from his computer screen, she repeated the instruction. “Look at me!”
Reluctantly, Geoff raised his gaze from his screen. “I don’t have time for this,” he began.
“You’re going to make time,” Aurelia told him. “I’m only on this show because my mother insisted. She makes my life a living hell, and you don’t get to do that to me, too. Sure I want to meet someone. Sure I want to get married and have children. I want a normal life. But I’m never going to have that with her around, dragging me down. I thought maybe, just maybe, if I did this, I could catch a break.”
She felt her eyes starting to burn with tears and did her best to blink them back. “And look what happened. You put me with a child!”
When she’d finished, she expected Geoff to tell her to get out and return his attention to his computer. Instead he leaned back in his chair, folded his hands behind his head and studied her.
She felt his slow gaze start at her mousy brown hair and move down to her knees, which was about all that was visible, what with her standing in front of his desk.
She’d come straight from work, so she was dressed in one of her conservative navy suits. They were a uniform of sorts. She had five, along with two black suits and one in pale gray for when it was really hot in the summer.
On the same rack in her closet were an assortment of blouses. On the carpet below were a row of sensible, low-heeled pumps. Hers was not a wardrobe any cougar would be caught dead in.
Geoff dropped his hands to the desk. “You’re right—you’re not a cougar. But sex sells and a woman on the prowl is interesting to viewers.”
“Not when that woman is me. I’ve never prowled.”
His mouth turned up slightly. “You never know. People might feel sorry for you.”
She held in a wince. How nice. The pity vote.
“I can’t do this.”
Geoff shook his head. “I hate to be a pain in your ass, Aurelia, but here’s the thing. You’re with Stephen or you’re out.”
While the words weren’t a surprise, she had been hoping for a miracle. Apparently the universe was fresh out. Or busy with someone else.
“I have to do this,” she said earnestly. Contestants were paid twenty thousand dollars. It wasn’t a huge amount, but it was enough. When added to the small amount she’d managed to save, she would finally be able to buy a condo. She would own her own home.
The dream was better with a husband and child, but right now she was willing to take what she could get.
“Then do it,” he told her. “If you need to be on the show to get your mother to back off, you have to take the chance. Go through with it. What’s the worst that could happen?”
The humiliating possibilities were endless, but that wasn’t the point. Geoff was right. If she believed the show was her way out, then she had to be willing to do the show.
“For what it’s worth,” Geoff said, “Stephen isn’t a bad guy.”
“Can I get that in writing?”
He laughed. “No way. Now get out of here.”
Aurelia felt a little better as she stepped out of Geoff’s office. She could do this, she told herself. She could be strong. She might even be able to fake being a…
Her proud, brisk exit walk came to a halt when she slammed into someone tall and broad.
“Oh, sorry,” she said, then found herself looking up and up until she fell into the dark blue gaze of Stephen Andersson.
She’d only seen him one other time—during the initial filming, taping, whatever they call it, of the show. During those brief minutes, she’d barely glanced at him. All she’d been able to think about was her humiliation. The reality that he was absolutely the last man she could ever imagine dating. Okay, Gerard Butler would have been worse, but only marginally.
“You really think it’s going to be that bad?” he asked. “Being with me?”
The question was horrible enough, but worse was the realization that he had heard at least part of her conversation with Geoff. She felt herself flush.
“It’s not you,” she said quickly. “It’s me. I’m sure you’re a great guy.”
“Don’t say nice,” he warned her. “That only makes it worse.”
“Okay, then,” she said slowly. “I’m sure you’re not nice. Is that better?”
He surprised her by smiling. A casual but friendly smile. One that made her forget how to breathe.
“Not by much.” He took her elbow and led her into an empty meeting room. “So what’s the deal? Why don’t you want to be on the show with me?”
It was hard to think with his fingers curled around her elbow like that. In her world, men didn’t touch her. They barely knew she was alive.
He was standing too close. How was she supposed to think with him taking up all the air in the room? While this would be a good time to self-edit, the truth bubbled up before she could stop it.
“Look at you,” she said. “You’re this gorgeous guy. You could have anyone. You should be hitting on coeds. You’re not anyone who would be interested in someone like me. Even ignoring the age difference, I’m not your type. Do you know what I do in my regular life? I’m an accountant. Look up boring in the dictionary and you’ll find some version of me.”
Knowing that if she didn’t get some small measure of self-control soon, she was going to make an even deeper hole to fall into, Aurelia pulled her arm free and stepped back.
Instead of looking horrified, Stephen appeared amused. Humor brightened his eyes, and one corner of his mouth twitched slightly.
“That’s quite a list,” he told her. “Where should I start?”
“No,” she said with a sigh. “I understand this is my fault. I should never have signed up to do the show. I didn’t really want to, it’s just…” She twisted her hands together. “At the risk of being a cliché, my mother made me do it. She’s always on me about stuff. And the money. I thought…maybe, if there was someone else, it would be easier to stand up to her.” She groaned. “That makes me sound so pathetic.”
“Hey, I get it. I know what it’s like when someone in your family thinks they can run your life. Not wanting to do what they say doesn’t mean you don’t love them.”
Aurelia wasn’t sure what she felt for her mother. Love, of course, but sometimes the love felt more dutiful than sincere. Which made her a horrible person, she knew.
“My brother flew here from Alaska to yell at me about leaving college,” Stephen said. “That’s how much he doesn’t want me to do this.”
“What’s wrong with you doing the show?” She did the math in her head, then looked at him. “You’re really close to graduating, aren’t you?”
Stephen, all six plus feet of hunky guy, shifted uncomfortably. “I was in my last semester.”
“Before graduating?” she asked, her voice a slight shriek. “You left school for this?”
“Now you sound like my brother.”
“Maybe he has a point.”
“I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to get away.”
She shook her head. “You get how idiotic that is, right?”
The smile returned. “Maybe, but I’m still not going back.”
“I feel the need to take your brother’s side in this.”
“But you’re not going to, are you?” Stephen shoved his hands into his front pockets. “Because if I leave, you don’t do the show.”
Something she hadn’t thought about. “Why are you here? I mean really, why are you here? I can’t believe school was that difficult.”
“It wasn’t hard, if that’s what you mean.” He sighed. “Our folks died about eight years ago. There was Sasha and Finn and me, and no one else. We were close before, but losing them changed everything. It was hard.”
Aurelia had a feeling the word hard didn’t begin to describe what they’d gone through. “At least it brought you together,” she said, thinking that the loss of her father hadn’t brought her and her mother together.
“Finn won’t let go. He’s holding on too tight. Sasha found the audition in the paper. He’s the one who wants to be on TV. I just want to be anywhere but South Salmon.” He stared into her eyes. “It seems to me, we could help each other. I get your mom off your back and you protect me from Finn.”
“I’m not sure you need protecting.”
“Everyone needs protecting now and then.”
There was something about the way he said the words. A vulnerability that only made him more appealing. Maybe Stephen wasn’t as scary as she had first thought. But scary or not, she was taking a big risk. So much could go wrong.
“I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” he said quietly.
His words stunned her. It was as if he could read her mind. No one had ever done that before, probably because no one had ever taken the time to get to know her.
“You can’t know that,” she said, wanting to believe him, but afraid to try.
“Sure, I can. Why don’t we try being here for each other?”
A tempting offer, she thought.
She stared into his eyes, searching for the truth. As she looked, she realized the answer wasn’t to be found in Stephen. It was in herself. Either she gathered the courage to take the next logical step, or she was trapped forever.
“Let’s do it,” she said and promised herself there would be no regrets.
DAKOTA STARED at the raw chicken in the pan, not sure if she should put it in now or wait until Finn arrived. What had she been thinking, inviting him over to dinner? In truth, he’d sort of invited himself, but still. Their evening was clearly a date, which should have been good but wasn’t because now she was rattled. Worse, her thighs had been quivering all day.
Before she could decide about the chicken, the doorbell rang. She hurried toward the door, only to run back into the kitchen, pull open the oven and set the pan inside. Dinner would be ready in forty minutes. They would have to figure out a way to fill the time until then.
She sucked in a breath, squared her shoulders and opened the front door.
“Hi,” she said.
It was good she spoke quickly, before she could really see him. Once she took in the long, lean body, the handsome face, the cotton shirt that wasn’t plaid, she found herself feeling the tiniest bit disoriented.
“Hi, yourself,” Finn said with a smile, as he handed her a bottle of red wine. “I hope this is okay.” He pointed at the wine. “I stopped at a store in town to pick it up. The guy made several recommendations. I’m not much of a wine guy. I wouldn’t mind learning about it. You probably know something about wine, what with all the wineries around here.”
As his words swirled around her, she realized he was talking too quickly. Was it possible Finn was nervous, too? The thought made her feel a whole lot more comfortable about the evening.
“I know nothing about wine,” she said, holding up the bottle. “Except that I usually like it. Come on in.”
He followed her into the kitchen. She only had to search two drawers before finding the corkscrew. Finn took the bottle from her and made quick work of the cork. She set glasses on the counter and he poured. After they toasted each other, she led the way back into her living room.
The house was small—two bedrooms—and a rental. Intelligent thinking and her slightly feminist sensibilities had told her to buy a house. After all, she was a professional who could take care of herself. But she was enough of a traditionalist to want to buy her first house with the man she loved. Hence, the rental.
Finn sat on the overstuffed chair her brother Ethan had talked her into buying. At the time, she’d thought it was too big for the room. Now, seeing Finn in it, she knew her brother had been right.
“This is nice,” Finn said, glancing around the room.
“Thank you.”
They stared at each other, then looked away. Dakota felt disaster looming. She knew she wasn’t much of a dater, and, based on what Finn had told her, he didn’t date much, either. This could be bad.
“I hope you’re okay not eating meat,” she said quickly. “I’m a vegetarian.”
He looked slightly trapped, but nodded bravely and said, “Vegetarian is fine.”
“Oh, great. So you like tofu. A lot of guys refuse to eat it.”
He swallowed visibly. “Tofu?”
“Uh-huh. It’s one of my favorite casseroles. Tofu, a special sauce mostly based on green vegetables. Soy ice cream for dessert.”
“Sounds delicious.”
She could see the panic in his eyes and couldn’t help laughing softly. “I’m kidding. I made chicken.”
His gaze narrowed. “Seriously? That’s your idea of fun? Torturing me?”
“Everyone needs a hobby.”
He leaned back in his chair and studied her. “You’re not predictable, are you?”
She could tell he’d already lost interest in the conversation. Normally, she would simply accept whatever the circumstance was and go with it. But this time she couldn’t. This time she had to fight.
She squared her shoulders and stared at the man who held her destiny in his indifferent hands. “No,” she said firmly. “I’m not a cougar. Look at me.” When he didn’t glance up from his computer screen, she repeated the instruction. “Look at me!”
Reluctantly, Geoff raised his gaze from his screen. “I don’t have time for this,” he began.
“You’re going to make time,” Aurelia told him. “I’m only on this show because my mother insisted. She makes my life a living hell, and you don’t get to do that to me, too. Sure I want to meet someone. Sure I want to get married and have children. I want a normal life. But I’m never going to have that with her around, dragging me down. I thought maybe, just maybe, if I did this, I could catch a break.”
She felt her eyes starting to burn with tears and did her best to blink them back. “And look what happened. You put me with a child!”
When she’d finished, she expected Geoff to tell her to get out and return his attention to his computer. Instead he leaned back in his chair, folded his hands behind his head and studied her.
She felt his slow gaze start at her mousy brown hair and move down to her knees, which was about all that was visible, what with her standing in front of his desk.
She’d come straight from work, so she was dressed in one of her conservative navy suits. They were a uniform of sorts. She had five, along with two black suits and one in pale gray for when it was really hot in the summer.
On the same rack in her closet were an assortment of blouses. On the carpet below were a row of sensible, low-heeled pumps. Hers was not a wardrobe any cougar would be caught dead in.
Geoff dropped his hands to the desk. “You’re right—you’re not a cougar. But sex sells and a woman on the prowl is interesting to viewers.”
“Not when that woman is me. I’ve never prowled.”
His mouth turned up slightly. “You never know. People might feel sorry for you.”
She held in a wince. How nice. The pity vote.
“I can’t do this.”
Geoff shook his head. “I hate to be a pain in your ass, Aurelia, but here’s the thing. You’re with Stephen or you’re out.”
While the words weren’t a surprise, she had been hoping for a miracle. Apparently the universe was fresh out. Or busy with someone else.
“I have to do this,” she said earnestly. Contestants were paid twenty thousand dollars. It wasn’t a huge amount, but it was enough. When added to the small amount she’d managed to save, she would finally be able to buy a condo. She would own her own home.
The dream was better with a husband and child, but right now she was willing to take what she could get.
“Then do it,” he told her. “If you need to be on the show to get your mother to back off, you have to take the chance. Go through with it. What’s the worst that could happen?”
The humiliating possibilities were endless, but that wasn’t the point. Geoff was right. If she believed the show was her way out, then she had to be willing to do the show.
“For what it’s worth,” Geoff said, “Stephen isn’t a bad guy.”
“Can I get that in writing?”
He laughed. “No way. Now get out of here.”
Aurelia felt a little better as she stepped out of Geoff’s office. She could do this, she told herself. She could be strong. She might even be able to fake being a…
Her proud, brisk exit walk came to a halt when she slammed into someone tall and broad.
“Oh, sorry,” she said, then found herself looking up and up until she fell into the dark blue gaze of Stephen Andersson.
She’d only seen him one other time—during the initial filming, taping, whatever they call it, of the show. During those brief minutes, she’d barely glanced at him. All she’d been able to think about was her humiliation. The reality that he was absolutely the last man she could ever imagine dating. Okay, Gerard Butler would have been worse, but only marginally.
“You really think it’s going to be that bad?” he asked. “Being with me?”
The question was horrible enough, but worse was the realization that he had heard at least part of her conversation with Geoff. She felt herself flush.
“It’s not you,” she said quickly. “It’s me. I’m sure you’re a great guy.”
“Don’t say nice,” he warned her. “That only makes it worse.”
“Okay, then,” she said slowly. “I’m sure you’re not nice. Is that better?”
He surprised her by smiling. A casual but friendly smile. One that made her forget how to breathe.
“Not by much.” He took her elbow and led her into an empty meeting room. “So what’s the deal? Why don’t you want to be on the show with me?”
It was hard to think with his fingers curled around her elbow like that. In her world, men didn’t touch her. They barely knew she was alive.
He was standing too close. How was she supposed to think with him taking up all the air in the room? While this would be a good time to self-edit, the truth bubbled up before she could stop it.
“Look at you,” she said. “You’re this gorgeous guy. You could have anyone. You should be hitting on coeds. You’re not anyone who would be interested in someone like me. Even ignoring the age difference, I’m not your type. Do you know what I do in my regular life? I’m an accountant. Look up boring in the dictionary and you’ll find some version of me.”
Knowing that if she didn’t get some small measure of self-control soon, she was going to make an even deeper hole to fall into, Aurelia pulled her arm free and stepped back.
Instead of looking horrified, Stephen appeared amused. Humor brightened his eyes, and one corner of his mouth twitched slightly.
“That’s quite a list,” he told her. “Where should I start?”
“No,” she said with a sigh. “I understand this is my fault. I should never have signed up to do the show. I didn’t really want to, it’s just…” She twisted her hands together. “At the risk of being a cliché, my mother made me do it. She’s always on me about stuff. And the money. I thought…maybe, if there was someone else, it would be easier to stand up to her.” She groaned. “That makes me sound so pathetic.”
“Hey, I get it. I know what it’s like when someone in your family thinks they can run your life. Not wanting to do what they say doesn’t mean you don’t love them.”
Aurelia wasn’t sure what she felt for her mother. Love, of course, but sometimes the love felt more dutiful than sincere. Which made her a horrible person, she knew.
“My brother flew here from Alaska to yell at me about leaving college,” Stephen said. “That’s how much he doesn’t want me to do this.”
“What’s wrong with you doing the show?” She did the math in her head, then looked at him. “You’re really close to graduating, aren’t you?”
Stephen, all six plus feet of hunky guy, shifted uncomfortably. “I was in my last semester.”
“Before graduating?” she asked, her voice a slight shriek. “You left school for this?”
“Now you sound like my brother.”
“Maybe he has a point.”
“I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to get away.”
She shook her head. “You get how idiotic that is, right?”
The smile returned. “Maybe, but I’m still not going back.”
“I feel the need to take your brother’s side in this.”
“But you’re not going to, are you?” Stephen shoved his hands into his front pockets. “Because if I leave, you don’t do the show.”
Something she hadn’t thought about. “Why are you here? I mean really, why are you here? I can’t believe school was that difficult.”
“It wasn’t hard, if that’s what you mean.” He sighed. “Our folks died about eight years ago. There was Sasha and Finn and me, and no one else. We were close before, but losing them changed everything. It was hard.”
Aurelia had a feeling the word hard didn’t begin to describe what they’d gone through. “At least it brought you together,” she said, thinking that the loss of her father hadn’t brought her and her mother together.
“Finn won’t let go. He’s holding on too tight. Sasha found the audition in the paper. He’s the one who wants to be on TV. I just want to be anywhere but South Salmon.” He stared into her eyes. “It seems to me, we could help each other. I get your mom off your back and you protect me from Finn.”
“I’m not sure you need protecting.”
“Everyone needs protecting now and then.”
There was something about the way he said the words. A vulnerability that only made him more appealing. Maybe Stephen wasn’t as scary as she had first thought. But scary or not, she was taking a big risk. So much could go wrong.
“I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” he said quietly.
His words stunned her. It was as if he could read her mind. No one had ever done that before, probably because no one had ever taken the time to get to know her.
“You can’t know that,” she said, wanting to believe him, but afraid to try.
“Sure, I can. Why don’t we try being here for each other?”
A tempting offer, she thought.
She stared into his eyes, searching for the truth. As she looked, she realized the answer wasn’t to be found in Stephen. It was in herself. Either she gathered the courage to take the next logical step, or she was trapped forever.
“Let’s do it,” she said and promised herself there would be no regrets.
DAKOTA STARED at the raw chicken in the pan, not sure if she should put it in now or wait until Finn arrived. What had she been thinking, inviting him over to dinner? In truth, he’d sort of invited himself, but still. Their evening was clearly a date, which should have been good but wasn’t because now she was rattled. Worse, her thighs had been quivering all day.
Before she could decide about the chicken, the doorbell rang. She hurried toward the door, only to run back into the kitchen, pull open the oven and set the pan inside. Dinner would be ready in forty minutes. They would have to figure out a way to fill the time until then.
She sucked in a breath, squared her shoulders and opened the front door.
“Hi,” she said.
It was good she spoke quickly, before she could really see him. Once she took in the long, lean body, the handsome face, the cotton shirt that wasn’t plaid, she found herself feeling the tiniest bit disoriented.
“Hi, yourself,” Finn said with a smile, as he handed her a bottle of red wine. “I hope this is okay.” He pointed at the wine. “I stopped at a store in town to pick it up. The guy made several recommendations. I’m not much of a wine guy. I wouldn’t mind learning about it. You probably know something about wine, what with all the wineries around here.”
As his words swirled around her, she realized he was talking too quickly. Was it possible Finn was nervous, too? The thought made her feel a whole lot more comfortable about the evening.
“I know nothing about wine,” she said, holding up the bottle. “Except that I usually like it. Come on in.”
He followed her into the kitchen. She only had to search two drawers before finding the corkscrew. Finn took the bottle from her and made quick work of the cork. She set glasses on the counter and he poured. After they toasted each other, she led the way back into her living room.
The house was small—two bedrooms—and a rental. Intelligent thinking and her slightly feminist sensibilities had told her to buy a house. After all, she was a professional who could take care of herself. But she was enough of a traditionalist to want to buy her first house with the man she loved. Hence, the rental.
Finn sat on the overstuffed chair her brother Ethan had talked her into buying. At the time, she’d thought it was too big for the room. Now, seeing Finn in it, she knew her brother had been right.
“This is nice,” Finn said, glancing around the room.
“Thank you.”
They stared at each other, then looked away. Dakota felt disaster looming. She knew she wasn’t much of a dater, and, based on what Finn had told her, he didn’t date much, either. This could be bad.
“I hope you’re okay not eating meat,” she said quickly. “I’m a vegetarian.”
He looked slightly trapped, but nodded bravely and said, “Vegetarian is fine.”
“Oh, great. So you like tofu. A lot of guys refuse to eat it.”
He swallowed visibly. “Tofu?”
“Uh-huh. It’s one of my favorite casseroles. Tofu, a special sauce mostly based on green vegetables. Soy ice cream for dessert.”
“Sounds delicious.”
She could see the panic in his eyes and couldn’t help laughing softly. “I’m kidding. I made chicken.”
His gaze narrowed. “Seriously? That’s your idea of fun? Torturing me?”
“Everyone needs a hobby.”
He leaned back in his chair and studied her. “You’re not predictable, are you?”
