Still, Rina wasn’t looking forward to seeing the man who had rejected her and trampled her dreams with one carefully worded statement.
She let herself into the house, as usual. The smell of coffee filled the warm and welcoming home. After hanging her jacket on the coat hanger by the door and dropping her backpack on the table in the foyer, she squared her shoulders, drew in a breath and walked into the kitchen.
Cameron was already there. He was freshly showered, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. His gaze was steady, if a little wary, his eyes the perfect color of green.
She wanted to run. Facing him after what she’d said would take more than she had in her. Only she refused to be rejected and be a coward.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come this morning,” he said.
“We have an agreement.”
“I know, it’s just…”
She poured herself a cup of coffee. At least her hands weren’t shaking. “It’s what you said,” she told him. “We’re friends.”
Somehow she would figure out a way to make that okay.
“You’re not going to disappear?”
“No.”
His body relaxed. “Okay. Good. We can get back to where we were, Rina. I know we can.”
Then he was more sure than she was. But she would try. Because of his daughter. Because she wasn’t the kind of person to run from trouble. And because friendship was better than nothing.
“I have a spelling test on Friday,” Kaitlyn said with a sigh later that afternoon. “My computer checks my spelling for me. Why do I have to learn words myself?”
Rina wiped down the grooming table. She’d already finished her last client and was ready to leave. She’d spent most of Monday trying to act normally, all the while avoiding Cameron. A challenging prospect considering her salon was in the middle of his veterinary practice.
“It’s important to be able to spell,” Rina said, unable to think of a good reason and hoping Kaitlyn didn’t ask for one.
The eight-year-old studied her. “Are you sad?”
“No. I’m fine. A little tired. I was busy with adoption-event planning all weekend.”
“Maybe you need a boyfriend.”
Rina did her best not to wince. “Maybe.”
“You can find one on the computer. Daddy’s looking for a girlfriend there. He told me. He was in a chat room yesterday. I told him I wanted you to be his girlfriend, but he said that was out of the question. I never understand when he says that. I didn’t ask a question.” She continued talking but Rina couldn’t hear her over the fury creating a buzz in her ears. Of all the low-life, rat-fink, weasel things to do. Cameron had said they should stay friends and then he’d gone off to some chat room?
She’d been calm. She’d been rational. She’d told herself that if he didn’t want her romantically, that was his right and she would have to get over it. She’d taped her shattered heart back together and had shown up that morning because it was the right thing to do and he’d been in some damn chat room?
“Kaitlyn, will you excuse me for a minute?”
The girl nodded.
“I’ll be right back and then I’ll take you home.”
Rina marched out of her salon. A quick glance at the clock told her that unless there was an emergency, Cameron would be in his office, updating patient records. She walked down the short hall, turned left, then stepped into his office and closed the door behind her.
He glanced up and gave her a smile. She knew that smile, knew everything about his face, the way he walked and how vulnerable he looked when he was tired. She understood his moods, had cared for him when he’d had the flu, had even groomed his dog. She’d loved him and his daughter, offering all she had, including her heart. He’d rejected her and then had gone online looking for love?
“I don’t think so,” she snapped.
The smile faded and wariness invaded his gaze. “What are we talking about?”
They both spoke in low voices. The practice was in an old house and the walls were thin. While Rina wanted to scream, she didn’t want everyone hearing every detail of what could be a very humiliating conversation.
“You went online, looking for a girlfriend?”
He tensed. “Kaitlyn told you.”
“Of course she told me. She tells me everything. She loves me.”
The reality of what she’d just said slammed into her and she had to clutch the bookcase to stay standing. The affection she felt for Kaitlyn went both ways. They needed each other. How was she supposed to fight against that?
“I’m aware of her feelings,” Cameron admitted. “What happened Friday got me thinking about a lot of things. I realized that I haven’t been fair to either of you. I’ve let things go along as they were, without making sure everyone understood the rules.”
By everyone he meant her. Her strength returned and she straightened. And glared.
“So you thought you’d help both of us by looking for a relationship on the computer?” she demanded.
“I thought if I started seeing someone—” He cleared his throat. “—in that way, Kaitlyn would become less attached to you.”
She got the truth then. It cut through her cleanly, a sharp blade against her soft heart.
She’d told herself he wasn’t ready. That he had suffered through a horrible divorce, after his wife had simply walked away from him and their newborn child. She’d convinced herself that he was wary of relationships and love and that given time he would see they were perfect together. She’d thought that Let’s stay friends had meant not now, maybe later. Instead he’d been telling her no.
It wasn’t that Cameron didn’t want to be with anyone, it was that he didn’t want to be with her.
Rina’s eyes burned, but she refused to cry. Not here, not in front of her coworkers and Cameron and most especially not in front of Kaitlyn. Hope and love and dreams battled with cold, hard reality. As much as she wanted to ignore the truth, she couldn’t. Not anymore.
“You’re wrong,” she said slowly. “About finding someone else. I have been there for you all this time. I know you like me and the way you kissed me proves…” She drew in a breath. “But you don’t want to go there. Fine. We won’t. I told you that I loved you and the first thing you did was try to go out with someone else.”
She linked her hands together in front of her waist and thought about what it would be like once he stopped looking and started dating. Of being at his house in the evening, taking care of his child, knowing he was out with someone else. She couldn’t do it.
“I’m leaving.”
He stood. “Leaving? Where are you going? What do you mean?”
She wasn’t sure, but as she stood there, the answer came to her. “After the first of the year, I’ll be moving my business out of here. You’ll need to find someone else to take care of Kaitlyn. I want there to be a gradual transition so she’s not upset, but you need someone else for daycare.”
“You’re cutting us out of your life? You said you wouldn’t do that. I thought you cared about us.”
“You’re wrong. I didn’t care. I don’t care. I love you both.” She stared into his eyes. “That’s a whole lot more than caring.”
“Then stay.”
“No. You don’t get to have it both ways. I’ve spent a year waiting for you to realize I was the one. That’s enough time wasted.”
With that she turned and left. Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she wasn’t sure how long she could keep from crying. The sense of emptiness and loss nearly brought her to her knees. But behind the pain and fear and need to turn back and say, “Yes, fine, half a life is good enough for me,” was the belief that she’d made the right decision.
It hurt now. It more than hurt. But with time and a little determination, she would recover. And, she thought, a little help from Fool’s Gold wouldn’t hurt either.
Chapter Four
Jo’s Bar was a gathering place for the women of Fool’s Gold. While the men had a room in back with a pool table and sports playing on TVs, the main portion of the bar was dedicated to women. The walls were painted a skin-flattering mauve, the large-screen TVs featured shopping channels and female-friendly reality shows and the menu included plenty of calorie-light options. During the day, one corner was turned into a play area for toddlers. While Friday and Saturday night brought in the couples crowd, the rest of the time, Jo’s Bar was a place for women to feel comfortable. Or have a good cry.
“You did the right thing,” Jesse said soothingly. “I know you did.”
Rina clutched the tissue in her hand and did her best to stop the steady stream of tears. At the rate she was going, she’d be dehydrated and require emergency medical care within the hour.
“It doesn’t f-feel right,” she said, her voice cracking on a sob. “It feels horrible. Everything hurts. I can’t do this. I can’t go on without him.”
Jesse raised her eyebrows, which made Rina laugh. Well, it was more like a hiccup, but still it was an improvement over the crying.
“That made me sound like a stalker,” she admitted. “Of course I can live without Cameron.” Her humor faded. “I wish I didn’t love him. Or that he loved me back. This sucks.”“Yes, it does. It hurts and you feel awful.”
Rina looked at her friend and sniffed. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not really working.”
Jesse touched her arm. “Dealing with this will get easier. Once the holidays are over, you can find a place to move your business to and start to cut ties.”
Rina nodded and wiped away tears. “You’re right. I’m not going to give up seeing Kaitlyn, though. I want to talk to Cameron about working out a schedule. Maybe I can take her a couple of afternoons a week.”
“See, you have a plan.”
Or at least part of one, Rina thought glumly.
The sound of several women laughing caused her to look to the bar side of the room. At least thirty women were setting up for what looked to be a bridal shower. Rina remembered all three of the Hendrix triplets were getting married over the holidays. Not that she begrudged them their happiness, but ouch.
“This hurts,” she admitted. “What a stupid time of year to put it all on the line. I love Christmas. It was always a big thing in my house and I know my grandparents are looking forward to it.”
“So you’ll be with them and that will be nice.”
“I know, it’s just…” She swallowed and fought more tears. “We’re supposed to go Friday to pick out the tree. That will be hard.”
Jesse leaned toward her. “I know it will.”
“You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”
“No. If you think you can stand it, you should stick with what’s planned. For Kaitlyn. She adores you and getting a Christmas tree is a big deal for an eight-year-old.” Jesse studied her. “You’ve seen him?”
“Since I made my pronouncement yesterday? Briefly. When he came home from work and again this morning when I went to get her ready for school. He hasn’t said anything.”
This morning he’d simply handed her a cup of coffee and said he would see her at the office. Kaitlyn had been the one to remind her about their date to pick out a tree.
“I’m avoiding him at work,” Kaitlyn said. “It’s a month, right? I can stand this for a month.”
Jesse shifted in her seat. “He came to talk to me this morning.”
Rina stared at her. “And? What did he say?”
“That he wasn’t online anymore. Looking.”
Looking, as in… “Oh. You mean he’s not trying to find someone.”
“Right.”
Rina picked up her glass of wine, then put it down. She was sure it was wonderful, but she’d yet to take a sip. The thought of it made her stomach flip, and not in a good way.
“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you,” Jesse admitted.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to get my hopes up. Cameron isn’t a bad guy. He’s stupid, but not evil. I made it pretty clear that rejecting me and going in search of an online girlfriend in the same day was awful and I’m guessing he believed me.”
“He did.”
“So we’ll fake our way through this. After the first of the year, I won’t have to deal with him anymore.”
The thought should have relieved her but instead she felt sad and empty. Because dealing with Cameron and his daughter had become the best part of her world.
“It’s snowing!” Kaitlyn stared up at the sky, her eyes wide, her lips curving into a huge grin.
Tiny, wispy flakes drifted to the ground. Rina knew they wouldn’t stick and that in a matter of minutes the snow would stop, but for as long as it lasted, it was beautiful. An unexpected gift designed to remind her life did indeed keep moving on.
She and Kaitlyn walked through the Christmas-tree lot. Holiday music blasted out of battered speakers and plastic reindeer and Santas blinked on and off. The two college-age guys helping customers wore sweatshirts with snowmen on the front.
Kaitlyn clapped her mitten-covered hands together. “They’re all so beautiful. How will we decide? Daddy said the ceilings are twelve feet tall, so we can’t get anything taller than that.”
“We could if we put the tree at an angle.”
Kaitlyn laughed. “It would look funny and all the decorations would fall off.”
She let herself into the house, as usual. The smell of coffee filled the warm and welcoming home. After hanging her jacket on the coat hanger by the door and dropping her backpack on the table in the foyer, she squared her shoulders, drew in a breath and walked into the kitchen.
Cameron was already there. He was freshly showered, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. His gaze was steady, if a little wary, his eyes the perfect color of green.
She wanted to run. Facing him after what she’d said would take more than she had in her. Only she refused to be rejected and be a coward.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come this morning,” he said.
“We have an agreement.”
“I know, it’s just…”
She poured herself a cup of coffee. At least her hands weren’t shaking. “It’s what you said,” she told him. “We’re friends.”
Somehow she would figure out a way to make that okay.
“You’re not going to disappear?”
“No.”
His body relaxed. “Okay. Good. We can get back to where we were, Rina. I know we can.”
Then he was more sure than she was. But she would try. Because of his daughter. Because she wasn’t the kind of person to run from trouble. And because friendship was better than nothing.
“I have a spelling test on Friday,” Kaitlyn said with a sigh later that afternoon. “My computer checks my spelling for me. Why do I have to learn words myself?”
Rina wiped down the grooming table. She’d already finished her last client and was ready to leave. She’d spent most of Monday trying to act normally, all the while avoiding Cameron. A challenging prospect considering her salon was in the middle of his veterinary practice.
“It’s important to be able to spell,” Rina said, unable to think of a good reason and hoping Kaitlyn didn’t ask for one.
The eight-year-old studied her. “Are you sad?”
“No. I’m fine. A little tired. I was busy with adoption-event planning all weekend.”
“Maybe you need a boyfriend.”
Rina did her best not to wince. “Maybe.”
“You can find one on the computer. Daddy’s looking for a girlfriend there. He told me. He was in a chat room yesterday. I told him I wanted you to be his girlfriend, but he said that was out of the question. I never understand when he says that. I didn’t ask a question.” She continued talking but Rina couldn’t hear her over the fury creating a buzz in her ears. Of all the low-life, rat-fink, weasel things to do. Cameron had said they should stay friends and then he’d gone off to some chat room?
She’d been calm. She’d been rational. She’d told herself that if he didn’t want her romantically, that was his right and she would have to get over it. She’d taped her shattered heart back together and had shown up that morning because it was the right thing to do and he’d been in some damn chat room?
“Kaitlyn, will you excuse me for a minute?”
The girl nodded.
“I’ll be right back and then I’ll take you home.”
Rina marched out of her salon. A quick glance at the clock told her that unless there was an emergency, Cameron would be in his office, updating patient records. She walked down the short hall, turned left, then stepped into his office and closed the door behind her.
He glanced up and gave her a smile. She knew that smile, knew everything about his face, the way he walked and how vulnerable he looked when he was tired. She understood his moods, had cared for him when he’d had the flu, had even groomed his dog. She’d loved him and his daughter, offering all she had, including her heart. He’d rejected her and then had gone online looking for love?
“I don’t think so,” she snapped.
The smile faded and wariness invaded his gaze. “What are we talking about?”
They both spoke in low voices. The practice was in an old house and the walls were thin. While Rina wanted to scream, she didn’t want everyone hearing every detail of what could be a very humiliating conversation.
“You went online, looking for a girlfriend?”
He tensed. “Kaitlyn told you.”
“Of course she told me. She tells me everything. She loves me.”
The reality of what she’d just said slammed into her and she had to clutch the bookcase to stay standing. The affection she felt for Kaitlyn went both ways. They needed each other. How was she supposed to fight against that?
“I’m aware of her feelings,” Cameron admitted. “What happened Friday got me thinking about a lot of things. I realized that I haven’t been fair to either of you. I’ve let things go along as they were, without making sure everyone understood the rules.”
By everyone he meant her. Her strength returned and she straightened. And glared.
“So you thought you’d help both of us by looking for a relationship on the computer?” she demanded.
“I thought if I started seeing someone—” He cleared his throat. “—in that way, Kaitlyn would become less attached to you.”
She got the truth then. It cut through her cleanly, a sharp blade against her soft heart.
She’d told herself he wasn’t ready. That he had suffered through a horrible divorce, after his wife had simply walked away from him and their newborn child. She’d convinced herself that he was wary of relationships and love and that given time he would see they were perfect together. She’d thought that Let’s stay friends had meant not now, maybe later. Instead he’d been telling her no.
It wasn’t that Cameron didn’t want to be with anyone, it was that he didn’t want to be with her.
Rina’s eyes burned, but she refused to cry. Not here, not in front of her coworkers and Cameron and most especially not in front of Kaitlyn. Hope and love and dreams battled with cold, hard reality. As much as she wanted to ignore the truth, she couldn’t. Not anymore.
“You’re wrong,” she said slowly. “About finding someone else. I have been there for you all this time. I know you like me and the way you kissed me proves…” She drew in a breath. “But you don’t want to go there. Fine. We won’t. I told you that I loved you and the first thing you did was try to go out with someone else.”
She linked her hands together in front of her waist and thought about what it would be like once he stopped looking and started dating. Of being at his house in the evening, taking care of his child, knowing he was out with someone else. She couldn’t do it.
“I’m leaving.”
He stood. “Leaving? Where are you going? What do you mean?”
She wasn’t sure, but as she stood there, the answer came to her. “After the first of the year, I’ll be moving my business out of here. You’ll need to find someone else to take care of Kaitlyn. I want there to be a gradual transition so she’s not upset, but you need someone else for daycare.”
“You’re cutting us out of your life? You said you wouldn’t do that. I thought you cared about us.”
“You’re wrong. I didn’t care. I don’t care. I love you both.” She stared into his eyes. “That’s a whole lot more than caring.”
“Then stay.”
“No. You don’t get to have it both ways. I’ve spent a year waiting for you to realize I was the one. That’s enough time wasted.”
With that she turned and left. Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she wasn’t sure how long she could keep from crying. The sense of emptiness and loss nearly brought her to her knees. But behind the pain and fear and need to turn back and say, “Yes, fine, half a life is good enough for me,” was the belief that she’d made the right decision.
It hurt now. It more than hurt. But with time and a little determination, she would recover. And, she thought, a little help from Fool’s Gold wouldn’t hurt either.
Chapter Four
Jo’s Bar was a gathering place for the women of Fool’s Gold. While the men had a room in back with a pool table and sports playing on TVs, the main portion of the bar was dedicated to women. The walls were painted a skin-flattering mauve, the large-screen TVs featured shopping channels and female-friendly reality shows and the menu included plenty of calorie-light options. During the day, one corner was turned into a play area for toddlers. While Friday and Saturday night brought in the couples crowd, the rest of the time, Jo’s Bar was a place for women to feel comfortable. Or have a good cry.
“You did the right thing,” Jesse said soothingly. “I know you did.”
Rina clutched the tissue in her hand and did her best to stop the steady stream of tears. At the rate she was going, she’d be dehydrated and require emergency medical care within the hour.
“It doesn’t f-feel right,” she said, her voice cracking on a sob. “It feels horrible. Everything hurts. I can’t do this. I can’t go on without him.”
Jesse raised her eyebrows, which made Rina laugh. Well, it was more like a hiccup, but still it was an improvement over the crying.
“That made me sound like a stalker,” she admitted. “Of course I can live without Cameron.” Her humor faded. “I wish I didn’t love him. Or that he loved me back. This sucks.”“Yes, it does. It hurts and you feel awful.”
Rina looked at her friend and sniffed. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not really working.”
Jesse touched her arm. “Dealing with this will get easier. Once the holidays are over, you can find a place to move your business to and start to cut ties.”
Rina nodded and wiped away tears. “You’re right. I’m not going to give up seeing Kaitlyn, though. I want to talk to Cameron about working out a schedule. Maybe I can take her a couple of afternoons a week.”
“See, you have a plan.”
Or at least part of one, Rina thought glumly.
The sound of several women laughing caused her to look to the bar side of the room. At least thirty women were setting up for what looked to be a bridal shower. Rina remembered all three of the Hendrix triplets were getting married over the holidays. Not that she begrudged them their happiness, but ouch.
“This hurts,” she admitted. “What a stupid time of year to put it all on the line. I love Christmas. It was always a big thing in my house and I know my grandparents are looking forward to it.”
“So you’ll be with them and that will be nice.”
“I know, it’s just…” She swallowed and fought more tears. “We’re supposed to go Friday to pick out the tree. That will be hard.”
Jesse leaned toward her. “I know it will.”
“You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”
“No. If you think you can stand it, you should stick with what’s planned. For Kaitlyn. She adores you and getting a Christmas tree is a big deal for an eight-year-old.” Jesse studied her. “You’ve seen him?”
“Since I made my pronouncement yesterday? Briefly. When he came home from work and again this morning when I went to get her ready for school. He hasn’t said anything.”
This morning he’d simply handed her a cup of coffee and said he would see her at the office. Kaitlyn had been the one to remind her about their date to pick out a tree.
“I’m avoiding him at work,” Kaitlyn said. “It’s a month, right? I can stand this for a month.”
Jesse shifted in her seat. “He came to talk to me this morning.”
Rina stared at her. “And? What did he say?”
“That he wasn’t online anymore. Looking.”
Looking, as in… “Oh. You mean he’s not trying to find someone.”
“Right.”
Rina picked up her glass of wine, then put it down. She was sure it was wonderful, but she’d yet to take a sip. The thought of it made her stomach flip, and not in a good way.
“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you,” Jesse admitted.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to get my hopes up. Cameron isn’t a bad guy. He’s stupid, but not evil. I made it pretty clear that rejecting me and going in search of an online girlfriend in the same day was awful and I’m guessing he believed me.”
“He did.”
“So we’ll fake our way through this. After the first of the year, I won’t have to deal with him anymore.”
The thought should have relieved her but instead she felt sad and empty. Because dealing with Cameron and his daughter had become the best part of her world.
“It’s snowing!” Kaitlyn stared up at the sky, her eyes wide, her lips curving into a huge grin.
Tiny, wispy flakes drifted to the ground. Rina knew they wouldn’t stick and that in a matter of minutes the snow would stop, but for as long as it lasted, it was beautiful. An unexpected gift designed to remind her life did indeed keep moving on.
She and Kaitlyn walked through the Christmas-tree lot. Holiday music blasted out of battered speakers and plastic reindeer and Santas blinked on and off. The two college-age guys helping customers wore sweatshirts with snowmen on the front.
Kaitlyn clapped her mitten-covered hands together. “They’re all so beautiful. How will we decide? Daddy said the ceilings are twelve feet tall, so we can’t get anything taller than that.”
“We could if we put the tree at an angle.”
Kaitlyn laughed. “It would look funny and all the decorations would fall off.”
