His brother bristled. “The potential for revenue growth as a result of that merger was exponential.”
“At the cost of your sanity?”
Javier looked away with a curse, and Xander knew his brother was about to walk out on him again, probably to find another bottle and finish himself for good. He’d intentionally removed every gun from the Dallas house they’d been staying in for the last few weeks, and the L.A. mansion before that. No sense tempting fate.
Knowing this tactic wasn’t working, Xander tried another. “The business is suffering, Javier. Going downhill fast. You’re unfocused and floundering. Your episodes are more common than you’ve let on, aren’t they? The sharks are circling. Goddamn it, let me help.”
“No.” Javier’s refusal rolled around the quiet room like a shout.
“Why? I’ve got a fucking MBA I’ve never used because you’ve never needed or wanted me.”
“So . . . would you squeeze in research and development somewhere between your daily dose of spanking and fucking? I can’t have you demanding that your executive assistant strip the minute she walks in the door. It’s called sexual harassment. We’d be sued blind.”
Javier’s sarcasm cut him like an ax to the chest. “You have no idea what I’m capable of, but you’re never going to find out because you refuse to share our family business. And despite the guilt you’re trying to shove down my throat, you would never have shared your wife in any way, either.”
He’d lived in his big brother’s shadow for nearly thirty years, wishing he could please his parents. Finally, he’d realized that was impossible and gave up, pursuing pleasure instead. He’d decided very early in life that he didn’t want Javier’s grudging seconds, either.
“Bullshit. I asked for your help. I fucking begged you,” his brother snapped.
“When Francesca got beyond your desire or ability to handle her, you looked to me like some BDSM Band-Aid. You’ve been training in the lifestyle for months now. You know why passing her off to me would have never worked, even if the issue of fucking her never came up. She wasn’t going to recognize you as her husband, me as her Master, and suddenly be happy.”
“Maybe not happy, but at least she wouldn’t have been in Aruba being murdered by her lover.”
Xander shook his head, wondering if Javier could even see reality at this point. “If it hadn’t been that guy, it would have been someone else. And in the meantime, all she would have done was play us against one another to get her way. She would have torn us apart.”
“Well, then she won because she’s still doing it.” Javier stalked off, turning back only long enough to growl at him. “Fuck off, Xander. For good.”
***
WITH Javier sacked out on the impeccable leather of the passenger seat of his new Audi sedan, Xander drove through the black night and headed east. He hit the steering wheel to the beat of the heavy alternative song. The angry music suited him.
He didn’t see any fucking end to this mess in sight and he didn’t know what else to do. Tonight’s move would put him on Javier’s shit list for the rest of his life . . . but at least his brother would be alive to hate him.
When his phone rang, Xander glanced at the Bluetooth display and answered with a smile. “Cherry!”
“Logan is going to kill you if he hears you’ve been calling me that,” said his best friend’s wife.
“I think it’s sweet, all that red hair and innocence.”
She snorted. “Being married to Logan . . . not so innocent anymore. You on the road?”
“Yeah. We’ll be arriving in the wee hours of the morning, maybe threeish. Sorry about that . . .”
“No worries. My new boss is very understanding.”
“So I’ll finally get to meet the infamous Jack Cole?”
“Probably. He’s twice as cantankerous now that he’s got a baby who doesn’t sleep as much as he’d like, but the upside is that he’s rarely in the office early these days.” Tara sounded cheerful about that fact, and Xander had to smile.
“Thanks for letting us crash at your place until we can find some digs of our own.”
“No problem. Just remember the ground rules: Always put the lid to the toilet seat down, you must at least wear underwear around the house, and no flirting with Kata unless you want Hunter to kill you. He’s, um . . . intensely protective.”
“And Logan’s not?” Xander quipped.
“Okay, there’s a point. But you get my drift.”
“Yes, Katalina the lovely Latina is off limits. I’ll manage somehow.”
“I saw how popular you were the last time you were in Lafayette. I think you’ll more than manage. What about Javier?”
Xander heard the shift in her voice, the concern. His mood had been scratched raw after their ugly fight. He’d spent the next few hours duping Javier. It pained him to have to deceive his own brother, and Xander couldn’t handle Tara’s tenderness right now. “No need to worry about my brother hitting on Kata. After the healthy dose of hydromorphone I gave him back in Dallas, the only thing he’ll be hitting for a while is the sheets.”
“How did you get—” She sighed. “Oh my God, are you sleeping with a doctor?”
Xander grinned. “She’s got some really fabulous qualities.”
“Do you mean her prescription pad or her breasts?”
“I have to choose?” he teased to lighten the mood.
“I swear, your dick gets so much usage, I’m stunned it hasn’t fallen off from exhaustion or you haven’t contracted some exotic disease no one’s ever heard of.”
Xander winced at the familiar jibe, but played along. “I think you missed me, Tara. You know, there are lots of advantages to hooking up with a playboy rather than a SEAL.”
“I don’t think so. Instead of the occasional dangerous terrorist, I’d have to worry about all those jealous husbands or angry fathers shooting you. Pass.”
Xander laughed. He absolutely adored this verbal sparring with Logan’s wife. She always assumed he was joking. Since he had no reason to take himself seriously, it worked.
“All kidding aside, what about Javier. Is he okay?” she asked.
Fuck no, and Tara must know that or he wouldn’t be drugging his brother and hauling him across state lines in the middle of the night. He rubbed a hand across gritty, exhausted eyes. “I hope he will be. Eventually. But like I said, babysitting a grown man is a bigger job than I can manage alone. I’m sorry to bring my trouble to you.”
“If Logan wasn’t out on a mission, he would want you to. I do, too. Kata is on board. Jack, Deke, and Tyler are all ready to pitch in. And Deke’s wife, Kimber, is a nurse. She can help us if we run into something medical. Luc and Alyssa Traverson have promised you some really excellent food from Bonheur.”
“Wonderful. Just make sure you hold the wine,” Xander quipped, though it wasn’t exactly funny. He was damn tired of seeing Javier losing himself in a bottle.
“Will do. I found a house I think you’ll love. The offices you asked about should be easy, as well. I’ve got a few leads. You can check those out tomorrow while one of the big boys babysits.”
“Javier will love that . . .” Sarcasm dripped from his voice.
“The offices or the babysitter?”
“Both probably. But that’s his problem. If he’d bothered to get his head out of his ass in the last year, none of this would be happening.”
Tara made a sympathetic sound. “I got an e-mail today from Logan. He’s expecting to be home in a week or so and should have some leave. Hunter is settling into his new post-navy job with Jack and Deke at Oracle, but I’m sure he can spare a few hours here and there. Between the two of them, they’ll get Javier’s mind focused on PT and off of whatever is eating him up.”
“The physical therapy will do him good. Thanks, Tara. I really don’t know what I would have done without you. Javier bought a first-class ticket to self-destruction. I can’t think of another way to prevent him from finishing that trip.”
“We’ll find something to get him back on track so you can go back to being your charming, absolutely incorrigible self.”
***
LONDON McLane knocked on the little bungalow’s door promptly at eight the next morning. She was a little winded and a lot tense, but she’d walked the half mile here by herself. Technically, she wasn’t supposed to do anything alone until the blackouts stopped, but that could be years, if ever. She was tired of being a burden to everyone around her. Her first priority was to show herself—and her family—that she could finally be self-sufficient.
At twenty-five, she had done nothing that the average adult did every day, like drive, hold a job, or spend a quiet evening alone. She didn’t want a safe existence; she wanted an extraordinary life, one where she could climb mountains, fall in love, help others, push past her every fear, and be completely at peace with herself.
After nearly ten years, London was determined that the time for being a prisoner in her own body was over. The rest of her life started today . . . even if she wasn’t exactly sure how to begin it.
Kata Edgington opened the door, her bright smile welcoming. The lovely brunette hugged her. “Come on in, honey. How are you? Trip back to Cali good? Have you moved to Lafayette for good?”
She stepped in the cheery bungalow, tucking a pale strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes. I shipped the rest of my clothes out here, over my mother’s objection. But she was going to smother me back home. I’ve visited enough to know that Lafayette will be a good change for me. It’s completely different than Orange County, for sure. I’m cleared to walk as much as I’m able and I’m going to take advantage of every opportunity. I can even try jogging, so I’m definitely going to train for my goal of finishing that 5K this fall. I have some new meds that should help.” She made a face at the thought of the horse pills she had to take daily. “But I won’t need more surgery unless the condition worsens.”
The other woman’s eyes softened with compassion. “I’m so sorry. It must seem like you’ve been going through this forever.”
Before she could stop it, London flashed back to wet roads, the loud roar of Evanescence blasting over the sports car’s speakers, Amber and her boyfriend arguing about his something-something on the side with another girl just before . . .
London shuddered and tried to focus on Kata. “Yeah, but I’m putting it behind me. Time to really start living.”
Kata wrapped an arm around her in a quick hug, then looked out the door before shutting it. “You didn’t come with Alyssa or Luc?”
Her cousin, Alyssa, and the woman’s husband had done more than enough already, letting her visit off and on for months, and now letting her move in. She helped when she could, cooked, did laundry—anything she could think of. It wasn’t enough, and London knew it. Soon, she hoped she’d be able to help more.
“No. They have such busy lives. I have to start taking care of myself. I can’t be trapped by my limitations anymore.”
“Honey, if you fall and hit your head—”
“At least then I’d feel something.” She’d take pain over the decades of emptiness and regret she’d have if she stayed the course. “I will never be independent unless I push myself.”
Kata pursed her lips as if she didn’t like it and was about to say so.
“You ready to walk with me?” London changed the subject.
She grimaced, her eyes flashing an apology. “I should have called, but everything happened so fast. I’m sorry; I can’t leave. I’m babysitting . . . sort of.”
“Are you watching little Caleb?”
Shaking her head, Kata’s dark hair spilled around her shoulders. “No. He’s with Deke and Kimber. I think his mommy and daddy have plans for him later.”
Kata’s husband, Hunter, seemed awfully fond of his sister’s energetic rug rat, so the assumption had been a natural one. The toddler ran and jumped, making truck noises and pretending to soar like an airplane. She was sure it wouldn’t be long before Hunter wanted rug rats of his own, and they’d make great parents. She wasn’t jealous of any of them . . . exactly. Envious, yes. She loved children, but was nowhere near able to be a fit mother. Not that she even had a man in her life or her bed, so children were hardly an issue.
She pasted on a smile. “Well, if you’re watching Tyler’s little demon spawns, it’s awfully quiet.”
“You’d have heard them a mile away. Seth is a terror in his terrible twos. And for a baby, Chase has a damn healthy set of lungs.” Kata giggled. “I’m actually watching a grown man. It’s a favor to Logan’s best friend. Remember me telling you about Xander?”
“At the cost of your sanity?”
Javier looked away with a curse, and Xander knew his brother was about to walk out on him again, probably to find another bottle and finish himself for good. He’d intentionally removed every gun from the Dallas house they’d been staying in for the last few weeks, and the L.A. mansion before that. No sense tempting fate.
Knowing this tactic wasn’t working, Xander tried another. “The business is suffering, Javier. Going downhill fast. You’re unfocused and floundering. Your episodes are more common than you’ve let on, aren’t they? The sharks are circling. Goddamn it, let me help.”
“No.” Javier’s refusal rolled around the quiet room like a shout.
“Why? I’ve got a fucking MBA I’ve never used because you’ve never needed or wanted me.”
“So . . . would you squeeze in research and development somewhere between your daily dose of spanking and fucking? I can’t have you demanding that your executive assistant strip the minute she walks in the door. It’s called sexual harassment. We’d be sued blind.”
Javier’s sarcasm cut him like an ax to the chest. “You have no idea what I’m capable of, but you’re never going to find out because you refuse to share our family business. And despite the guilt you’re trying to shove down my throat, you would never have shared your wife in any way, either.”
He’d lived in his big brother’s shadow for nearly thirty years, wishing he could please his parents. Finally, he’d realized that was impossible and gave up, pursuing pleasure instead. He’d decided very early in life that he didn’t want Javier’s grudging seconds, either.
“Bullshit. I asked for your help. I fucking begged you,” his brother snapped.
“When Francesca got beyond your desire or ability to handle her, you looked to me like some BDSM Band-Aid. You’ve been training in the lifestyle for months now. You know why passing her off to me would have never worked, even if the issue of fucking her never came up. She wasn’t going to recognize you as her husband, me as her Master, and suddenly be happy.”
“Maybe not happy, but at least she wouldn’t have been in Aruba being murdered by her lover.”
Xander shook his head, wondering if Javier could even see reality at this point. “If it hadn’t been that guy, it would have been someone else. And in the meantime, all she would have done was play us against one another to get her way. She would have torn us apart.”
“Well, then she won because she’s still doing it.” Javier stalked off, turning back only long enough to growl at him. “Fuck off, Xander. For good.”
***
WITH Javier sacked out on the impeccable leather of the passenger seat of his new Audi sedan, Xander drove through the black night and headed east. He hit the steering wheel to the beat of the heavy alternative song. The angry music suited him.
He didn’t see any fucking end to this mess in sight and he didn’t know what else to do. Tonight’s move would put him on Javier’s shit list for the rest of his life . . . but at least his brother would be alive to hate him.
When his phone rang, Xander glanced at the Bluetooth display and answered with a smile. “Cherry!”
“Logan is going to kill you if he hears you’ve been calling me that,” said his best friend’s wife.
“I think it’s sweet, all that red hair and innocence.”
She snorted. “Being married to Logan . . . not so innocent anymore. You on the road?”
“Yeah. We’ll be arriving in the wee hours of the morning, maybe threeish. Sorry about that . . .”
“No worries. My new boss is very understanding.”
“So I’ll finally get to meet the infamous Jack Cole?”
“Probably. He’s twice as cantankerous now that he’s got a baby who doesn’t sleep as much as he’d like, but the upside is that he’s rarely in the office early these days.” Tara sounded cheerful about that fact, and Xander had to smile.
“Thanks for letting us crash at your place until we can find some digs of our own.”
“No problem. Just remember the ground rules: Always put the lid to the toilet seat down, you must at least wear underwear around the house, and no flirting with Kata unless you want Hunter to kill you. He’s, um . . . intensely protective.”
“And Logan’s not?” Xander quipped.
“Okay, there’s a point. But you get my drift.”
“Yes, Katalina the lovely Latina is off limits. I’ll manage somehow.”
“I saw how popular you were the last time you were in Lafayette. I think you’ll more than manage. What about Javier?”
Xander heard the shift in her voice, the concern. His mood had been scratched raw after their ugly fight. He’d spent the next few hours duping Javier. It pained him to have to deceive his own brother, and Xander couldn’t handle Tara’s tenderness right now. “No need to worry about my brother hitting on Kata. After the healthy dose of hydromorphone I gave him back in Dallas, the only thing he’ll be hitting for a while is the sheets.”
“How did you get—” She sighed. “Oh my God, are you sleeping with a doctor?”
Xander grinned. “She’s got some really fabulous qualities.”
“Do you mean her prescription pad or her breasts?”
“I have to choose?” he teased to lighten the mood.
“I swear, your dick gets so much usage, I’m stunned it hasn’t fallen off from exhaustion or you haven’t contracted some exotic disease no one’s ever heard of.”
Xander winced at the familiar jibe, but played along. “I think you missed me, Tara. You know, there are lots of advantages to hooking up with a playboy rather than a SEAL.”
“I don’t think so. Instead of the occasional dangerous terrorist, I’d have to worry about all those jealous husbands or angry fathers shooting you. Pass.”
Xander laughed. He absolutely adored this verbal sparring with Logan’s wife. She always assumed he was joking. Since he had no reason to take himself seriously, it worked.
“All kidding aside, what about Javier. Is he okay?” she asked.
Fuck no, and Tara must know that or he wouldn’t be drugging his brother and hauling him across state lines in the middle of the night. He rubbed a hand across gritty, exhausted eyes. “I hope he will be. Eventually. But like I said, babysitting a grown man is a bigger job than I can manage alone. I’m sorry to bring my trouble to you.”
“If Logan wasn’t out on a mission, he would want you to. I do, too. Kata is on board. Jack, Deke, and Tyler are all ready to pitch in. And Deke’s wife, Kimber, is a nurse. She can help us if we run into something medical. Luc and Alyssa Traverson have promised you some really excellent food from Bonheur.”
“Wonderful. Just make sure you hold the wine,” Xander quipped, though it wasn’t exactly funny. He was damn tired of seeing Javier losing himself in a bottle.
“Will do. I found a house I think you’ll love. The offices you asked about should be easy, as well. I’ve got a few leads. You can check those out tomorrow while one of the big boys babysits.”
“Javier will love that . . .” Sarcasm dripped from his voice.
“The offices or the babysitter?”
“Both probably. But that’s his problem. If he’d bothered to get his head out of his ass in the last year, none of this would be happening.”
Tara made a sympathetic sound. “I got an e-mail today from Logan. He’s expecting to be home in a week or so and should have some leave. Hunter is settling into his new post-navy job with Jack and Deke at Oracle, but I’m sure he can spare a few hours here and there. Between the two of them, they’ll get Javier’s mind focused on PT and off of whatever is eating him up.”
“The physical therapy will do him good. Thanks, Tara. I really don’t know what I would have done without you. Javier bought a first-class ticket to self-destruction. I can’t think of another way to prevent him from finishing that trip.”
“We’ll find something to get him back on track so you can go back to being your charming, absolutely incorrigible self.”
***
LONDON McLane knocked on the little bungalow’s door promptly at eight the next morning. She was a little winded and a lot tense, but she’d walked the half mile here by herself. Technically, she wasn’t supposed to do anything alone until the blackouts stopped, but that could be years, if ever. She was tired of being a burden to everyone around her. Her first priority was to show herself—and her family—that she could finally be self-sufficient.
At twenty-five, she had done nothing that the average adult did every day, like drive, hold a job, or spend a quiet evening alone. She didn’t want a safe existence; she wanted an extraordinary life, one where she could climb mountains, fall in love, help others, push past her every fear, and be completely at peace with herself.
After nearly ten years, London was determined that the time for being a prisoner in her own body was over. The rest of her life started today . . . even if she wasn’t exactly sure how to begin it.
Kata Edgington opened the door, her bright smile welcoming. The lovely brunette hugged her. “Come on in, honey. How are you? Trip back to Cali good? Have you moved to Lafayette for good?”
She stepped in the cheery bungalow, tucking a pale strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes. I shipped the rest of my clothes out here, over my mother’s objection. But she was going to smother me back home. I’ve visited enough to know that Lafayette will be a good change for me. It’s completely different than Orange County, for sure. I’m cleared to walk as much as I’m able and I’m going to take advantage of every opportunity. I can even try jogging, so I’m definitely going to train for my goal of finishing that 5K this fall. I have some new meds that should help.” She made a face at the thought of the horse pills she had to take daily. “But I won’t need more surgery unless the condition worsens.”
The other woman’s eyes softened with compassion. “I’m so sorry. It must seem like you’ve been going through this forever.”
Before she could stop it, London flashed back to wet roads, the loud roar of Evanescence blasting over the sports car’s speakers, Amber and her boyfriend arguing about his something-something on the side with another girl just before . . .
London shuddered and tried to focus on Kata. “Yeah, but I’m putting it behind me. Time to really start living.”
Kata wrapped an arm around her in a quick hug, then looked out the door before shutting it. “You didn’t come with Alyssa or Luc?”
Her cousin, Alyssa, and the woman’s husband had done more than enough already, letting her visit off and on for months, and now letting her move in. She helped when she could, cooked, did laundry—anything she could think of. It wasn’t enough, and London knew it. Soon, she hoped she’d be able to help more.
“No. They have such busy lives. I have to start taking care of myself. I can’t be trapped by my limitations anymore.”
“Honey, if you fall and hit your head—”
“At least then I’d feel something.” She’d take pain over the decades of emptiness and regret she’d have if she stayed the course. “I will never be independent unless I push myself.”
Kata pursed her lips as if she didn’t like it and was about to say so.
“You ready to walk with me?” London changed the subject.
She grimaced, her eyes flashing an apology. “I should have called, but everything happened so fast. I’m sorry; I can’t leave. I’m babysitting . . . sort of.”
“Are you watching little Caleb?”
Shaking her head, Kata’s dark hair spilled around her shoulders. “No. He’s with Deke and Kimber. I think his mommy and daddy have plans for him later.”
Kata’s husband, Hunter, seemed awfully fond of his sister’s energetic rug rat, so the assumption had been a natural one. The toddler ran and jumped, making truck noises and pretending to soar like an airplane. She was sure it wouldn’t be long before Hunter wanted rug rats of his own, and they’d make great parents. She wasn’t jealous of any of them . . . exactly. Envious, yes. She loved children, but was nowhere near able to be a fit mother. Not that she even had a man in her life or her bed, so children were hardly an issue.
She pasted on a smile. “Well, if you’re watching Tyler’s little demon spawns, it’s awfully quiet.”
“You’d have heard them a mile away. Seth is a terror in his terrible twos. And for a baby, Chase has a damn healthy set of lungs.” Kata giggled. “I’m actually watching a grown man. It’s a favor to Logan’s best friend. Remember me telling you about Xander?”
