Out of the Shallows
Page 15

Lowe frowned as he watched her walk away and then I saw him stiffen when he caught sight of Jake across the room, still flirting with the redhead. Lowe looked back at me and I did my best to keep my face blank. I got the impression he wasn’t buying what I was selling. “Let’s get you that drink.”
I grabbed hold of the hand he held out. He led me into one of the quieter dorm rooms.
“Beck’s friends with three of the guys that room here. They opened their dorm rooms to us for the party.” He grinned over his shoulder at me as he led me toward a desk littered with beer. “How he talked them into that, I have no idea.”
“Here.” I held out a small gift-wrapped box.
His eyes lit up as he took it. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
I shrugged. “It’s just a little thing.”
“A wee thing, Row would say.”
I flinched at the mention of our Scottish friend Rowena. “I haven’t spoken to her at all since I left Edinburgh.” Another thing to feel guilty about. “Have you guys?”
He nodded as he unwrapped the box. “She actually joined us for a couple of weeks this summer. She’s fine. And she gets that you’ve got a lot going on.”
“Still, I’ll email her when I get back to Purdue.”
Lowe opened the box and lifted out the small item inside. He turned it over and his eyes flew to mine.
“I saw it and thought of you.” I gestured to the guitar pick in his hand, my eyes on the words written across it: Play It Fucking Loud.
“Bob Dylan,” he answered quietly. “You remembered.”
Back in Edinburgh, back when I was with Jake, back when everything was good, we’d all sat around the kitchen one afternoon, talking about everything and nothing. We’d gotten onto the subject of favorite quotes, and Lowe had talked about the reported incident when Bob Dylan was playing in Manchester and someone in the crowd called him “Judas” for playing electric guitar. In response Dylan told his band to “play it f**king loud.” Lowe said he got it—Dylan’s anger, yeah, but mostly his conviction in himself and his music.
“Girls remember shit.” I shrugged it off.
Lowe surprised me by cupping my cheek and leaning into me. My breath stuttered and warning bells chimed in my head. “You make it really difficult, you know that,” he said softly, his eyes on my mouth.
“Lowe…”
His gaze flicked to my eyes. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I whispered.
He dropped his hand and took a step back. For a second or two he just stared at the pick before pulling his wallet out and sliding the pick safely inside. Once he tucked the wallet away, he handed me a beer.
“I’ve got to admit, I’ve been kind of pissed at you.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised by the comment, but still, I was taken aback by how much I didn’t like that Lowe had been angry with me.
“The way you treated Jake…”
“It was bad, I know.” I took a sip of my drink. “I told him sorry. I don’t know how else to apologize. I handled everything… well, I didn’t handle it. I let it all just crumple around me.”
Lowe sighed. “I’ve got to ask… I was there. When you walked in and saw Jake with that sophomore just now… I saw your face, Charley.”
My eyes flew to him. “So?”
“Well, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Obviously breaking up was the right thing to do.”
“Charley, I know you’re lying.”
“I can’t be with him. Okay? Simple as that,” I hissed, all the hurt pouring out of me. “It doesn’t mean I’m not in pain. Or that I don’t care. So yeah… you saw my face when I saw my ex-boyfriend clearly getting ready to bed down with a leggy redhead. Did I look like I’d been slapped? Because that’s how I felt just then. Now… not so much. See, I can move on, knowing how easily it is for him to be a typical guy and start f**king his way through the sorority houses, if he hasn’t already.”
Lowe looked suddenly panicked. “Charley, that’s not what’s happening here. Just talk to Jake—”
“No, I’m done. I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” I took a shuddering breath, trying to calm my throbbing pulse. “Let’s just go enjoy the party.”
He didn’t look so sure.
“C’mon.” I started heading to the door with my beer. “You can introduce me to people I won’t remember in the morning.”
Chapter Six
It was the first day of March and spring was technically a few weeks away. Could’ve fooled me.
As I stepped out of Old College onto South Bridge, an icy wind blew through me. I shuddered, hurrying to button my coat while trying to juggle my bag and notes.
That morning I’d woken up with the same concerns that I’d been waking up with for the past few weeks. I worried about my family. I hadn’t spoken to Andie since that fateful phone call and once my dad found out about it, he also refused to talk to me until I apologized to my sister. Since I wouldn’t apologize, it was turning into a long and very silent stalemate that weighed on me more and more each day. The only one talking to me was Mom and even then it was strained.
After catching a glimpse of Melissa in Old College for the first time in weeks, I found myself feeling guilty for not worrying more about her. I wondered if she was doing okay these days.
“Need a hand?”
I glanced up at the familiar voice and straight into Beck’s striking light gray eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“I just finished class. I was heading back to the apartment.” He took my bag and notes while I finished fastening my coat. As he slipped my notes into my bag, he smiled. “Walk with me?”
When Beck wasn’t winning Brooding Hero of the Year and messing with my best friend’s heart, he was actually the most laid-back, nonjudgmental person I had ever met. He was soothing and funny and kind, and I loved hanging out with him. Unfortunately, I was actually heading in the opposite direction. “I’m meeting Claudia at the Library Bar for coffee.”
His expression lightened at the mention of Claud. “I’ll come with. I haven’t seen her in a few days. She’s been busy with school.”