“This day has quickly gone to shit,” he admitted as he closed his eyes. Karson, Lacey, Elli, and her husband Shea were the only ones who knew he was in rehab. Like everyone promised, it was very quiet. No one knew he was here, and he wanted to keep it that way. This place was for failures, people who couldn’t get their shit together, and he didn’t want to seem that weak.
Jordie Thomas was not fucking weak.
“The damn therapist is on me like you wouldn’t believe. Wanting me to open up and shit.”
“Couldn’t hurt you,” Karson suggested. “Maybe it could help?”
“Eh, I don’t know,” Jordie grumbled as he rolled to his side. “I just want out.”
“I know, man. We want you home, but you gotta get better.”
“I’m fine.”
He didn’t answer right away, and Jordie knew it was because he didn’t agree. “Are you trying?”
“Not at all,” Jordie admitted and Karson let out a long breath.
“Man, I need you to.”
“I know, so does everyone else. But I’m fine, really.”
“No, really,” Karson stressed, and Jordie’s brow came up.
“No really, what? I’m telling you the truth, man.”
He paused and Jordie waited on edge as his friend got his words together. “I want my best friend back.” Something about that sentence just gutted Jordie. Closing his eyes, he covered them with his hand, feeling every bit guilty. “You’ve changed, Jordie. You’ve always been a bit of an asshole, and always been busy with the ladies, but lately it’s been so bad. You aren’t you, and I don’t get it. I get the injury hurt you, man—it did all of us. But you’re supposed to bounce back, not drink yourself stupid.”
Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he nodded because Karson was completely right and it scared the shit out of Jordie. “I know.”
“Please fix you. I’ll do anything I can to help.”
“I know, Kar,” Jordie whispered. “But I gotta be the one to fix this. I gotta want it.”
He may not have acted like he was listening to Therapy Lady, but he did. He knew what he needed to do; no one could help him but him. This place wouldn’t do anything for him if he didn’t want it.
“You do,” Karson added, and then he cleared his throat. “Because we don’t want anyone else to be the godfather of our baby girl but you.”
“What?” Jordie whispered, trying to catch his breath because surely he had heard him wrong.
“We want you to be the baby’s godfather, but I can’t ask you to take on the role unless you are healthy, Jordie. Not just for our baby, but for you. I want you to be happy.”
“Are you sure you want that? Me?” he gasped, still unable to catch his breath.
“Yeah, Uncle Jordie, you’re it for our little baby girl.”
Fear settled in his chest where pride should have been. This was a great honor, something he knew he wanted, but would he be enough for the precious baby that his best friend’s wife was carrying? He knew he wouldn’t be if he stayed in the mind-set he was in right now. If the drinking was more important than anything else. Hell, he wouldn’t trust himself with a baby. He wouldn’t even let himself near one. He was too fucked up.
He had to change.
“I got you, Kar,” he croaked out and Karson chuckled.
“I know, bro, that’s why this wasn’t hard choice. It’s you and that’s it. You’ll fix this, I know you will. You’re too damn stubborn to allow it to defeat you.”
Such blind faith Karson had in him. Jordie wished he could borrow some of it. Tears stung his eyes as he closed them tightly. He never cried. Never, and at this moment, he wanted to cry. “I haven’t been the greatest best friend to you.”
“No, you haven’t, not all the time. But when you are, you’re the best.”
Not all the time…
Jordie cleared his throat, sitting up slowly. “I’m sorry for all the wrong I’ve done you, man.”
“Forgiven,” Karson said without even thinking. “Just get healthy and that’ll be your apology to me, okay?”
“I will, I promise.”
“Good, I’m holding you to it. So is Little-Bit-who-still-has-not-been-named.”
As a tear rolled down his cheek into his beard, he smiled. “Jordie is a good middle name.”
Karson laughed before yelling out, “Jordie said his name is a good middle name for Baby Unnamed.”
“The hell,” he heard Lacey say. “No way, but it will be a J name for sure. And an M name for Kacey.”
“Kacey?” he croaked out.
“Yeah, she’s going to be the godmother.”
His heart sped up in his chest. “So if you two keel over, we play Mom and Dad to Little Bit?”
Karson laughed. “In retrospect, yes.”
“So I get to bang your sister?” he teased and Karson groaned.
“Such a great conversation until that moment. I’ll call you tomorrow, asshole,” Karson laughed.
“Bye, bro,” Jordie sang with his first true grin in months, before handing up and letting his phone drop between his legs. Looking up at the ceiling, he sucked in a deep breath as the nerves ate away at him.
This was not going to be easy, but he could do it. He was stronger than this; he was a beast of a man, nothing could get him down. How could he allow his need for a drink to ruin his life? The signs were everywhere, blinking in his face and blinding him. He had to stop. This place opened his eyes, and he just couldn’t do it anymore. He had a baby girl to be a godfather to, and he wouldn’t let Lacey and Karson down.
Jordie Thomas was not fucking weak.
“The damn therapist is on me like you wouldn’t believe. Wanting me to open up and shit.”
“Couldn’t hurt you,” Karson suggested. “Maybe it could help?”
“Eh, I don’t know,” Jordie grumbled as he rolled to his side. “I just want out.”
“I know, man. We want you home, but you gotta get better.”
“I’m fine.”
He didn’t answer right away, and Jordie knew it was because he didn’t agree. “Are you trying?”
“Not at all,” Jordie admitted and Karson let out a long breath.
“Man, I need you to.”
“I know, so does everyone else. But I’m fine, really.”
“No, really,” Karson stressed, and Jordie’s brow came up.
“No really, what? I’m telling you the truth, man.”
He paused and Jordie waited on edge as his friend got his words together. “I want my best friend back.” Something about that sentence just gutted Jordie. Closing his eyes, he covered them with his hand, feeling every bit guilty. “You’ve changed, Jordie. You’ve always been a bit of an asshole, and always been busy with the ladies, but lately it’s been so bad. You aren’t you, and I don’t get it. I get the injury hurt you, man—it did all of us. But you’re supposed to bounce back, not drink yourself stupid.”
Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he nodded because Karson was completely right and it scared the shit out of Jordie. “I know.”
“Please fix you. I’ll do anything I can to help.”
“I know, Kar,” Jordie whispered. “But I gotta be the one to fix this. I gotta want it.”
He may not have acted like he was listening to Therapy Lady, but he did. He knew what he needed to do; no one could help him but him. This place wouldn’t do anything for him if he didn’t want it.
“You do,” Karson added, and then he cleared his throat. “Because we don’t want anyone else to be the godfather of our baby girl but you.”
“What?” Jordie whispered, trying to catch his breath because surely he had heard him wrong.
“We want you to be the baby’s godfather, but I can’t ask you to take on the role unless you are healthy, Jordie. Not just for our baby, but for you. I want you to be happy.”
“Are you sure you want that? Me?” he gasped, still unable to catch his breath.
“Yeah, Uncle Jordie, you’re it for our little baby girl.”
Fear settled in his chest where pride should have been. This was a great honor, something he knew he wanted, but would he be enough for the precious baby that his best friend’s wife was carrying? He knew he wouldn’t be if he stayed in the mind-set he was in right now. If the drinking was more important than anything else. Hell, he wouldn’t trust himself with a baby. He wouldn’t even let himself near one. He was too fucked up.
He had to change.
“I got you, Kar,” he croaked out and Karson chuckled.
“I know, bro, that’s why this wasn’t hard choice. It’s you and that’s it. You’ll fix this, I know you will. You’re too damn stubborn to allow it to defeat you.”
Such blind faith Karson had in him. Jordie wished he could borrow some of it. Tears stung his eyes as he closed them tightly. He never cried. Never, and at this moment, he wanted to cry. “I haven’t been the greatest best friend to you.”
“No, you haven’t, not all the time. But when you are, you’re the best.”
Not all the time…
Jordie cleared his throat, sitting up slowly. “I’m sorry for all the wrong I’ve done you, man.”
“Forgiven,” Karson said without even thinking. “Just get healthy and that’ll be your apology to me, okay?”
“I will, I promise.”
“Good, I’m holding you to it. So is Little-Bit-who-still-has-not-been-named.”
As a tear rolled down his cheek into his beard, he smiled. “Jordie is a good middle name.”
Karson laughed before yelling out, “Jordie said his name is a good middle name for Baby Unnamed.”
“The hell,” he heard Lacey say. “No way, but it will be a J name for sure. And an M name for Kacey.”
“Kacey?” he croaked out.
“Yeah, she’s going to be the godmother.”
His heart sped up in his chest. “So if you two keel over, we play Mom and Dad to Little Bit?”
Karson laughed. “In retrospect, yes.”
“So I get to bang your sister?” he teased and Karson groaned.
“Such a great conversation until that moment. I’ll call you tomorrow, asshole,” Karson laughed.
“Bye, bro,” Jordie sang with his first true grin in months, before handing up and letting his phone drop between his legs. Looking up at the ceiling, he sucked in a deep breath as the nerves ate away at him.
This was not going to be easy, but he could do it. He was stronger than this; he was a beast of a man, nothing could get him down. How could he allow his need for a drink to ruin his life? The signs were everywhere, blinking in his face and blinding him. He had to stop. This place opened his eyes, and he just couldn’t do it anymore. He had a baby girl to be a godfather to, and he wouldn’t let Lacey and Karson down.
