“February was the last time.”
“February?!” she almost shrieked.
“Yup,” he said proudly, which really that wasn’t something to be proud of, but small victories, he guessed. “When I was in Louisiana.”
“Really? That surprises me, honestly,” she admitted and he grinned. “Why is that?”
“Sex means nothing to me anymore if it can’t be with the person I want it to be with,” he said slowly, avoiding eye contact. He felt the gazes of everyone on him, but he ignored them, sucking in a deep breath as flashes of Kacey’s gorgeous naked body appeared. As much as he wouldn’t mind plowing into a female at the moment, he wanted more. He wanted Kacey, and he was cleaning up to be the man she needed. Not just for him, but also for her and for Karson’s child. There was a huge possibility that she had moved on—he fully expected her to—but he needed something to get him through this fight. Knowing that he soon would be a man worthy of her love did that for him. It made him fight as hard as he could against his sickness.
“Not the answer I expected,” she said, and he looked up at her. “So your visitor, Natasha Gallagher?”
Where was she going with this? “Yeah?”
“Are you two in a relationship?”
Natasha, the doctor he’d slept with in Louisiana, had been visiting him since he was admitted. She was doing a work-study up in Colorado and she wanted to support him. He hadn’t expected her to, or even asked her; she just started coming every Saturday. If he was honest, it was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t trying to pry his head open and find out all the bad inside. Despite her offering her body to him every single time, their visits were the highlight of his week.
“No, she’s just a friend.”
“You don’t have friends.”
He grinned. “I have a few, but really, just a friend.”
“But you’ve slept with her?”
“Yup, she’s got killer tits,” he said before laughing along with his group while Portia just stared at him.
“But not in the last six months?”
“No, it was a one-time deal.”
“But you stayed friends?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
She eyed him slowly and then shook her head. “You are a very confusing man, Mr. Thomas. One minute I think I have you pegged, but then you hit me with that. How is it that you don’t do relationships, but you are friends with a girl you’ve slept with? You aren’t having sex until it can be with someone you want it to be with, which is very uncharacteristic of your personality. You give off a very careless, playboy image that I have slowly but surely discovered is just an act that is covering the real you.”
Jordie grinned, sliding to the edge of his seat. “And that is, Ms. Portia?”
Portia smiled. “A very decent guy with a past that has you hiding yourself.”
She let that sink in as everyone watched for his next response, but there wasn’t one. He didn’t know what to say, and soon she was talking again.
“You want so badly to keep everyone at arm’s length so that they can’t hurt you, because you see no happiness in your life. You choose only the people you know won’t leave you. But, even with them, you don’t let them completely in on purpose. Yet, you want happiness. Just in this last week, you’ve opened up about wanting children and a part of you wants a wife. But I had seriously pegged you to be alone the rest of your life because you won’t allow anyone in. And then you say that—that you aren’t having sex because it means nothing if it can’t be with the person you want it to be with. So, Jordie, who is that person? I have a feeling you know her, but you’re scared to let her in. To trust her.”
His skin was clammy and his heart was pounding, but he never broke their intensely locked gazes. She was challenging him, something he noticed she did when she wanted a straight answer from him. In the short time he’d been there, she had figured him out. Normally that would make him want to run, but in some odd, twisted way, Jordie trusted Portia.
Something he didn’t do much.
But before he could answer her, the timer went off behind her, signaling that group was over and visiting hours had started. It was Saturday and he knew that Natasha was waiting for him, so he got up quickly and hightailed it out of there before Portia could stop him to probe him some more about Kacey. He heard her call his name and figured he was dooming himself for tomorrow, but he didn’t care. He had to adjust to the idea of talking about Kacey, and tomorrow, maybe.
Probably not.
When he reached the meeting room for visitors, he saw Natasha sitting on the patio, her long brown hair flowing in the evening breeze. The sun was setting behind the mountains, the sky a pretty pink as he closed the distance between them. When he had almost reached her, she looked up, grinning her dazzling grin as she stood too, hugging him tightly. She was wearing short shorts and a tank that showed off her chest in the most revealing way. Her tits and mouth were what had attracted him back in Louisiana, but now as he hugged her, he felt nothing but friendship for her.
Because Kacey consumed him. Everything inside him was hers. He just wished he had realized how in love with her he was before he pushed her away.
“How ya feeling?”
He smiled. “Alive. Sober.”
“Good,” she said, tapping his arm before they both sat down. Soon refreshments were served, along with a light dinner. Nothing that raised the skirt, but it was good and the conversation was easy. They spoke about her work-study and how she was heading back to Louisiana in four weeks.
“February?!” she almost shrieked.
“Yup,” he said proudly, which really that wasn’t something to be proud of, but small victories, he guessed. “When I was in Louisiana.”
“Really? That surprises me, honestly,” she admitted and he grinned. “Why is that?”
“Sex means nothing to me anymore if it can’t be with the person I want it to be with,” he said slowly, avoiding eye contact. He felt the gazes of everyone on him, but he ignored them, sucking in a deep breath as flashes of Kacey’s gorgeous naked body appeared. As much as he wouldn’t mind plowing into a female at the moment, he wanted more. He wanted Kacey, and he was cleaning up to be the man she needed. Not just for him, but also for her and for Karson’s child. There was a huge possibility that she had moved on—he fully expected her to—but he needed something to get him through this fight. Knowing that he soon would be a man worthy of her love did that for him. It made him fight as hard as he could against his sickness.
“Not the answer I expected,” she said, and he looked up at her. “So your visitor, Natasha Gallagher?”
Where was she going with this? “Yeah?”
“Are you two in a relationship?”
Natasha, the doctor he’d slept with in Louisiana, had been visiting him since he was admitted. She was doing a work-study up in Colorado and she wanted to support him. He hadn’t expected her to, or even asked her; she just started coming every Saturday. If he was honest, it was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t trying to pry his head open and find out all the bad inside. Despite her offering her body to him every single time, their visits were the highlight of his week.
“No, she’s just a friend.”
“You don’t have friends.”
He grinned. “I have a few, but really, just a friend.”
“But you’ve slept with her?”
“Yup, she’s got killer tits,” he said before laughing along with his group while Portia just stared at him.
“But not in the last six months?”
“No, it was a one-time deal.”
“But you stayed friends?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
She eyed him slowly and then shook her head. “You are a very confusing man, Mr. Thomas. One minute I think I have you pegged, but then you hit me with that. How is it that you don’t do relationships, but you are friends with a girl you’ve slept with? You aren’t having sex until it can be with someone you want it to be with, which is very uncharacteristic of your personality. You give off a very careless, playboy image that I have slowly but surely discovered is just an act that is covering the real you.”
Jordie grinned, sliding to the edge of his seat. “And that is, Ms. Portia?”
Portia smiled. “A very decent guy with a past that has you hiding yourself.”
She let that sink in as everyone watched for his next response, but there wasn’t one. He didn’t know what to say, and soon she was talking again.
“You want so badly to keep everyone at arm’s length so that they can’t hurt you, because you see no happiness in your life. You choose only the people you know won’t leave you. But, even with them, you don’t let them completely in on purpose. Yet, you want happiness. Just in this last week, you’ve opened up about wanting children and a part of you wants a wife. But I had seriously pegged you to be alone the rest of your life because you won’t allow anyone in. And then you say that—that you aren’t having sex because it means nothing if it can’t be with the person you want it to be with. So, Jordie, who is that person? I have a feeling you know her, but you’re scared to let her in. To trust her.”
His skin was clammy and his heart was pounding, but he never broke their intensely locked gazes. She was challenging him, something he noticed she did when she wanted a straight answer from him. In the short time he’d been there, she had figured him out. Normally that would make him want to run, but in some odd, twisted way, Jordie trusted Portia.
Something he didn’t do much.
But before he could answer her, the timer went off behind her, signaling that group was over and visiting hours had started. It was Saturday and he knew that Natasha was waiting for him, so he got up quickly and hightailed it out of there before Portia could stop him to probe him some more about Kacey. He heard her call his name and figured he was dooming himself for tomorrow, but he didn’t care. He had to adjust to the idea of talking about Kacey, and tomorrow, maybe.
Probably not.
When he reached the meeting room for visitors, he saw Natasha sitting on the patio, her long brown hair flowing in the evening breeze. The sun was setting behind the mountains, the sky a pretty pink as he closed the distance between them. When he had almost reached her, she looked up, grinning her dazzling grin as she stood too, hugging him tightly. She was wearing short shorts and a tank that showed off her chest in the most revealing way. Her tits and mouth were what had attracted him back in Louisiana, but now as he hugged her, he felt nothing but friendship for her.
Because Kacey consumed him. Everything inside him was hers. He just wished he had realized how in love with her he was before he pushed her away.
“How ya feeling?”
He smiled. “Alive. Sober.”
“Good,” she said, tapping his arm before they both sat down. Soon refreshments were served, along with a light dinner. Nothing that raised the skirt, but it was good and the conversation was easy. They spoke about her work-study and how she was heading back to Louisiana in four weeks.
