“Are you gonna be okay if she doesn’t give it to you?”
Jordie nodded. “Not at first, but I won’t go back to the way I was. I almost didn’t make it back then, and I refuse to allow myself to go back to that,” he admitted, thinking of the many times he’d thought about just ending it all. It went all the way back to his teen years. He’d always hit those low points and had never had anyone to lift him back up. That was why he’d never taken what Kacey was offering, because he’d never had it before and didn’t know how to ask for help. “But, I honestly need you in my life, so if you need to swing on me to feel better, please do.”
Karson scoffed then, grasping Jordie’s shoulder. “I’m good, bro, just don’t lie to me ever again.”
“No problem,” he promised.
“And about Kacey, Lacey told me she really loves you. If you continue being the man you are now, then I’m good with you being with her.”
Jordie smiled. “I won’t just be with her, Karson. I’ll want to marry her.”
Karson nodded, biting his lip as his fingers locked together before he turned to look at Jordie. “And I’ll stand beside you at the wedding. Like I always have.”
There was no one else like Karson, and Jordie sure as hell had done nothing to warrant a friend like him. Karson was a good man, one that Jordie strived to be. Clearing his throat free of the emotion that was clogging it, he nodded.
“Thanks, bro.”
“Anytime. Just be honest and stay healthy.”
“That’s my plan,” he said as the door opened. They both turned to see Lacey in the doorway. Her eyes widened as her gaze cut back and forth between them. Seeing that there was no new blood, she nodded.
“You two good?”
They both nodded and she smiled. “Good. Come on in, it’s getting chilly for her, or give her here.”
Karson stood and shook his head. “No, we’re coming,” he said, taking Mena back and then heading in before Jordie.
Shutting the door, Lacey stopped him and asked, “How did it go?”
Jordie shrugged. “She said she needed space.”
She made a face. “Hm. Okay. Well, keep your chin up.”
“Will do,” he said before kissing her cheek. “I’m heading to bed. Goodnight.”
“You don’t want to eat dinner with us?” she asked, and he saw her look. He knew it was only five, but he was done with this day.
“I’m not hungry.”
“That’s what Kacey said too,” she said, her eyes full of worry as he walked away, and his heart sank a little more. She wouldn’t eat with her family? Pausing at her door, he wondered if he should check on her, but he wasn’t sure how that would go.
Letting out a long breath, he went to his room, shutting the door and then glancing into the bathroom. She wasn’t there and her door was shut. Probably locked. Throwing his wallet on his dresser, he toed out of his shoes and threw off his shirt. Falling back on the bed, he looked over and stared at her door.
God, he wondered what she was doing.
What she was thinking.
Was she crying?
Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed heavily.
The waiting was going to kill him.
It wouldn’t be an excessive amount of drinking or an STD or even his own doing. No, it would be waiting that would kill him.
But he’d wait.
Because he loved her.
When his phone vibrated in his pocket, he pulled it out to see that it was a Facebook notification. Lucas had posted a video to his timeline, but instead of clicking on it, he clicked on his messages. He didn’t have to scroll far to find his and Kacey’s thread. He always deleted his threads, but not hers. Her messages kept him warm and toasty at night, along with the many naked pictures he had of her, but that wasn’t what he went to. No, he opened it to the last message:
Kacey: You know what, I bet you’re already off fucking someone else, huh?
God, he hated that that had been the last thing she said to him, and for some reason, as he read it over and over again, his thumbs started moving across the keys.
Jordie: I was because I wanted to forget you. I wanted to stop thinking about how stupid I was, about how I wasn’t the guy for you, about how I would never be the guy you deserve. I wanted to be that guy, but I wasn’t. You were smart to walk away, but I was dumb to let you go and I’m so sorry. I can promise you, Kacey, I’ll never let you go again. Never.
He hit send and waited, but he didn’t have to wait long for the little chat bubble to pop up. Holding his breath, he waited and then finally her message came through.
Kacey: I wish you would have let me in. Trusted me.
Sitting up, he typed back quickly.
Jordie: I did, I do, I just didn’t trust myself. I knew I was gonna hurt you, so I kept you at arm’s length, but that didn’t work. You consumed me, Kacey. Completely, you took my heart and I don’t want it back. Please keep it, just allow me to reap the benefits, give me another chance. You won’t regret it, I promise.
Kacey: I just don’t know.
Shaking his head, he knew he couldn’t do this on the phone. He needed to do this face-to-face.
Jordie: Just let me in.
Kacey: I’ve always let you in. I’ve never lied or held anything back from you. You did.
He shook his head, standing up and going toward her bathroom door.
Jordie: No, I know that. What I mean is open your door. Let me in.
Jordie nodded. “Not at first, but I won’t go back to the way I was. I almost didn’t make it back then, and I refuse to allow myself to go back to that,” he admitted, thinking of the many times he’d thought about just ending it all. It went all the way back to his teen years. He’d always hit those low points and had never had anyone to lift him back up. That was why he’d never taken what Kacey was offering, because he’d never had it before and didn’t know how to ask for help. “But, I honestly need you in my life, so if you need to swing on me to feel better, please do.”
Karson scoffed then, grasping Jordie’s shoulder. “I’m good, bro, just don’t lie to me ever again.”
“No problem,” he promised.
“And about Kacey, Lacey told me she really loves you. If you continue being the man you are now, then I’m good with you being with her.”
Jordie smiled. “I won’t just be with her, Karson. I’ll want to marry her.”
Karson nodded, biting his lip as his fingers locked together before he turned to look at Jordie. “And I’ll stand beside you at the wedding. Like I always have.”
There was no one else like Karson, and Jordie sure as hell had done nothing to warrant a friend like him. Karson was a good man, one that Jordie strived to be. Clearing his throat free of the emotion that was clogging it, he nodded.
“Thanks, bro.”
“Anytime. Just be honest and stay healthy.”
“That’s my plan,” he said as the door opened. They both turned to see Lacey in the doorway. Her eyes widened as her gaze cut back and forth between them. Seeing that there was no new blood, she nodded.
“You two good?”
They both nodded and she smiled. “Good. Come on in, it’s getting chilly for her, or give her here.”
Karson stood and shook his head. “No, we’re coming,” he said, taking Mena back and then heading in before Jordie.
Shutting the door, Lacey stopped him and asked, “How did it go?”
Jordie shrugged. “She said she needed space.”
She made a face. “Hm. Okay. Well, keep your chin up.”
“Will do,” he said before kissing her cheek. “I’m heading to bed. Goodnight.”
“You don’t want to eat dinner with us?” she asked, and he saw her look. He knew it was only five, but he was done with this day.
“I’m not hungry.”
“That’s what Kacey said too,” she said, her eyes full of worry as he walked away, and his heart sank a little more. She wouldn’t eat with her family? Pausing at her door, he wondered if he should check on her, but he wasn’t sure how that would go.
Letting out a long breath, he went to his room, shutting the door and then glancing into the bathroom. She wasn’t there and her door was shut. Probably locked. Throwing his wallet on his dresser, he toed out of his shoes and threw off his shirt. Falling back on the bed, he looked over and stared at her door.
God, he wondered what she was doing.
What she was thinking.
Was she crying?
Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed heavily.
The waiting was going to kill him.
It wouldn’t be an excessive amount of drinking or an STD or even his own doing. No, it would be waiting that would kill him.
But he’d wait.
Because he loved her.
When his phone vibrated in his pocket, he pulled it out to see that it was a Facebook notification. Lucas had posted a video to his timeline, but instead of clicking on it, he clicked on his messages. He didn’t have to scroll far to find his and Kacey’s thread. He always deleted his threads, but not hers. Her messages kept him warm and toasty at night, along with the many naked pictures he had of her, but that wasn’t what he went to. No, he opened it to the last message:
Kacey: You know what, I bet you’re already off fucking someone else, huh?
God, he hated that that had been the last thing she said to him, and for some reason, as he read it over and over again, his thumbs started moving across the keys.
Jordie: I was because I wanted to forget you. I wanted to stop thinking about how stupid I was, about how I wasn’t the guy for you, about how I would never be the guy you deserve. I wanted to be that guy, but I wasn’t. You were smart to walk away, but I was dumb to let you go and I’m so sorry. I can promise you, Kacey, I’ll never let you go again. Never.
He hit send and waited, but he didn’t have to wait long for the little chat bubble to pop up. Holding his breath, he waited and then finally her message came through.
Kacey: I wish you would have let me in. Trusted me.
Sitting up, he typed back quickly.
Jordie: I did, I do, I just didn’t trust myself. I knew I was gonna hurt you, so I kept you at arm’s length, but that didn’t work. You consumed me, Kacey. Completely, you took my heart and I don’t want it back. Please keep it, just allow me to reap the benefits, give me another chance. You won’t regret it, I promise.
Kacey: I just don’t know.
Shaking his head, he knew he couldn’t do this on the phone. He needed to do this face-to-face.
Jordie: Just let me in.
Kacey: I’ve always let you in. I’ve never lied or held anything back from you. You did.
He shook his head, standing up and going toward her bathroom door.
Jordie: No, I know that. What I mean is open your door. Let me in.
