He nodded, smiling shyly. “Sex meant nothing to me if it wasn’t you. So I replaced my need with porn and alcohol.”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “What every girl wants to hear.”
“Um, I thought it was very romantic. Even my therapist was surprised by it.”
Her eyes met his. “You talked about me in rehab?”
He nodded. “All the time. You’re a piece of me.”
“See, that’s romantic,” she commented, her lips curving as her fingers twirled in his chest hair. She didn’t say anything for a while, and he watched as she moved her fingers along his body. “Is it hard?” she asked then, her eyes meeting his. “Are you suffering at all?
He shook his head. “No, I feel great, especially now.” His hand cupped her ass and her laughter was music to his ears. “But yeah, some days it’s hard. And others, I’m good. I’ve been playing the guitar again and that helps a lot.”
“You play way better than I ever imagined. When you spoke of it before, I didn’t think you were that good.”
Pride filled his chest as he shrugged, trying to play off how good she’d just made him feel. He took great pride in his playing; it honestly calmed him, and to know she enjoyed it was really special. “Thanks. Maybe I’ll play for you and you’ll actually acknowledge my playing.” He knew she had heard him all those weeks ago, despite her attempts to ignore him.
She smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “I’d like that,” she whispered, her fingers crawling up his chest to his face.
Cupping her face, he moved his thumb along her jaw and asked, “What happened with Liam?”
She shrugged. “There wasn’t anything to really end. I mean, we kissed a bit, but it wasn’t anything more. He was pissed, obviously. Told me you would hurt me again if I was leaving him for you, but I told him I was leaving him for me. Because I deserve more than to settle for the safe guy.”
“You deserve the world.”
She nodded. “Yeah, so make sure you give it to me, unsafe guy,” she teased and he smiled.
“Maybe I could be the safe guy?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want the safe guy. I want the guy who’s gonna keep me on my toes, make me live, and love me with so much intensity, I feel it everywhere. I want him to fuck me, to make love to me, not plan to ‘get intimate.’ I want him covered in tattoos, with a crazy beard, and to play hockey. I want you,” she said, her eyes meeting his. “I’ve always wanted you.”
“You’ve got me,” he said breathlessly, his eyes burning into hers.
“Good,” she decided, leaning back down and running her fingers through his beard. As he watched her, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. How beautiful she was. He loved her hair, and soon he was reaching out, tucking her hair back behind her ear. “I really like your hair like this.”
She smiled, scrunching her face up. “It’s getting there.”
“I don’t think I can handle you with long hair, you’ll be too hot,” he decided and she rolled her eyes.
“Oh, hush,” she said, sitting up and smacking his chest. “Come on, let’s get in the shower.”
She didn’t have to ask him twice. As she climbed off him, he smacked her ass playfully and she grinned back at him as she sauntered into the bathroom.
“See, that turns me on. Safe guys don’t do that,” she called back at him as he got out of bed.
Grinning, he took her by her hips and stopped her, kissing her shoulder and then her neck. “Then I’m as unsafe as they come, because this ass needs slapping.”
She giggled, her body hot and irresistible against his. He wanted to lean her against the counter, take her, and tell her how much she meant to him. Deciding that was a fucking great idea, he started nibbling on her, his hands grazing along her stomach, but then he paused.
“Are you on the pill or something?” he asked and she nodded.
“IUD,” she said. “Like before.”
He thought that over as she broke out of his arms, starting the shower, and his moment to take her on the counter was gone.
“But you got pregnant on it?” he asked and she paused.
She looked over at him and nodded. “Yeah, I did,” she said, but she didn’t seem very concerned. If he was honest, neither was he. “So maybe I should be worried, huh?”
“Or not?” he suggested and she eyed him.
“Or not.”
She studied him and he grinned. “Maybe we should put this conversation on hold, ’cause the way you are looking at me is like you want to have a baby right now.”
He shrugged, feeling sheepish as he ran his hand through his hair. Did he want a baby? Yeah, he did, but the look in her eyes said if he confessed that, he would be rushing this. He didn’t want to rush it. He wanted to build a life with her, a foundation, a love that could withstand any storm. Since his life was one hell of a hurricane, they would need it.
But still, he admitted, “I wish you hadn’t miscarried the first one. I wish I had been there.”
Her head fell back as she nodded, wrapping her arms around her middle in such a defeated way. “Me too.”
Closing the distance between them, he enveloped her in his arms, kissing her pursed mouth. “But everything happens for a reason. We are starting over.”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “If it happens again, then we will address it at that point.”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “What every girl wants to hear.”
“Um, I thought it was very romantic. Even my therapist was surprised by it.”
Her eyes met his. “You talked about me in rehab?”
He nodded. “All the time. You’re a piece of me.”
“See, that’s romantic,” she commented, her lips curving as her fingers twirled in his chest hair. She didn’t say anything for a while, and he watched as she moved her fingers along his body. “Is it hard?” she asked then, her eyes meeting his. “Are you suffering at all?
He shook his head. “No, I feel great, especially now.” His hand cupped her ass and her laughter was music to his ears. “But yeah, some days it’s hard. And others, I’m good. I’ve been playing the guitar again and that helps a lot.”
“You play way better than I ever imagined. When you spoke of it before, I didn’t think you were that good.”
Pride filled his chest as he shrugged, trying to play off how good she’d just made him feel. He took great pride in his playing; it honestly calmed him, and to know she enjoyed it was really special. “Thanks. Maybe I’ll play for you and you’ll actually acknowledge my playing.” He knew she had heard him all those weeks ago, despite her attempts to ignore him.
She smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “I’d like that,” she whispered, her fingers crawling up his chest to his face.
Cupping her face, he moved his thumb along her jaw and asked, “What happened with Liam?”
She shrugged. “There wasn’t anything to really end. I mean, we kissed a bit, but it wasn’t anything more. He was pissed, obviously. Told me you would hurt me again if I was leaving him for you, but I told him I was leaving him for me. Because I deserve more than to settle for the safe guy.”
“You deserve the world.”
She nodded. “Yeah, so make sure you give it to me, unsafe guy,” she teased and he smiled.
“Maybe I could be the safe guy?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want the safe guy. I want the guy who’s gonna keep me on my toes, make me live, and love me with so much intensity, I feel it everywhere. I want him to fuck me, to make love to me, not plan to ‘get intimate.’ I want him covered in tattoos, with a crazy beard, and to play hockey. I want you,” she said, her eyes meeting his. “I’ve always wanted you.”
“You’ve got me,” he said breathlessly, his eyes burning into hers.
“Good,” she decided, leaning back down and running her fingers through his beard. As he watched her, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. How beautiful she was. He loved her hair, and soon he was reaching out, tucking her hair back behind her ear. “I really like your hair like this.”
She smiled, scrunching her face up. “It’s getting there.”
“I don’t think I can handle you with long hair, you’ll be too hot,” he decided and she rolled her eyes.
“Oh, hush,” she said, sitting up and smacking his chest. “Come on, let’s get in the shower.”
She didn’t have to ask him twice. As she climbed off him, he smacked her ass playfully and she grinned back at him as she sauntered into the bathroom.
“See, that turns me on. Safe guys don’t do that,” she called back at him as he got out of bed.
Grinning, he took her by her hips and stopped her, kissing her shoulder and then her neck. “Then I’m as unsafe as they come, because this ass needs slapping.”
She giggled, her body hot and irresistible against his. He wanted to lean her against the counter, take her, and tell her how much she meant to him. Deciding that was a fucking great idea, he started nibbling on her, his hands grazing along her stomach, but then he paused.
“Are you on the pill or something?” he asked and she nodded.
“IUD,” she said. “Like before.”
He thought that over as she broke out of his arms, starting the shower, and his moment to take her on the counter was gone.
“But you got pregnant on it?” he asked and she paused.
She looked over at him and nodded. “Yeah, I did,” she said, but she didn’t seem very concerned. If he was honest, neither was he. “So maybe I should be worried, huh?”
“Or not?” he suggested and she eyed him.
“Or not.”
She studied him and he grinned. “Maybe we should put this conversation on hold, ’cause the way you are looking at me is like you want to have a baby right now.”
He shrugged, feeling sheepish as he ran his hand through his hair. Did he want a baby? Yeah, he did, but the look in her eyes said if he confessed that, he would be rushing this. He didn’t want to rush it. He wanted to build a life with her, a foundation, a love that could withstand any storm. Since his life was one hell of a hurricane, they would need it.
But still, he admitted, “I wish you hadn’t miscarried the first one. I wish I had been there.”
Her head fell back as she nodded, wrapping her arms around her middle in such a defeated way. “Me too.”
Closing the distance between them, he enveloped her in his arms, kissing her pursed mouth. “But everything happens for a reason. We are starting over.”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “If it happens again, then we will address it at that point.”
