Lila dies, or I kill Kitty’s little friend, and Lila gets to take a trip to the infirmary to see if she can be saved.”
My mouth dropped open. Benjy? But why— It hit me, and I finally understood.
Augusta knew everything. She knew Celia was the leader of the Blackcoats. She knew Knox had been playing both sides, and she knew how much I trusted him.
I would never have gone along with Celia if he hadn’t been there, too.
And Augusta knew I would have nothing to do with him or the Blackcoats ever again if he let Benjy die.
For a split second, Knox’s eyes met mine, and when his shoulders slumped, I knew what he was going to say.
“No!” I started to stand, but Augusta pointed her gun at me, and I stopped cold. “Please, Knox—”
“Me,” said Lila weakly. “Knox, let her kill me. He— doesn’t deserve—”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to Lila, and he kissed her forehead before addressing Augusta. “I need Benjy’s help carrying Lila down to the infirmary. Then do it.”
“I’m afraid that isn’t an option,” said Augusta. “However, since you’ve made your decision, I will happily oblige.”
All the air left my lungs. Benjy stood still as a statue, and I silently willed him to run. “Please,” I begged Augusta, desperation clawing at me. “You can’t.”
“Oh yes, my darling, I can,” said Augusta. “Perhaps now you will understand just how powerless you truly are.”
Suddenly the world around me seemed to move in slow motion. Augusta aimed, and Benjy flinched, but everything was sluggish, as if time had slowed down to give me a moment to decide what to do.
My mind was made up. All I needed was that extra second. I pulled the gun from my holster and raised it.
I didn’t need to know how to aim properly in order to line up the barrel with her body and pull the trigger.
And I did.
Over and over and over again, until only a faint click remained.
In the back of my mind, I heard shouts and the thunder of footsteps. I felt hands on me and tried to shake them off, but when Benjy wrapped his arms around me, I stopped, limp in his embrace, and I dropped the gun.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Knox and Greyson carry Lila toward the door, and I heard more shouts as a dozen guards rushed in. The sound of Knox’s voice filled the room as he issued orders, and the guards went from outraged to determined as they produced a stretcher seemingly out of nowhere and carried Lila away.
But the only thing I understood was Augusta’s bulletriddled body lying in a pool of blood that slowly expanded, staining the white carpet crimson.
Chapter 20
Benjy refused to let go of me as Knox led us down to the infirmary. Greyson stayed with the handful of guards that remained in the room to deal with Augusta’s body, but there was still no sign of Celia. I couldn’t find it in me to care. Everything seemed fuzzy, and the only things anchoring me to reality were the feel of Benjy’s arms around me and the sound of Knox’s footsteps beside me.
I’d killed her. One moment she was alive and talking, and the next she was dead, all because of me. I knew I’d had no real choice. If I hadn’t, Benjy and Lila would both be dead, but that didn’t stop the guilt from hemor-rhaging through me.
When we reached the infirmary, Benjy set me down in a chair and pulled up another so he could sit beside me. By the time I looked up, Knox was gone. I didn’t see where he went, but there was only one place to go: Lila’s bedside.
Benjy didn’t say a word, and I was grateful for the silence. He rubbed slow circles on my back, and I struggled to forget the image of Augusta lying dead on the carpet.
Instead I tried to remember what Benjy’s face had looked like when she’d been moments away from killing him.
It didn’t help.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. He stroked my hair rhythmically, and for a moment I pretended we were back in the group home and none of this had ever happened. It was just him and me, and the Harts were in a completely different universe.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “You did what you had to do. Just—in the future, don’t risk your life doing it, all right?”
I tried to smile, but my chin trembled. “I should—I should never have left you and gone with Tabs. I only went to the club because I wanted to stay with you.”
My voice cracked, and Benjy nuzzled the top of my head. “I know,” he murmured. “You did the best you could with what you had.”
I didn’t deserve him. Burying my face in his chest, I let his shirt soak up the tears leaking from my eyes. “I’m sorry for everything with Knox, too.”
Benjy snorted. “I told him if he touched you again, I’d—”
He stopped, and I knew what he was going to say. He’d kill him. It wasn’t a joke anymore, though.
“Listen, Kitty,” he said, pulling back enough to look me in the eye. “I won’t pretend to be all right with everything that’s been done to you, but I know you didn’t ask for any of it. Lila’s engaged to Knox, and you can’t— you can’t still be her and not be. So—I get that. But you don’t have to be her anymore. We’ll get to leave now, and everything will be okay. We can go someplace where no one will find us.”
My fingers tightened around his. I’d been preparing to die ever since I’d injected that drug into Daxton’s veins, and the possibility of surviving this—I’d given up hope.
But in that moment, after everything that had happened that day, I let myself believe Benjy. Celia and Knox and Greyson would allow me to walk away from this, and no one would ever know that Kitty Doe hadn’t died after all. Benjy and I would find a place by the beach, and we would be happy. And neither of us would ever have to see another Hart again.
“That would be nice,” I whispered, and Benjy smiled and wrapped his arms around me once more.
A faint sound caught my attention. Four guards rolled a stretcher down the hallway, and I frowned. Who else was hurt?
As they came closer, however, I saw the black body bag lying across it, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. The points of her shoes formed a tent at the end of the bag, and even though it hid her features, I knew exactly what was underneath the thick plastic.
Augusta, dead and full of bullets I’d put in her.
Greyson followed the stretcher, looking as pale as I felt.
His hands were stained with blood.
“Greyson?” I said. Instead of answering, he winced and looked away.
Something inside me snapped. I couldn’t breathe, and what little I’d eaten in the past day threatened to come up. I pushed myself away from Benjy and stumbled down the corridor. I couldn’t take Greyson’s anger, too. Not on top of everything else.
“Kitty!” called Benjy, his shoes squeaking against the tiled floor as he darted after me. I didn’t stop. Instead I ducked through the nearest door and slammed it shut, enclosing myself in darkness.
In the background, machines beeped and colorful lights blinked, but everything else was black. I took a deep breath. It wasn’t my fault. Greyson had to know that. Everyone had to know that. Augusta had forced my hand. If I could go back— If I could go back, I would have done the exact same thing. Augusta had made her choice, and so had I. As much as the consequences hurt, at least I could live with them. I would have died in more ways than one tonight if I’d let Augusta lay a finger on Benjy. Greyson was grieving for his family, and he needed time. Even if he never came around, even if he never wanted to see me again, I could only be thankful I wasn’t grieving for mine.
Slowly I calmed myself down, one breath at a time.
Once my head stopped spinning, I groped around the wall and flipped on the lights, blinking against the brightness.
As soon as my eyes adjusted, my stomach dropped to my knees. This was Daxton’s room. He lay on the bed, and Celia sat in the chair beside him, her gun dangling from the tips of her fingers.
“Celia?” I said, her name catching in my throat. She didn’t acknowledge me. Instead she stared at Daxton blankly, as if she didn’t even see him. But I did.
His eyes were open.
“Daxton?” I said. He was watching Celia, but when I spoke, he focused on me.
“Lila?” he said weakly, his voice hoarse with disuse.
Lila. He thought I was Lila. But he’d been in a coma since before Lila had returned, and if he thought I was her, then— Did he remember she was dead? Did he remember I’d been Masked? Or had he been awake longer, and did he know about Lila returning?
At last Celia stirred. “Is that you?” she said, her eyes bloodshot as they searched my face. “I saw them carrying you into the trauma ward, but I thought it might not be you, and I didn’t know for sure—”
“Can I talk to you outside?” I said shakily.
She rose and followed me out the door. The cramped hallway seemed to press down on me and make it impossible to take a deep breath. Benjy waited nearby, but when he saw Celia and me, he moved a respectful distance away. Still within earshot, but at least we would have the illusion of privacy.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered. “You were supposed to find Lila and—”
“I couldn’t.” Her lower lip trembled, and she looked seconds away from falling to pieces. “I stood there for ages trying to get a clear shot at the guards, but I couldn’t.
When I stormed them, at first they didn’t shoot, but when I hit the first one with the tranquilizer, they fought back, and I had to get away.”
The gunshot. The shouting. It had been Celia after all.
“You came down here?” I said, glancing over my shoulder. Other than Benjy, we were alone in the hallway, but that wouldn’t last long.
Her face crumpled. “I was going to kill him, but he opened his eyes and said my name, and then I heard shouting, and I saw Lila and all that blood…”
“Augusta tried to kill her,” I said. “Lila was trying to protect me or get away or— I don’t know.”
Celia moaned and sank down against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest. “I thought I could take out Daxton and be back up there in time to help her. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I went to Daxton instead.”
I did. Everything Celia had done since I’d met her was angled to get revenge on her family. She had the opportunity to kill the man she thought was her brother, and thinking Lila was safe, she’d taken it. Or at least tried.
Just like me, she hadn’t been able to do it, either. I found a strange sort of comfort in that.
“Augusta’s dead,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about her anymore. You should go see Lila. They’re working on her now, and—and if I were her, I’d want you there.”
I offered my hand to Celia. She hesitated, but she took it, and with effort I helped her back to her feet. When I tried to let go, she held on to me, her fingers cool against mine.
“You are her,” she said, her face inches from mine.
“Whatever happens, if Lila survives or—or doesn’t, you’re her now.”
She let go of me. Confused, I watched her hurry past Benjy and disappear around the corner. He gave me a questioning look, and I shrugged. I had no idea what she meant, either.
I still had to deal with Daxton. I reentered his room cautiously, unsure what would be waiting for me. Had he really forgotten I’d been Masked as Lila?
He lay prone on the bed, and around him various machines beeped and hummed. When I entered, his eyes widened, and he struggled to sit up.
“Lila?” he said in the same cracked voice. “Where did your mother go?”
“She went to deal with something,” I said, looking for any signs that he knew what was happening. “She’ll be back. Do you remember what happened?”
“I was in my office,” he said, and my pulse quickened.
But before I could make any excuses, his eyes clouded with confusion, and he squinted at me. “You were going on your skiing trip with Knox, weren’t you? Do tell me you didn’t put that off for me.”
Skiing. The fist wrapped around my heart relaxed. Was it possible? Did Daxton really not remember any of it?
“Knox—” I cleared my throat. “Knox and I decided to put it off until you’re better.”
“You shouldn’t have done that,” he said in a kind voice that caught me off guard. “I’m just fine.”
And so, it seemed, was I. At least for now.
The doctors confirmed it: Daxton didn’t remember a thing that had happened in the past six weeks. He didn’t remember who I was or how he’d come to be in the coma in the first place. He easily accepted a story about poisoned food, and when I left his room, I breathed a little easier. This changed nothing about what had happened that day, but at least it meant as long as I was careful, my neck wouldn’t be fitted with a noose anytime soon.
Midnight came and went before Knox emerged from the area where doctors were still treating Lila. He’d been covered with Lila’s blood earlier, but he wore a clean pair of white scrubs now.
“She’ll survive,” he said. “It was close, but she’ll be okay.”
“Good,” I said, my voice rough from the nap I’d managed to catch curled up against Benjy. His chest was warm, and I could hear his heart beating as I rested my head against him. I didn’t want to move.
“Kitty,” said Knox. “About what happened in the room…”
I tensed. I wanted to tell him it was all right, that I understood why he’d chosen Lila’s life over Benjy’s, but I couldn’t. Because to me, there was no contest between them. Then again, there likely wasn’t any contest between them for Knox, either.
My mouth dropped open. Benjy? But why— It hit me, and I finally understood.
Augusta knew everything. She knew Celia was the leader of the Blackcoats. She knew Knox had been playing both sides, and she knew how much I trusted him.
I would never have gone along with Celia if he hadn’t been there, too.
And Augusta knew I would have nothing to do with him or the Blackcoats ever again if he let Benjy die.
For a split second, Knox’s eyes met mine, and when his shoulders slumped, I knew what he was going to say.
“No!” I started to stand, but Augusta pointed her gun at me, and I stopped cold. “Please, Knox—”
“Me,” said Lila weakly. “Knox, let her kill me. He— doesn’t deserve—”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to Lila, and he kissed her forehead before addressing Augusta. “I need Benjy’s help carrying Lila down to the infirmary. Then do it.”
“I’m afraid that isn’t an option,” said Augusta. “However, since you’ve made your decision, I will happily oblige.”
All the air left my lungs. Benjy stood still as a statue, and I silently willed him to run. “Please,” I begged Augusta, desperation clawing at me. “You can’t.”
“Oh yes, my darling, I can,” said Augusta. “Perhaps now you will understand just how powerless you truly are.”
Suddenly the world around me seemed to move in slow motion. Augusta aimed, and Benjy flinched, but everything was sluggish, as if time had slowed down to give me a moment to decide what to do.
My mind was made up. All I needed was that extra second. I pulled the gun from my holster and raised it.
I didn’t need to know how to aim properly in order to line up the barrel with her body and pull the trigger.
And I did.
Over and over and over again, until only a faint click remained.
In the back of my mind, I heard shouts and the thunder of footsteps. I felt hands on me and tried to shake them off, but when Benjy wrapped his arms around me, I stopped, limp in his embrace, and I dropped the gun.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Knox and Greyson carry Lila toward the door, and I heard more shouts as a dozen guards rushed in. The sound of Knox’s voice filled the room as he issued orders, and the guards went from outraged to determined as they produced a stretcher seemingly out of nowhere and carried Lila away.
But the only thing I understood was Augusta’s bulletriddled body lying in a pool of blood that slowly expanded, staining the white carpet crimson.
Chapter 20
Benjy refused to let go of me as Knox led us down to the infirmary. Greyson stayed with the handful of guards that remained in the room to deal with Augusta’s body, but there was still no sign of Celia. I couldn’t find it in me to care. Everything seemed fuzzy, and the only things anchoring me to reality were the feel of Benjy’s arms around me and the sound of Knox’s footsteps beside me.
I’d killed her. One moment she was alive and talking, and the next she was dead, all because of me. I knew I’d had no real choice. If I hadn’t, Benjy and Lila would both be dead, but that didn’t stop the guilt from hemor-rhaging through me.
When we reached the infirmary, Benjy set me down in a chair and pulled up another so he could sit beside me. By the time I looked up, Knox was gone. I didn’t see where he went, but there was only one place to go: Lila’s bedside.
Benjy didn’t say a word, and I was grateful for the silence. He rubbed slow circles on my back, and I struggled to forget the image of Augusta lying dead on the carpet.
Instead I tried to remember what Benjy’s face had looked like when she’d been moments away from killing him.
It didn’t help.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. He stroked my hair rhythmically, and for a moment I pretended we were back in the group home and none of this had ever happened. It was just him and me, and the Harts were in a completely different universe.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “You did what you had to do. Just—in the future, don’t risk your life doing it, all right?”
I tried to smile, but my chin trembled. “I should—I should never have left you and gone with Tabs. I only went to the club because I wanted to stay with you.”
My voice cracked, and Benjy nuzzled the top of my head. “I know,” he murmured. “You did the best you could with what you had.”
I didn’t deserve him. Burying my face in his chest, I let his shirt soak up the tears leaking from my eyes. “I’m sorry for everything with Knox, too.”
Benjy snorted. “I told him if he touched you again, I’d—”
He stopped, and I knew what he was going to say. He’d kill him. It wasn’t a joke anymore, though.
“Listen, Kitty,” he said, pulling back enough to look me in the eye. “I won’t pretend to be all right with everything that’s been done to you, but I know you didn’t ask for any of it. Lila’s engaged to Knox, and you can’t— you can’t still be her and not be. So—I get that. But you don’t have to be her anymore. We’ll get to leave now, and everything will be okay. We can go someplace where no one will find us.”
My fingers tightened around his. I’d been preparing to die ever since I’d injected that drug into Daxton’s veins, and the possibility of surviving this—I’d given up hope.
But in that moment, after everything that had happened that day, I let myself believe Benjy. Celia and Knox and Greyson would allow me to walk away from this, and no one would ever know that Kitty Doe hadn’t died after all. Benjy and I would find a place by the beach, and we would be happy. And neither of us would ever have to see another Hart again.
“That would be nice,” I whispered, and Benjy smiled and wrapped his arms around me once more.
A faint sound caught my attention. Four guards rolled a stretcher down the hallway, and I frowned. Who else was hurt?
As they came closer, however, I saw the black body bag lying across it, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. The points of her shoes formed a tent at the end of the bag, and even though it hid her features, I knew exactly what was underneath the thick plastic.
Augusta, dead and full of bullets I’d put in her.
Greyson followed the stretcher, looking as pale as I felt.
His hands were stained with blood.
“Greyson?” I said. Instead of answering, he winced and looked away.
Something inside me snapped. I couldn’t breathe, and what little I’d eaten in the past day threatened to come up. I pushed myself away from Benjy and stumbled down the corridor. I couldn’t take Greyson’s anger, too. Not on top of everything else.
“Kitty!” called Benjy, his shoes squeaking against the tiled floor as he darted after me. I didn’t stop. Instead I ducked through the nearest door and slammed it shut, enclosing myself in darkness.
In the background, machines beeped and colorful lights blinked, but everything else was black. I took a deep breath. It wasn’t my fault. Greyson had to know that. Everyone had to know that. Augusta had forced my hand. If I could go back— If I could go back, I would have done the exact same thing. Augusta had made her choice, and so had I. As much as the consequences hurt, at least I could live with them. I would have died in more ways than one tonight if I’d let Augusta lay a finger on Benjy. Greyson was grieving for his family, and he needed time. Even if he never came around, even if he never wanted to see me again, I could only be thankful I wasn’t grieving for mine.
Slowly I calmed myself down, one breath at a time.
Once my head stopped spinning, I groped around the wall and flipped on the lights, blinking against the brightness.
As soon as my eyes adjusted, my stomach dropped to my knees. This was Daxton’s room. He lay on the bed, and Celia sat in the chair beside him, her gun dangling from the tips of her fingers.
“Celia?” I said, her name catching in my throat. She didn’t acknowledge me. Instead she stared at Daxton blankly, as if she didn’t even see him. But I did.
His eyes were open.
“Daxton?” I said. He was watching Celia, but when I spoke, he focused on me.
“Lila?” he said weakly, his voice hoarse with disuse.
Lila. He thought I was Lila. But he’d been in a coma since before Lila had returned, and if he thought I was her, then— Did he remember she was dead? Did he remember I’d been Masked? Or had he been awake longer, and did he know about Lila returning?
At last Celia stirred. “Is that you?” she said, her eyes bloodshot as they searched my face. “I saw them carrying you into the trauma ward, but I thought it might not be you, and I didn’t know for sure—”
“Can I talk to you outside?” I said shakily.
She rose and followed me out the door. The cramped hallway seemed to press down on me and make it impossible to take a deep breath. Benjy waited nearby, but when he saw Celia and me, he moved a respectful distance away. Still within earshot, but at least we would have the illusion of privacy.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered. “You were supposed to find Lila and—”
“I couldn’t.” Her lower lip trembled, and she looked seconds away from falling to pieces. “I stood there for ages trying to get a clear shot at the guards, but I couldn’t.
When I stormed them, at first they didn’t shoot, but when I hit the first one with the tranquilizer, they fought back, and I had to get away.”
The gunshot. The shouting. It had been Celia after all.
“You came down here?” I said, glancing over my shoulder. Other than Benjy, we were alone in the hallway, but that wouldn’t last long.
Her face crumpled. “I was going to kill him, but he opened his eyes and said my name, and then I heard shouting, and I saw Lila and all that blood…”
“Augusta tried to kill her,” I said. “Lila was trying to protect me or get away or— I don’t know.”
Celia moaned and sank down against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest. “I thought I could take out Daxton and be back up there in time to help her. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I went to Daxton instead.”
I did. Everything Celia had done since I’d met her was angled to get revenge on her family. She had the opportunity to kill the man she thought was her brother, and thinking Lila was safe, she’d taken it. Or at least tried.
Just like me, she hadn’t been able to do it, either. I found a strange sort of comfort in that.
“Augusta’s dead,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about her anymore. You should go see Lila. They’re working on her now, and—and if I were her, I’d want you there.”
I offered my hand to Celia. She hesitated, but she took it, and with effort I helped her back to her feet. When I tried to let go, she held on to me, her fingers cool against mine.
“You are her,” she said, her face inches from mine.
“Whatever happens, if Lila survives or—or doesn’t, you’re her now.”
She let go of me. Confused, I watched her hurry past Benjy and disappear around the corner. He gave me a questioning look, and I shrugged. I had no idea what she meant, either.
I still had to deal with Daxton. I reentered his room cautiously, unsure what would be waiting for me. Had he really forgotten I’d been Masked as Lila?
He lay prone on the bed, and around him various machines beeped and hummed. When I entered, his eyes widened, and he struggled to sit up.
“Lila?” he said in the same cracked voice. “Where did your mother go?”
“She went to deal with something,” I said, looking for any signs that he knew what was happening. “She’ll be back. Do you remember what happened?”
“I was in my office,” he said, and my pulse quickened.
But before I could make any excuses, his eyes clouded with confusion, and he squinted at me. “You were going on your skiing trip with Knox, weren’t you? Do tell me you didn’t put that off for me.”
Skiing. The fist wrapped around my heart relaxed. Was it possible? Did Daxton really not remember any of it?
“Knox—” I cleared my throat. “Knox and I decided to put it off until you’re better.”
“You shouldn’t have done that,” he said in a kind voice that caught me off guard. “I’m just fine.”
And so, it seemed, was I. At least for now.
The doctors confirmed it: Daxton didn’t remember a thing that had happened in the past six weeks. He didn’t remember who I was or how he’d come to be in the coma in the first place. He easily accepted a story about poisoned food, and when I left his room, I breathed a little easier. This changed nothing about what had happened that day, but at least it meant as long as I was careful, my neck wouldn’t be fitted with a noose anytime soon.
Midnight came and went before Knox emerged from the area where doctors were still treating Lila. He’d been covered with Lila’s blood earlier, but he wore a clean pair of white scrubs now.
“She’ll survive,” he said. “It was close, but she’ll be okay.”
“Good,” I said, my voice rough from the nap I’d managed to catch curled up against Benjy. His chest was warm, and I could hear his heart beating as I rested my head against him. I didn’t want to move.
“Kitty,” said Knox. “About what happened in the room…”
I tensed. I wanted to tell him it was all right, that I understood why he’d chosen Lila’s life over Benjy’s, but I couldn’t. Because to me, there was no contest between them. Then again, there likely wasn’t any contest between them for Knox, either.
