Perfect
Page 180

 Judith McNaught

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"Not long enough," he snapped. Turning the freezing blast of his gaze on Julie, he demanded, "What the hell is the idea?"
"The idea," Julie said calmly, "is for you to listen to what your grandmother needs to tell you." Zack started to turn his back and walk out, but Julie put her hand on his sleeve. "Please, darling. For my sake. Make it my wedding present. I'll go into the kitchen and make some tea."
Zack yanked his gaze from her face and passed a contemptuous glance over the old woman. "Say whatever it is you came to say and then get the hell out of my life and stay out!"
Instead of slashing at him verbally, she nodded and said in a halting voice, "I came to tell you how … how grievously sorry I am for the things I have done to you."
"Fine," Zack said sarcastically. "Now get out."
"I also came to ask you to forgive me."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"And to tell you that I—I…" Her voice trailed off and she looked helplessly to Julie for assistance, but Julie had already gone to the kitchen. Holding out her hand in a gesture of appeal, she whispered, "Zachary, please."
Zack looked down at the aristocratic hand held out to him; it was older now and too thin, her gold wedding band the only adornment on it. When he refused to take it, she dropped her hand to her side and said with a proud lift of her chin, "I will not beg you." Turning toward the windows, she straightened her shoulders and, looking out at the quiet street, said, "However, I came to explain things to you, and I shall do it." She was quiet for a moment, and when she spoke, there was an uncertainty in her voice that Zack had never heard before. "Shortly before Justin died, I had gone upstairs to put a vase of fresh flowers on the table near the landing. I heard the two of you quarreling in his room. You were quarreling about who should take Amy Price to the dance at the country club…" She drew a shaky breath and then said, "A few minutes later there was a gunshot, and Justin was dead."
Glancing over her shoulder, she said bitterly, "I knew you were lying when you told the police you'd fired the gun accidentally, I could see it in your eyes. Only I—I thought you were lying about killing him accidentally."
Zack looked at the bleak sorrow on her face and steeled himself not to react, but he was amazed that she'd heard him quarreling with Justin and belatedly aware of how damning that must have seemed to her. He'd actually quarreled with Justin for trying to back out of taking Amy Price to the dance and insisting he was doing it for Zack's sake.
"Please," she said hoarsely, "say something!"
Standing off to the side, Julie gently interceded when Zack would not. "Mrs. Stanhope, why didn't you tell the police about Zack's quarrel with Justin?"
Margaret Stanhope looked down at her folded hands atop the cane as if ashamed of her weakness. "I couldn't," she said. "I couldn't bear the sight of Zachary, but neither could I bear the thought of his being sent to prison. And so," she finished, raising her gaze to Zack's impassive face, "I sent you away, out of my sight. Away from your home and your brother and sister. I knew you would survive very well," she added, her voice gruff with emotion. "You see … I knew you were the strongest of my grandchildren, Zachary." She drew another harsh breath and continued, "And the smartest. And the proudest." When Zack still didn't react, she said, "Your grandfather made you and Foster promise never to tell me that Justin killed himself or why he did. Foster broke that promise the day you were let out of prison. He felt too many injustices had already been done you, and he couldn't bear the burden of his promise anymore. Now it is I who must bear the burden for all the wrongs I've done you. It was I who robbed you of your brother and sister, I who cast you out of your rightful home, I who made Julie believe you were truly capable of murder. And it was I who frightened her into betraying you to the authorities."
Finished, she waited for him to say something, and when he didn't, she looked helplessly to Julie. "I told you he would not forgive. He is too much like me to accept a mere apology for the unforgivable." She turned and stepped toward the door, then stopped and looked at Zack with an anguished laugh. "How pathetic I must seem to you now. And how blind! I've wasted my whole life steeling myself against loving your grandfather and then you. And now Julie tells me that you both loved me more than I ever imagined. Now, I shall spend the rest of my life regretting all my wasted years and my stupidity, cruelty, and blindness. A fitting penance for me, don't you agree, Zachary?"
"No," Julie burst out, sensing Zack's internal struggle as she watched his jaw clench and relax. "It is not a fitting penance at all, and he doesn't think it is!" Reaching out, she touched his rigid jaw, refusing to back down from the chill in his eyes. "Zack," she said softly, "don't let this happen. You can end it now. I know you loved your grandmother, I know you did! I could hear it in your voice when you talked about her in Colorado. She heard you quarreling with Justin right before he died, did you know that before tonight?"
"No," he clipped.
Tightening her hand on his arm, Julie pleaded desperately, "You've forgiven me for much worse."
Mrs. Stanhope turned to leave, then she stopped and reached into her purse for a small velvet box. "I brought this to give to you," she said, holding it out to him. When Zack refused to reach for it, she handed it to Julie and said to him, "It was your grandfather's watch." Straightening her shoulders she nodded at Julie and said with a wan smile, "Thank you for what you tried to do today. You are a remarkable, warm, courageous young woman—a fitting wife for my grandson." Her voice broke on the last word and she reached for the doorknob.
Behind her, Zack said curtly, "Julie made tea. She would probably like you to stay for it." It was the closest thing to a declaration of a truce he was able to make, but both women knew exactly what it meant. Mrs. Stanhope looked at the tall, proud, handsome man who had survived and triumphed in the face of enormous odds and then at the courageous young woman he loved. "Your sister and brother are waiting in the car," she told him in a husky voice. "They would like to see you if you're willing."
Julie held her breath while Zack hesitated, then he walked slowly out onto the front porch. He stopped there, looking at the limousine pulled up at the curb, his hands shoved into his pockets. He would not go to the car, Julie realized, or even meet them halfway, but he was giving them an opening.