Poles Apart
Page 55
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He laughed; he actually had the nerve to laugh at me. “You’re so sexy when you’re mad.”
I didn’t answer, I just pushed past him to go and find the spare bedroom he’d said was down the hall. I couldn’t even look at him anymore. He obviously thought demanding we got married gave him ‘husband’s rights’ over me. He obviously thought giving me his surname meant he got to use my body whenever he wanted. That feeling of being cheap and nasty washed over me again.
As I got halfway across the room, he grabbed my wrist, yanking me to a stop. “Where are you going?”
I ripped my arm from his grasp. “Away from you!”
“I thought we were going to bed?” He frowned, clearly confused by my change of attitude.
I snorted in disbelief. “I’m not sleeping in here with you! You think you can just order me to marry you? I’ll fucking marry you if that means I get to stay with my daughter, but don’t think I’m going to be performing like a wife just because you say so!” I spat, shoving on his bare chest as hard as I could.
He stumbled back a couple of steps and his face turned angry, too. “You’re sleeping in here with me, Emma!” he argued, reaching for my hand again.
I whipped it out of the way quickly and turned for the door again. Before I got to the door, though, two arms wrapped around me and I was swept from my feet and into his arms. I gasped and struggled to get out of his grasp as he carried me over to the bed. I needed to get out of here quickly. I could feel the sadness creeping up and it wouldn’t be long before I completely broke down in tears. I didn’t want him near me when that happened.
He dropped me on the bed as I dug my nails into his shoulder. I immediately went to push myself up and run, but he gripped my hands, pinning me to the bed. The angry expression was back on his face, and I felt my blood turn cold as I wondered if Carson Matthews, man I had put on a pedestal for the last three years, was actually going to force himself on me.
“You’re sleeping in here with me and that’s final! I don’t give a shit if I have to pin you to the sodding bed all night! We’re getting married, so we’ll behave like a normal married couple!” he shouted, his face tinted red with anger.
I struggled to fight him off again, thrashing my legs, screaming for him to get off me. Effortlessly, he shifted so he was on top of me, pinning my whole body down with his weight.
“Get off me! Let go!” I shouted. He gripped my wrists tighter, scowling at me. “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” I screamed. I carried on trying to get free, but to no avail. In the end I just gave up, laying perfectly still underneath him as the sobs racked my body, making me gasp for breath. “I hate you,” I choked out.
“I know.”
“I hate you for making me do this, Carson,” I croaked, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to stop crying.
“You said.”
I turned my face away and just lay still under him, willing myself to stop crying. I couldn’t fight him off; if he was going to use my body then it’d be against my will. I guess he thought us being engaged gave him that right now. “If you’re going to rape me then just do it,” I whispered, my chin trembling.
“Rape you?” he gasped. “What the fuck, Emma? I wouldn’t… are you crazy?” He finally let go of me, pushing himself up so he was straddling me as he looked down at me in disbelief. “Seriously? You think I would do that?” he asked, clearly hurt by my assumptions.
I sniffed loudly, swiping at my tears as he moved off me, sitting on the bed next to me. “I don’t even know you anymore, Carson. Maybe I never did. The Carson I knew wouldn’t be making me do this. He wouldn’t threaten to take my daughter away. He wouldn’t make me feel like a dirty tart every time he looked at me.” I looked up at him through blurry eyes as his face softened and he shook his head and settled down next to me, wrapping his arm over my stomach and pressing himself against my side.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered, stroking my hair softly. “You do know me. I’m sorry, but this is what needs to happen. You won’t hate me forever. I can make you happy here if you just let me. I’ll give you anything the three of you want. I’ll be the best dad in the world.”
And there it was again – the slap in the face that told me he was only doing this for Sasha and not me. If he just said he wanted me, that he liked me, that I made him laugh, anything…
I couldn’t speak. I rolled over, facing away from him as I curled into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest as I sobbed harder. Behind me, he sighed deeply and climbed out of the bed. Seconds later, a soft blanket was placed over me as he tucked it under my chin before leaning in and planting a soft kiss on the side of my head. His touch was so much like the Carson I fell in love with that it broke my heart a little more.
“I’ll go sleep somewhere else. You take this one,” he muttered quietly before he stomped across the room and left, closing the door tightly behind him.
IT TOOK ME AN EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT OF TIME to fall asleep. Everything was too quiet; there was no shouting going on outside in the middle of the night, no cars coming and going in the car park, no music playing in another apartment. Carson’s house was utterly silent. I hated it.
I’d laid there awake for hours, going over everything that had happened, mulling over just how much my life had changed in the space of twenty-four hours. Thinking about being Carson’s wife made me so confused I didn’t even know what to think anymore. I wanted to be his wife more than anything in the world; I wanted the life he painted for us, the four of us together with him spoiling Rory and Sasha to the point of ruin. At the same time, I hated the thought of being his wife. He didn’t love me; therefore, he would continue with his playboy act, humiliating both me and Sasha. I had no idea how I was supposed to cope with seeing pictures of him with other girls. Sasha would be old enough to understand at some point. No doubt she would end up resenting him more in the long run; his antics would tarnish the whole family name and end up embarrassing her, too.
I didn’t answer, I just pushed past him to go and find the spare bedroom he’d said was down the hall. I couldn’t even look at him anymore. He obviously thought demanding we got married gave him ‘husband’s rights’ over me. He obviously thought giving me his surname meant he got to use my body whenever he wanted. That feeling of being cheap and nasty washed over me again.
As I got halfway across the room, he grabbed my wrist, yanking me to a stop. “Where are you going?”
I ripped my arm from his grasp. “Away from you!”
“I thought we were going to bed?” He frowned, clearly confused by my change of attitude.
I snorted in disbelief. “I’m not sleeping in here with you! You think you can just order me to marry you? I’ll fucking marry you if that means I get to stay with my daughter, but don’t think I’m going to be performing like a wife just because you say so!” I spat, shoving on his bare chest as hard as I could.
He stumbled back a couple of steps and his face turned angry, too. “You’re sleeping in here with me, Emma!” he argued, reaching for my hand again.
I whipped it out of the way quickly and turned for the door again. Before I got to the door, though, two arms wrapped around me and I was swept from my feet and into his arms. I gasped and struggled to get out of his grasp as he carried me over to the bed. I needed to get out of here quickly. I could feel the sadness creeping up and it wouldn’t be long before I completely broke down in tears. I didn’t want him near me when that happened.
He dropped me on the bed as I dug my nails into his shoulder. I immediately went to push myself up and run, but he gripped my hands, pinning me to the bed. The angry expression was back on his face, and I felt my blood turn cold as I wondered if Carson Matthews, man I had put on a pedestal for the last three years, was actually going to force himself on me.
“You’re sleeping in here with me and that’s final! I don’t give a shit if I have to pin you to the sodding bed all night! We’re getting married, so we’ll behave like a normal married couple!” he shouted, his face tinted red with anger.
I struggled to fight him off again, thrashing my legs, screaming for him to get off me. Effortlessly, he shifted so he was on top of me, pinning my whole body down with his weight.
“Get off me! Let go!” I shouted. He gripped my wrists tighter, scowling at me. “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” I screamed. I carried on trying to get free, but to no avail. In the end I just gave up, laying perfectly still underneath him as the sobs racked my body, making me gasp for breath. “I hate you,” I choked out.
“I know.”
“I hate you for making me do this, Carson,” I croaked, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to stop crying.
“You said.”
I turned my face away and just lay still under him, willing myself to stop crying. I couldn’t fight him off; if he was going to use my body then it’d be against my will. I guess he thought us being engaged gave him that right now. “If you’re going to rape me then just do it,” I whispered, my chin trembling.
“Rape you?” he gasped. “What the fuck, Emma? I wouldn’t… are you crazy?” He finally let go of me, pushing himself up so he was straddling me as he looked down at me in disbelief. “Seriously? You think I would do that?” he asked, clearly hurt by my assumptions.
I sniffed loudly, swiping at my tears as he moved off me, sitting on the bed next to me. “I don’t even know you anymore, Carson. Maybe I never did. The Carson I knew wouldn’t be making me do this. He wouldn’t threaten to take my daughter away. He wouldn’t make me feel like a dirty tart every time he looked at me.” I looked up at him through blurry eyes as his face softened and he shook his head and settled down next to me, wrapping his arm over my stomach and pressing himself against my side.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered, stroking my hair softly. “You do know me. I’m sorry, but this is what needs to happen. You won’t hate me forever. I can make you happy here if you just let me. I’ll give you anything the three of you want. I’ll be the best dad in the world.”
And there it was again – the slap in the face that told me he was only doing this for Sasha and not me. If he just said he wanted me, that he liked me, that I made him laugh, anything…
I couldn’t speak. I rolled over, facing away from him as I curled into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest as I sobbed harder. Behind me, he sighed deeply and climbed out of the bed. Seconds later, a soft blanket was placed over me as he tucked it under my chin before leaning in and planting a soft kiss on the side of my head. His touch was so much like the Carson I fell in love with that it broke my heart a little more.
“I’ll go sleep somewhere else. You take this one,” he muttered quietly before he stomped across the room and left, closing the door tightly behind him.
IT TOOK ME AN EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT OF TIME to fall asleep. Everything was too quiet; there was no shouting going on outside in the middle of the night, no cars coming and going in the car park, no music playing in another apartment. Carson’s house was utterly silent. I hated it.
I’d laid there awake for hours, going over everything that had happened, mulling over just how much my life had changed in the space of twenty-four hours. Thinking about being Carson’s wife made me so confused I didn’t even know what to think anymore. I wanted to be his wife more than anything in the world; I wanted the life he painted for us, the four of us together with him spoiling Rory and Sasha to the point of ruin. At the same time, I hated the thought of being his wife. He didn’t love me; therefore, he would continue with his playboy act, humiliating both me and Sasha. I had no idea how I was supposed to cope with seeing pictures of him with other girls. Sasha would be old enough to understand at some point. No doubt she would end up resenting him more in the long run; his antics would tarnish the whole family name and end up embarrassing her, too.
