Preppy: The Life & Death of Samuel Clearwater, Part One
Page 48
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“Noooo,” she said, her eyes going wide, she tried to take a step back, but I closed the distance between us again. There was no way I was going to let her back away from what I had to say.
“So much attention that he knew how tight my asshole was,” I continued. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “So much, that when he was too drunk to come, he blamed me then beat me until I passed out.”
“That’s not possible,” she whispered, her hand covering her mouth.
“It’s fucking possible and it fucking happened,” I spat. “Over and over again it happened, in the very next room, under the same fucking roof. It happened BECAUSE of you. Because you did nothing to stop it. Because you weren’t there or didn’t care. So you see, you didn’t just ignore me. You forgot you had a son and left me in the hands of a man who I’d wished forgot I was there.”
She shook her head in disbelief, and either she really didn’t believe me or she was processing the cement truck I’d just dropped on her head. Either way, it was her head shaking from side to side that pushed me over the edge I’d been teetering on. My vision became a blur and I couldn’t see beyond the hatred that was either blinding me or making me see clearer than I ever had before. I pulled my gun from the front of my pants and pushed the barrel to her forehead. She dropped to her knees.
“Son, wait!” the man in the blazer called out, jogging up to us. I cocked the gun and he stopped in his tracks.
“Son?” I asked with a laugh. I looked down to my mother who was whimpering. “You might really want to rethink your choice of words there, motherfucker. ’Cause Mama and me aren’t exactly having the friendliest of family reunions, so that word makes me a little twitchy.” I tapped the trigger to show him what I meant and Mitch stopped behind my mother, raising his arms in surrender.
“Put your god damned hands down, man,” I spat. “I’m not robbing! I’m killing, don’t get it twisted.”
“Please. No!” Mitch pled.
“Fuck off,” I told Mitch. I looked down at the woman before me on her knees, her white pants dirtied by the driveway, and all I wanted was for her to feel what I felt. Live how I lived. “Maybe I’ll have one of my biker friends come over and fuck you in the ass in front of your husband,” I told her. “Rape you. Take what you don’t want to give. Fuck what you don’t want fucked, but unlike you, I won’t ignore it. I won’t turn my back on it. I’ll watch. I’ll cheer. And I’ll fucking rejoice when he splits you in two.”
My piece of shit mother wailed and shook as one would naturally do when they know they’re about to meet their end. “Samuel, please…” she begged, her black eye makeup ran down her face and it seemed fitting that she was crying dirty tears.
“You know Mom…” I started, turning the barrel of the gun on her head, tangling it in her hair. “To me, you’ve never looked better than you do right now…at the end of my gun.”
Billy’s van pulled in the end of the driveway and he hopped out with the cooler in his arms. He took in the scene in front of him, glancing from me to my gun to my mom to Mitch, before landing back on me.
“You can’t kill me,” my mother stated on a sob. “He’s, he’s a witness.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked. “Hey Billy, put the crab in my trunk, will you? I’m leaving here after I take care of this situation.”
Billy nodded. “No problem, man. You need any help with that?” He jerked his chin to the bitch on her knees. “I got some time before I gotta get the girls from soccer.”
“I’m straight,” I answered.
“All righty then,” he said, turning toward the garage and whistling as he walked.
I kneeled down in front of my mother and shoved the gun under her chin, jerking her chin up to face me. “Something tells me he wouldn’t make a very good witness,” I pointed out, Billy’s whistle still echoing over the house.
“I didn’t know,” my mom wailed. “I promise I didn’t know what was happening. I swear.”
“That’s the fucking problem!” I shouted, standing back up. My finger leaning heavy against the trigger. Just a little more pressure and it would be over. SHE would be over. The burden on my chest would be lifted. Just a few more seconds, and I could make all the things right that she made wrong.
But no matter if I killed her a million times over, it couldn’t turn back time. It couldn’t make her a better mom. It couldn’t make Tim unrape a scared and lonely kid.
“Go ahead, I deserve it,” she said.
“Nancy. No,” Mitch said, finally lowering his hands. I glanced up at the worry written all over his face. The guy actually seemed to care about the cunt, and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach. Not because I didn’t want to kill her. I did. But because I wasn’t going to.
“I want you to think about what I told you. I hope it’s seeped into that bleached brain of yours. I hope it gives you nightmares and you think about him grunting over my back while you were passed out on the other couch.” My mother cried out and her shoulders shook violently. “You both have ten fucking seconds to get in that car and get off my property, before I start firing. Mitch, you make sure this bitch stays far far away, because if I so much as find out that you’ve come within twenty miles of me, I will come for you, and I don’t care if there are a thousand witnesses around. I will put a bullet in both of you, but before I do I’ll seek out your friends. Your other family. Anyone close to you. Anyone you know, and I’ll end them first so you’ll know I’m coming for you. If you don’t think I’m serious, all you have to do is cross me and you’ll motherfucking find out. You have ten seconds.” I leaned down next to her and ran the gun down her face. Oh, how it would be so easy. “RUN BITCH!” I shouted in her ear. She stumbled, falling backwards on the gravel. Mitch rushed to her aid, picking her up by her elbows and practically dragging her to the car as he ran and she struggled to keep up.
The tires spun as they fishtailed down the driveway. I ran after them, aimed my gun, and fired several bullets into their bumper, before falling to my knees on the road.
As their SUV drove out of sight it looked as if they were being swallowed up by a black hole that grew bigger and bigger until they were gone and there was nothing at all.
“So much attention that he knew how tight my asshole was,” I continued. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “So much, that when he was too drunk to come, he blamed me then beat me until I passed out.”
“That’s not possible,” she whispered, her hand covering her mouth.
“It’s fucking possible and it fucking happened,” I spat. “Over and over again it happened, in the very next room, under the same fucking roof. It happened BECAUSE of you. Because you did nothing to stop it. Because you weren’t there or didn’t care. So you see, you didn’t just ignore me. You forgot you had a son and left me in the hands of a man who I’d wished forgot I was there.”
She shook her head in disbelief, and either she really didn’t believe me or she was processing the cement truck I’d just dropped on her head. Either way, it was her head shaking from side to side that pushed me over the edge I’d been teetering on. My vision became a blur and I couldn’t see beyond the hatred that was either blinding me or making me see clearer than I ever had before. I pulled my gun from the front of my pants and pushed the barrel to her forehead. She dropped to her knees.
“Son, wait!” the man in the blazer called out, jogging up to us. I cocked the gun and he stopped in his tracks.
“Son?” I asked with a laugh. I looked down to my mother who was whimpering. “You might really want to rethink your choice of words there, motherfucker. ’Cause Mama and me aren’t exactly having the friendliest of family reunions, so that word makes me a little twitchy.” I tapped the trigger to show him what I meant and Mitch stopped behind my mother, raising his arms in surrender.
“Put your god damned hands down, man,” I spat. “I’m not robbing! I’m killing, don’t get it twisted.”
“Please. No!” Mitch pled.
“Fuck off,” I told Mitch. I looked down at the woman before me on her knees, her white pants dirtied by the driveway, and all I wanted was for her to feel what I felt. Live how I lived. “Maybe I’ll have one of my biker friends come over and fuck you in the ass in front of your husband,” I told her. “Rape you. Take what you don’t want to give. Fuck what you don’t want fucked, but unlike you, I won’t ignore it. I won’t turn my back on it. I’ll watch. I’ll cheer. And I’ll fucking rejoice when he splits you in two.”
My piece of shit mother wailed and shook as one would naturally do when they know they’re about to meet their end. “Samuel, please…” she begged, her black eye makeup ran down her face and it seemed fitting that she was crying dirty tears.
“You know Mom…” I started, turning the barrel of the gun on her head, tangling it in her hair. “To me, you’ve never looked better than you do right now…at the end of my gun.”
Billy’s van pulled in the end of the driveway and he hopped out with the cooler in his arms. He took in the scene in front of him, glancing from me to my gun to my mom to Mitch, before landing back on me.
“You can’t kill me,” my mother stated on a sob. “He’s, he’s a witness.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked. “Hey Billy, put the crab in my trunk, will you? I’m leaving here after I take care of this situation.”
Billy nodded. “No problem, man. You need any help with that?” He jerked his chin to the bitch on her knees. “I got some time before I gotta get the girls from soccer.”
“I’m straight,” I answered.
“All righty then,” he said, turning toward the garage and whistling as he walked.
I kneeled down in front of my mother and shoved the gun under her chin, jerking her chin up to face me. “Something tells me he wouldn’t make a very good witness,” I pointed out, Billy’s whistle still echoing over the house.
“I didn’t know,” my mom wailed. “I promise I didn’t know what was happening. I swear.”
“That’s the fucking problem!” I shouted, standing back up. My finger leaning heavy against the trigger. Just a little more pressure and it would be over. SHE would be over. The burden on my chest would be lifted. Just a few more seconds, and I could make all the things right that she made wrong.
But no matter if I killed her a million times over, it couldn’t turn back time. It couldn’t make her a better mom. It couldn’t make Tim unrape a scared and lonely kid.
“Go ahead, I deserve it,” she said.
“Nancy. No,” Mitch said, finally lowering his hands. I glanced up at the worry written all over his face. The guy actually seemed to care about the cunt, and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach. Not because I didn’t want to kill her. I did. But because I wasn’t going to.
“I want you to think about what I told you. I hope it’s seeped into that bleached brain of yours. I hope it gives you nightmares and you think about him grunting over my back while you were passed out on the other couch.” My mother cried out and her shoulders shook violently. “You both have ten fucking seconds to get in that car and get off my property, before I start firing. Mitch, you make sure this bitch stays far far away, because if I so much as find out that you’ve come within twenty miles of me, I will come for you, and I don’t care if there are a thousand witnesses around. I will put a bullet in both of you, but before I do I’ll seek out your friends. Your other family. Anyone close to you. Anyone you know, and I’ll end them first so you’ll know I’m coming for you. If you don’t think I’m serious, all you have to do is cross me and you’ll motherfucking find out. You have ten seconds.” I leaned down next to her and ran the gun down her face. Oh, how it would be so easy. “RUN BITCH!” I shouted in her ear. She stumbled, falling backwards on the gravel. Mitch rushed to her aid, picking her up by her elbows and practically dragging her to the car as he ran and she struggled to keep up.
The tires spun as they fishtailed down the driveway. I ran after them, aimed my gun, and fired several bullets into their bumper, before falling to my knees on the road.
As their SUV drove out of sight it looked as if they were being swallowed up by a black hole that grew bigger and bigger until they were gone and there was nothing at all.
