Promised
Page 57
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‘None of your business.’
‘I’m making it my business.’ He presses in further, pushing a breathy gasp from my lips. ‘You’re planning on sleeping with him, and I’m not going to let that happen.’
I turn my head away from him, losing the desire and gaining some irritation. ‘You can’t stop me.’ I don’t know what I’m saying.
‘You still owe me four hours, Livy.’
My head swings back towards him in shock. ‘You expect me to commit another four hours to you, just so you can turn cold and hard-hearted on me again? I shared something with you. You made me feel safe.’
His lips purse and his breathing becomes heavier, more forced, like he’s trying to control himself. ‘You are safe with me,’ he growls. ‘And yes, I do expect you give me more. I want the rest of the time that you owe me.’
‘You’re not going to get it,’ I proclaim confidently, disgusted with his absurd demand. ‘Do you really think I owe you anything?’
‘You’re coming home with me.’
‘No, I’m not.’ I fight the urge to scream yes. ‘And you didn’t answer my question.’
‘I’m choosing not to.’ He hunkers down and levels his lips with mine. ‘Let me taste you again.’
The desire is fighting its way forward. ‘No.’
‘Let me take you to my bed.’
I shake my head desperately and clench my eyes shut, wanting to let him, but knowing it would be a gargantuan mistake. ‘No, not so you can toss me out again.’ I feel the warmth of his mouth closing in, but I don’t turn my head.
I wait.
I let it happen.
And when the moist softness of his lips connects with mine, I go lax and open up to him on a low moan, my hands finding his shoulders, my head tilting to give him full access. I blank out. My intelligence has been blocked again.
‘There are sparks,’ he mumbles, ‘full-on, electric sparks, and we’re creating them.’ He pecks my lips. ‘Don’t deprive us of this.’ He kisses his way into my neck and nibbles up to my ear. ‘Please.’
‘Just four hours?’ I whisper.
‘Stop overthinking.’
‘I’m not overthinking. I can barely think at all when you’re near me.’
‘I like that.’ He encases my neck with his palms and tilts my face up. His stunning features cripple me. ‘Let it happen.’
‘I already did, more than once, and you turned distant on me every time. Will it be like that again?’
‘No one knows what’s going to happen in the future, Livy.’ His lips move slowly, holding my attention at his mouth.
‘That’s a poor answer,’ I murmur. ‘And you can tell me what will happen because you’re in control of it.’ Annoyingly, I’ve laid my cards – I’ve made it perfectly clear that I want more than he’s willing to give.
‘I really can’t.’ He moves in to kiss me, but I force my face to the side, leaving him hovering over my cheek. ‘Let me taste you, Livy.’
I have to resist him, and his vague answer to my question gives me the strength I need to do it. ‘You’ve already had too much.’ If I fall now, there will be no getting up. By accepting this, I’m giving him the power to turn his back after he’s taken what he wants, and I would never have a valid reason to hold it against him, because I allowed it . . . again.
‘Have you?’ he asks. ‘Have you had enough of me, Livy?’
‘Too much.’ I push him away. ‘Way too much, Miller.’
He curses and runs his hand through his hair. ‘I’m not letting you go home with that man.’
‘And how will you stop me?’ I ask quietly. He doesn’t want me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me either. I don’t understand him, and I’m not going to let him swallow me up again, just so he can spit me back out.
‘He won’t make you feel like I can.’
‘You mean used?’ I retort. ‘You make me feel used. I’ve never exposed myself emotionally to a man before, and I did you. I’ve built up a pile of regrets in my life, Miller. And you’re at the top of it.’
‘Don’t say things you don’t mean.’ He reaches forward and runs his knuckles across my cheek. ‘How can you regret something that was so beautiful?’
‘Easily.’ I take his hand from my cheek and drop it gently to his side. ‘I can regret it easily when I know I’ll never have it again.’ I shuffle past him, ensuring there’s no contact, and start my journey home.
‘You can have it again,’ he calls. ‘We can have that again, Olivia.’
‘Not just for four hours,’ I reply, clenching my eyes shut. ‘I’d rather not have it at all.’ My feet are moving, but I can’t feel them, and I’m vaguely aware that I have a date inside the bar, who’s certainly wondering where I’ve got to. But I can’t go back inside and feign a good mood, not when I’m feeling so utterly broken. So I text Luke a feeble excuse about Nan falling ill. Then I drag myself home.
Chapter 15
‘How did it go?’ Gregory asks when I call him the next morning. No ‘hello’ or ‘how are ya doing?’
‘He’s nice,’ I admit, ‘but I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.’
‘Why aren’t I surprised?’ he grunts, as I hear shuffling in the background.
‘Where are you?’
There’s a lengthy silence, then a few more shuffles, and definitely the sound of a door closing. ‘I caught up with Ben last night,’ he whispers.
‘Oh yeah?’ I grin down the phone. ‘Dirty stop-out.’
‘It wasn’t like that. We went out and had coffee back at his place.’
‘And breakfast.’
‘Yeah, yeah, and breakfast.’ He’s smiling around his words, making my own grin widen. ‘Listen. You know I said Ben wanted to meet you?’
‘I do recall.’
‘Well, there’s an opening of a nightclub tonight. Ben’s been planning it for weeks and he’s invited me. He wants you to join us.’
‘Me?’ I blurt. ‘In a nightclub?’
‘Yes, come on. It’ll be fun. It’s a dead plush place called Ice. Please say yes.’ His beseeching voice won’t shift me. I can’t think of anything worse than subjecting myself to a London nightclub. And anyway, three’s a crowd.
‘I don’t think so, Gregory.’ I shake my head to myself.
‘Oh, baby girl,’ he groans. If I could see him, I know he’d be pouting. ‘It’ll take your mind off things.’
‘What makes you think my mind needs taking off things?’ I ask. ‘I’m fine.’
He almost growls. ‘Cut the crap, Livy. I’m not taking no for an answer. You’re coming and that’s it. And there will be no Converse, either.’
‘Then I’m definitely not coming,’ I grumble. ‘You’re not putting me in those heels again.’
‘Yes, you are. And yes, I am!’ he snaps. ‘You’ve got so much to offer the world, Livy. I’m not letting you waste any more time. This isn’t a practice session, you know. One life, baby girl. Just one. You’re coming out tonight, and you’re going to make an effort of it, too. Put those heels on and walk around the house in them all day if that’s what it takes. I’ll be there at eight to pick you up. I expect you to be ready.’ He hangs up, leaving me with my phone at my ear and my mouth open, ready to object. He’s never spoken to me like that before. I’m shocked, but wondering if I’ve just received the kick up the arse I deserve, and which has been a long time coming.
‘I’m making it my business.’ He presses in further, pushing a breathy gasp from my lips. ‘You’re planning on sleeping with him, and I’m not going to let that happen.’
I turn my head away from him, losing the desire and gaining some irritation. ‘You can’t stop me.’ I don’t know what I’m saying.
‘You still owe me four hours, Livy.’
My head swings back towards him in shock. ‘You expect me to commit another four hours to you, just so you can turn cold and hard-hearted on me again? I shared something with you. You made me feel safe.’
His lips purse and his breathing becomes heavier, more forced, like he’s trying to control himself. ‘You are safe with me,’ he growls. ‘And yes, I do expect you give me more. I want the rest of the time that you owe me.’
‘You’re not going to get it,’ I proclaim confidently, disgusted with his absurd demand. ‘Do you really think I owe you anything?’
‘You’re coming home with me.’
‘No, I’m not.’ I fight the urge to scream yes. ‘And you didn’t answer my question.’
‘I’m choosing not to.’ He hunkers down and levels his lips with mine. ‘Let me taste you again.’
The desire is fighting its way forward. ‘No.’
‘Let me take you to my bed.’
I shake my head desperately and clench my eyes shut, wanting to let him, but knowing it would be a gargantuan mistake. ‘No, not so you can toss me out again.’ I feel the warmth of his mouth closing in, but I don’t turn my head.
I wait.
I let it happen.
And when the moist softness of his lips connects with mine, I go lax and open up to him on a low moan, my hands finding his shoulders, my head tilting to give him full access. I blank out. My intelligence has been blocked again.
‘There are sparks,’ he mumbles, ‘full-on, electric sparks, and we’re creating them.’ He pecks my lips. ‘Don’t deprive us of this.’ He kisses his way into my neck and nibbles up to my ear. ‘Please.’
‘Just four hours?’ I whisper.
‘Stop overthinking.’
‘I’m not overthinking. I can barely think at all when you’re near me.’
‘I like that.’ He encases my neck with his palms and tilts my face up. His stunning features cripple me. ‘Let it happen.’
‘I already did, more than once, and you turned distant on me every time. Will it be like that again?’
‘No one knows what’s going to happen in the future, Livy.’ His lips move slowly, holding my attention at his mouth.
‘That’s a poor answer,’ I murmur. ‘And you can tell me what will happen because you’re in control of it.’ Annoyingly, I’ve laid my cards – I’ve made it perfectly clear that I want more than he’s willing to give.
‘I really can’t.’ He moves in to kiss me, but I force my face to the side, leaving him hovering over my cheek. ‘Let me taste you, Livy.’
I have to resist him, and his vague answer to my question gives me the strength I need to do it. ‘You’ve already had too much.’ If I fall now, there will be no getting up. By accepting this, I’m giving him the power to turn his back after he’s taken what he wants, and I would never have a valid reason to hold it against him, because I allowed it . . . again.
‘Have you?’ he asks. ‘Have you had enough of me, Livy?’
‘Too much.’ I push him away. ‘Way too much, Miller.’
He curses and runs his hand through his hair. ‘I’m not letting you go home with that man.’
‘And how will you stop me?’ I ask quietly. He doesn’t want me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me either. I don’t understand him, and I’m not going to let him swallow me up again, just so he can spit me back out.
‘He won’t make you feel like I can.’
‘You mean used?’ I retort. ‘You make me feel used. I’ve never exposed myself emotionally to a man before, and I did you. I’ve built up a pile of regrets in my life, Miller. And you’re at the top of it.’
‘Don’t say things you don’t mean.’ He reaches forward and runs his knuckles across my cheek. ‘How can you regret something that was so beautiful?’
‘Easily.’ I take his hand from my cheek and drop it gently to his side. ‘I can regret it easily when I know I’ll never have it again.’ I shuffle past him, ensuring there’s no contact, and start my journey home.
‘You can have it again,’ he calls. ‘We can have that again, Olivia.’
‘Not just for four hours,’ I reply, clenching my eyes shut. ‘I’d rather not have it at all.’ My feet are moving, but I can’t feel them, and I’m vaguely aware that I have a date inside the bar, who’s certainly wondering where I’ve got to. But I can’t go back inside and feign a good mood, not when I’m feeling so utterly broken. So I text Luke a feeble excuse about Nan falling ill. Then I drag myself home.
Chapter 15
‘How did it go?’ Gregory asks when I call him the next morning. No ‘hello’ or ‘how are ya doing?’
‘He’s nice,’ I admit, ‘but I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.’
‘Why aren’t I surprised?’ he grunts, as I hear shuffling in the background.
‘Where are you?’
There’s a lengthy silence, then a few more shuffles, and definitely the sound of a door closing. ‘I caught up with Ben last night,’ he whispers.
‘Oh yeah?’ I grin down the phone. ‘Dirty stop-out.’
‘It wasn’t like that. We went out and had coffee back at his place.’
‘And breakfast.’
‘Yeah, yeah, and breakfast.’ He’s smiling around his words, making my own grin widen. ‘Listen. You know I said Ben wanted to meet you?’
‘I do recall.’
‘Well, there’s an opening of a nightclub tonight. Ben’s been planning it for weeks and he’s invited me. He wants you to join us.’
‘Me?’ I blurt. ‘In a nightclub?’
‘Yes, come on. It’ll be fun. It’s a dead plush place called Ice. Please say yes.’ His beseeching voice won’t shift me. I can’t think of anything worse than subjecting myself to a London nightclub. And anyway, three’s a crowd.
‘I don’t think so, Gregory.’ I shake my head to myself.
‘Oh, baby girl,’ he groans. If I could see him, I know he’d be pouting. ‘It’ll take your mind off things.’
‘What makes you think my mind needs taking off things?’ I ask. ‘I’m fine.’
He almost growls. ‘Cut the crap, Livy. I’m not taking no for an answer. You’re coming and that’s it. And there will be no Converse, either.’
‘Then I’m definitely not coming,’ I grumble. ‘You’re not putting me in those heels again.’
‘Yes, you are. And yes, I am!’ he snaps. ‘You’ve got so much to offer the world, Livy. I’m not letting you waste any more time. This isn’t a practice session, you know. One life, baby girl. Just one. You’re coming out tonight, and you’re going to make an effort of it, too. Put those heels on and walk around the house in them all day if that’s what it takes. I’ll be there at eight to pick you up. I expect you to be ready.’ He hangs up, leaving me with my phone at my ear and my mouth open, ready to object. He’s never spoken to me like that before. I’m shocked, but wondering if I’ve just received the kick up the arse I deserve, and which has been a long time coming.
