Quarterback Draw
Page 85
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He circumvented her luggage barrier, took her hands and sat on the bed, taking her with him. “Tell me what you think won’t work and we’ll talk through it.”
She didn’t want to talk through it. She didn’t want him to try and convince her. All she wanted right now was to go back to the way her life was. When it was simple and uncomplicated and didn’t have Grant in it. When her heart didn’t hurt and her mind wasn’t confused. When the kids wouldn’t be hurt—again—because they couldn’t have what they wanted.
Only this time it wouldn’t be Dad who hurt them by leaving, or Mom by dying. It would be her who was going to hurt them, because they’d fallen in love with Grant—and with his family—just as she had.
This was just as much Grant’s fault as it was hers. How could she not have seen this coming?
Dammit.
She stood and paced back and forth. Grant got up, too.
“Kat. Talk to me.”
She stopped, turned to face him.
“I have to get the kids. We have to go home.”
“No, you don’t. You have to tell me what’s bothering you so I can fix it.”
Anger and frustration boiled inside of her. She pointed a finger at him. “That’s the problem. You think you can fix everything when you can’t. You exploded into my life and made all these changes to it. You expected me to blindly follow along as if you knew best. Well, you don’t know best. You don’t know me or my family or what’s best for us. And while I appreciate you taking my brother and sister under your wing, and while I really love your family, you’re all a little overwhelming for me. And you never once asked if this was what I wanted.”
He frowned. “If what was what you wanted?”
She opened her arms wide. “This. All of this.”
He looked around the bedroom, then frowned. “You’re not making any sense. Are you saying you don’t want to be part of my life?”
She knew she wasn’t making sense. None of it made sense to her, either. All she knew was she didn’t want to be here anymore, because it hurt too much. She didn’t know what she wanted, only that she had never been so scared of the way she felt, of the possibility of change in her life.
The possibility that he could hurt her someday.
“I need to go home.”
“No, you need to stay here and talk to me.”
She shook her head. “The kids and I have been doing fine. I’m perfectly capable of supporting them and myself. I don’t need you to take care of me. To take care of us.”
“I know that.”
She gave him a pointed look. “Do you? Do you really? I don’t know if you care about me, or feel as if you need to shelter us, to protect us.”
He reached for her. “Kat, it’s not like that. It’s never been like that.”
She took a step back. “I don’t know if it is or it isn’t. I need some distance, some time to think about all of us. About all of this. You can’t upend our lives like this, Grant. You just … can’t.”
He stared at her, and she knew then he was out of things to say. So was she.
“I’d really appreciate it if someone could drive us to the airport. I’ve already booked flights for us to New York.”
“Don’t do this. Stay and talk to me.”
“I need to get back home. Please don’t ask me to stay.”
He stared at her. She stared back.
“Katrina.”
“No. I mean it, Grant. No.”
He threw up his hands. “Fine. I’ll drive you. But this isn’t over. We’re not over.”
Yes, they were. They had to be, because she couldn’t allow someone to take over her life like this. It had already gone on too long.
She said her good-byes to Lydia and Easton, as painful as that was, knowing she wouldn’t see them again. She made up a flimsy excuse about having booked a last-minute job and needing to catch a quick flight back to New York.
The kids didn’t say anything, but she knew they felt the tension in the car all the way to the airport, especially when Grant dropped them off.
They both gave him tight hugs. And she saw the tears in his eyes when he looked at her. But he didn’t hug her, and it took everything in her not to throw her arms around him.
But she held back. Because she was doing the right thing and she knew it.
When they got back to the apartment in New York City, it felt cold and empty. The kids were quiet, and it didn’t take long for them to realize she lied.
“You don’t have a job, do you?” Anya asked the next day when she saw Katrina sitting on the sofa, leafing through a magazine.
“No.”
“Then why are we back here when we could have gone to Dallas with Grant?”
She rubbed at her temple where a headache had formed yesterday and had yet to go away.
“Grant and I have some issues to work out. It’s really not your business, Anya.”
“You screwed things up with him, didn’t you?”
She gave her sister a stern look. “I’m not discussing this with you.”
Anya marched off in a huff and hid in her room.
It was even worse with Leo, who was inconsolable. Despite his promises to Easton, once he realized her relationship with Grant was over, he could put two and two together. He slept until noon, dragged himself out of bed and shoved his earbuds into his ears. He was silent and sullen, barely speaking to her.
She didn’t want to talk through it. She didn’t want him to try and convince her. All she wanted right now was to go back to the way her life was. When it was simple and uncomplicated and didn’t have Grant in it. When her heart didn’t hurt and her mind wasn’t confused. When the kids wouldn’t be hurt—again—because they couldn’t have what they wanted.
Only this time it wouldn’t be Dad who hurt them by leaving, or Mom by dying. It would be her who was going to hurt them, because they’d fallen in love with Grant—and with his family—just as she had.
This was just as much Grant’s fault as it was hers. How could she not have seen this coming?
Dammit.
She stood and paced back and forth. Grant got up, too.
“Kat. Talk to me.”
She stopped, turned to face him.
“I have to get the kids. We have to go home.”
“No, you don’t. You have to tell me what’s bothering you so I can fix it.”
Anger and frustration boiled inside of her. She pointed a finger at him. “That’s the problem. You think you can fix everything when you can’t. You exploded into my life and made all these changes to it. You expected me to blindly follow along as if you knew best. Well, you don’t know best. You don’t know me or my family or what’s best for us. And while I appreciate you taking my brother and sister under your wing, and while I really love your family, you’re all a little overwhelming for me. And you never once asked if this was what I wanted.”
He frowned. “If what was what you wanted?”
She opened her arms wide. “This. All of this.”
He looked around the bedroom, then frowned. “You’re not making any sense. Are you saying you don’t want to be part of my life?”
She knew she wasn’t making sense. None of it made sense to her, either. All she knew was she didn’t want to be here anymore, because it hurt too much. She didn’t know what she wanted, only that she had never been so scared of the way she felt, of the possibility of change in her life.
The possibility that he could hurt her someday.
“I need to go home.”
“No, you need to stay here and talk to me.”
She shook her head. “The kids and I have been doing fine. I’m perfectly capable of supporting them and myself. I don’t need you to take care of me. To take care of us.”
“I know that.”
She gave him a pointed look. “Do you? Do you really? I don’t know if you care about me, or feel as if you need to shelter us, to protect us.”
He reached for her. “Kat, it’s not like that. It’s never been like that.”
She took a step back. “I don’t know if it is or it isn’t. I need some distance, some time to think about all of us. About all of this. You can’t upend our lives like this, Grant. You just … can’t.”
He stared at her, and she knew then he was out of things to say. So was she.
“I’d really appreciate it if someone could drive us to the airport. I’ve already booked flights for us to New York.”
“Don’t do this. Stay and talk to me.”
“I need to get back home. Please don’t ask me to stay.”
He stared at her. She stared back.
“Katrina.”
“No. I mean it, Grant. No.”
He threw up his hands. “Fine. I’ll drive you. But this isn’t over. We’re not over.”
Yes, they were. They had to be, because she couldn’t allow someone to take over her life like this. It had already gone on too long.
She said her good-byes to Lydia and Easton, as painful as that was, knowing she wouldn’t see them again. She made up a flimsy excuse about having booked a last-minute job and needing to catch a quick flight back to New York.
The kids didn’t say anything, but she knew they felt the tension in the car all the way to the airport, especially when Grant dropped them off.
They both gave him tight hugs. And she saw the tears in his eyes when he looked at her. But he didn’t hug her, and it took everything in her not to throw her arms around him.
But she held back. Because she was doing the right thing and she knew it.
When they got back to the apartment in New York City, it felt cold and empty. The kids were quiet, and it didn’t take long for them to realize she lied.
“You don’t have a job, do you?” Anya asked the next day when she saw Katrina sitting on the sofa, leafing through a magazine.
“No.”
“Then why are we back here when we could have gone to Dallas with Grant?”
She rubbed at her temple where a headache had formed yesterday and had yet to go away.
“Grant and I have some issues to work out. It’s really not your business, Anya.”
“You screwed things up with him, didn’t you?”
She gave her sister a stern look. “I’m not discussing this with you.”
Anya marched off in a huff and hid in her room.
It was even worse with Leo, who was inconsolable. Despite his promises to Easton, once he realized her relationship with Grant was over, he could put two and two together. He slept until noon, dragged himself out of bed and shoved his earbuds into his ears. He was silent and sullen, barely speaking to her.
