She settles in her rocker like thistledown. I pull up the stool an sit, facin her.
The hotwind that was leashed by her voice now roams free. The tent walls billow an snap. The harsh light of middle day’s softened here inside. It’s safe fer Auriel to take off her eyeshield. I know what I’ll see, but a tiny shock jest the same thrills me. She’s got eyes like Tracker. The palest blue of a thin winter sky. Uncanny wolfdog eyes.
I wait fer her to speak. She don’t say nuthin. She jest holds me with her steady gaze. I feel a red heat wash my neck. She knows about me an DeMalo. She knows about my tangle of lies. Of course she does. I so wish she didn’t. Auriel’s all air. She skims above the ground. Not fer her the hot earth of bodies. The drag of unwanted desire.
She told me I’d meet DeMalo. She told me to beware of him. She begged me to stay longer with her, so I’d be more prepared. She said other things, too, an I shrugged her off. All I could think of was goin after Jack.
I should of heeded you, I says. You warned me about him. You said he would know my shadows. He does. I … I lay with him, I—why am I sayin this? You already know.
The time’s short, she says. The blood moon draws near. What would you have my people do?
I give a little laugh. What would I have them do? I says. You know very well. Go onto the farms, back to the land. An I gotta git them kids away from Edenhome—if Webb Reno’s girl is there, she’ll be the key—but I need you to tell me what I gotta do after that. I bin thinkin an tryin to work out that final move that’ll bring all these things together an bring DeMalo down. I know that’s what’s gotta happen. The babyhouse, the slaves, how I needed these people from the Snake—that all came to me pretty clear. But after Edenhome, I cain’t see nuthin. It’s jest blackness. I bin so badly needin to see you, Auriel. Even you probly got no idea how much.
To my dismay, my voice wobbles. I gather it up an carry on.
Jest … please, I says. All I want is fer you to tell me what I gotta do to finish this.
I’m so sorry, she says. I cain’t.
A chill runs over my skin. Of course you can, I says. It’s my destiny. You told me so yerself. You said long before I was born a train of events was set in motion. You said all my roads lead to DeMalo an you was right, they have. An you told me—an my pa did too an he warn’t much of a star reader—you both said, all these people would need me an they do. An you said I mustn’t give up an I don’t. Yer grandfather knew about me. He gave you his bow to give to me. So, I don’t unnerstand. I jest need to know this one … this one last thing becuz I hafta git it right. So I need you—please—to tell me … please tell me what I need to do, Auriel. If this is my destiny, you must know.
Things ain’t the same as they was, she says. That’s why the tumult in the stars. You’ve changed so much, Saba. Yer changin all the time, so quickly. You ain’t the same girl you was at the Snake. You ain’t the same person you was two days ago, yesterday, this mornin. Who you are is yer destiny. As you change, so it changes. Do you see? Yer remakin yer destiny, rewritin it as you go, every moment of every day.
I am?
Yes, she says. The future is yers to shape.
I make my destiny myself, I says.
By the choices you make, she says.
But—there’s too much at stake, I says. So many lives. I dunny what DeMalo’s got planned. Here’s all these people an—How will I know if I’m doin the right thing?
The right thing is to do what yer doin, she says. Take one step at a time. Moment by moment, step by step, that’s how you got here. That’s how you’ll git there. An in every moment, as you choose, stay true to yerself. Who you really are. What you believe. You ain’t like nobody else.
There’s silence between us a long moment.
That’s all you got to say to me, I says. When I ask fer yer help, when I need to know, when—
I hafta stop fer a moment. The hot tightness of fear has my voice.
This ain’t nuthin, I whisper.
It’s everythin, she says.
My head’s poundin. The hotwind circles the tent. I can hear the chatter of voices outside. I feel distant from myself. Like I ain’t in my body. The tent walls bluster an threaten. In an out. They close in on me. There’s a roarin sound in my ears.
I stand. So does she. She reaches up to my face. Her fingers rest on my birthmoon tattoo.
Never lose sight of what you believe in, she says. Never, no matter what happens. What one person does affects the many. We’re all bound together, Saba. All threads in a single garment of destiny.
As I halt from the tent, the wind blasts at me, hot an gritty. I’m numb. I cain’t believe it. Auriel cain’t help me. I bin countin on her to see my way clear. Two nights to the blood moon. Two nights.
What now?
What do I do?
The voices shout at me from the bottom of the hill. Everybody that was there when I went in to see Auriel is still hangin around. Her people. My Free Hawk gang. All waitin, eager to be told what comes next. Where they’re goin. What’s gonna happen. My heart starts to pound. I need to think. I head away from them, fast as I can.
They come rushin after, yellin questions at me.
When do we fight? cries a man.
We don’t, I says loudly. I don’t turn to look. I keep walkin.
We need guns, calls another man. Bows an arrows.
No weapons, I says. This ain’t no blood vengeance.
We got guns in plenty. It’s Creed’s voice. More’n we’ll ever need, right here beneath our feet. Tunnels full of ’em.
I turn to face them. I said, no weapons! I yell.
A great furore erupts. Then why’re we here? We’ll go it alone! No weapons? That’s crazy.
I raise my voice to be heard above the noise. It’s the smartest an quickest way to win this fight!
Climb up where they can see you. Here! says Slim. On the cart!
Peg’s little cart stands nearby. The one I rode here in with Manuel. I hesitate a moment, but Slim an Tommo’s already seized me by the elbows. They hoist me into the back of it. Then the crowd’s surrounded me an before I can pause to think, I’m launchin headlong into speech.
There won’t be no fightin, I says. There ain’t no need to. At least, not the kinda fight you think. The smartest an quickest way to win New Eden is not to fight at all.
I turn as I speak, so’s everyone can hear me.
DeMalo makes out that he’s powerful, I says. Unbeatable. I’m here to tell you that he ain’t. He’s weak an grows weaker by the day. He don’t know it. He cain’t see it. An it’s happenin right unner his nose.
I look out on the sea of faces. They’re silent. Listenin. The hotwind whips at our clothes an hair. I feel the red hot risin high in me. But not to fight. To convince them.
The people of New Eden are slaves, I says. Each an every one, make no mistake. They may not wear iron collars an iron chains, though many in New Eden bear that injustice. But they all wear the slave bonds of fear. So long as we live in fear of this tyrant, we’ll always be his slave. Right now, at this moment, the people of New Eden are castin off the slave chains of fear. Yes. Yer children, yer friends an yer neighbours. DeMalo don’t know it. DeMalo cain’t see it. An it’s happenin right unner his nose.
The hotwind that was leashed by her voice now roams free. The tent walls billow an snap. The harsh light of middle day’s softened here inside. It’s safe fer Auriel to take off her eyeshield. I know what I’ll see, but a tiny shock jest the same thrills me. She’s got eyes like Tracker. The palest blue of a thin winter sky. Uncanny wolfdog eyes.
I wait fer her to speak. She don’t say nuthin. She jest holds me with her steady gaze. I feel a red heat wash my neck. She knows about me an DeMalo. She knows about my tangle of lies. Of course she does. I so wish she didn’t. Auriel’s all air. She skims above the ground. Not fer her the hot earth of bodies. The drag of unwanted desire.
She told me I’d meet DeMalo. She told me to beware of him. She begged me to stay longer with her, so I’d be more prepared. She said other things, too, an I shrugged her off. All I could think of was goin after Jack.
I should of heeded you, I says. You warned me about him. You said he would know my shadows. He does. I … I lay with him, I—why am I sayin this? You already know.
The time’s short, she says. The blood moon draws near. What would you have my people do?
I give a little laugh. What would I have them do? I says. You know very well. Go onto the farms, back to the land. An I gotta git them kids away from Edenhome—if Webb Reno’s girl is there, she’ll be the key—but I need you to tell me what I gotta do after that. I bin thinkin an tryin to work out that final move that’ll bring all these things together an bring DeMalo down. I know that’s what’s gotta happen. The babyhouse, the slaves, how I needed these people from the Snake—that all came to me pretty clear. But after Edenhome, I cain’t see nuthin. It’s jest blackness. I bin so badly needin to see you, Auriel. Even you probly got no idea how much.
To my dismay, my voice wobbles. I gather it up an carry on.
Jest … please, I says. All I want is fer you to tell me what I gotta do to finish this.
I’m so sorry, she says. I cain’t.
A chill runs over my skin. Of course you can, I says. It’s my destiny. You told me so yerself. You said long before I was born a train of events was set in motion. You said all my roads lead to DeMalo an you was right, they have. An you told me—an my pa did too an he warn’t much of a star reader—you both said, all these people would need me an they do. An you said I mustn’t give up an I don’t. Yer grandfather knew about me. He gave you his bow to give to me. So, I don’t unnerstand. I jest need to know this one … this one last thing becuz I hafta git it right. So I need you—please—to tell me … please tell me what I need to do, Auriel. If this is my destiny, you must know.
Things ain’t the same as they was, she says. That’s why the tumult in the stars. You’ve changed so much, Saba. Yer changin all the time, so quickly. You ain’t the same girl you was at the Snake. You ain’t the same person you was two days ago, yesterday, this mornin. Who you are is yer destiny. As you change, so it changes. Do you see? Yer remakin yer destiny, rewritin it as you go, every moment of every day.
I am?
Yes, she says. The future is yers to shape.
I make my destiny myself, I says.
By the choices you make, she says.
But—there’s too much at stake, I says. So many lives. I dunny what DeMalo’s got planned. Here’s all these people an—How will I know if I’m doin the right thing?
The right thing is to do what yer doin, she says. Take one step at a time. Moment by moment, step by step, that’s how you got here. That’s how you’ll git there. An in every moment, as you choose, stay true to yerself. Who you really are. What you believe. You ain’t like nobody else.
There’s silence between us a long moment.
That’s all you got to say to me, I says. When I ask fer yer help, when I need to know, when—
I hafta stop fer a moment. The hot tightness of fear has my voice.
This ain’t nuthin, I whisper.
It’s everythin, she says.
My head’s poundin. The hotwind circles the tent. I can hear the chatter of voices outside. I feel distant from myself. Like I ain’t in my body. The tent walls bluster an threaten. In an out. They close in on me. There’s a roarin sound in my ears.
I stand. So does she. She reaches up to my face. Her fingers rest on my birthmoon tattoo.
Never lose sight of what you believe in, she says. Never, no matter what happens. What one person does affects the many. We’re all bound together, Saba. All threads in a single garment of destiny.
As I halt from the tent, the wind blasts at me, hot an gritty. I’m numb. I cain’t believe it. Auriel cain’t help me. I bin countin on her to see my way clear. Two nights to the blood moon. Two nights.
What now?
What do I do?
The voices shout at me from the bottom of the hill. Everybody that was there when I went in to see Auriel is still hangin around. Her people. My Free Hawk gang. All waitin, eager to be told what comes next. Where they’re goin. What’s gonna happen. My heart starts to pound. I need to think. I head away from them, fast as I can.
They come rushin after, yellin questions at me.
When do we fight? cries a man.
We don’t, I says loudly. I don’t turn to look. I keep walkin.
We need guns, calls another man. Bows an arrows.
No weapons, I says. This ain’t no blood vengeance.
We got guns in plenty. It’s Creed’s voice. More’n we’ll ever need, right here beneath our feet. Tunnels full of ’em.
I turn to face them. I said, no weapons! I yell.
A great furore erupts. Then why’re we here? We’ll go it alone! No weapons? That’s crazy.
I raise my voice to be heard above the noise. It’s the smartest an quickest way to win this fight!
Climb up where they can see you. Here! says Slim. On the cart!
Peg’s little cart stands nearby. The one I rode here in with Manuel. I hesitate a moment, but Slim an Tommo’s already seized me by the elbows. They hoist me into the back of it. Then the crowd’s surrounded me an before I can pause to think, I’m launchin headlong into speech.
There won’t be no fightin, I says. There ain’t no need to. At least, not the kinda fight you think. The smartest an quickest way to win New Eden is not to fight at all.
I turn as I speak, so’s everyone can hear me.
DeMalo makes out that he’s powerful, I says. Unbeatable. I’m here to tell you that he ain’t. He’s weak an grows weaker by the day. He don’t know it. He cain’t see it. An it’s happenin right unner his nose.
I look out on the sea of faces. They’re silent. Listenin. The hotwind whips at our clothes an hair. I feel the red hot risin high in me. But not to fight. To convince them.
The people of New Eden are slaves, I says. Each an every one, make no mistake. They may not wear iron collars an iron chains, though many in New Eden bear that injustice. But they all wear the slave bonds of fear. So long as we live in fear of this tyrant, we’ll always be his slave. Right now, at this moment, the people of New Eden are castin off the slave chains of fear. Yes. Yer children, yer friends an yer neighbours. DeMalo don’t know it. DeMalo cain’t see it. An it’s happenin right unner his nose.
