I’m thrown to the surface. Gasp in the rain. I look fer him. I scream his name, Lugh!
Lost to the roar of the river. His name, my voice, my cry. The current grabs me. Sweeps me away. A stout branch swirls past. I seize it. Agin an agin, it saves my bones as I’m flung towards the rocks of the bank. I shoot over rapids. Outta the gorge into a wooded valley.
Nero screeches above. I look around, frantic. I spot Lugh near the bank. He’s caught in the roots of a fallen tree. Sprawled, face down in the water. Jack’s there too. He’s jest pullin hisself from the river. Lugh! I yell. Now, at last, the red hot kicks me. It rages me, burns me as I struggle towards him. As I fight myself free of the current.
Then I’m there. Grabbin hold. Haulin myself out. Jack’s tryin to drag Lugh free.
Don’t touch him! I yell. Lugh! I’m climbin, scramblin among the tangled roots. Give him to me! I’m grabbin fer Lugh. I’m here, I’m here, it’s okay now, I says. I’m lookin, touchin, checkin him over. There’s some blood where he got shot, not much. An Jack’s helpin me. Turnin him into my arms so he’s laid back aginst me.
Yer gonna be fine, I tell him. An he’s so brave, he don’t make a sound. I hold him in my arms, hold him close. Not a mark on his beautiful face. I kiss his birthmoon tattoo, the same as mine. Look at you, I says, yer perfect. I lace our fingers together. I lay my cheek aginst his. He’s fine, I tell Jack. He’s okay.
I hold him so tight. So tight to my heart. I’m shakin. I’m shiverin.
You’ll never guess, I says. We’re goin to the big water. You an me an Em, it’s all arranged. We can leave right away. If I hadn’t of bin so stubborn, if I’d of listened to you, we’d be there by now. But we’ll git there, I promise, we will.
I hafta stop fer a moment.
I need yer help, I whisper. You see … I made some mistakes an—you always know what to do. You always took care of me. I should of told you before, I should of—please don’t leave me. Please. I cain’t be without you. I dunno how to be without you in the world.
Saba. Jack’s crouched beside us.
He’s sleepin, I says.
Jack kisses my temple. He ain’t asleep, he says.
Emmi’s dead, I says.
I know.
I stare down at the river. Brown water rises, tugs at my feet. Drownin’s easy. So they say. If you don’t fight it. I could slide in, with Lugh in my arms. Before the pain comes. Before it takes me.
He’s gone.
Gone.
My golden heart is gone.
The sound of shoutin comes muffled through the rain.
They’re comin, Jack says. Saba, we hafta run. We cain’t take him with us.
I look at Jack. He’s soaked an filthy. His eyes bloom like stars in his muddy face. The rain sheets down upon our heads.
Find that river you talked about, I says. That stretch of water at the top of the map. Find a boat, like you said, keep goin. I don’t trust him to keep his word about you. The rest of ’em he will, but not you.
Saba! DeMalo’s voice, his men’s voices grow closer. Saba! They’re all callin my name.
You did a deal with him, says Jack.
It’s me he wants. Only me. He always wins, I says.
Jack’s drawn back. I see his face change. As some kinda truth starts to dawn in him.
He didn’t even hafta lift a finger, I says. All he had to do was wait. I did this myself. To all of us.
What deal did you make?
To marry him, I says.
His eyes harden to ice. You bought our freedom in his bed, You’ll pardon me if I don’t thank you. You should of listened to yer brother. Listened to me. Left this place, like we told you to. I always knew you’d funk it at the first deep cut. But I never once thought you’d betray us.
I’m doin this to save you, I says.
I didn’t ask to be saved. None of us did. I thought you unnerstood, he says. What we’re doin here is bigger than any of our lives.
It’s over, Jack.
All that’s over, he says, is you an me.
Then he’s gone. Disappeared to the rain.
Saba! It’s DeMalo’s voice. Urgent. There she is!
I hold Lugh tight to my heart. I slide with him into the river.
Then the pain
—sudden
—ecstasy
—of pain.
AFTER
MY EYES OPEN TO DAYLIGHT. I LIE ON A BED. IN A ROOM I don’t know.
DeMalo’s the first thing I see. In a chair, by a window, dressed in white, he sits an reads a book. Outside, the sky is blue.
Lugh, Lugh with yer eyes so blue
I could sail me away on yer eyes.
I turn my face to the wall.
You’re awake, says DeMalo. At last.
I hear him git up. Hear him walk.
A door opens. He says some words. The door shuts. He walks.
The floor is plank. The door is oiled. His feet an voice fall soft.
He moves his chair beside the bed. A quiet creak as he sits.
How are you feeling? he says.
It’s whitewashed stone. The wall.
Do you remember what happened? he says.
The room feels warm. My mouth feels dry.
I got there just in time, he says. The river almost had you. You were bleeding badly. In terrible pain.
The door opens an shuts. Someone’s come in. He stands. Moves away. She’s awake, he says.
Firm footsteps. Work-rough fingers lift my wrist. Take my pulse. I turn my head. It’s Mercy. Her eyes warn me not to betray us. She lays her hand on my forehead.
Fever’s gone, she says. Her pulse is fine.
This is Mercy. She’s been caring for you, says DeMalo.
He don’t know that I know her.
You miscarried, lady, says Mercy. I’m told you had a bad shock. I expect that’s why. Still, it often happens with the first one. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re pregnant.
Miscarried. Pregnant. Jest words.
She straightens up. She says to DeMalo, Like I said, Master, your lady needs to put some flesh on her bones. Plenty of rest an proper food, that’ll soon set her right. I oughta check her over, now she’s awake.
She stands, hands folded, eyes lowered.
Of course, says DeMalo. I’ll leave you alone. Sleep, he tells me. I’ll see you tonight.
Mercy sits on the bed. She takes me in her arms. Holds me. I’m sorry, she says. So sorry.
DeMalo sent out searchers. To find the best midwife in New Eden. The Tonton tracked her down by word of mouth. She was brought here in greatest hurry. She stays to this room, her own room, a sluice room an the kitchen. Wherever she is, a Tonton’s with her. None must speak to her but on matters of my care. It’s a fine house, one of several DeMalo moves between. Plain but comfortable.
She don’t know New Eden well. All she knows is we’re somewhere southwest. The house stands in grassland with views to nowhere. At the end of a long track from the road.
DeMalo went in the river to save me. I bin here five nights an five days. At first she feared I had no will to live. DeMalo ain’t hardly ever here. She got the idea there was trouble elsewhere an he was called away to deal with it. She wonders if our work got discovered. She fears fer our people.
Nero’s about. He comes an goes through the window. Mercy taught him to lift the latch. Tracker found his way here from the Lanes. He ain’t seen by day but he howls in the night.
My brother an sister lie in graves, side by side. DeMalo raised stone cairns above them.
Lost to the roar of the river. His name, my voice, my cry. The current grabs me. Sweeps me away. A stout branch swirls past. I seize it. Agin an agin, it saves my bones as I’m flung towards the rocks of the bank. I shoot over rapids. Outta the gorge into a wooded valley.
Nero screeches above. I look around, frantic. I spot Lugh near the bank. He’s caught in the roots of a fallen tree. Sprawled, face down in the water. Jack’s there too. He’s jest pullin hisself from the river. Lugh! I yell. Now, at last, the red hot kicks me. It rages me, burns me as I struggle towards him. As I fight myself free of the current.
Then I’m there. Grabbin hold. Haulin myself out. Jack’s tryin to drag Lugh free.
Don’t touch him! I yell. Lugh! I’m climbin, scramblin among the tangled roots. Give him to me! I’m grabbin fer Lugh. I’m here, I’m here, it’s okay now, I says. I’m lookin, touchin, checkin him over. There’s some blood where he got shot, not much. An Jack’s helpin me. Turnin him into my arms so he’s laid back aginst me.
Yer gonna be fine, I tell him. An he’s so brave, he don’t make a sound. I hold him in my arms, hold him close. Not a mark on his beautiful face. I kiss his birthmoon tattoo, the same as mine. Look at you, I says, yer perfect. I lace our fingers together. I lay my cheek aginst his. He’s fine, I tell Jack. He’s okay.
I hold him so tight. So tight to my heart. I’m shakin. I’m shiverin.
You’ll never guess, I says. We’re goin to the big water. You an me an Em, it’s all arranged. We can leave right away. If I hadn’t of bin so stubborn, if I’d of listened to you, we’d be there by now. But we’ll git there, I promise, we will.
I hafta stop fer a moment.
I need yer help, I whisper. You see … I made some mistakes an—you always know what to do. You always took care of me. I should of told you before, I should of—please don’t leave me. Please. I cain’t be without you. I dunno how to be without you in the world.
Saba. Jack’s crouched beside us.
He’s sleepin, I says.
Jack kisses my temple. He ain’t asleep, he says.
Emmi’s dead, I says.
I know.
I stare down at the river. Brown water rises, tugs at my feet. Drownin’s easy. So they say. If you don’t fight it. I could slide in, with Lugh in my arms. Before the pain comes. Before it takes me.
He’s gone.
Gone.
My golden heart is gone.
The sound of shoutin comes muffled through the rain.
They’re comin, Jack says. Saba, we hafta run. We cain’t take him with us.
I look at Jack. He’s soaked an filthy. His eyes bloom like stars in his muddy face. The rain sheets down upon our heads.
Find that river you talked about, I says. That stretch of water at the top of the map. Find a boat, like you said, keep goin. I don’t trust him to keep his word about you. The rest of ’em he will, but not you.
Saba! DeMalo’s voice, his men’s voices grow closer. Saba! They’re all callin my name.
You did a deal with him, says Jack.
It’s me he wants. Only me. He always wins, I says.
Jack’s drawn back. I see his face change. As some kinda truth starts to dawn in him.
He didn’t even hafta lift a finger, I says. All he had to do was wait. I did this myself. To all of us.
What deal did you make?
To marry him, I says.
His eyes harden to ice. You bought our freedom in his bed, You’ll pardon me if I don’t thank you. You should of listened to yer brother. Listened to me. Left this place, like we told you to. I always knew you’d funk it at the first deep cut. But I never once thought you’d betray us.
I’m doin this to save you, I says.
I didn’t ask to be saved. None of us did. I thought you unnerstood, he says. What we’re doin here is bigger than any of our lives.
It’s over, Jack.
All that’s over, he says, is you an me.
Then he’s gone. Disappeared to the rain.
Saba! It’s DeMalo’s voice. Urgent. There she is!
I hold Lugh tight to my heart. I slide with him into the river.
Then the pain
—sudden
—ecstasy
—of pain.
AFTER
MY EYES OPEN TO DAYLIGHT. I LIE ON A BED. IN A ROOM I don’t know.
DeMalo’s the first thing I see. In a chair, by a window, dressed in white, he sits an reads a book. Outside, the sky is blue.
Lugh, Lugh with yer eyes so blue
I could sail me away on yer eyes.
I turn my face to the wall.
You’re awake, says DeMalo. At last.
I hear him git up. Hear him walk.
A door opens. He says some words. The door shuts. He walks.
The floor is plank. The door is oiled. His feet an voice fall soft.
He moves his chair beside the bed. A quiet creak as he sits.
How are you feeling? he says.
It’s whitewashed stone. The wall.
Do you remember what happened? he says.
The room feels warm. My mouth feels dry.
I got there just in time, he says. The river almost had you. You were bleeding badly. In terrible pain.
The door opens an shuts. Someone’s come in. He stands. Moves away. She’s awake, he says.
Firm footsteps. Work-rough fingers lift my wrist. Take my pulse. I turn my head. It’s Mercy. Her eyes warn me not to betray us. She lays her hand on my forehead.
Fever’s gone, she says. Her pulse is fine.
This is Mercy. She’s been caring for you, says DeMalo.
He don’t know that I know her.
You miscarried, lady, says Mercy. I’m told you had a bad shock. I expect that’s why. Still, it often happens with the first one. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re pregnant.
Miscarried. Pregnant. Jest words.
She straightens up. She says to DeMalo, Like I said, Master, your lady needs to put some flesh on her bones. Plenty of rest an proper food, that’ll soon set her right. I oughta check her over, now she’s awake.
She stands, hands folded, eyes lowered.
Of course, says DeMalo. I’ll leave you alone. Sleep, he tells me. I’ll see you tonight.
Mercy sits on the bed. She takes me in her arms. Holds me. I’m sorry, she says. So sorry.
DeMalo sent out searchers. To find the best midwife in New Eden. The Tonton tracked her down by word of mouth. She was brought here in greatest hurry. She stays to this room, her own room, a sluice room an the kitchen. Wherever she is, a Tonton’s with her. None must speak to her but on matters of my care. It’s a fine house, one of several DeMalo moves between. Plain but comfortable.
She don’t know New Eden well. All she knows is we’re somewhere southwest. The house stands in grassland with views to nowhere. At the end of a long track from the road.
DeMalo went in the river to save me. I bin here five nights an five days. At first she feared I had no will to live. DeMalo ain’t hardly ever here. She got the idea there was trouble elsewhere an he was called away to deal with it. She wonders if our work got discovered. She fears fer our people.
Nero’s about. He comes an goes through the window. Mercy taught him to lift the latch. Tracker found his way here from the Lanes. He ain’t seen by day but he howls in the night.
My brother an sister lie in graves, side by side. DeMalo raised stone cairns above them.
