Real Vampires Don't Diet
Page 17

"I guess I don't give a flying flip how you 'function,' sweetie, as long as you get the job done. You made any progress? You got somebody for me yet?" She lifted her green snout and sniffed. "I smell a vampire in the house, and it's not you or Ray. Bring him out. It would be a start."
Will. Oh, God, please let him stay inside. "What's your range on pulling in vampires? Can't you get him yourself?" My stomach heaved and I glanced up at the deck off the kitchen, terrified that Will would suddenly appear and swan dive down to the water next to the boat dock.
Aggie frowned. "I wish. Why do you think I had to sing to get you two? But once I have your scent, up close and personal, you're mine, sweetie. Forever. So get cracking. Start with that fang banger in the house there."
"No. I want to bring you bad vampires. Vampires who deserve to die, not my friends. Can you blame me?" I took a shuddery breath. "You have friends, Aggie?"
"Sure I do." Aggie pondered a long claw and frowned. "At least when I'm not looking like the wrath of a goddess. None of my friends would come near me now even if they knew where to find me here in the back of the beyond." She glanced at Valdez, who actually stirred. "Never mind. Your dog is pretty powerful. I never had a shifter able to break my freeze before. You get him to stay in line or I'll take you to Circe anyway. Got it?"
"Yes, I've got it. Now get this. I need the full three weeks. If you want to listen to music, sneak up here to the dock, but stay out of sight. Ray and Sienna are going to be practicing here. I'll tell him to open the windows and you should be able to hear some pretty awesome tunes." Why not throw Aggie a bone? Keep her in a good mood? Because Aggie in a bad mood Well, I sure didn't want to think about that. "But if Ray sees you out here, he'll move them to a studio downtown and you won't hear a thing. Wouldn't that be a shame?"
"Hah! He'd move downtown if he could move at all. But I hear you, sister." Aggie frowned when Valdez wobbled to his feet and shook. "That woman sure can play the piano. Bet she can sing too. But she needs a new hair stylist. And Ray I can't wait to hear him sing again." She stood and glared at Valdez. "Listen to me, dog. Don't try to come at me again. I can take your vampire down easy as pie. Watch this." She waved a scaly hand and I froze.
" Glory?" Valdez circled me.
Yeah, I could tell he was doing it, but couldn't freakin' move a muscle. God, I hate the freeze thing. Valdez growled and launched himself at Aggie. I swear if I could have yelled, I would have been hysterical. Was the mutt trying to get me or himself killed? There was a blur of fur and scales. Some cursing like you wouldn't believe. Finally Valdez staggered back to the deck and spit out a chunk of green scales. Aggie collapsed on Ray's white bench seat and dropped a hunk of black fur into the water.
"That was fun."
"Speak for yourself, woman. Gack. You taste like the bottom of a cesspool."
"You drink at a lot of cesspools, fur ball?" Aggie snickered. "Now, listen up. You can't beat me, so don't try again." She actually grinned.
I couldn't believe it. While I stood here in frozen agony, my bodyguard and the badass Siren were trash-talking each other. I'd have loved to throw in a comment or six myself. But noooo. I couldn't even freakin' breathe.
"You gonna let up on Glory anytime soon? She hates being stuck like that. If she can't talk, she'll die."
"Naw, she's immortal. Or she thinks she is. Now once Circe gets hold of her, I'm pretty sure that'll be the end of her. Don't know. If Circe thinks Glory can be useful, she might send her out on missions. Like she does me." Aggie frowned. "Death might be better come to think of it."
"Stop the pity party and let my boss go." Valdez sat and licked at a new bald spot on his left hip. "Damn. Good thing I heal fast, or I'd be butt ugly."
Aggie laughed. "Funny. Okay, I'll unfreeze her just because you asked so nicely." I fell to the deck. "Well, I'm glad you two are having such a good time. I hate being frozen. Aggie, if" I stopped when I saw the look in Aggie's eyes. One more word and I was a statue again.
"Let's get clear, shall we? I'm in a pretty good mood right now. Your dog is a fighter. I like that. But I want another kind of action. Soon. Yeah, you have three weeks, but I hate waiting. So I want regular reports. Something to keep me amused. Or I'll call you out just to play with you. Got it?"
Valdez and I both looked at Aggie and nodded.
I pushed down a serious case of nerves and blurted out what I was thinking. "I've got a question for you, Aggie."
"Fire away, but no guarantee I'll answer it." Aggie dipped a claw in the water.
"Why'd Circe bring you to this lake? In Austin, Texas? Seems a strange choice of location for a Siren."
"No kidding." Aggie looked up when there was a thunder clap. "But goddess knows best. And she'd heard there was a special male vamp here. One she really wants. One she hates with a passion." Triple thunder boomers. "I was supposed to ask for him specifically, but in the excitement of seeing and hearing Israel, I forgot." Aggie frowned when lightning sizzled so close, my hair haloed around my head like a bad fright wig.
"Who is this special male vampire? Maybe I know him." Wouldn't it be perfect if Circe wanted Simon Destiny anyway? I'm sure he had enemies all over the world. The man sucked out energy for a living. And, as a drug dealer, he was bound to have done people dirty more than a time or two.
Aggie sighed and Valdez and I both backed up from the blast of putrid fumes. "You got to give the goddess credit. She's big on women's rights and hates guys who are playboys. You know, the love-'em-and-leave-'em types?"
"Aggie, would you just give us a name already?" Valdez obviously figured he and swamp thing were buds now. Surprisingly, Aggie didn't knock him off the dock. "Casanova. Circe heard that the vampire Casanova lives around here somewhere. Is it true?"
I glanced at Valdez.
"Oh, my God! It is! You hear that, Circe? They can bring us Casanova!" Aggie did her version of a break dance around the boat. Not a pretty sight, what with the sloshing and the fumes and all. The sliver of a moon shone brightly and night birds sang. Circe was obviously thrilled.
Me, not at all. Flo's brother Damian claimed to be the original Casanova and he sure had the chops to hold the title. He had dark Italian good looks and moves on women that made even starchy matrons dissolve into puddles of moaning ecstasy at his sultry
"Come and get it, baby" stare. He'd played a few dirty tricks on me, but no way was I sending my best friend's brother to hell.
"Now children, play nice." Aggie always read every thought in my head practically before I had it. She shook her finger in Valdez's face too. So he couldn't block her either. "And I already have enough holes in my body, shifter, thank you very much. Sorry if you like this guy, but what Circe wants, Circe gets. Right, Goddess?" Moonlight glinted on Aggie's upturned face. "She wants him. Plus two very, and I do mean very hot male vamps along with him. No substitutes." I felt tears fill my eyes. How could I do this to my best friend?
"Sorry, chickadee, but that's the deal. Be glad you know where Casanova is. Now all you have to do is figure out how to get him into my range. Piece of cake."
Valdez and I heard a rumbling sound and it wasn't thunder. What the
"That reminds me. I'm starving out here for some decent eats. I want a snack next time. Cake would be nice." Aggie's uneven eyes zeroed in on Valdez. "Twinkies you say. Yeah. Those would work. A case or two. I'm sick to death of this fish diet."
"Isn't there anyone else Circe would accept?" I couldn't see how I could do this. Sacrifice Flo's brother? I might as well stake Flo too.
"Forget it, Glory. You and Ray get with the program or resign yourselves to taking the hit." Aggie smiled up at the twinkling stars and the clear sky. Obviously her goddess was pleased she was spouting the party line. "You can make new friends. Suck it up, figure out a way to get that womanizing SOB out here, and all your troubles will be over. Except lor those split ends that lightning strike just gave you. I'm afraid your bad hair days are just beginning."
I opened my mouth, then shut it again. I was all out of snappy comebacks.
"Ah, I'm leaving you speechless. My work here is done. I'll be seein' you and when you least expect it. Bring those Twinkies next time. Don't think you can deny Circe, kids. Believe me, I tried and look at me now." Then she jumped over the side of the boat into the water with a noisy splash.
" Bad nexus, Glory. Flo's gonna kill us."
"No kidding. How can I do this to her?" I put my hand on his shoulder. "You all right, puppy?"
"Guess so. Feel like I just took a shot in the butt with a taser. "
"You impressed Aggie. Me too. When she froze Ray and me, we couldn't move an inch. Not even an eyelash."
"Yeah, that freeze thing creeped me out. Never got stopped in my tracks like that before. I failed you." Valdez took a step, staggered, then finally seemed to get himself together and walked to the elevator. "Aggie whipped my ass. She was toying with me, Blondie." He hung his head. "I couldn't take her."
"She's freakishly powerful, Valdez." I rubbed his ears. "You were incredibly brave to try to take her down, one-on-one." I took a shaky breath. God, Aggie really could have killed Valdez. I knelt down and gave him a quick hug, then wiped my eyes.
"Damn it, now do you see why we've got to do exactly what she says?"
"Yeah." Valdez's warm brown eyes studied me for a moment, then he gave me a gentle head butt. "Come on, Glory. Don't wimp out on me now. We'll figure this out. We've got to. Can she really draw you to her like a magnet? "
"Afraid so. Ray tried really hard to get away from her. No go. She pulled him right back to her side. And she says she can do it from anywhere, even from as far away as my shop. I hope to hell we don't get a demo of that." I stood and looked out at the dark lake. No wind tonight so the water was calm. No sign of that Creature from the Black Lagoon either. But she was probably listening to our every word.