Real Vampires Hate Skinny Jeans
Page 2

“Whatever you want, Glory.” Penny sighed. “But I could help, you know. Don’t underestimate me in a fight. Ian’s been working with me. He’s got some amazing weapons here.”
“I just bet he does. Thanks, but not this time.” I hung up. Penny worked for Ian MacDonald. The vampire was another genius and had probably come up with some stuff I could use against a demon. But a pregnant one? That had to give me pause.
“Glory, you know I can read your thoughts and hear your conversations, don’t you?” Alesa stood in the doorway. “Come back to the living room and tell me what you’ve been up to lately. Who is this Penny?”
“Like I’d confide in you? Forget Penny. Sit on the sofa and wait for your food.” I finished my synthetic and rinsed out the bottle for the recycle bin. Good thing I didn’t need to inhale, because the sweet stench of hell would have put me off my drink completely. When I heard the knock on the door, I realized I still had a turban on my head and no makeup. Swell. The only upside of this is that Alesa’s news was bound to take my looks completely off Rafe’s radar. At least my jeans were clean and hugged my butt and my T-shirt was a flattering red color.
I walked to the door, aware of Alesa’s eyes following me. She had a smirk on her face that made me want to slap her. My stomach knotted as I threw the dead bolts.
“I could smell demon from the bottom of the stairs, Gloriana. What the hell is going on here?” Jeremy Blade, my lover and my maker, strode into the room. He stopped at the foot of the couch and stared at Alesa, who stretched as if to show off her plump breasts in her low-cut violet sweater. He didn’t seem to notice, busy pulling one of his knives out of his boot.
“Jerry, stop. You know you can’t kill a demon with a knife.” I put my hand on his arm. I wasn’t sure what it took to kill a demon. Everything we’d tried had failed. They seemed indestructible. The most you could hope to do in a fight was to send them back to hell and it took a priest or other type of holy man and some other powerful stuff for that.
“Maybe not, but I could enjoy trying.” Jerry wasn’t about to put his knife away. “What’s this bitch doing here?”
“Causing trouble, what else?” I pulled Jerry toward the kitchen. “Alesa, don’t say a word. Please. Let me handle this.” I gave her a look that she actually heeded. She just sat back with a smile and a wave.
“Handle what? Me?” Jerry looked down at my hand on his arm. “I thought we were finally done with demons.”
“So did I.” I sighed and leaned against him once I had him in the kitchen. Jerry and I had been through some really rough times. He’d managed to forgive me for betraying him with Rafe, who was part demon. I’d blamed my infidelity on Alesa being inside me. Demon tricks. Then other demons had come back and made more mischief in our lives. Through it all, Jerry had been there for me.
I held on to him. He’d positively hate this latest development, but he’d see it as nothing to do with us. Rafe had a problem, end of story. I was going to have a fight on my hands if I wanted to help see my friend through this. And I was determined to do just that.
“She’s pregnant, Jer.” I looked up when I said this. To gauge Jerry’s reaction.
“The hell you say.” He slid his knife back into his boot. “Why’d she show up here?”
“She claims it’s Rafe’s child. Made while she was inside me.”
“That’s a cock-and-bull story if I ever heard one.” Jerry shook his head. “She wasn’t corporeal. And you…” He hugged me. “Sorry, lass, but you’ve got to know you can’t conceive a child.”
“I know that. I said the same thing to her. But here she is, stomach swollen, claiming Lucifer kicked her out for being pregnant and saying it’s Rafe’s.” I pushed back. “He’s on his way.”
“Let them hash this out, demon to demon.” Jerry watched me with narrowed eyes.
“You know I can’t do that.” I sighed. Now it started. Jerry would never understand the depth of my attachment to Rafe, the man who had guarded me for five long years. He’d risked his life for me and shared secrets that I’d told no one else. I loved Rafe. Just as I loved Jerry. Well, maybe not just as. Jerry and I had a long and turbulent history, four hundred years’ worth. Rafe and I were friends, briefly lovers and equals in a way Jer and I could never be.
“You could leave them to it, but you won’t.” Jerry turned to stare into the living room. “I see no way for this to be resolved without you getting hurt.” He faced me again and shook his head. “Demons play dirty, you know that. Alesa will make sure you have naught to do with Rafael if she wants him for her babe’s father.”
“You’re right. Yet here she is. At my home, asking for my help.” I bit my lip. Was I being set up? Alesa hated me. I’d humiliated her in her world, keeping her trapped in my body far longer than most hosts would have managed, according to the other demons I’d met. And Lucifer wasn’t crazy about me either. Had he sent her here to get even with me? I’d managed to best him the last time we’d met. I knew he’d been pissed off about that. And when you pissed off the Devil…
“Tell her to leave. To take her brat and deal with Valdez elsewhere.” Jerry grabbed my shoulders. “It’s the only way you’ll be safe.”
We both turned at the knock on the door. I really needed to breathe. I’d missed the smell warning of Jerry’s arrival and now Rafe had managed to sneak up on me.
“Well, he’s here now. Let’s see how this plays out.” I touched Jerry’s cheek. “No matter what, please don’t pull out a knife again. That will only make things worse.”
“You’ve got two demons in your home and another one on the way. How could things get worse, Gloriana?” Jerry strode toward the door.
He just had to ask, didn’t he?
Two
“What the hell is a demon doing here?” Rafe asked as soon as I got the door open.
“That’s exactly what I said.” Jerry grabbed the sacks of fast food and took them into the living room. “I can guess who these are for. Don’t breathe, Gloriana, you know this food is torturing you.”
“Tell me about it.” I followed him, helpless as I inhaled salt and fat anyway. I couldn’t keep back a moan. “I swear I would kill for a french fry.”
“I’m not sharing, even if you could eat real food.” Alesa smirked. “I’m starved.”
“You’re lucky anyone bothered to get that for you, demon. Glory never should have let you in the door.” Jerry dropped the sacks on my coffee table.
“I didn’t tell Rafe who it was for. And I had to let her in. She threatened me and I know she can follow through, Jerry.” I snatched the large chocolate shake from Rafe to get a whiff of chocolate and ice cream. Too bad someone who didn’t deserve it was getting this pleasure.
“I don’t believe it.” Rafe had just spotted Alesa, who still lay stretched out on the sofa. “Call a priest.”
“Believe it, lover boy. And you won’t want a priest once you see the gift I brought you.” Alesa patted her tummy. Demon magic. She now wore a pink maternity top with silver letters and an arrow that said “Baby,” in case there was any confusion about why her stomach was the size of a soccer ball.
Rafe looked at me, then Blade. “Are you kidding me?”
“No, I’m not.” Alesa got to her feet, suddenly flashing red eyes and fangs. “I’m pregnant, Rafael. With your child. You’re going to be a daddy. Deal with it.”
“No, hell no. You’re lying.” Rafe put up his hands and backed away from her. “I never slept with you. Not in hundreds of years anyway. We’ve had this conversation. You couldn’t pay me to fuck you this century, demon, and that’s a fact.”
Alesa’s eyes brimmed with tears. “No reason to be mean about it. And get a clue. You did sleep with me. When I was inside Glory here. You two went at it like sex-starved teenagers. See it all the time down there in hell. It’s one of Lucifer’s favorite shows—Nymphos Gone Wild.” Alesa rolled her eyes. “Quantity not quality, if you ask me. But no one ever does.” She glanced at Jerry and back to Rafe. Both men looked ready to blow.
“Shut up, Alesa.” I didn’t have to read Jerry’s mind to know she’d painted a picture for him that I’d never be able to erase with words. In moments she’d undone months of work to get our relationship back on track. I itched to strangle her until she couldn’t wheeze out one more incriminating word. But among her nasty powers was the ability to freeze me where I stood. Her gaze flicked over me and a jolt of her power hit me like a lash.
“What Glory and I did had absolutely nothing to do with you, demon. And the idea that you somehow witnessed our lovemaking sickens me.” Rafe just had to say that. I didn’t dare look at Jerry.
Alesa smirked at me. “Sorry. Lovemaking. Guess bunnies in heat call it that too.” She poked Rafe in the middle of his black and red N-V T-shirt. “And your swimmers obviously still have what it takes to make a baby.” She waved a hand down to her stomach. “Exhibit A.”
“Shit. I don’t have to listen to this.” Jerry headed for the door.
“Jerry, wait.” I grabbed his arm. “You knew what happened. Alesa’s exaggerating. It wasn’t like that.”
“Spare me the excuses, Gloriana. I don’t want to hear them.” Jerry looked down to where I held his arm. His muscles flexed under his short-sleeve shirt. I could see them tighten in his jaw too. He avoided looking at Rafe. That was progress. In the past, he’d have lunged for my friend and pounded him again for what we’d done. Thank God he’d never lay a finger on a woman, but I could see in his eyes that he wanted to flatten Alesa for reminding him.