Real Vampires Hate Skinny Jeans
Page 31

 Gerry Bartlett

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Eleven
“Get in the car.” I pointed to my convertible, hit the remote to unlock it and would have laughed at Aggie’s expression if I wasn’t so pissed. She hated my small car, especially since she’d been crammed in the backseat. She’d griped about it all the way to the mall. My tiny trunk barely held our packages as I tossed them inside none too gently. I’d kept the top up since Flo hadn’t wanted her hair windblown so even headroom was an issue that Aggie had complained about. Of course her knees were practically under her chin too as we’d heard at least five times. Like I cared.
“Watch who you’re issuing orders to.” Aggie nevertheless squeezed into the backseat again.
“I want to know what is going on between you two.” Flo dropped into the passenger-side bucket seat then grabbed my arm before I could start the car. “Now, Glory. Why is Aggie being so mean? What is this sister thing?”
I leaned back. I really didn’t want to get Flo involved, especially now when she was set to leave town. I turned to glare at Aggie. “Why did you start this? I thought we had an agreement.”
“Because the Storm God knows all and sees all when it comes to one of his herd. He called me on the carpet today, while you were enjoying your peaceful death sleep. God, I hate vampires. No offense, Flo.” Aggie showed her perfect white teeth in a mocking smile.
“No offense?” Flo’s gesture made it clear that she was certainly offended. “You insult me and Glory. But what is this about the Storm God?”
“Oh, yeah, he called me in. It was a special time. He raked me over the coals for my cooperation with Ian. But now that the cat’s out of the bag, so to speak, he wants to meet with his pretty kitty.” She hissed again. “Namely you, Gloriana.”
“Gee, can you trot out any more clichés?” I took a steadying breath, ignoring Flo’s gasp.
“What is this? The Storm God? Glory? What is this cat thing? Are you in trouble with another god?” Flo kept her grip on my arm until I looked pointedly to where her silver-painted nails were digging in and leaving marks.
“Tell her, Glory. Tell her how the blood test you took showed what you really were before you got kicked to the curb a few centuries ago. And, yeah, score another cliché for moi. I love ’em.” Aggie yawned. Like this was the most boring subject ever. “Achy may decide to make the end of your relationship permanent this time. How sad. Say good-bye, Flo. By the time you get back from gay Paree, you may be in the market for a new best friend. I’m available. I can overlook fangs when the girl has great taste and a fine wardrobe.” This time Aggie’s smile had an angelic quality. Give the girl an Oscar.
“I could never be your friend, Siren. Every word out of your mouth is spiteful, mean. Look at the way you make Glory sad. She is shaking.” Flo had her hand on my shoulder now. “What does she mean, amica? Tell me, favore.”
“Ian’s blood test showed that I was a Siren before Jerry met me. The Storm God obviously made me mortal after he tossed me out of his harem.” I sent Aggie a mental message that made her raise her perfect eyebrows.
“You want to say that to me again? In the parking lot where I can get at you, bitch?” Aggie grabbed a hank of my hair and jerked, bringing tears to my eyes.
“Stop it!” Flo snatched a handful of Aggie’s new sweater. “Let go of Glory’s hair or I rip a hole in this sweater too big to be repaired. It was expensive, right?”
“Gang up on me, why don’t you?” Aggie released my hair while muttering ugly words that would have been at home on any cell block.
“What time, Aggie? What time and where are we to meet the high and mighty Storm God?” I grabbed Flo’s hand when I saw that she wasn’t through with Aggie. “Let go, Flo. My car isn’t the place for this.”
“Hah! Lucky for questa femmina that I have respect for fine leather.” Flo released the sweater and faced front.
“Thanks.” My car was new and I wanted the upholstery to stay rip free. If those two got into it between the seats, I didn’t want to think about the damage. As it was, I sent a mental message to my best friend thanking her again for the quick save. My scalp still felt like I’d been dragged through the parking lot by my hair. “Aggie? Details?”
“Midnight. And you’d better adjust your attitude, missy, before you see him or you won’t last five seconds.” Aggie was examining her sweater. “We go to the same terrace where you met him before. Behind the burned-out shell of Israel Caine’s rental. The house was torn down and it’s just a vacant lot now, surrounded by a stone fence. It’s for sale and deserted. A good place for a showdown. Brace yourself. The meet will probably feature a thunderstorm, lightning bolts and, oh yeah, maybe a typhoon.” Aggie smirked at Flo. “Better drop the little one off first. She won’t be able to handle it.”
“I can handle anything for my best friend.” Flo looked daggers at Aggie. “You don’t have to go, Glory. Ignore this sea cow and her handler.”
Aggie laughed out loud. “Take a look at your friend there, Flo. Achy made sure Glory is the cow. Check out her butt. Did you use Google yet, Glory?”
“Drop it, Aggie.” I frowned. Of course I had. And gotten all kinds of weird sites, most claiming Sirens were half bird.
“Tell Flo what you found.” Aggie leaned forward. “It’s a crock, of course, but you look just like the pictures on the Net.” Aggie chuckled and slapped me on the shoulder. “Bird butt. Isn’t that just perfect?”
“Shut the hell up.” I gave her a look that should have warned her off. “I really don’t want to get into this now.”
“She’s right, Aggie. Calling her silly names isn’t helping. And what does a bird have to do with a Siren anyway?” Flo stared at Aggie until she settled into the backseat again. “You swim. I thought you turned into mermaids.”
“Do I look like a Disney cartoon to you?” Aggie’s smile would make sharks flinch.
“Then what?” Flo frowned, not happy to be kept in the dark about anything. Actually neither was I.
“We can be whatever we want. We do a lot of things in the water. What we shift into is up to us.” Aggie obviously wasn’t going to spill any details, not to Flo anyway. “Now look. We have some time before we have to meet Achelous. Why not go to N-V, get a few drinks—you guys can get that blood with alcohol there—and then go with Glory to face the music? I’ve got to show up anyway and maybe Glo would like her best friend along to help pick up the pieces afterward.”
I wanted to scream, curse, maybe sob a little. Why tonight? When I was still trying to come to terms with this? Of course that was why. Gods always wanted the upper hand. Not that he thought I was a worthy opponent on any level.
“I do have to go, Flo. I have questions that need answers and Achelous is the only one who has them. But, Flo, you shouldn’t—”
“No, now Aggie is making some sense. Of course I would want to be with you if you have to face this Storm God.” Flo squeezed my shoulder gently. “What happens if she just doesn’t show up, water witch?”
Aggie’s laugh this time made my skin crawl. “Ignore a summons? Well, I sure wouldn’t want Achy to come looking for me.”
“Then we go. And I could use a drink. But you really believe this, Glory? That you could have been una Sirena?” She gestured at Aggie. “You are nothing like this one. Pah! Such a bitch! More like a slimy creature that would crawl out of a cesspool. Eh?”
Aggie spat something in Italian and looked ready to reach between the seats again and continue their catfight.
“Stop. I can’t take one more upset tonight. Not with the Storm God on the agenda later. I say bring on the blood with alcohol. And loud music to drown out my thoughts.” Did I want to call Jerry to go with me to this midnight meet? No. He might get hurt. Rafe too. If I could ditch Flo, even better. I’d get Aggie to help me with that even though the idea of asking her for anything made my hands tighten on the steering wheel.
“Whatever you wish, amica. This is your night.” Flo touched my hand. “Start the car. Take us to N-V. Tell me more about the Storm God, Aggie. I have never met a man I couldn’t wrap around my little finger. Right, Glory?”
I nodded, hoping Flo wouldn’t have a chance to try her skills on Achelous. Whatever womanly wiles Flo had, and she had plenty, I was sure Achy would be more than happy to let her practice them on him. Then he’d destroy her. And if he did let her go after this night was over? What would her sojourn with the Storm God do to her marriage?
No, I wasn’t about to let Flo anywhere near that monster. He’d use her whether she wanted him or not. How did I know that? The bone-deep surety I felt made me want to stop the car and puke on the side of the road. My life before Jerry must have been a horror beyond my imagination.
I caught a glimpse of Aggie in my rearview mirror and realized I felt sorry for her. No wonder she had an edge. Who wouldn’t, living at the beck and call of a sadistic monster with an insatiable sexual appetite? She caught my eye and I almost swerved into the oncoming lane at the hatred I saw there. Of course she despised me. I’d escaped. She had no chance of it. Clearly I had to watch my back when I was around her. And this was the woman who’d called me “sister”?
I almost didn’t recognize the first person I saw when we walked into Rafe’s club. Laurie leaned against the bar talking to the hunky bartender. She wore a lime green satin tank top that showed off a surprisingly impressive cleavage and tight black skinny jeans with high platform heels that put her at six inches over six feet. Since the shifter serving up drinks was a big guy, her height didn’t seem to bother him, especially as he had a nice view down her top when she leaned over to whisper something to him.
“Well, look who’s here. Your guard kitty.” Aggie sauntered up next to Laurie. “Can’t believe you actually own decent clothes. I figured you spent your off days close to nature so you could enjoy some deer sushi”—she glanced down the bar at the mortals crowded nearby—“between shifts.”