Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs
Page 30

Trina linked her arm through mine and smiled. “That pain’ll go away once you’re used to regular exercise, Glory. Glad to see you’re already in proper gear. You look great in those shorts.”
I extricated myself and put a good foot between us.
“Thanks. I’ve got a session scheduled with the trainer for after you guys leave.” I winced. “Not that I’m looking forward to it. Sorry, Trina. That may be true for mortals, but vamps live in a different universe. I shouldn’t be hurting at all tonight. This is freaking me out, Ian.” I grabbed his arm. “Fix this.”
“Your reactions to my regimen continue to puzzle me, Glory, but I’ve been working on the problem.” He patted my hand and greeted Flo, who barely nodded. She’d obviously decided he was the enemy.
“Work fast.” I pulled away from him, not willing to go all chummy, especially with Flo giving him the evil eye. “Oh, yeah, this is Brittany, Ian, another of my bodyguards. Seems only fair since you’ve brought two.”
“Of course.” Ian barely spared her a glance. Bodyguards were like furniture to him. “You’re going to have to get used to exercise, Glory. Especially if you can’t find a supplement that agrees with you. I’ve brought a different one for you to try when you wake up tomorrow night. It shouldn’t make you sick and could even help you lose an extra pound or two.”
“I’m all for that.” I could hear Flo muttering something in Italian. “I’m okay, Flo, just sore.”
“You’re acting mortal, Glory my friend, sneezing and moaning about your stomach.” Flo nodded dismissively at Trina. “We are vampire, mia amica. We give pain; we don’t get it.”
“She’s right. This isn’t how the program is supposed to work.” Ian opened a black leather attaché case and pulled out two bottles. “So I’ve also made adjustments in the formula for your usual bedtime drink. I’m hoping those nightmares will go away. Then you should heal properly.”
“Okay, I’ll try it.” I ignored Valdez’s warning growl. “I guess now I just have to feed from Trina and we’re done here.”
“Not tonight.” Ian put his hand on my shoulder. “I know you’re anxious to speed along the process, so we’re going to make tonight’s treatment do double duty.” He looked down because Valdez was all but sitting on his foot. The two surfers with Ian had moved in too. I felt like I was in a hunky man cave. Brittany kept hanging back, keeping an eye on the action.
“Back off, V. We’re just talking here.” I nudged him with my running shoe. “Seriously, I want to hear this.”
“Yes, I’m sure you do. Because I think you’ll lose at least five more pounds tonight if we do this my way.” Ian grinned when Flo and I gasped.
“That would be incredible.” I sneezed again when Flo came up behind me.
“You might get into that six before the Grammys after all, mia amica!” Flo patted my back when I sneezed once more and I grabbed my stomach. “Enough of this. I go wash off my perfume.”
“No, don’t bother, Florence. Glory’s leaving.” Ian held up his hand.
“I don’t think so.” Valdez growled for good measure.
“The whole point was to stay in tonight, Ian. I have lots to do to get ready for the Grammys.” I put my hand on Valdez’s head to discourage him from starting something.
“Here’s how it works, Glory.” Trina pulled off her coat and I saw she had shorts and a tank underneath. I’d already noticed the running shoes on her feet. “You and I are going to run the twenty miles together. Then you come back here and take my blood. We’ll both be revved so it’ll really do you some good.”
“Trina’s right. We’ve done this before with great results. I know a twenty-mile sprint should be no big deal for you, Glory. A vampire can run all night if she wants to.” Ian nodded toward Flo and smiled. “Though it’s easier in the right shoes.”
“I would fly before I would ruin my shoes, signore. A vamp would have to be stupido to stay on the ground.” Flo flounced to a chair and sat, then seemed to remember that her best friend had spent centuries being afraid to shift and fly anywhere.
“Oh, no, Glory. I didn’t mean . . . Amica, if you like to run, then run, of course.”
“Thanks, Flo, but my feet are on fire and I feel like someone has ripped my intestines out through my belly button. This is a bad idea.” I couldn’t freakin’ believe this. Twenty miles? And all it would take is one Glory sighting and I’d have a caravan of tabloid reporters on my tail waiting for me to fall on my face. Which was a distinct possibility right now.
“Now, Glory, surely you don’t hurt that much. Let’s start over. I don’t understand why you didn’t heal during your death sleep.” Ian led me to the couch. “Sit. Let me examine you.”
“Lift her shirt and die, signore.” Flo was up again, had grabbed a pencil from the desk and had it aimed at Ian’s heart.
His two bodyguards picked her up and plucked the pencil out of her hands before I could do more than wince. She screamed Italian invectives, but the men were obviously stronger than she was. Brittany piled on and one of them had to release Flo to deal with her. A lamp turned over and glass broke.
“Make them let her go, Ian. Flo, he’s not going to lift my shirt, are you, Ian? He’s just going to look into my eyes. Simple stuff. And he’s a doctor, remember?”
Valdez snarled, torn between loyalty to me and staying close by my side, and watching Flo being manhandled without going to her defense. Clearly Brittany was holding her own with the other guard.
“Relax, Florence. Glory’s right. I just want to get to the bottom of this problem she has.” Ian lifted my wrist and took my pulse. “Set the woman down. If she comes at me again, you can stop her again.”
“Frattaglie. Worthless pieces of shit. Apes!” Flo straightened her green silk blouse and checked her brown suede skirt for damage. “I kill them if they touch one hair on my head or on Glory’s head, I tell you.”
Brittany threw a few choice words at the man she’d managed to almost strip of his shirt. Then she tossed her hair and took her position next to the balcony doors again.
“Flo, honey, let Ian see if he can help me.” I rolled my neck as he felt behind my ears, then he lifted my lids to look into my eyes.
“You look sleep deprived.”
“I am. It’s those nightmares. I had another one last night. I hope your new formula stops those.” I sighed and looked down at Valdez. I sent him another silent message of thanks. I didn’t doubt he’d saved my life when I almost walked into the sun.
“I have something that will make you feel better.” Ian pulled a syringe out of his black bag.
“No way in hell.” Valdez headbutted Ian’s hand and the syringe went flying across the room. Brittany picked it up and put it out of sight. “She can do twenty miles without that, can’t you, Glory? I’ll be right there with you, Brittany too. What about you, Flo?”
“In these boots?” Flo looked down at her new Ralph Lauren leather high-heeled boots. I knew she’d never worn them before. “I don’t think—” She and Valdez exchanged looks. “For my best friend? Of course.” She frowned at Ian. “I do heal in my sleep. I get a blister? Poof, is gone the next evening when I wake.”
I got to my feet. Apparently I had to prove to everyone that I was Wonder Woman. And I did want to lose more weight. If this would take off five pounds in one night, then I would do twenty miles on my knees if I had to. Even if the paparazzi were snapping pictures of the ordeal.
“Oh, Glory, you’re just the bravest woman I know.” Trina was all over me. Next thing I knew she was crumpled against the wall.
“Flo! What was that about?” I limped over to check on Trina’s condition. She just grinned up at me and blew me a kiss.
“She had her hand on your ass. Puttana!” Flo got in Trina’s face. “My friend doesn’t go that way. If she did, it wouldn’t be with a skinny bitch like you, you understand me? It would be with someone she loves.” Flo grabbed me and kissed me on the lips. “So hands off!”
I leaned on Valdez as Trina got up and shot the finger at Flo. Well, that had been a cute little scene. And I didn’t dare wipe off my mouth, though I had a feeling I was sporting Tahitian Sunrise on my lips now. Fine. Everyone kept saying I looked pale anyway.
“I have just one question. How are we going to get out of the hotel without being caught by the paparazzi?” I looked around. There were four women, three men and a dog in our party. We’d have as much luck sneaking out as a marching band playing “Hail to the Chief.”
“There’s a park down the street where you can start the run. Shift out of here. Trina can meet you there.” Ian smiled and looked down at his Italian loafers. “Like Florence, I’m not dressed for a twenty-mile run and have no desire to join you. I’ll wait for you here.”
Well, that didn’t exactly work for me. The idea that Ian would be left alone in our suite while we were all outside? No, not going to happen. Of course, a vampire can get in where he’s not supposed to be without breaking a sweat anyway.
“I don’t think so, Ian.” I leaned against the door and looked at Flo, who was walking gingerly around the living room in her high-heeled boots. “Flo, honey, why don’t you stay here too? Maybe you can ask Ian about his program and some of his former clients. Richard would like more information, wouldn’t he?” Flo’s look of relief was almost comical. Then I sneezed again, doubling over to scream into my T-shirt.
“Glory, are you sure you don’t need me?” Flo patted my back while I struggled to stand upright again.
“I’m sure. Trina, you just run out the front door. No one’s going to follow you. Let’s shift out of here.” I limped toward the balcony.