Real Vampires Know Hips Happen
Chapter Eleven

Upstairs, Jerry roamed my tiny two bedroom apartment while I found bottles of synthetic blood and poured them into glasses.
"This is all the room you've got?" He settled onto the couch. It was fairly new and I'd bought it secondhand. At least I'd had it steam cleaned and it was comfortable. Compared to Campbell Castle and Jerry's own large house, where Lily no doubt pouted, it was a dump.
"It's enough for me. I usually have a roommate. If the shop has a slump, it's hard for me to make the rent on both it and this place. Luckily the business is doing pretty well now, though I need to get down there soon and take a look at the books." I handed him the glass. "It's cold. I can heat it if you'd like." In Scotland they'd served everything room temperature. I kept my synthetic in the fridge, a habit left over from when I'd lived in hot Las Vegas.
He took a cautious sip. "No, this is fine."
I put a hand on his arm before he could drink more. "Wait. We need to discuss something." I pulled the vial from between my breasts.
"What's that?" Jerry reached for it and held the container to the light. "Strange color."
"Almost a neon green." He gave me a quizzical look. "Means it looks like it could glow in the dark. Anyway, my mother gave it to me. Claims some sorcerer she knows told her it might help bring your memories back." I sighed. "I'm afraid of it. You know what her last potion did."
"Am I supposed to drink it?" Jerry looked excited, obviously desperate enough to try anything.
"She suggested we put it into your next meal. That would be the synthetic I just handed you." I wanted to grab it back. "Don't drink it! I'm scared of what it might do. The last thing she tried, the memory-loss potion, was supposed to wear off. She told me that. Because you were vampire, it didn't. Now she's got this. Again, you're vampire. Who knows how you'll react?"
"But could it be much worse than not remembering what century I'm in, Gloriana? Who you are?" He pulled the tiny cork out of the vial.
"You know who I am now, Jer. There are just gaps - "
"Gaps? Holy hell, woman!" He jumped up, but not before he dumped the contents of the vial into his glass. "I know what I was like when I rode a horse named Thunder, a beast who's been dead for centuries. I call myself Jeremiah Campbell, not Jeremy Blade, a man who must have secrets, maybe shameful ones. I have to know what the hell I've been up to all this time." He began to drink, fast. I watched his throat move as he downed the liquid in enormous gulps. When the glass was drained, he looked it over, I guess to make sure he hadn't left anything, then flung it crashing into the wall, where it shattered.
"Fuck those gaps! I want my mind back and I'll do anything, anything, to get it." He threw open the hall door and charged out.
I heard him clattering down the stairs and decided to let him go. He was a vampire. He'd figure things out. And where would he end up? Right back here because he didn't know where else to turn. Unless his memories came back. I looked up and prayed it happened. Poor Jerry. And, man, would he hate that I thought of him that way. I couldn't imagine living with such a huge blank spot in my mind. I was so going to jump on Rafe for that "research" he'd done. He had no business investigating Jerry. But what could Jer have done to make him hide things from me?
I don't know how long I sat there, rehashing everything that had happened since that night I'd arrived in Scotland, before I heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs again. Of course I knew it was Jerry. I had his scent memorized, that earthy Scot who had my blood inside him.
One look at his face and I knew the gap still remained. I walked into his arms and held him. But something was wrong. Different. It took me a moment to realize what it was. He felt warm, way too warm.
"Jerry?" I leaned back and checked his face.
"I'm all right. Or as right as I can be after getting lost and wandering around for an hour or more. Finally I had to ask strangers where Glory St. Clair might live. At last one took me to the shop downstairs. The girl working there knew me." He ran a hand over his flushed face. "That was damned embarrassing. I didn't have any idea who she was. She treated me like a child after she figured out what was wrong with me."
"I'm sorry, Jer." I touched his forehead. Fever. "How are you feeling?"
"Hot. It's strange. I usually don't notice the temperature and it's cool outside. But I'm all right otherwise. Just damned stupid." He sat on the couch. "Best give me another glass of your synthetic. Straight, no more of your ma's magic." He put his feet on my coffee table. I usually wouldn't tolerate that, but didn't have the heart to fuss at him when he looked so dejected. "Fat lot of good her first dose did."
"It's doing something, to raise your temperature this way." I hurried into the kitchen to get a fresh bottle and glass. I had cleaned up the mess he'd made. Luckily I didn't have nice crystal or I'd be mad about his temper tantrum. When I came back, Jerry had picked up one of the magazines on my coffee table - GQ, because I liked to see hot guys wearing good clothes - and was thumbing through it.
It was kind of sad, really. Before, he would have already been using the remote to channel surf for sports to watch. Obviously he didn't have a clue what the black plastic thing close to his feet did, though he and his father had watched TV together at the castle. Then I noticed wisps of smoke curling up from the pages of the magazine.
"Jerry?"
"What the hell?" He threw the magazine down to the hardwood floor and stomped out sudden flames with his boot. "Did you see that?"
"You taking up smoking again?" I handed him the glass. "I haven't seen you with a cigarette in years."
He just looked at me strangely. "No, I don't know what you're talking about. Though I wouldn't mind a fine cigar about now. Richard mentioned on the plane that we used to enjoy a smoke together. It was good to see at least one familiar face among all those strangers." He took a sip. "You decided to heat it this time. I think I like it better this way." Then he exclaimed and set the glass down on the table. "You didn't have to boil it!"
"I didn't!" I watched it bubble. "Uh, Jerry. Hold out your hands."
"What do you mean? Didn't you heat the blood?" His eyes narrowed. "Don't play with me, Gloriana. The glass was hot."
"Not until you touched it. And that magazine. It burst into flames on its own, if you didn't get out a lighter." We could both see the smoke in the air. And smell it. Or at least I knew I could.
"I thought maybe I'd brushed against a candle or something." He peered around the room as if in search of one.
"You know I don't burn those things. Masks smells of intruders. Bad defense. You taught me that." Well, of course he didn't remember that he had. I shook my head. One more gap.
"No candles." He stood, staring at his hands like they were alien objects. "Hand me something. Anything you don't mind losing." He started toward my Israel Caine collection. Oh, no, he didn't.
"Here!" I tossed him a piece of junk mail from the pile of letters and bills on my kitchen table. My employees had been collecting it for me while I was gone.
He grabbed it. We both watched, fascinated, as it began to smolder. When it flamed, I hurried to hold a metal trash can under it so Jerry could drop it inside. A high-pitched squeal meant my smoke alarm was working.
"What in God's name?" He clamped his hands over his ears.
"Careful!" Would he burn himself? But he seemed to be okay, still holding his ears like he normally would. I ran for a stool and jerked the battery out of the alarm. Blessed silence. "That was an alarm. Lets me know if I have a fire. Usually handy. Oh, God, Jerry. This is, um, unexpected." I carried the can to the kitchen and used the sprayer in the sink to put out the fire. Now my apartment stank of burned paper. I ran over to throw open a living room window for ventilation.
"Unexpected. Yes, I'd say so." He stood next to the door frame, careful not to touch anything. "Do you think your mother planned this outcome? A bit more torture for my turning you vampire?"
"She seemed sincere when she offered the cure for you." I looked skyward. "But then what do I know? She's from Olympus. Apparently devious is her middle name. I'll text her. She is supposedly busy paying off some sorcerer for this 'cure.' I'll let her know that not only didn't it work, but now we need a cure for her cure. If she did this on purpose, then she's burned her bridges with me."
"Burned." He stared down at his hands again. "Shit! I can't live like this. I have to find out something." He came up to me where I stood next to the sofa, his eyes on my face. "Brace yourself, lass. I must know. If I touch you, will I set you aflame as well?"
My heart broke at the look in his eyes. "I'll gladly risk it. Kiss me, Jerry. Let me see if you breathe fire." I pulled his head down, horrified that his cheeks were so hot to the touch. When our lips met, it was like a flame licked me, blistering me immediately. I gasped in spite of myself at the pain.
"God, no! Look what I've done to you." He jerked back, putting several feet between us. "This I can't stand. I've got to do something or just walk into the sun."
"No. Surely we can find a cure. We need a doctor and there's only one in town, Jerry, who works on paranormals." I didn't want to say it, but if anyone might know what to do, how to fix this, it was him.
"I can guess." He turned on his heel, putting even more distance between us. "Take me to him."
"Ian MacDonald. You're sure?"
He looked back at me, clearly resigned but not happy about it. "I'm not so hung up on an old feud that I'll die rather than try for a cure. What other choice do I have?"
"None, I guess. You certainly can't just wait around to see if this wears off." I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse. "Let me call him first. Make sure he's in town and willing to see you." Of course I had Ian on speed dial. Much as I hated him, it seemed like I'd done business with him way too many times.
"Gloriana." Ian answered right away. "Are you back or still frolicking in the Highlands? My brother said you even wore a kilt of sorts when he saw you there. Apparently it barely covered your bum." He chuckled. "Would have liked to have seen that."
"Give it a rest, Ian. I have a medical emergency for you."
"Really. What happened? Are you hurt?" Say what you will, Ian was a good doctor. I could hear him practically vibrating with interest.
"Not me. Jerry took a potion that was supposed to help him get some of his memory back. I assume, since you've talked to your brother, that you know Jerry still has amnesia. Anyway, now this 'cure' he took has turned him into a fire starter." I fought the urge to cry. "Everything he touches bursts into flames, Ian. Can...can you fix him?"
"That's a hell of a thing. Literally." Ian chuckled. "Forgive me but the thought of Campbell as a living torch...Well, it doesn't exactly hurt my feelings."
I counted to five. "Are you going to help him or not?"
"I'll try. You know how I love an interesting case. Where'd he get this potion? Got any of it left? Describe it." His voice was crisp, no-nonsense now.
"Thank you. The vial is empty now but it's still got some bright green slime clinging to the inside." I grabbed it and stowed it in my purse. "My mother, who is a goddess from Olympus, got it from a sorcerer. Or so she claims. What do you think?" I watched Jerry pace, wired. A living torch. That about summed it up. He started to straighten his shirt then stopped before he touched it, obviously worried he'd set his clothing on fire. He was probably right.
How would he handle his death sleep? I guess he'd have to strip. No, I'd have to get his clothes off of him somehow. Then he'd have to rest his hands on his own naked body before dawn hit or he'd set even the bed aflame.
This was intolerable. Would it wear off? I had a million questions. Silence on the phone. Was Ian thinking about solutions or deciding whether to blow Jerry off? I'd just dumped a lot of information on the doctor.
"Bring him out here. I know we've formally ended our feud. Jeremiah's father and my brother sealed the deal in blood of all things. Ridiculous. Anyway, are you sure Campbell's going along with that truce? Douglas said he was an asshole about the whole thing."
"Jerry is the one who suggested we see you, Ian." I swallowed. "Please, he's desperate. He can't touch anything or, or anyone. It's hell."
"Sounds like it. A Hellfire spell. Your mother was either tricked or she did this on purpose. If that is so, you have my sympathy. She sounds like a real bitch. Bring him now, Gloriana. I'm going to look up a few things, maybe call someone, and see what I can do." Ian disconnected.
"Okay, we're going." I touched Jerry's back. He'd been staring out the window. I noticed the singed hole in my blackout curtain where he'd obviously brushed it aside. It seemed that as long as I didn't touch his hands or mouth, he didn't hurt me though his body felt hot.
"It's going to take some getting used to. Going to a MacDonald for help," he said quietly. "I've never trusted one in my life."
"He's a doctor. It's his job." I prayed Ian would act professionally and not rub Jerry's nose in the fact that he was doing him a favor. "You'll pay him just like you would any tradesman." There, that should make Jerry feel better about it.
"Did he know anything about this curse?" Jerry faced me. Even after he'd first lost his memory, he hadn't looked this discouraged. But then I'd always been able to hold him. I could still do that.
"Lift your arms." I slid under them and hugged him, pressing my cheek to his chest. It felt like holding a steaming caldron dressed in a knit polo, but I refused to let go. "Now I want you to have faith. Ian did seem to have heard of this curse, and that's what he thinks it is too. He's working on finding a cure. There's nothing he likes more than solving a problem, so don't give up, Jer. Promise me."
"If you were wise, Gloriana, you would run like hell. The shifter is obviously more than ready to take my place." Jerry's forearm brushed against my hair. "I could see that well enough downstairs even with half a brain."
"Rafe is a dear friend but you are my love. And your brain is perfectly fine. Now let's get going. We have to fix this. I want to make love with you again and I don't particularly want to risk getting roasted and toasted doing it."
Jerry followed me to the door. "You are determined to deal with this, no matter what. Why? If it's guilt, I won't have it. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about, Gloriana. Our parents make their own decisions and they can be wrongheaded. It was clear to me that my own mother never welcomed you to the castle."
"No, she didn't." I decided not to share the time she'd tried to kill me. "But you never let Mag's feelings about me sway you and I'll certainly not let a mother who I've known for five minutes influence me. Especially one who deals in dirty tricks."
Jerry stopped next to the car. "No one could accuse you of not being steadfast, Gloriana." He opened the passenger door, dew on the steel steaming when he touched it. I saw how careful he was as he got in to keep his hands from touching anything else. "You'll have to do up the seat belt for me."
"Sure. No problem." I couldn't meet his eyes, my own burning. Steadfast. God. I'd been anything but. When his memories returned, he'd know the truth. Valdez. And I'd have to tell him about Ray. Our ancient history he could brush off. Our partings had been mutual. But Rafe had just thrown my recent slip in Jerry's face. Luckily Jer hadn't caught just how bad a slip it had been. But he would and his forgiving nature might have disappeared after what he'd just gone through.
Damn. The best thing I could do for Jerry would be to walk away from him. My Olympus connection was ruining his life. But love, guilt, whatever my motivation, I just couldn't leave him, especially not like this. I hurried around the car, eager to drive us toward Ian's swanky digs on the outskirts of town.
First, I pulled out my cell and texted my mother: "The sorcerer's stuff was a Hellfire spell. Not a fix. DO SOMETHING." That should clue her in that the sorcerer who'd given this cure had failed. She could quit playing his games and start hunting for a real cure. Olympus was sounding worse and worse to me. I never wanted to find out what it was like firsthand, but it might turn out to be the only way to get Jerry back to where he needed to be. With that thought giving me a killer headache, I started the car.
"You really don't remember anything after the late fifteen hundreds?" Ian made notes on a tablet computer. He and Jerry had exchanged stiff greetings. Of course Jerry had recognized him - Ian looked very much like his brother and they'd known each other anyway back in the bad old days when they'd played battle of the clans.
"That's right. But this is more urgent." Jerry walked across the room, picked up a log which burst into flames. Then he tossed it into Ian's fireplace. Since it was a mild night, Ian hadn't lit a fire. Now he had a nice blaze going.
"Interesting. Let me see your hands." Ian set down the tablet and walked up to Jerry. He grabbed one of his wrists first, carefully. "Your body's extremely warm. I'd like to take your temperature." He looked over his shoulder. "Bring me my bag."
I'd mentored a genius vampire who'd worked for Ian for a while and used to assist him. Penny had quit to go to medical school and was now in California, doing her thing at night. Ian's new assistant was a beautiful vampire.
"Nice window dressing."
Ian cocked an eyebrow at me. "Melanie is a doctor, has a PhD in genetics and has done quite a bit of her own research in the medical field. Don't be fooled by the pretty package."
"Sorry, Melanie." I said that as she reentered the room carrying Ian's medical bag. I figured that with vamp hearing she'd probably overheard my remark.
"You're not the first and I'm sure won't be the last to make assumptions about me." She smiled. "Mr. Campbell's problem is going to be a challenge. I hate working with sorcerers but, Ian, I think we're going to have to call one in if it's what you say it is."
Ian pulled a thermometer out of his bag. "Open your mouth, Campbell. This goes under your tongue."
"Be careful. I tried to kiss him and it blistered my lips." I touched my mouth, all healed thanks to the synthetic I'd had just before Jerry had started his flame throwing.
"What the hell?" Jerry stared at the digital thermometer like it would poison him or puncture his tongue. Of course taking anything from a MacDonald was still hard for him.
"It's a thermal material specially formulated to withstand a dragon's breath. Mel brought an interesting clientele with her. Hopefully Campbell here isn't that hot." Ian passed it to me. "You do the honors, Gloriana. I doubt he'll take it from me anyway."
"It's a small machine, Jer. Just close your mouth over it. It'll beep and let Ian know your body temperature. It's to help him figure this out. Won't hurt a thing. I can do it first if you want me to." I put it near my own lips.
"Give it to me. I'm not afraid of such a tiny thing. Just wanted an explanation." He took it and thrust it into his mouth, frowning when it started beeping.
"I don't see any sparks coming from his hand." Ian aimed Jerry's finger at a piece of paper. "Look, Mel. See that?"
"A flame. Shooting right out of his fingertip. Wow." She picked up Ian's tablet. "Do it again. I'd like to try to get a picture of it."
I could see Jerry getting angrier by the minute as Ian manipulated his fingers like they were inanimate objects. Jer's face went from pink to bright red. When Ian pulled him closer to a table, Jerry suddenly jerked his hand away and shot flames that made the whole wooden table go up in smoke.
"Holy shit!" Melanie aimed the tablet at the ruins. "I got the entire thing." She glanced at Ian. "Oh, sorry. That was a one-of-a-kind antique, wasn't it?"
"No matter. Incredible. His temper seems to increase the fire power." He grabbed the tablet and started typing. "Hand me my phone. I'm calling Cornelius. If anyone will know how to handle this, he will."
"Cornelius?" I'd really like to know what Ian was typing.
"A powerful sorcerer." Ian scrolled through his contacts on his cell.
"You have a sorcerer's phone number?" I took the thermometer out of Jerry's mouth when it signaled it was done and handed it to Melanie.
"You never know when you'll need one." Ian walked out on his terrace, apparently deciding on privacy.
"His temp is one twelve. That's serious." Melanie looked worried as she typed into the computer. "Dangerously high. Sit down, Mr. Campbell. Would you like a drink?"
"That's a problem. The last time I tried to hold a glass, the blood boiled. And call me, uh, Jerry." Jerry looked at me. "Any suggestions?"
"You can use a straw if you have one of those glass ones. Surely he can't melt glass."
"We've got a pipette. Good idea, Gloriana. I'll get one."
"And I'll hold the glass for you." I smiled at Melanie. "Thanks for offering. Bring him some of Ian's best synthetic, B negative. That's one of Jerry's favorites."
"Good. He needs to hydrate. This fever could kill him, I think. I'll discuss it with Ian when he gets off the phone." She hurried out of the room.
Ian came back inside. "He's coming. It'll take him a little while because he has to gather some things. Where's Melanie? What was his temp?"
I told him.
"Damn. That's too high. We need to get him into a tepid bath."
"Here's his blood. I didn't heat it and I put a straw in it, like you suggested, Glory." Melanie handed me the glass. "She tell you his temperature? I'm worried."
"Yes, that would be fatal in a human. And I can't imagine a vampire's brain can endure that kind of long-term exposure to body heat either." Ian watched me hold the glass so Jerry could drink. "Never thought I'd say it, but I feel damned sorry for you, Campbell."
Jerry didn't acknowledge the sympathy. He let the straw slide from his mouth. "A cool bath? That sounds good right now. Here? Or should Glory take me home?"
"Here. You need to wait for Cornelius. He said he has some ideas, some things to try to rid you of the spell. Said it definitely sounded like someone had cast a Hellfire spell." Ian held out his hand. "Give me the vial, Gloriana. And explain exactly who gave this to your mother and why."
I handed it to him but realized I didn't know much. "She has some enemies apparently. I have a feeling this guy played a dirty trick on her."
"He certainly did." My mother appeared, dragging a man behind her. He had a long beard and wore dark robes that looked wet. "This is the incompetent cretin who swore to me that the mixture he gave me would cure you, Jeremiah." She dropped the man on the floor in front of her. "Tell them, Waldo, what you told me."
"Please, I swear, it was supposed to work. I mixed it so carefully - "
"Lying sack of peacock poop! Do you want me to drag you through the ocean again?" She kicked him with one of her high-heeled pumps. "Look at his red face. Do you not see how it worked?" She pointed to Jerry. "Show him, Jeremiah. Burn something." She gestured around the room. "That!" She aimed at a painting on the wall above the fireplace.
"No! That's an original Van Gogh!" Ian grabbed a newspaper and held it up. "Hit this with your best shot, Campbell."
Jerry actually grinned. "But I like art. What is that supposed to be? A harvest?"
"Burn the damned newspaper," Ian said through clenched teeth.
"Not nearly as much fun." Jerry ran a fingertip over the front page and it burst into flames. Ian dropped it on the tile floor and stamped it out.
"There! What did I tell you?" My mother shot the quivering man at her feet with a lightning bolt and he yelped, his robes smoking.
"Please, perhaps I hurried the process. Madam was impatient, standing over me. I'll do another batch. Do you have unicorn tongue here, sir?" He looked around wildly.
Ian shook his head. "I assume you're Gloriana's mother? I'm Ian MacDonald." He started to hold out his hand then obviously remembered the lightning and thought better of it.
"Call me Olympia. Yes, Gloriana is mine." She smiled at me then frowned. "Still in those awful clothes? By all the gods above!" She waved her hand and I swear everyone there except me shrank back, afraid of what was coming. I knew. Sure enough, I had on a new outfit. This one, I kept. The red and black dress fit the fire motif and had the deep vee neckline I loved.
"Mother, Jerry is in serious distress. This fire thing is killing him. He has to drink this then hop into a tub of cool water. His temperature is through the roof. I hope you've brought a cure." I held the glass to his lips again. Jerry drank though he couldn't take his eyes off my mother. She was quite a sight in her sparkly red evening gown. We almost matched. It made me wonder what she and the sorcerer had been up to when she'd gotten my text. Of course the fact that she kept zapping Waldo every minute or so was enough to keep anyone eyeing her warily.
"Well, go to it. I'll work on this slug and see what we can do." She kept her high heel on the whimpering sorcerer's arm. "What do you think, Dr. MacDonald? Should we let this creature into your laboratory for another try?"
"First, I'd like to examine this vial Glory brought along. And question, um, what was his name?"
"Waldo. You know, like those books. He does like to hide. Which is the game we were playing when I got Gloriana's text. Where's Waldo? I can't tell you how much I despise such nonsense." She smiled so evilly that I'd have crossed myself if I'd been Catholic. "Son of a shrew! Beetle dung!" She gave him another lightning jolt. "Just try hiding from me after this." She nodded. "Don't worry, he will answer all your questions." She gestured to me. "Gloriana, take your man to that bath. He looks like he's about to fall down."
"Jerry, come on." Mother was right. Jerry swayed where he stood, his eyes closing. I grabbed one of his arms while Melanie took the other one. We were both careful not to touch his hands.
"I can walk." He pulled away from Melanie but stumbled. "Shit. The blood seemed to give me some strength for a moment, but I'm so on fire I can't, uh, can't focus." Jerry grabbed Ian's leather sofa to steady himself. We all exclaimed at the smell of burning cowhide.
"Careful, man!"
"Hush, Ian." I got a better grip on Jerry's waist while Melanie took hold of him again on the other side. "No nonsense now, Jerry. Let Melanie and me get you down the hall. It's like you've been poisoned. It's okay to take some help."
"I hate this weakness." Jerry finally leaned against me. "For God's sake don't let me touch you with my hands, Gloriana."
"I won't." I wanted to cry. Melanie and I got him down the hall where I stripped him carefully while she ran a large tub full of water. He had to make a fist to get his shirt over his hands but we finally managed it. Jerry gasped when we helped settle him into it. But much too soon it was steaming.
"Wait here." Melanie ran out of the room and I heard her call for help. Ian had plenty of guards around the place. He'd always had lots of security because of his expensive equipment and secret experiments. He also sold very high-end drugs to vampires. Soon she was back with a bowl of ice. She dumped it into the water where it melted immediately.
"Jerry, can you hear me? Do you feel any better?" She put her hand on his forehead. He had his eyes closed and I was afraid he'd lost consciousness. "I think the fever's come down a little bit."
"I hear you. Leave me to die in peace. So...hot." He leaned his head against the back of the tub, his hands on his stomach. Whenever they touched the water, it started boiling.
"Jer, can you lift your hands out of the water?" I heard footsteps and then several men came in carrying more ice to drop into the tub. I reached under Jerry's feet to pull the drain so the water level could go down some.
"Yes, that's better." He rested his hands on top of his head. "Cooler now." He sighed. "Crazy this."
"Yes, but they're working on a cure. Don't worry." Melanie looked at me. "I'll be right back."
I sank down on the floor beside the tub, my hand on Jerry's bare shoulder. Every few minutes another man would come in and pour more ice into the tub. I couldn't imagine the torture this must be for Jerry. I rubbed his bare chest, trying to comfort him. What I really wanted to do was make that damned sorcerer pay for what he'd done. If he was still there when I got back to the living room, I was going to kick him myself with the new suede pumps my mother had materialized for me. I sighed and leaned my cheek against the tub.
"Gloriana, I'm sorry." My mother stroked my hair.
"You should be." I stood and shook out my skirt. "Look at Jerry. At what you've done. This all started with that first potion on the knife you gave Mara."
"He's a fine looking man." She did look, clearly checking out naked Jerry stretched out in the tub.
"Ooo! That's not what I meant. What's wrong with you? He's mine." I shoved her out of the room.
"Relax, darling. On Olympus we don't care about family connections. Everyone is fair game when it comes to the bedroom. You mate with whoever takes your fancy." She patted my cheek. "I'd think after your stint as a Siren you'd be more open-minded."
"That's not being open-minded, that's creepy. And I don't remember a thing about my life as a Siren, the Storm God took care of that."
"Yet another vendetta I must take care of." She frowned. "Many have wronged us, Daughter. But I'm here to tell you the new sorcerer has arrived. Come. The guards will pull your man out of the tub and get him dressed. I'm sure you're eager to hear what this magician has to say."
"Yes, let's hope he can do some good because I'm telling you, Mother, I've had it with your 'tries.' You are about to lose any chance with me. Seeing Jerry suffer like this has done it. I can't take any more. Hurt me if you want to, but leave Jerry the hell alone!" I wiped away my wet cheeks. I'd never meant anything more.
"I just wanted to fix things." She actually looked surprised by my hard line.
"Good intentions aren't worth peacock poop. It's the results that count. I think you would agree with that." I marched down the hall ahead of her.
In the living room, a rather ordinary looking man was doing a tap dance all over the hapless Waldo.
"What in the name of all that's magic were you thinking? It's ocelot's tongue, not unicorn tongue." He whirled around and I saw his eyes, not ordinary at all. They were orange, vivid orange, and so bright I had to look away.
"Cornelius. Please. I looked in the book." Waldo squinted up at him. "See how I've suffered?" He held out his robe, full of charred holes obviously made by the lightning bolts my mother had been shooting at him. "Haven't I been punished enough?"
"Your vanity makes you stupid. Buy some glasses and wear them." Cornelius threw a fireball at the man, reducing his head of gray hair and long beard to frizzled black tufts which began to break off and fall to the floor in a rain of ashes. "Honestly, who hired this man?"
"I did." My mother stepped forward. "He came highly recommended."
"By who? The troll under the bridge? He couldn't spell his way out of second grade!" Cornelius pulled a wand out of his pocket. He wore an expensive gray suit, so I had no idea where he'd hidden it. He bopped Waldo on his now bald head. Waldo sobbed and begged for mercy. We all ignored him.
"No, it was one of the gods. He..." My mother frowned. "Well, now that I think on it, he does have a reason to hate me." She glanced at the ceiling. "Oh, but he'll have even more reason when I get back up there." I heard thunder and knew there would be quite a payback coming.
"I'll let you deal with your own issues, madam. I brought some supplies. Where's the victim?" Cornelius stared down the hallway. "Oh, here he comes. I'm just in time I'd say or his brain would start boiling. No one survives that. Not even a vampire."
I gasped. Jerry was being carried by two strong vampires. His skin practically blazed, so red from his fever I might not have known him except for his wild eyes. He wore only a pair of boxers. Apparently the men had given up trying to dress him or maybe he couldn't bear more clothes on his overheated body.
"If he dies, Waldo, I'll turn you into a dung beetle then crush you under my heel." Cornelius stood over a sobbing Waldo then finally hit him with his wand again.
"Help me," Jerry said, locking eyes on Cornelius. Then he passed out.