Real Vampires Know Hips Happen
Chapter Sixteen

Flo and I had a date to meet in the shop. I had trained Lily on the credit card machine and she was surprisingly quick to learn. I don't know why I was surprised. Her father was a businessman who was good with numbers. She'd obviously inherited his abilities in that direction. I'd had to fuss at Jerry's daughter a few times when she got on her high horse, declaring some of our stock too crappy to wear. We were a college town. Not all of our customers could afford the designer originals she considered worthy.
"Mi amica, it is about time we have a chance to catch up and have a little girl talk." Flo came rushing in carrying packages. I recognized the logos from some of her favorite boutiques in Paris. She'd brought me presents.
"Come to the back room. I hope that's not all for me." I never felt my own lack of money more than when I was around my best bud. She'd always been wealthy - she made no secret of the fact that she'd built her fortune through a wise collection of fabulous jewelry from grateful lovers. When she'd married Richard, it was like she'd been unleashed. He was even more ancient than she was and had a gift for investing. I couldn't imagine what the two of them were worth together now.
"Of course I can buy my BFF a few piccolo cose." Flo waved to my clerks as I tugged her to the back. "You will not spoil my fun by refusing a single thing."
She dropped her bags then paused. "Wait a minute. Did I just see Jeremiah's daughter out there? Was she helping a customer? Working?" She grabbed me. "What is going on, Glory?"
"I'm trying to help her." I shut the door. I wasn't going to share the ATM thing. The fewer people who knew about that the better. There had been no new robberies reported on the news so I hoped that meant Lily had actually stopped. "You know she tends to keep bad company. Jerry's out of town so I thought she could earn some pocket money here and stay out of trouble."
Flo's eyes got big. "Working as a shopgirl?" She put her hand over her mouth. "Mio Dio, I didn't mean...Of course there is nothing wrong with her working here. It's just that her mother will have un attacco. You know, hate it. She is so..." Flo put her finger under her nose and lifted it in the air.
"Yes, I'm sure Mara...What did you say?" I was trying not to show how Flo's reaction had bothered me.
"Will have a fit. Yes, that is what I say." Flo giggled. "I'd like to see her face when she sees this. But Lily. She agreed? Is she doing well? She is not making the customers feel bad? She is her mother's daughter after all."
"So far, she's okay. She looks young, acts young, the students relate to her." I picked up one of the sacks on the table. "I hope you didn't go overboard, Flo."
"You had a terrible time in Scotland. Poverina. Jeremiah didn't know you. And his mother was there. I know Magdalena wasn't kind." She knew both of Jerry's parents. Had even had a brief affair once with the laird when he and Mag had been separated.
"No, she was pretty mean. The whole trip was more or less the pits." I pulled out a gorgeous blouse in a blue that matched my eyes. It was even the right size. "It's perfect. I'm trying it on right now." I wore black pants that would go with anything. I tore my black and white sweater off over my head and carefully slipped on the blouse. The silk was light as a feather and felt wonderful against my skin.
"Perfetto." Flo hugged me, tears in her eyes. "Please accept these little gifts. It makes me so happy to see you pretty in something new." She gestured around the back room, crammed full of vintage finds that had yet to be priced and put out in the shop. "You deserve it. I hate to see you always wearing someone else's castoffs."
My hands stilled on the last button. Flo too. What was with everyone lately? I didn't mind wearing vintage. Loved the history in it and the fun of taking something worn in a previous era and pairing it with a modern piece. I didn't say anything because I knew Flo and I would never agree on this. She liked everything right off the store rack. Had closets full of clothes only worn once because then they weren't "fresh." Someday I was going to talk her into letting me have them to sell. Otherwise they were just abandoned, left to languish when someone else could bring them to life again.
"Thank you, my friend." I smiled and picked up another sack. "Your taste is wonderful. I can't believe you were thinking of me when you had all of Paris at your feet. Speaking of...Tell me what shoes you bought over there. The ones you have on are fabulous."
That got her off and running and we spent an enjoyable evening together, catching up. But something was missing. I loved Flo and knew she would do anything for me. We just didn't have the same feelings about certain things. It was a reality check and a reminder that my ordeal with Jerry had given me a new perspective on a lot of things.
By the time we said good-bye, I had cheered up. No big deal. I could still love her, laugh with her and plan an evening out with her and Richard once Jerry got back. Just because she thought my whole business was tacky - my word, not hers - I couldn't let that ruin our friendship.
After Flo left, Lily stuck her head into the back room where I was trying to figure out which bills to pay first. "I'm going to take my break now."
"Wait. Tell me how it's going." I gestured for her to come inside and close the door. "Any word from your father?"
"He called and told me where to find a gas card in his office." She smiled. "That's better than when he went to Scotland. At least I can fill my tank."
His tank. She was driving Jerry's Mercedes but I didn't correct her. "Did you tell him about the job?"
"Yes. I told him you thought he should get me my own apartment too. That I was working here to prove I could be responsible. He was surprised." She examined her fingernails, painted black with white skulls.
"Surprised? By the apartment thing or the job?"
"The job. He wasn't sure I'd like working in a shop." She started peeling off the black. Stick-ons, obviously. "I am so over these. Anyway, I told him I didn't mind it. I'd met some nice kids and I like Sixth Street." She grinned, showing fang. "Great dining."
"Lily, remember what I said." If I caught her taking someone down a pint in a dressing room...
"I take my action outside. Relax, Glory. Dad said he understood about the apartment. He'll get right on it once he gets this deal in Florida worked out. He's interviewing for new management." She was on fingernail number six. "You'd think with the job market the way it is he'd have plenty of quality people to choose from."
"Maybe you should talk to him about what he does. He owns several hotels and casinos. If you're into that scene, you could work for him. Though it would be in another city instead of here." I don't know why I hadn't thought of that sooner.
Lily dropped the last decal in the trash can. "Trying to get rid of me, Glory?"
"No, just laying out some options for you. Flo reminded me that your mother might not like the idea of you working in a shop. You do come from a wealthy family."
"Fat lot of good it's doing me." She made a face. "I want to stay in town awhile. Get to know my dad. Sorry if that's cramping your style, but that's my plan." She opened the door. "Now I have thirty minutes coming to me for a meal break. If I plan to eat, I'd better hustle." She flashed the tip of a fang. "See ya in thirty." She sauntered through the shop, waving to the other clerk before she headed out the door.
Okay, that had been interesting. She'd talked to Jerry but I hadn't. He hadn't called me and I wasn't going to make the first move. We were at an impasse. Fine by me. We needed to thrash things out face-to-face.
I heard a scratching at the back door, so faint I wondered if I'd imagined it. No, there it was again. I opened the door and saw a familiar face.
"Aggie? What are you doing here?" She didn't look right. Her hair was wild and she still wore the same outfit I'd seen her in the last time we'd met, almost a week ago, at Ian's. Now it looked a little worse for wear with stains on the sweater and the hem coming out of the skirt. She held her shoes in her hand.
"Quick, shut the door." She ran over and slammed the one into the shop. "Hide me."
"What's the matter? Who are you hiding from?" I noticed she was trembling. I helped her to the chair where she collapsed and dropped the shoes carelessly next to her. Not Aggie-like behavior since they were this season's Manolos. I could tell at one whiff that she was still mortal.
"Ian. I...I had to sneak out of his compound, Glory." She jumped up and ran into the bathroom, stopping to examine her face in the glass. "God! Where are my cheekbones? I look like one of those dolls they used to say came from a cabbage patch. Remember them? I always thought they were scary when I saw mortal children playing with them." She pinched her cheeks. "Do you see what he's done to me?"
"Aggie, what are you talking about? Sneak? I thought you and Ian were in love." I stood behind her while she washed her hands, using lots of soap.
"Get out of here, I have to use the toilet." She shoved me out the door. "It's hell being mortal." The door shut in my face and I heard the lock turn.
Well, well, this was interesting. I heard a flush then water running again. Finally she emerged from the bathroom. She'd obviously used the brush I kept in there because her hair, which had been in a tangled mess, was now under control. She'd washed her face too. She looked younger without makeup, almost innocent. I knew better.
"So why did you have to sneak out and how did you get here?" I sat on the table, ready to hear the whole story.
"That asshole, that lying piece of shit won't turn me vampire, Glory." Aggie grabbed my hand. "You do it. Right now. Every minute I'm mortal, I'm getting older. Look at me." She ran into the bathroom again and peered at her reflection. "Lines! Around my eyes. Do you see them?"
"That's because you're squinting. Relax, Aggie, it's only been a few days." I leaned back on both hands so she couldn't grab one again. "Did Ian say why he wouldn't keep his word?" I had a pretty good idea but I wanted to hear it from her.
"Well, first" - she dragged herself from her study of her face and sank into the chair again - "he took blood from me. Claimed I was delicious." She rubbed her throat. "I took that as a compliment. It is, isn't it? Coming from a vampire?"
"Sure. I can smell your blood from here. You're A positive. It's pretty common, but tasty." I smiled and showed fang. "I wouldn't mind drinking from you myself."
"Stop it! You will not come near me with a fang." She glared, like she was still the badass she used to be.
"Try and stop me." I laughed at the look on her face when I got up. I walked right past her to my minifridge and took out a bottle of synthetic, twisting off the cap. "Relax. I have this. Your mortal blood is safe from me. Now go on, what other reason did he give you for not going through with his promise?"
"Well..." She picked up a shoe and slipped it on. "He realized our love wasn't exactly true." The other shoe got a lot of her attention and she wouldn't look at me.
"What do you mean? He was certainly declaring his undying love when the Storm God was there making it rain like we should start building the ark." I set down my bottle and put my hands on her shoulders. "Look at me, Aggie. Did you sing him to you? With your Siren's song? Make him fall in love with you?"
"Of course I did!" She threw off my hands. "How else could I get a man like Ian to love me?" Her eyes filled with tears. "You think I don't know what you people think of me? I realize I'm not an easy person to deal with. Sirens don't need people skills, we have powers. You guys here in Austin are the first friends I've ever had besides the sisters." She started sobbing. "Now my powers are g-g-gone!"
I knew she meant the other Sirens. They called themselves a sisterhood. Basically a group of serial killers who called men to them in the sea, used their bodies for sex, then tossed them on the rocks to die. It still made me shudder to realize I'd been one of them once. I was glad the Storm God had wiped my memory of that time in my life. Aggie thought we were friends now? Pathetic.
"Why did you do it, Aggie? Why Ian?"
"He is so s-s-smart, handsome, and a w-w-wonderful lover." That last word was a wail that could have cracked glass.
"Jeez, Aggie. Have a meltdown, why don't you?" I glanced at the door to the shop and switched on the radio. Okay that wasn't very sympathetic, but she'd manipulated him. "People will hear. Pipe down."
"I can't. Look at me. I'm dying by inches. I lost the man I love and now he sees me as nothing more than a meal on heels." She grabbed a vintage tablecloth from a nearby shelf and cried into it, her shoulders shaking.
"Okay, calm down. Maybe you can go back, work on developing a real relationship with Ian. Become, I don't know, loveable." I knew it was a stretch, but she did look awful. Nose red, eyes puffy. Heartbroken.
Her head snapped up. "Are you serious? If I go back there, I know exactly what will happen. I'm nothing but a blood donor to him now. He wants me to be healthy. So I'll be able to give him plenty of that good A positive every night. Did you know he hired a chef? Just for me. You should see the food he has this guy whip up. Gourmet treats, desserts, everything fattening that I love." She stood and jerked up her sweater. "Look at me. I can't button my skirt! And it's been less than a week."
I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. Petite Aggie, size six Aggie, had a little round tummy. Oh, there was justice in the world. Ian had been stuffing her like a Thanksgiving turkey.
"Where's your resistance? You don't have to eat what's put in front of you." She'd told me once though that Sirens often had lavish banquets but never gained an ounce. Part of their magic. Obviously another perk gone along with her immortality.
"Oh, yeah? Well after Ian gets through with his mind games, I can't resist jack." She shoved her sweater back down. "He's doing it on purpose. Punishing me. There's nothing Ian hates more than being manipulated. He told me that. I played a mind game on him so now he's getting even. Quid quo whatever."
We both jumped when there was loud pounding on the back door. "That's him! Don't tell him I'm here. I'm hiding in the bathroom. I won't go back there, Glory. Not unless he'll turn me vampire."
Great. Like I needed to be in the middle of a domestic dispute. Aggie rushed into the bathroom and locked the door.
"Who is it?"
"Ian MacDonald. Let me in, Gloriana." He sounded furious.
"Why should I?" I loved having the upper hand with Ian for a change.
"Because if you don't, I'll send my men through your store and make a scene. How will that affect your business?"
"Oh, come on in." I threw open the door. "If you're looking for Jerry, he's out of town. He's still fine, by the way. If that's why you're here, Doctor."
"No, I don't give a shit about Campbell. Where's Aggie?" He turned toward the bathroom. "I can smell her. Get out here, woman, before I knock that door down."
"Ian, relax. You don't own her. She came here asking for sanctuary. I'm thinking about giving it to her." I let my hand hover inches from his chest. "You fancy being turned into a statue again?" I smiled at his bodyguards who stood near his back. "Tell them to wait outside. I don't think you want witnesses for this, do you?"
He nodded. "Go, wait in the alley. She's here. I can handle this." Ian glared at me. "Keep your hands off of me, Gloriana. You really don't want to defend Aggie, do you? I remember a time when you hated her as much as I do."
"She's mortal now. Helpless." I smiled. "I kind of like Aggie that way. But you've turned her into a blood slave. That goes against my principles. You can afford a good synthetic. Drink that."
"Please. What is this? Women sticking together? Or something else?" He pounded on the bathroom door. "Come out and look me in the eye, woman."
"No way in hell. You'll just use your mind control on me. I'm not stupid." She hit the door from her side. "Go away. I'm not going back."
"She tell you what she did?" Ian paced around the small room, kicking the chair out of the way. "Used her Siren song on me. Damn her! I should have known it. No woman has ever measured up, been powerful enough to truly hold my interest for long before. Then suddenly it was like I couldn't imagine my life without her. I wanted to be with her constantly. Had to have her no matter what it took. You were there. I even called in a favor from Campbell." He slammed his palm on my table and I heard the wood crack. "Under a fucking spell. The whole idea makes me insane."
"I'm sorry, Ian. Of course you hate it. She was wrong to do it. But don't you think losing her immortality and her powers is a pretty good punishment?" I stayed out of his way. I'd never seen Ian out of control like this before.
Suddenly he stopped pacing, his bright blue eyes zeroing in on me. "It helps but it's not nearly enough." He smiled and moved closer. "Now you, Gloriana. Daughter of a goddess. You interest me. Did you know Aggie tried to use her Siren powers, other than the song, after she became mortal? Zip, nada. Yet you have discovered you still have many of them, like the statue trick you threatened me with. I wonder why."
"I guess my mother is responsible for that." I didn't like the way his eyes were gleaming.
"Your mother the goddess. That's quite a pedigree. Fascinating." He leaned his hip against the table, too close. "Have you been to Olympus yet? Seen Zeus? I heard her say he's your grandfather." He grinned. "Think what he could do for you." Ian slid his hand up my arm. "And he's bound to love you."
I'd had a variation on this conversation with him before. If Ian thought a woman could give him something he wanted, he could pour on the charm. After seeing him in action, having suffered as a result of his manipulative scheming, I was immune.
"Go home, Ian. Without Aggie. You two are done. Drink synthetic or find yourself another blood donor, a willing one. You've had your revenge. Aggie can't squeeze into a size six now. It's killing her."
"That's something." He looked me up and down, smiling in a way that made me want to check my buttons. "Though I have always preferred a woman with a more generous body myself."
"Ancient males tend to be that way. Which is why I prefer them. But you and me together? Not in a thousand years." I put more room between us without letting him know that he made me uncomfortable. "Now aren't you leaving?"
"Fine. I guess the fact that she's doomed to live a mortal's short life is a pretty good payback." He nodded. "Because I bet you aren't going to turn her either, are you, Gloriana?" He stepped over to the bathroom door. "Hear that, Aggie? Your pal Glory follows the rules. She'll never turn you vampire. You're stuck, chubby cheeks. How do you like that?"
He turned and ran a fingertip down my own chubby cheek. "I find power such a turn-on. You haven't seen the last of me, my dear. And if it takes a thousand years? Well, we both have time, don't we?" With that, he opened the alley door and signaled to his men. They shifted and flew off into the night.
The bathroom door creaked open. "Is he gone?" Aggie peered out cautiously.
"Yes. I'm sure you heard that." I shut the back door and slid the dead bolt closed.
"He said you wouldn't turn me vampire." She dropped to her knees in front of me. "Tell me he was lying, Glory. Please! You have to do it. You can't doom me to this horrible, powerless and ridiculously short existence."
"No, Aggie, Ian was right. I'm not turning you." I pulled her to her feet, then grabbed a top and pants, those in an eight, from the shelf. "Come on, I'll take you to my apartment, where you can clean up and change clothes." I sniffed. "You smell funny and not in a good way. How did you get here?"
She jerked away from me. "I was desperate. I hitchhiked. The only thing on the road out there in the boonies where Ian lives this late at night was a chicken hauler. The truck driver had his prize rooster in the front seat next to him, so I had to ride in the back. So, yeah, I reek of chicken shit. That's my life now, Glory." She threw open the door into the shop. "Don't think I'm giving up. I've always been stubborn when I want something. I'll wear you down. You will turn me."
"Keep your fantasy, Ag, if it helps you get through the night." I followed her out of the shop, stopping to let my clerk know I'd be gone awhile. What was I letting myself in for? Aggie for a roommate? But where else could she go? I passed Lily, who had flushed cheeks and a satisfied smile on her face. One more problem child. Seemed like there was a saint for helpless causes. I'd have to ask Richard about that. These two women needed to set up an altar to that one.
Jerry had left a message on my landline. That told me he really didn't want to talk or he'd have called my cell. The message was short and to the point. He'd be gone another week. There was no promise of a heart-to-heart talk when he did get home. Of course he hated those anyway.
In the nights to come I realized living with a mortal was even worse than living with a shape-shifter. Valdez had loved junk food and thrived on it. Aggie was still worried about her figure and had picked up a diet book. She wanted me to buy her special foods and a treadmill. On my budget? She was lucky the book had been on a shelf in my shop.
As it was, the lettuce and celery went bad while she sneaked out to Mugs and Muffins, next door to the shop, and gorged during the day while I was in my death sleep. I wouldn't know about it except she charged it to me and I got the bill. Nasty surprise. Sorry, but when I can't have a chocolate chunk muffin and a latte with whipped cream, I sure as hell don't want to pay for it. We were due for a showdown.
"You have to figure out a way to earn some money." I picked up the remote. Who knew that Judge Judy ran ten times a night?
"Hey, she was about to decide whether the woman got to keep the ring. That idiot she was engaged to ran around on her. I say it's hers all the way." Aggie stuffed a carrot stick in her mouth. The fact that it was loaded with ranch dip didn't seem to bother her, it was diet food in her interpretation of the book.
"Aggie, the judge always lets the woman keep the ring. Now listen up." I sat across from her. "You are running up bills I'm having a hard time paying. Food, electricity, water." She took long showers and then soaked in a tub. A holdover from her Siren days, that craving for water. Or so she claimed.
"Hey, we can solve that with one bite." She smiled and pointed to her jugular. "When I'm a vamp, I'll go drink from those people I see walking down the street. And I'll be dead when you are. No TV going all day, lights either. Guess it would cure me of the water thing too." She sighed. "I'd miss that."
"I won't turn you. Now let's be realistic. We have to figure out if you have any marketable skills." I'd just had this conversation with Lily. I was turning into a regular guidance counselor. But no way was Aggie working in my shop. I was already sick of her. She complained constantly. Becoming mortal hadn't improved her personality.
"I think I should sue Ian for support. I could go on Judge Judy's show. Like you say, the wronged woman always wins. He made certain promises and Ian didn't follow through." Aggie sat up, excited. "That's perfect. I'm calling the show first thing tomorrow morning."
"Slow down. Are you nuts?" I wanted to beat her over the head with my red throw pillow, which now wore ranch dressing stains. "Ian is a vampire. Your problem is about being turned into a bloodsucker. No court is going to listen to that. They'll think you're cracked."
"Yeah." She sat back, dragging another carrot stick through the dip. "Wait a minute! We do have a court of sorts here. The vampire council. You said it yourself. It has rules. I could take Ian in front of them. Damian, you said, is the head of it. Right?" When the carrot stick fell, she dabbed at the front of her robe, one she'd appropriated from the shop. "He liked me. We made a connection at Flo's wedding."
"Will you get a grip?" I grabbed the dip and carrots and dumped them in the trash. "And quit eating like a pig. Too much of anything, even diet food, will make you fat. Any more of that and you'll be lucky to fit into a ten."
"Now you're being mean." She sniffled. "I'm trying, Glory. You won't buy me a membership to that health club down the block. If I could work out..."
"Forget it. Walk around the block. You've got all day to do it and it's free." I could see this conversation going nowhere. "Forget suing Ian. If he turned you, the vampire council would be all over him. They would never award you support."
"But what if they fined him for holding me prisoner as his - what did you call it? - blood slave." She stood. "I have Damian's number. He gives every woman his number. Casanova he calls himself. Easy to see why. Anyway, I'm running this past him. Why shouldn't Ian pay a fine? There's bound to be a rule against white slavery or whatever you want to call it." She pulled her phone from her purse. "Oh, shit. I forgot. The Storm God cut me off. No service. Can I use yours?"
"A fine would go to the council, not to you, Aggie." I dug out my phone. "But maybe you could ask for damages. Mental anguish. It's worth a shot." And I'd do anything to get her out of my apartment.
"There you go. I knew you'd help me." She smiled and found Damian in my contact list. "And of course you have his number. You two ever hook up?"
"No, but he tried." I sat back while she dialed. Yes, it had been a flattering move but a long time ago. I liked Damian. I could see him trying his luck with Aggie. She was still beautiful when she wasn't covered with food stains. Probably wild in bed. Men would always be after her, as long as they didn't have to live with her.
I could see her chattering away, making Ian sound like a heartless bastard. It was pretty much the truth. Would the council listen to her story? Apparently so. In a few minutes she hung up, all smiles.
"He's going to arrange a hearing. You'll have to go with me, Glory. You were a witness, of course. You heard the whole thing both with the Storm God and Ian's threats at your shop. And you know how Ian is." She rubbed her hands together. "I bet the council has had other complaints about him. What do you think?"
"Possibly. He's a doctor, though, the only one paranormals have here. They'll be careful not to make him want to leave town. He did save Jerry's life." I wiped off the coffee table, gathering an empty glass, paper napkins, and a bag of chips, empty too, of course. Aggie was a slob. I was ready to testify to anything to move her out.
"Somehow I'm going to get big bucks. And there will be handsome men there. All of them vampires. If I can make a good connection, maybe one of them will turn me." She headed to the kitchen carrying the garbage I'd thrust into her hands.
"They're all members of the council, Aggie. They made that rule against turning mortals."
She came out with a pint of chocolate ice cream and a spoon. "Couldn't resist. Sorry you can't join me. Got to get it while I can." She winked. "Anyway, when I lay my sob story on the council? How I lost all my powers? I bet you my last pair of Manolos that they make an exception for me." She grinned and took a bite, sighing with pleasure. "Oh, yeah. I'll be rich and a vampire, Glory. Count on it."
I leaned back and wondered if my mother had any of her first potion left. Amnesia looked really good right now. Or maybe I'd stick Aggie with it and she could forget she knew me. Clearly I had the makings of a manipulative goddess. Like mother, like daughter?
I glanced at the ceiling. I never knew when my mother would tune into what was happening in my life. So I'd better watch my impulses or Hebe might decide to take these random thoughts as wishes and act on them. Damn. I couldn't even safely fantasize about murder anymore. Life was so not fair.