“Why do you think that?”
“She saw Reginald in him. Maybe one of the reasons she’s moved on to me is because of the feelings that I developed for Harper. When I first met him, I remember thinking, wow, if I was in the market, I’d be all over that one.”
When Roz laughed, Hayley flushed. “See what comes out of my mouth?” she demanded. “Jesus, you’re his mother.”
“Forget that a minute. Keep going.”
“Well, see I wasn’t in a place in my head, or anywhere else, where I could think seriously about a man, a relationship. I just thought he was hot, then as I got to know him, sweet and funny and smart. I liked him a lot, and I got irritated now and then that he was so cute and I was pregnant and cranky and not at my best. After Lily, I tried to think of him as kind of a brother, or a cousin. Well, he is a cousin, but you know what I mean.”
“The way you think of David or Logan, or my other sons.”
“Yeah. I really tried to put Harper in that same slot. And there was so much to do and learn, that it was easy to ignore that little low tickle that was going on inside me. You know the one.”
“Thank God I do,” Roz said with feeling.
“Then it wasn’t so easy, and the feelings for him kept getting stronger. It seems to me, when I started to admit them to myself, started to imagine how it could be with him, that’s when Amelia started slipping in.”
“And the stronger your feelings, the stronger and more demonstrative her objections.”
“I’m worried that she’ll hurt him, through me. Not seeing Harper, but Reginald. I’m worried I won’t be able to stop her.”
Roz frowned. “Seems that you’re not giving Harper enough credit for being able to handle himself.”
“Maybe not. But she’s awful strong, Roz. Stronger than she was, I think.” Remembering the sensation of having her self pushed aside, Hayley inhaled, exhaled, deeply. “And it seems to me she’s had a lot of time to think about payback.” “Harper’s stronger than she thinks. And so are you.”
SHE HOPED ROZ was right. As she lay sleepless, with Harper beside her, she hoped she had the grit and the brains to combat the vengeance of a vindictive spirit. Worse, one she felt some sympathy for.
But Harper wasn’t responsible for what had happened to her. No one who lived at Harper House now was responsible. There had to be a way, some way, for her to make Amelia understand that. To show her that Harper was not only the child she’d once sung to, but a good, caring man. And nothing like Reginald.
What had he been like, really? Reginald Harper. A man so obsessed with having a son, he would deliberately impregnate a woman not his wife. Whether or not Amelia had consented—and that they couldn’t know—it had been a selfish and hurtful act on his part. Then to take the child, to force his own wife to accept it as her own. He couldn’t have loved. Not his wife, not Amelia, certainly not the child.
It was no wonder Amelia despised him, and with her spirit or mind, or heart, shattered, that she’d grouped all men along with him.
What had it been like for her? For Amelia?
SHE SAT AT her dressing table, carefully rouging her cheeks by gaslight. Pregnancy had stolen her color. Just one more indignity, after the horrible sickness morning after morning, the widening of her waist, the incessant fatigue.
And yet, there were benefits. So many she hadn’t counted on. She smiled as she added color to her lips. How could she have known Reginald would be so pleased? Or so generous.
She lifted her arm to study the ruby and diamond hearts that circled her wrist. A bit delicate for her taste, really, but you couldn’t fault the glimmer.
And he’d hired another maid, given her carte blanche for a new wardrobe to accommodate her changing body. More jewels. More attention.
He visited her three times a week now, and never came empty-handed. Even if it was only to bring her chocolates or candied fruit when she mentioned craving sweets.
How fascinating to know that the prospect of a child could make a man so biddable.
She imagined he’d been very solicitous of his wife, in turn. But then she’d plagued him with girls rather than the son he coveted.
She would give him a son. And in giving, would reap the benefits for the rest of her life.
A bigger house to start, she decided. Clothes, jewels, furs, a new carriage—perhaps a small country house as well. He could afford it. Reginald Harper would spare no expense for his son, even his bastard son, she was sure.
As the mother of that son, she would never have to seek out another protector, never have to flirt and seduce and bargain with the men of wealth and position, offering sex and comfort in exchange for the mode of life she craved. Deserved. Earned.
She rose from the dressing table, and hair shining gold, jewels glittering white and red, gown sweeping silver, she turned in the chevel glass.
This was her exchange now. This bulge of the belly. Look how odd and awkward, how fat and unfashionable she looked, despite the gown. And yet, Reginald doted. He would stroke that bulge, even during passion. And in passion, he was kinder, gentler than she’d ever known him to be. She could almost love him during those times, when his hands were tender instead of demanding. Almost.
But love was not part of the game, and a game was all it was. This bartering pleasure for style. How could she love what was so weak, so deceitful, so arrogant? A ridiculous notion, as ridiculous as feeling pity for the wives they betrayed with her. Women who folded their thin lips and pretended not to know. Who passed her on the street with their noses in the air. Or women like her mother who slaved for them for pennies.
She was meant for bigger things, she thought, and lifted a heavy crystal decanter to stroke scent on her throat. She was meant for silks and diamonds.
When Reginald arrived, she would pout, just a little. And tell him of the diamond broach she’d seen that afternoon. How she would pine without it.
Pining wasn’t good for the child. She imagined the broach would be hers within a day.
She gave a light laugh, a little turn.
Then stopped, went still. Her hand trembled as she lifted it to press over her belly.
It had moved.
Inside her a flutter, a stretch. Little wings beating.
The glass reflected her as she stood in her shimmering gown, her fingers spread over the slight bulge as if she would guard what was inside.
Inside her. Alive. Her son.
“She saw Reginald in him. Maybe one of the reasons she’s moved on to me is because of the feelings that I developed for Harper. When I first met him, I remember thinking, wow, if I was in the market, I’d be all over that one.”
When Roz laughed, Hayley flushed. “See what comes out of my mouth?” she demanded. “Jesus, you’re his mother.”
“Forget that a minute. Keep going.”
“Well, see I wasn’t in a place in my head, or anywhere else, where I could think seriously about a man, a relationship. I just thought he was hot, then as I got to know him, sweet and funny and smart. I liked him a lot, and I got irritated now and then that he was so cute and I was pregnant and cranky and not at my best. After Lily, I tried to think of him as kind of a brother, or a cousin. Well, he is a cousin, but you know what I mean.”
“The way you think of David or Logan, or my other sons.”
“Yeah. I really tried to put Harper in that same slot. And there was so much to do and learn, that it was easy to ignore that little low tickle that was going on inside me. You know the one.”
“Thank God I do,” Roz said with feeling.
“Then it wasn’t so easy, and the feelings for him kept getting stronger. It seems to me, when I started to admit them to myself, started to imagine how it could be with him, that’s when Amelia started slipping in.”
“And the stronger your feelings, the stronger and more demonstrative her objections.”
“I’m worried that she’ll hurt him, through me. Not seeing Harper, but Reginald. I’m worried I won’t be able to stop her.”
Roz frowned. “Seems that you’re not giving Harper enough credit for being able to handle himself.”
“Maybe not. But she’s awful strong, Roz. Stronger than she was, I think.” Remembering the sensation of having her self pushed aside, Hayley inhaled, exhaled, deeply. “And it seems to me she’s had a lot of time to think about payback.” “Harper’s stronger than she thinks. And so are you.”
SHE HOPED ROZ was right. As she lay sleepless, with Harper beside her, she hoped she had the grit and the brains to combat the vengeance of a vindictive spirit. Worse, one she felt some sympathy for.
But Harper wasn’t responsible for what had happened to her. No one who lived at Harper House now was responsible. There had to be a way, some way, for her to make Amelia understand that. To show her that Harper was not only the child she’d once sung to, but a good, caring man. And nothing like Reginald.
What had he been like, really? Reginald Harper. A man so obsessed with having a son, he would deliberately impregnate a woman not his wife. Whether or not Amelia had consented—and that they couldn’t know—it had been a selfish and hurtful act on his part. Then to take the child, to force his own wife to accept it as her own. He couldn’t have loved. Not his wife, not Amelia, certainly not the child.
It was no wonder Amelia despised him, and with her spirit or mind, or heart, shattered, that she’d grouped all men along with him.
What had it been like for her? For Amelia?
SHE SAT AT her dressing table, carefully rouging her cheeks by gaslight. Pregnancy had stolen her color. Just one more indignity, after the horrible sickness morning after morning, the widening of her waist, the incessant fatigue.
And yet, there were benefits. So many she hadn’t counted on. She smiled as she added color to her lips. How could she have known Reginald would be so pleased? Or so generous.
She lifted her arm to study the ruby and diamond hearts that circled her wrist. A bit delicate for her taste, really, but you couldn’t fault the glimmer.
And he’d hired another maid, given her carte blanche for a new wardrobe to accommodate her changing body. More jewels. More attention.
He visited her three times a week now, and never came empty-handed. Even if it was only to bring her chocolates or candied fruit when she mentioned craving sweets.
How fascinating to know that the prospect of a child could make a man so biddable.
She imagined he’d been very solicitous of his wife, in turn. But then she’d plagued him with girls rather than the son he coveted.
She would give him a son. And in giving, would reap the benefits for the rest of her life.
A bigger house to start, she decided. Clothes, jewels, furs, a new carriage—perhaps a small country house as well. He could afford it. Reginald Harper would spare no expense for his son, even his bastard son, she was sure.
As the mother of that son, she would never have to seek out another protector, never have to flirt and seduce and bargain with the men of wealth and position, offering sex and comfort in exchange for the mode of life she craved. Deserved. Earned.
She rose from the dressing table, and hair shining gold, jewels glittering white and red, gown sweeping silver, she turned in the chevel glass.
This was her exchange now. This bulge of the belly. Look how odd and awkward, how fat and unfashionable she looked, despite the gown. And yet, Reginald doted. He would stroke that bulge, even during passion. And in passion, he was kinder, gentler than she’d ever known him to be. She could almost love him during those times, when his hands were tender instead of demanding. Almost.
But love was not part of the game, and a game was all it was. This bartering pleasure for style. How could she love what was so weak, so deceitful, so arrogant? A ridiculous notion, as ridiculous as feeling pity for the wives they betrayed with her. Women who folded their thin lips and pretended not to know. Who passed her on the street with their noses in the air. Or women like her mother who slaved for them for pennies.
She was meant for bigger things, she thought, and lifted a heavy crystal decanter to stroke scent on her throat. She was meant for silks and diamonds.
When Reginald arrived, she would pout, just a little. And tell him of the diamond broach she’d seen that afternoon. How she would pine without it.
Pining wasn’t good for the child. She imagined the broach would be hers within a day.
She gave a light laugh, a little turn.
Then stopped, went still. Her hand trembled as she lifted it to press over her belly.
It had moved.
Inside her a flutter, a stretch. Little wings beating.
The glass reflected her as she stood in her shimmering gown, her fingers spread over the slight bulge as if she would guard what was inside.
Inside her. Alive. Her son.
