“Yeah, Mum told me that James was back. What a prick.”
“I’m so stupid for letting him get to me, but for some reason, I can’t help it. He starts talking and it’s like I’m right back there, you know?”
Concern was clear in her eyes. “Oh, honey, you should have called me.” She placed her hand on mine and squeezed it.
I smiled at her. “Yes, I should have, and I will in future because going out and getting trashed and sleeping with Nash was definitely not the best way to handle it.”
She grinned. “Was the sex hot, though?”
I blew out the breath I’d been holding in all day. “Hell, yes. It was the best damn sex I’ve ever had. I can only imagine how good it would be if I was sober. Nash has some talents, that’s for sure.”
“God, I knew he’d fuck like a champion,” she declared. “You only have to look at him to know he was made for sex.”
Remembering the pleasure he’d given me last night sent me into my own little world and Anna had to click her fingers in my face to get my attention back. “Sorry, did you say something?” I asked.
Shaking her head, she muttered, “You like him, don’t you?”
“I honestly don’t know.” My feelings towards Nash were a mess. I loved his friendship, but I couldn’t deny the sensations that just thinking about him gave me. Sex with him had been amazing; we’d connected physically in a way that not many people did. Well, I certainly hadn’t experienced that kind of instant connection with many men.
“Damn, Velvet. I think you’ve gotten yourself into some shit here.”
“Understatement of the century, Anna,” I said. I could do sex with a guy but I didn’t want an emotional attachment. Usually this wasn’t a problem with the guys I chose, but caution was screaming at me where Nash was concerned. We already had an emotional bond so I wasn’t convinced we’d be able to handle a sexual relationship without complications.
Anna’s voice took on a gentle lilt. “Maybe it’s time for you to consider opening yourself up to love again, sis.”
Fear gripped me. No. I didn’t want to head down that path again; I couldn’t do it. There was too much chance of pain catching you in it’s claws. I’d run so far from it; I wouldn’t give it a chance to chase me down again.
“No.” I was emphatic.
“It’s been five years since James, and you’ve come a long way, Velvet. I want to see you happy again.”
“I’m really fucking happy without a man in my life, Anna.”
“No, you’re hiding yourself away. I understand why you’re doing it, especially after having my own heart torn to shreds, but you need to move on and find a man who will give you the love you deserve.”
My chest tightened at the thought of opening myself up to love and pain again. “I’ve never told you half the stuff that James did to me, and I don’t want to get into it now, but I can’t put myself through that again. I don’t think I’d survive another round of that,” I whispered the last sentence as my voice cracked.
“Oh babe,” she said, and pulled me close for a hug.
I fought back the tears that threatened to fall, and clung to her. When I finally pulled away, I apologised, “I’m supposed to be here checking up on you and you’re the one looking after me.”
“It’s what sisters do.”
She was right, and I thanked the universe for blessing me with a sister like her.
***
Hours later, I was half way through my shift at Indigo when I caught sight of Nash. He’d never replied to my message. He’d also not come and said hello to me, so it annoyed me to see him sitting in his usual spot with two chicks fawning all over him. So many emotions hit me at once; anger, disappointment and jealousy.
Shit. Jealousy of all bloody things to feel. It was the last thing I wanted to feel where Nash was concerned.
He saw me watching him, but he ignored me and carried on with his women. I exited the room as fast as my feet would allow me, and made my way to the staff room. It had been so long since I’d experienced a rush of feelings like this and I didn’t know what to do with them. I had the urge to confront him; shit, I wanted to physically attack him he’d upset me so much.
I spent fifteen minutes out the back trying to get my shit together. When I got myself under control, I went back out the front; I had a show to put on in a minute and I was going to give them one hell of a show tonight.
The club pulsed with life as I entered it again, and I took a deep breath and centred myself. The beat of the music washed over me and flowed through my veins, the smell of anticipation hit me and the atmosphere overwhelmed me. This was where I thrived, and I stepped into my skin as I made my way to the stage.
I’d been working on a new pole dance the last few weeks. Nash usually helped me with these; I always showed him first to get this thoughts on it. He’d made me promise that he would always be the first one to see a new dance and was quite territorial about it. Scott had been the first to see one once and Nash had been pissed. He hadn’t seen this particular one and the bitch in me couldn’t wait to perform it with him in attendance. I knew it was a catty move but I couldn’t help myself; he’d hurt me and now I wanted to hurt him.
I took my place at the pole and nodded at the DJ to start the music. My heart pounded in my chest as I began my routine. I looked in Nash’s direction and saw he still had the two chicks all over him. They were doing their best to gain his full attention but his eyes were riveted on me. I stared at him for a moment before performing the hell out of my dance. It was the sexiest dance I’d come up with so far and the men loved it; they whistled and yelled out their approval. Little did they know they were in for a treat tonight; I’d decided to end the dance by interacting with the patrons in a way I never did. Scott would be pissed at me, as would Cody. The other strippers were allowed to do whatever the hell they wanted, but I was supposed to remain somewhat of a mystery. I wasn’t to encourage touching on stage and if someone wanted to tip me, I was to take it with my hand rather than allowing them access to my g-string. If a patron wanted an up-close-and-personal interaction with me they had to pay well for it, and this policy worked well for the club; they made a lot of money off me.
“I’m so stupid for letting him get to me, but for some reason, I can’t help it. He starts talking and it’s like I’m right back there, you know?”
Concern was clear in her eyes. “Oh, honey, you should have called me.” She placed her hand on mine and squeezed it.
I smiled at her. “Yes, I should have, and I will in future because going out and getting trashed and sleeping with Nash was definitely not the best way to handle it.”
She grinned. “Was the sex hot, though?”
I blew out the breath I’d been holding in all day. “Hell, yes. It was the best damn sex I’ve ever had. I can only imagine how good it would be if I was sober. Nash has some talents, that’s for sure.”
“God, I knew he’d fuck like a champion,” she declared. “You only have to look at him to know he was made for sex.”
Remembering the pleasure he’d given me last night sent me into my own little world and Anna had to click her fingers in my face to get my attention back. “Sorry, did you say something?” I asked.
Shaking her head, she muttered, “You like him, don’t you?”
“I honestly don’t know.” My feelings towards Nash were a mess. I loved his friendship, but I couldn’t deny the sensations that just thinking about him gave me. Sex with him had been amazing; we’d connected physically in a way that not many people did. Well, I certainly hadn’t experienced that kind of instant connection with many men.
“Damn, Velvet. I think you’ve gotten yourself into some shit here.”
“Understatement of the century, Anna,” I said. I could do sex with a guy but I didn’t want an emotional attachment. Usually this wasn’t a problem with the guys I chose, but caution was screaming at me where Nash was concerned. We already had an emotional bond so I wasn’t convinced we’d be able to handle a sexual relationship without complications.
Anna’s voice took on a gentle lilt. “Maybe it’s time for you to consider opening yourself up to love again, sis.”
Fear gripped me. No. I didn’t want to head down that path again; I couldn’t do it. There was too much chance of pain catching you in it’s claws. I’d run so far from it; I wouldn’t give it a chance to chase me down again.
“No.” I was emphatic.
“It’s been five years since James, and you’ve come a long way, Velvet. I want to see you happy again.”
“I’m really fucking happy without a man in my life, Anna.”
“No, you’re hiding yourself away. I understand why you’re doing it, especially after having my own heart torn to shreds, but you need to move on and find a man who will give you the love you deserve.”
My chest tightened at the thought of opening myself up to love and pain again. “I’ve never told you half the stuff that James did to me, and I don’t want to get into it now, but I can’t put myself through that again. I don’t think I’d survive another round of that,” I whispered the last sentence as my voice cracked.
“Oh babe,” she said, and pulled me close for a hug.
I fought back the tears that threatened to fall, and clung to her. When I finally pulled away, I apologised, “I’m supposed to be here checking up on you and you’re the one looking after me.”
“It’s what sisters do.”
She was right, and I thanked the universe for blessing me with a sister like her.
***
Hours later, I was half way through my shift at Indigo when I caught sight of Nash. He’d never replied to my message. He’d also not come and said hello to me, so it annoyed me to see him sitting in his usual spot with two chicks fawning all over him. So many emotions hit me at once; anger, disappointment and jealousy.
Shit. Jealousy of all bloody things to feel. It was the last thing I wanted to feel where Nash was concerned.
He saw me watching him, but he ignored me and carried on with his women. I exited the room as fast as my feet would allow me, and made my way to the staff room. It had been so long since I’d experienced a rush of feelings like this and I didn’t know what to do with them. I had the urge to confront him; shit, I wanted to physically attack him he’d upset me so much.
I spent fifteen minutes out the back trying to get my shit together. When I got myself under control, I went back out the front; I had a show to put on in a minute and I was going to give them one hell of a show tonight.
The club pulsed with life as I entered it again, and I took a deep breath and centred myself. The beat of the music washed over me and flowed through my veins, the smell of anticipation hit me and the atmosphere overwhelmed me. This was where I thrived, and I stepped into my skin as I made my way to the stage.
I’d been working on a new pole dance the last few weeks. Nash usually helped me with these; I always showed him first to get this thoughts on it. He’d made me promise that he would always be the first one to see a new dance and was quite territorial about it. Scott had been the first to see one once and Nash had been pissed. He hadn’t seen this particular one and the bitch in me couldn’t wait to perform it with him in attendance. I knew it was a catty move but I couldn’t help myself; he’d hurt me and now I wanted to hurt him.
I took my place at the pole and nodded at the DJ to start the music. My heart pounded in my chest as I began my routine. I looked in Nash’s direction and saw he still had the two chicks all over him. They were doing their best to gain his full attention but his eyes were riveted on me. I stared at him for a moment before performing the hell out of my dance. It was the sexiest dance I’d come up with so far and the men loved it; they whistled and yelled out their approval. Little did they know they were in for a treat tonight; I’d decided to end the dance by interacting with the patrons in a way I never did. Scott would be pissed at me, as would Cody. The other strippers were allowed to do whatever the hell they wanted, but I was supposed to remain somewhat of a mystery. I wasn’t to encourage touching on stage and if someone wanted to tip me, I was to take it with my hand rather than allowing them access to my g-string. If a patron wanted an up-close-and-personal interaction with me they had to pay well for it, and this policy worked well for the club; they made a lot of money off me.
