“Enough!” my Mother finally stepped in. “Nash,” she pointed towards the hallway, “Kitchen. Now.”
I scowled at the room. How the hell had this become my fault?
At that moment, Jesse pushed up off the ground and turned on me. “You’re a dickhead, Nash, and you’d better watch your fucking back.”
His face was a wash of blood and that made me fucking ecstatic but he had to be hallucinating if he thought I needed to watch my back. I shook my head at him and his naivety. My rage hadn’t calmed though, and I decided it was best to walk away from him now. For my Mother. It was Mother’s Day after all. But I stepped into his space one last time. “You fuck with my sister again and a broken nose will be the least of your problems.” We glared at each other for a moment, hostility churning between us, and then I stalked out of the room.
***
“What’s up your ass today?” Erika asked as she entered the kitchen. Just over five feet of fierce female energy packaged in the softest and most feminine looking woman I’d ever seen. Erika was one woman I didn’t mess with. She’d retrieved the groceries I dropped and thrust the bags at me while hitting me with a dirty look.
“You can’t tell me you’re happy that Carla’s back with that dickhead,” I muttered.
“No, but it’s her life, Nash. At some point you’ve got to stop being the overprotective older brother and give her the space to make her own choices.” She raised her hand at me as I opened my mouth to reply. “And you’ve got to let her fail.”
“Fuck that. I don’t want her to fail.” My eyes narrowed on her. “Why would you want her to fail?”
She sighed. “I don’t want her to, but it’s how we learn in life. You know that. Shit, with all the screw ups you’ve made in life and all the shit you’ve been through, you know that failing teaches us how to be better; how to do better.”
“Yeah, and with all the shit I’ve been through, I want to use what I’ve learnt and help her not make the same mistakes.” I blew out a long, frustrated breath.
She started unpacking the groceries and putting them away. Erika never could stay still for very long; she was always on the go. “Tell me something; if someone had advised you not to do the things you did that ended up being mistakes, would you have listened to them?”
“Maybe.”
She stopped what she was doing and trained her eyes on me. “Bullshit.”
Why did she always have to be right? Begrudgingly, I admitted, “Okay, so maybe not.”
“How about, definitely not? You were a handful; so determined to get into all kinds of shit. And don’t even get me started on the stuff you did after Gabriella -”
I cut her off right there. Fury circled the room. It reached into my soul and forced its way into my mind. As hard as I tried to control it, to stop it gaining any power over me, there was no way I could. I was no match for it. I towered over Erika and let the fury explode out of me and shatter around us. “She does not exist to me so don’t fucking say her name. Ever. Again.”
I remained standing over her, panting heavy breaths and trying desperately to get my shit together. My mind was a mess of thoughts; thoughts I didn’t fucking want in there. Thoughts I’d spent years jamming into the dark recesses to avoid them. My chest tightened into a painful knot of heaviness and the demons beckoned from hell, calling my name with a lustful resonance .
I needed to get out of here.
Now.
But I couldn’t.
Fuck.
I shoved my hand through my hair and attempted to calm my breathing. This day started off bad and had quickly escalated to completely fucked.
“I’m sorry.” Erika snapped me out of my inner turmoil and forced my attention back to reality.
My eyes darted to hers and I processed the distressed look on her face.
She laid her hand on my arm.
Gentle.
Soothing.
Calming.
I focused on breathing.
In. Out. In. Out.
“Nash.” She tried to reach me but I was still clawing my way out of the abyss.
Give me a minute. I’m nearly there.
I sensed movement behind me; sensed another presence in the room. Noise and talking. But I couldn’t drag myself out yet.
And then arms wrapped around me from behind.
Love.
Tenderness.
Carla.
I forced out a long, harsh breath and gulped for air.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
Carla squeezed me, not wanting to let me go. I placed my hands on her arms. “It’s okay. I’m okay. You can let me go now.”
“You sure?” She hesitated.
“Yeah.”
Her arms released me and I turned to face her. She looked as distressed as Erika had. Worry coloured her face and I hated that I’d put it there. Me and my shit. I pulled her into a rough embrace. My hand cupped the back of her neck, and my lips brushed across her forehead.
We held each other for a moment and then she looked up into my eyes. “You need to deal with that once and for all.”
“I have.”
She shook her head. “No, you haven’t, Nash. And it’s time you started being honest with yourself about it.” Her voice held no judgement; there was only love there. And for that, I couldn’t be mad at her.
***
An hour later, I wandered back into the kitchen. I’d just spent the last forty minutes working on Mum’s car.
I scowled at the room. How the hell had this become my fault?
At that moment, Jesse pushed up off the ground and turned on me. “You’re a dickhead, Nash, and you’d better watch your fucking back.”
His face was a wash of blood and that made me fucking ecstatic but he had to be hallucinating if he thought I needed to watch my back. I shook my head at him and his naivety. My rage hadn’t calmed though, and I decided it was best to walk away from him now. For my Mother. It was Mother’s Day after all. But I stepped into his space one last time. “You fuck with my sister again and a broken nose will be the least of your problems.” We glared at each other for a moment, hostility churning between us, and then I stalked out of the room.
***
“What’s up your ass today?” Erika asked as she entered the kitchen. Just over five feet of fierce female energy packaged in the softest and most feminine looking woman I’d ever seen. Erika was one woman I didn’t mess with. She’d retrieved the groceries I dropped and thrust the bags at me while hitting me with a dirty look.
“You can’t tell me you’re happy that Carla’s back with that dickhead,” I muttered.
“No, but it’s her life, Nash. At some point you’ve got to stop being the overprotective older brother and give her the space to make her own choices.” She raised her hand at me as I opened my mouth to reply. “And you’ve got to let her fail.”
“Fuck that. I don’t want her to fail.” My eyes narrowed on her. “Why would you want her to fail?”
She sighed. “I don’t want her to, but it’s how we learn in life. You know that. Shit, with all the screw ups you’ve made in life and all the shit you’ve been through, you know that failing teaches us how to be better; how to do better.”
“Yeah, and with all the shit I’ve been through, I want to use what I’ve learnt and help her not make the same mistakes.” I blew out a long, frustrated breath.
She started unpacking the groceries and putting them away. Erika never could stay still for very long; she was always on the go. “Tell me something; if someone had advised you not to do the things you did that ended up being mistakes, would you have listened to them?”
“Maybe.”
She stopped what she was doing and trained her eyes on me. “Bullshit.”
Why did she always have to be right? Begrudgingly, I admitted, “Okay, so maybe not.”
“How about, definitely not? You were a handful; so determined to get into all kinds of shit. And don’t even get me started on the stuff you did after Gabriella -”
I cut her off right there. Fury circled the room. It reached into my soul and forced its way into my mind. As hard as I tried to control it, to stop it gaining any power over me, there was no way I could. I was no match for it. I towered over Erika and let the fury explode out of me and shatter around us. “She does not exist to me so don’t fucking say her name. Ever. Again.”
I remained standing over her, panting heavy breaths and trying desperately to get my shit together. My mind was a mess of thoughts; thoughts I didn’t fucking want in there. Thoughts I’d spent years jamming into the dark recesses to avoid them. My chest tightened into a painful knot of heaviness and the demons beckoned from hell, calling my name with a lustful resonance .
I needed to get out of here.
Now.
But I couldn’t.
Fuck.
I shoved my hand through my hair and attempted to calm my breathing. This day started off bad and had quickly escalated to completely fucked.
“I’m sorry.” Erika snapped me out of my inner turmoil and forced my attention back to reality.
My eyes darted to hers and I processed the distressed look on her face.
She laid her hand on my arm.
Gentle.
Soothing.
Calming.
I focused on breathing.
In. Out. In. Out.
“Nash.” She tried to reach me but I was still clawing my way out of the abyss.
Give me a minute. I’m nearly there.
I sensed movement behind me; sensed another presence in the room. Noise and talking. But I couldn’t drag myself out yet.
And then arms wrapped around me from behind.
Love.
Tenderness.
Carla.
I forced out a long, harsh breath and gulped for air.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
Carla squeezed me, not wanting to let me go. I placed my hands on her arms. “It’s okay. I’m okay. You can let me go now.”
“You sure?” She hesitated.
“Yeah.”
Her arms released me and I turned to face her. She looked as distressed as Erika had. Worry coloured her face and I hated that I’d put it there. Me and my shit. I pulled her into a rough embrace. My hand cupped the back of her neck, and my lips brushed across her forehead.
We held each other for a moment and then she looked up into my eyes. “You need to deal with that once and for all.”
“I have.”
She shook her head. “No, you haven’t, Nash. And it’s time you started being honest with yourself about it.” Her voice held no judgement; there was only love there. And for that, I couldn’t be mad at her.
***
An hour later, I wandered back into the kitchen. I’d just spent the last forty minutes working on Mum’s car.
