Rising Tides
Page 77

"upstairs," anna hissedat Seth. "He's coming inside. Now it's my turn."
"Are you going to yell at him, too?"
"Maybe."
"I want to watch."
"Not this time." She all but shoved him out of the room. "Upstairs. I mean it."
"Hell." He stomped to the stairs, waited a moment, then slipped back down the hallway. Anna was pouring herself a homey cup of coffee when Ethan slammed the back door. Part of her wanted to go over and give him a big, sympathetic hug. He looked so miserably unhappy and confused. But the way she figured it, there were times when it was best all around to kick a good man when he was down.
"Want some?"
He flicked a glance at her and kept walking. "No, thanks."
"Hold it." She smiled sweetly when he stopped, when she all but saw the jittery waves of impatience shimmering around him. "I need to talk to you for a minute."
"I'm about talked out for the day."
"That's all right." Deliberately she pulled a chair out from the table. "You sit down and I'll talk." Women, Ethan decided as he dropped into the chair, were the bane of his existence. "I guess I'll take the coffee, then."
"All right." She poured him a mug, brought him a spoon so he could dump his customary heaps of sugar into it. She sat, folded her hands neatly, and continued to smile.
"You stupid jerk."
"Oh, Jesus." He rubbed his hands over his face, left them there. "Not another one."
"I'm going to make it easy on you at first. I'll ask a question, you answer. Are you in love with Grace?"
"Yes, but—"
"No qualifications." Anna cut him off. "The answer is yes. Is Grace in love with you?"
"Hard to say just now." He shifted his hand to nurse the point on his chest where she'd all but bored a hole in him.
"The answer is yes," Anna said coolly. "Are you both single, otherwise unattached adults?" He could feel himself sinking into a sulk, and detested it. "Yeah—so?"
"Just laying the groundwork, gathering the facts. Grace has a child, correct?"
"You know damn well—"
"Correct." Anna lifted her cup, took a sip of coffee. "Do you have feelings of affection for Aubrey?"
"Of course I do. I love her. Who wouldn't?"
"And does she have feelings of affection for you?"
"Sure. What—"
"Wonderful. We've established the emotions of the parties involved. Now let's move on to stability. You have a profession, and a new business. You appear to be a man with skill, who's willing to work and has the capability of earning a good living. Have you incurred any large, outstanding debts you believe you'll have difficulty meeting?"
"For God's sake!"
"No offense intended," she said brightly. "I'm simply approaching this matter the way I assume you would, calmly, patiently, step by tedious step."
He narrowed his eyes at her. "Seems to me people are having major problems with how I do things lately."
"I love the way you do things." She reached across the table and gave his tense hand an affectionate squeeze. "I love you, Ethan. It's wonderful for me to have a big brother at this stage of my life." He shifted in his chair. He was touched by the obvious sincerity in her eyes, but he had a feeling she was tenderizing him in preparation for the roasting to come. "I don't know what's going on around here."
"I think you'll figure it out. So, we'll say you're financially sound. Grace, as we know, is well capable of earning a living. You own your own home, and a one-third share in this one. Shelter certainly isn't an issue. So, we'll move on. Do you believe in the institution of marriage?" He knew a trick question when he heard one. "It works for some people. Doesn't work for others."
"No, no, do you believe in the institution itself? Yes or no."
"Yes, but—"
"Then why the hell aren't you down on one knee with a ring in your big, clumsy hand, begging the woman you love to give your fat head another chance?"
"I'm a patient man," Ethan said slowly, "but I'm getting tired of insults."
"Don't you dare get out of that chair," she warned when he started to scrape it back. "I swear I'll belt you. God knows I want to."
"That's another thing that's going around." He subsided only because it seemed easier to get it all over with at once. "Go ahead then, say what you have to say."
"You think I don't understand. You think I can't relate to what's eating you up inside. You're wrong. I was raped when I was ten years old."
Shock jolted his heart, pain squeezed his soul. "Jesus, Anna! Jesus, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"Now you do. Does it change me, Ethan? Aren't I the same person I was thirty seconds ago?" She reached for his hand again, held it this time. "I know what it is to be helpless and terrified and want to die. And I know what it is to make something of your life, despite that. And I know what it is to have that horror in you always. No matter how much you've learned, no matter how much you've come to accept it and know it was never, ever your fault."
"It's not the same."
"It's never the same, not for any two people. We have something more in common as well. I never knew who my father was. Was he a good man or a bad one? Tall or short? Did he love my mother, or did he use her? I don't know what parts of him were passed to me."
"But you knew your mother."
"Yes, and she was wonderful. Beautiful. And yours wasn't. She beat you, physically and emotionally. She made you a victim. Why are you letting her keep you one? Why are you letting her win even now?"
"It's me now, Anna. There has to be something twisted, something sour inside a person to make them the way she was. I came from that."
"Sins of the fathers, Ethan?"
"I'm not taking on her sins, I'm talking about heredity. You can pass on the color of your eyes, your build. Weak hearts, alcoholism, longevity. Those things can run in families."
"You've given this a lot of thought."
"Yeah, I have. I had to make a decision, and I made it."