Rock Chick Regret
Page 76

I was on a roll, ranting in front of an audience, unconcerned about what they might think, who they might see, what I exposed by the words that came out of my mouth. The only thing I knew was the more I talked, the less that thing in my chest hurt and I had to get it out before it destroyed me so I kept right on going.
“And my boyfriends, I knew he warned them off but I’ve never seen them again, never ran into them at, say, a movie or the mall. How bizarre is that? You always run into people, especially your exes, exactly when you don’t want to see them. Did he whack them for daring to touch me?” I asked then my mind flew in another direction. “And Greg! The guy who worked for him who flirted with me, my f**king father saw it and I never saw Greg again. Did he off him too? Poor Greg, daring to flirt with Sadie Townsend. That was a mistake. King Death strikes again!” I shouted, totally hysterical now then I demanded to know, “When’s it going to end? When? What’s next? Am I going to find out my f**king father ran over my cat, Cleopatra, when I was eight? He said it was a neighbor who did it, it was probably him!”
“I’m sure your father didn’t run over your cat,” Hector told me gently.
“You’re sure? Well I’m not. He probably drove around neighborhoods in his spare time, aiming for cats, just for kicks!” I snapped back.
Hector gave me a gentle shake. “Mamita, you got to calm down.”
I looked up at him and all of a sudden I remembered where I was, who I was with, what I was saying and I pulled in my breath.
He was right. He was so right.
I had to calm down.
So, I had filth running through my veins instead of blood.
So what?
I knew that, I’d always known it.
This just proved it irrevocably.
It proved I had no business standing here with these good people.
It proved I was exactly the kind of girl Hector could conquer then throw away without looking back.
It proved that wasn’t only true but I deserved it.
I had to get out of there, pronto.
“I need to go,” I told Hector. “I need to get back to the gallery. I have work to do.”
“I’m thinkin’ that’s not a good idea,” Hector replied.
“What do you suggest I do instead? Sit in a dark room and reflect on my pitiful life, my mother who probably died trying to protect me, my squished cat?”
“Sadie –”
I shook my head and lifted my hands to pull my hair away from the sides of my face, leaving them there. “No, I need to do something normal. I need to be around pretty things in my gallery. I need Ralphie. I need Buddy. I need to go back to the brownstone and play with YoYo. I need Veronica Mars. I need to do everything I can do to forget all that is my f**king hideous life.”
Something flashed across his face, something so strong it penetrated my hysteria. I wasn’t certain sure, he hid it as quickly as it came but I could swear it was disappointment.
I realized then that of all the things I told him I needed, he wasn’t one of them.
I’d inadvertently scored a direct hit and I should have been glad but I was absolutely not.
I sallied forth, there was nothing else I could do. In my life, sallying forth was my only option and it always had been.
I dropped my hair and put my hands on his biceps.
“Please, Hector, take me back to the gallery.”
Finally, his arms dropped, he stepped back and I lost his heat.
And I saw that I also lost him. I could see it in his face closing down and his eyes going blank. And I knew it because he didn’t touch me, he didn’t slide his hand in my hair and he didn’t stay close.
And this hurt. It hurt so much I felt that hot, hard thing in my chest grow and spread, up my throat and down to my belly until I found it difficult to breathe and I was certain sure it was going to suffocate me.
Even though I lost him, he still quietly replied, “All right, Sadie, I’ll take you back to the gallery.”
I let out a breath and found that didn’t help at all.
* * * * *
Eddie
Eddie Chavez watched the door close behind his brother and Sadie and something about both of them made him feel unsettled.
Then Tom spoke and Eddie’s eyes moved to him.
“Seth Townsend is a piece of shit,” Tom announced. “But he loved Lizzie. It was an obsessive, smothering love but he loved her. He didn’t kill her.”
Lee leaned against his desk.
“You sure about that?” he asked.
Tom nodded. “None of the leads took us close to Seth. I don’t even think he knew she was talking to me. Malcolm and I figured Diggs found out what Lizzie was up to and ordered the hit.”
“Any chance she’s still alive?” Eddie asked, crossing his arms on his chest.
This time, Tom shook his head. “Sadie’s right. Lizzie would have found a way to keep in contact with her or she would have come back. Furthermore, Lizzie was loaded, still is. She had a trust, she was an only child and she inherited everything when her mother died and they had a large estate. The money is still sitting in her accounts. She never touched it. Seth never went after it either, didn’t try to have her declared dead so he could get his hands on it, never claimed desertion so he could get it for Sadie. Nothing. I’m not even certain Sadie knows it exists. If Lizzie found a safe place, she could have taken the money and she and Sadie could have lived their lives without ever lifting a finger. Eighteen years ago, Malc and I talked to Aaron Lockhart, Lizzie’s family accountant, and we told him our suspicions. His loyalty was to Lizzie and Sadie and he watched that money like a hawk and he would have done what he could to see Lizzie and Sadie safe. I called Aaron this morning to check and not a penny of that money moved, not in eighteen years. If Lizzie was alive, there would have been a time when she needed it. It never moved.”
“Any point pursuing this?” Vance asked. “Sadie’s got a new wound now and, by the looks of her, she has no intention of letting it heal, she intends to keep it licked raw. After eighteen years, that trail’s cold. I manage to find something, what purpose would it serve?”
Eddie looked at Vance. “At least she’d know her father didn’t kill her mother.”
Everyone knew that was so thin, it was practically useless.
But for Sadie, who had nothing but still managed to lose more, thin was better than nothing.
Because of that, Vance gave a jerk of his chin and muttered, “I’ll look into it.”
Hank moved to Lee’s desk and used his hands to pull himself up to sit on it. “We got another problem,” he announced when he’d settled.