Rock Chick Regret
Page 80
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It Was Organic
Sadie
I woke up in my bed in Ralphie and Buddy’s guest room.
This was a strange sensation. Firstly, I hadn’t slept there in days. Secondly, I knew immediately Hector was with me. I could feel his heat all down my back and his arm was wrapped around my midriff, elbow cocked, forearm tucked under me, hand at the side of my breast.
Oh my.
Now, how did I get in this predicament?
I didn’t have time to rewind my night. It was too late to try to figure out how I ended up in my bed with Hector. It was time to extricate myself, pronto.
I prayed he was asleep and started to slide forward so I could escape.
His arm went tight.
“You’re awake,” he said into the back of my neck.
Damn and blast!
“Yes,” I replied and wondered if I should have feigned sleep.
“Good,” he muttered, his body pressing closer then his thumb (no kidding!) started to stroke the side of my breast. “Before you get a chance to put your defenses up, mamita, we’re gonna talk.”
This was not good.
I’d been awake five seconds. I could barely think much less talk with Hector with Hector’s heat at my back and Hector’s thumb stroking my breast.
I definitely should have feigned sleep.
It was time to form an upon waking escape plan so I could go somewhere and get my multiple personalities together where we could confer and decide who was going to take on this latest challenge.
“I, um, need to use the bathroom,” I tried.
This failed.
“In a minute,” he responded firmly.
“I’m not sure I want to talk,” I told him, trying again.
This failed too. Miserably.
“That’s good too, because you aren’t gonna be talking.”
Oh no.
A talk without me talking.
That definitely was not good.
“Hector –” I started and tried to turn but his arm got tight, his body fitted itself close to my back and I couldn’t move.
“Sadie, quiet and listen,” he ordered.
I could just not win.
I hadn’t even been awake for two minutes and I had another life trauma on my hands!
Oh well, so be it.
I willed my body to relax but mentally braced for what was to come next.
Hector felt the tension leave me and his thumb went back to stroking (this, I had to admit, felt super nice, but I told myself to ignore it, this didn’t work but at least I tried).
Then Hector started talking.
“I grew up in a house full of family, brothers, sisters, a mother, a father. My Dad was a prosecuting attorney and he worked long hours. Mamá was a part-time guidance counselor at our high school. We weren’t rich but they managed to give us everything we needed even if we didn’t have most of the shit we wanted. They worked but they were around. They were good parents, in our business, in our faces, providing guidance but letting us f**k up enough so we could learn. Some of us took advantage, f**ked around, caused them problems. They never gave up hoping we’d eventually do the right thing and made sure we knew that.”
Now, why was he telling me this?
In a perfect world, of course, I would want to know all about Hector’s life.
But this was far from a perfect world.
And, I wondered, was Hector one of the ones who “fucked around, caused them problems”?
I didn’t get a chance to ask (not that I would), because he kept talking.
“I don’t know how you grew up but I watched you with your father when I was on the inside, mamita, and, at first, I didn’t understand it. When I did, it turned my stomach.”
I drew in breath and held it.
I didn’t know what I expected from this first thing in the morning talk where I didn’t get to talk but that wasn’t it.
I had forgotten, or chosen not to remember, how much he’d been around. My father kept him close, he liked him, trusted him, he even told me he was grooming Hector for “big things”. In the end, Hector had been around loads.
It didn’t occur to me what he would see or even that he was watching. It really didn’t occur to me that he’d have any reaction to it. No one cared about me or what I was going through. Not only did I suspect they didn’t care, I also I didn’t tell anyone and I hid behind The Ice just in case anyone got close.
But, somehow, it appeared Hector had seen through all that.
And furthermore, what he said meant he cared.
I didn’t know how that made me feel except the weird, happy glow was trying to push through.
Then, I felt his mouth touch my neck and he kissed me there and it took an immense effort of will to hold the glow back because him kissing my neck could only mean one thing and I couldn’t allow myself to believe in it. Believing in it would set me up as the fool or worse, let him get close and that couldn’t happen.
“That isn’t family, Sadie,” he told me softly, obviously unaware of my inner turmoil. “I don’t know what it is but it sure as f**k isn’t family.”
With no choice (other than to suffocate), I let out my breath on the word, “Okay.”
His arm gave me a squeeze. “I don’t know what you got inside you that helps you deal. I don’t know, growin’ up with that, how you managed. But I’m thinkin’ your mother gave you some of it and the other part comes from you or at least the you I had yesterday morning.”
At his reminder of yesterday morning, my body went tight and so did his arm.
“Don’t f**kin’ shut down on me,” he warned and he sounded like he meant it.
Oh my.
I forced my body to relax, it was difficult but I did it so I could get this over with and fast.
When my body relaxed, so did his arm.
“Now, we got a situation. I don’t have many choices in this situation and none of them are good. But I made a decision and you gotta know what it is.”
Oh my, oh my, oh my.
Hector’s made a decision.
This, I figured, did not bode well for me.
I wasn’t wrong.
“I want you,” he said into the back of my neck, his hand moving up to curl around my breast in a way that was so possessive, I found myself holding my breath again while he went on. “I’ve wanted you a long time, longer than you know. Before you came into your father’s office that night, well before. I lost control that night, f**ked up, let things lie the way they were. I should have talked to you. I didn’t. I didn’t think it was safe. After your father went down, I should have come to you. I didn’t. It was the wrong choice. Now, something shitty has happened to you and I felt I needed to proceed with caution. I couldn’t come on strong, not after what Ricky did to you. I couldn’t push it, I didn’t want you thinkin’ you were movin’ from under your father’s thumb to under mine. I could have stepped back but that would mean I wouldn’t be where I wanted to be, which is right here.” His fingers at my breast squeezed and I felt my stomach perform a happy pitch. I tried to ignore that too (and failed).
Sadie
I woke up in my bed in Ralphie and Buddy’s guest room.
This was a strange sensation. Firstly, I hadn’t slept there in days. Secondly, I knew immediately Hector was with me. I could feel his heat all down my back and his arm was wrapped around my midriff, elbow cocked, forearm tucked under me, hand at the side of my breast.
Oh my.
Now, how did I get in this predicament?
I didn’t have time to rewind my night. It was too late to try to figure out how I ended up in my bed with Hector. It was time to extricate myself, pronto.
I prayed he was asleep and started to slide forward so I could escape.
His arm went tight.
“You’re awake,” he said into the back of my neck.
Damn and blast!
“Yes,” I replied and wondered if I should have feigned sleep.
“Good,” he muttered, his body pressing closer then his thumb (no kidding!) started to stroke the side of my breast. “Before you get a chance to put your defenses up, mamita, we’re gonna talk.”
This was not good.
I’d been awake five seconds. I could barely think much less talk with Hector with Hector’s heat at my back and Hector’s thumb stroking my breast.
I definitely should have feigned sleep.
It was time to form an upon waking escape plan so I could go somewhere and get my multiple personalities together where we could confer and decide who was going to take on this latest challenge.
“I, um, need to use the bathroom,” I tried.
This failed.
“In a minute,” he responded firmly.
“I’m not sure I want to talk,” I told him, trying again.
This failed too. Miserably.
“That’s good too, because you aren’t gonna be talking.”
Oh no.
A talk without me talking.
That definitely was not good.
“Hector –” I started and tried to turn but his arm got tight, his body fitted itself close to my back and I couldn’t move.
“Sadie, quiet and listen,” he ordered.
I could just not win.
I hadn’t even been awake for two minutes and I had another life trauma on my hands!
Oh well, so be it.
I willed my body to relax but mentally braced for what was to come next.
Hector felt the tension leave me and his thumb went back to stroking (this, I had to admit, felt super nice, but I told myself to ignore it, this didn’t work but at least I tried).
Then Hector started talking.
“I grew up in a house full of family, brothers, sisters, a mother, a father. My Dad was a prosecuting attorney and he worked long hours. Mamá was a part-time guidance counselor at our high school. We weren’t rich but they managed to give us everything we needed even if we didn’t have most of the shit we wanted. They worked but they were around. They were good parents, in our business, in our faces, providing guidance but letting us f**k up enough so we could learn. Some of us took advantage, f**ked around, caused them problems. They never gave up hoping we’d eventually do the right thing and made sure we knew that.”
Now, why was he telling me this?
In a perfect world, of course, I would want to know all about Hector’s life.
But this was far from a perfect world.
And, I wondered, was Hector one of the ones who “fucked around, caused them problems”?
I didn’t get a chance to ask (not that I would), because he kept talking.
“I don’t know how you grew up but I watched you with your father when I was on the inside, mamita, and, at first, I didn’t understand it. When I did, it turned my stomach.”
I drew in breath and held it.
I didn’t know what I expected from this first thing in the morning talk where I didn’t get to talk but that wasn’t it.
I had forgotten, or chosen not to remember, how much he’d been around. My father kept him close, he liked him, trusted him, he even told me he was grooming Hector for “big things”. In the end, Hector had been around loads.
It didn’t occur to me what he would see or even that he was watching. It really didn’t occur to me that he’d have any reaction to it. No one cared about me or what I was going through. Not only did I suspect they didn’t care, I also I didn’t tell anyone and I hid behind The Ice just in case anyone got close.
But, somehow, it appeared Hector had seen through all that.
And furthermore, what he said meant he cared.
I didn’t know how that made me feel except the weird, happy glow was trying to push through.
Then, I felt his mouth touch my neck and he kissed me there and it took an immense effort of will to hold the glow back because him kissing my neck could only mean one thing and I couldn’t allow myself to believe in it. Believing in it would set me up as the fool or worse, let him get close and that couldn’t happen.
“That isn’t family, Sadie,” he told me softly, obviously unaware of my inner turmoil. “I don’t know what it is but it sure as f**k isn’t family.”
With no choice (other than to suffocate), I let out my breath on the word, “Okay.”
His arm gave me a squeeze. “I don’t know what you got inside you that helps you deal. I don’t know, growin’ up with that, how you managed. But I’m thinkin’ your mother gave you some of it and the other part comes from you or at least the you I had yesterday morning.”
At his reminder of yesterday morning, my body went tight and so did his arm.
“Don’t f**kin’ shut down on me,” he warned and he sounded like he meant it.
Oh my.
I forced my body to relax, it was difficult but I did it so I could get this over with and fast.
When my body relaxed, so did his arm.
“Now, we got a situation. I don’t have many choices in this situation and none of them are good. But I made a decision and you gotta know what it is.”
Oh my, oh my, oh my.
Hector’s made a decision.
This, I figured, did not bode well for me.
I wasn’t wrong.
“I want you,” he said into the back of my neck, his hand moving up to curl around my breast in a way that was so possessive, I found myself holding my breath again while he went on. “I’ve wanted you a long time, longer than you know. Before you came into your father’s office that night, well before. I lost control that night, f**ked up, let things lie the way they were. I should have talked to you. I didn’t. I didn’t think it was safe. After your father went down, I should have come to you. I didn’t. It was the wrong choice. Now, something shitty has happened to you and I felt I needed to proceed with caution. I couldn’t come on strong, not after what Ricky did to you. I couldn’t push it, I didn’t want you thinkin’ you were movin’ from under your father’s thumb to under mine. I could have stepped back but that would mean I wouldn’t be where I wanted to be, which is right here.” His fingers at my breast squeezed and I felt my stomach perform a happy pitch. I tried to ignore that too (and failed).
