Rock Chick Regret
Page 87

At this announcement, I felt my face pale as my happy buzz vaporized.
Daisy went on, “Smithie and Marcus found out and they flipped. Smithie doubled up on bouncers and made it policy that all the girls were escorted to their cars after we closed. And Marcus, well… that’s when Marcus and me got together, kind of. It wasn’t like he asked me out but, every day after it happened he sent me bouquets of daisies. Every day. For weeks. Until my house was so filled with pretty flowers that it was hard to keep my mind on ugly thoughts.”
I stared at her, my heart hurting for her then I whispered, “I knew I liked Marcus.”
She smiled at me, reached out, caught my hand and held it tight.
“When he decided the time was right, he came at me. It was tough on me and I made it tough on him but he never gave up, he kept comin’ until I gave in. And I’m glad he did.”
“You have to know,” Ava put in before I could process what Daisy said. “That what it is with these guys is different than what it is with other guys. It’s different than what it is with the kind of guy who would hurt you, either what that man did to you or how other men can tear you down. They come on strong because they are strong not because they’re jerks or anything.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “Okay.”
“Hector’s a good guy,” Jet told me and I looked at her.
It hit my drunken brain what they were saying and I felt my shields go up automatically.
“I know,” I replied.
“You have to let him in.” Daisy squeezed my hand.
Oh no.
Just.
No.
They didn’t get it. They probably couldn’t. They weren’t me.
There were two sides to this coin. The one side was me and the fact that Hector was likely too good for me. The other side was life as I knew it, that I couldn’t trust anyone and that nothing worked out for me, it couldn’t, I was who I was and I deserved whatever Hector had in store for me, using me then leaving me behind.
Maybe a girl who’d had friends, whose mother hadn’t been murdered while protecting her, whose father hadn’t kept her imprisoned in a beautiful mansion her whole life, a girl who hadn’t been brutally raped, could trust, could understand.
But that girl wasn’t me.
I couldn’t tell them any of that.
I wanted to.
But I couldn’t.
Because they wouldn’t get it.
“We’re okay,” Pretend Sadie promised on a smile.
They all stared at me.
“No, really,” I said.
“You’re holdin’ somethin’ back,” Daisy accused.
“No, I’m not,” I lied. I was drunk but not drunk enough to share. I’d done enough sharing. Sharing was only going to get me in deeper and I was deep enough as it was.
Ava looked at Daisy then at me. “You’ll want to run, to keep yourself safe. I know the feeling, we all do. Listen to the voices of experience and move beyond this faster than we did. It’s worth it, I promise.” I nodded but she got closer. “Seriously, Sadie, it’s worth it. I promise,” she repeated and I knew she knew that, the way Luke held her that night. And I was glad she had that, she was sweet.
But that was never going to happen for me.
I wanted it, more than anything in the world, to know Hector was putting his arms around me. But he wasn’t. There was no “me”. He was either putting his arms around “His Sadie”, a creature that didn’t exist, or his latest conquest.
Simple as that.
These were good women, they’d never been taught that lesson.
And I hoped they never learned.
I pulled in my lips and pretended to think about it.
Then I nodded.
“I don’t –” Daisy started, staring at me closely.
“Let her alone,” Jet cut her off.
“But –” Daisy went on.
“Give her time to think,” Jet interrupted again and looked at me. “You need to talk, anytime, day, night, whenever, you call one of us. We’re here, Sadie. Always.”
I pulled my lips in and didn’t have to pretend or force the tears that were shining in my eyes at what she said. I was wishing this could be real, could be my life but I knew it couldn’t.
Unable to speak, I just nodded again.
“We’re done here,” Jet told Ava and Daisy.
“We’re not done,” Daisy pushed.
“We’re done,” Ava announced firmly.
Daisy dropped my hand but only to cross her arms on her chest.
“I’ll be watchin’ you,” she warned.
I decided to set this firmly aside and go back to the enjoying the drunken portion of the night.
“Okay,” I told her like I could care less.
Jet smiled at Ava.
Daisy narrowed her eyes at me.
We heard Stella’s voice and I knew the band was going to start again.
“Rock ‘n’ roll!” I shouted, whirled and used that as my excuse for escape.
I threw open the door, flew out of the restroom, got two steps into the hall and slammed into something solid.
Hands came to my upper arms, I looked up and all my breath left me in a rush.
“Jerry?” I whispered, not believing my eyes or my f**king terrible luck.
I mean, seriously!
Why me?
Out of the frying pan and into the fire!
I looked again but my eyes did not deceive me. It was Jerry, one of the henchmen in my father’s gentleman army. Tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, good-looking and, normally, mostly silent. He’d disappeared the minute the DEA moved in and I hadn’t seen him since.
“Sadie,” Jerry replied.
“Who’re you?” Ava said from beside me.
“Stand back, now.” Daisy didn’t care who he was and at her words all the girls got close to me.
Jerry ignored Daisy. “Your father’s got a message for you.”
My eyes went wide.
Then my back went straight and my chin went out.
All right.
I’d had enough.
This was not happening.
I’d had a tough day. A tough week! A tough f**king life!
I was going to take no more.
“Is that so? Well I have a message for him too,” I snapped back.
Jerry’s hands went tight on my arms, so tight, they hurt.
“Quiet and listen to me.”
“Last warning, stand back.” Daisy got in closer.
I ignored her and leaned in. “No, you listen to me. No messages, no nothing. My father doesn’t exist anymore. You tell him that.” Then, for good measure, I used one of Hector’s badass lines, “Got me?”