Rock Chick Revolution
Page 68
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I pressed my lips together and nodded, keeping my eyes to Dad because I knew I couldn’t cope with them all at once showing me Dad’s words were true through the expressions on their faces.
I then turned again and got the f**k out of there.
* * * * *
I clenched my teeth as I sat in my Mustang outside Ren’s house.
This was because, regardless of the fact that I texted him before I drove away from Mom and Dad’s, Ren’s Jag was at the curb.
During our Not-Really-Fuck-Buddies phase, I’d always wondered but never asked why he didn’t park in the two car garage he had out back. It was in good repair and had a kickass wooden garage door with these interesting windows at the top.
I figured it was because the front was closer and had easier access to the house since his backyard was long. Some of it was terraced so he had a boatload of steps to climb up. That wouldn’t be all that fun for lugging in groceries, even if you were a tall, strong, fit hot guy.
Then again, the front required, without fail, parallel parking, which was something I, like only three point two seven percent of the population (my estimation, not based on a study or anything), had the skills to do. Still, that didn’t mean it didn’t suck having to do it.
I was sitting there thinking I would never get an answer to this question at the same time I was thinking there was nothing for it. I had to go in, even with Ren there. I needed clothes, and my clothes were in Ren’s house. So even if he wasn’t going to be cool and let me get in and out without hassle, I had to get my meager belongings.
But before I did that, I knew I had to make a clean getaway. Therefore I had to have somewhere to get away to, and I’d made my decision on the drive there where that was going to be.
I pulled out my phone, found the contact and hit go.
On ring three, Daisy answered, “Everything good, sugar?”
“I ended things with Ren and I need a place to stay,” I announced and ignored her sharp gasp. “Can I crash with you and Marcus for a couple of days?”
Silence before she asked, “You ended things with Ren?”
My eyes got hot and my voice was husky when I requested, “Please, Daisy. Not now.”
This bought me more silence, but it lasted a lot less time before she said, “Absolutely, darlin’. I’ll go up and make sure one of our guest rooms is ready for you and I’ll be doin’ that right now.”
I so freaking loved Daisy.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“No problem, baby,” she whispered back. “Now, you get here when you get here and we’ll sort you out.”
“Okay, Daisy.”
“See you soon, sugar.”
“Right.”
I hung up before she could keep being sweet. I didn’t have a lot left in me before I lost it, and Daisy had a lot of sweet and that would undo me. So I had to cut that off. Pronto.
I twisted his key off my ring in order to be ready, angled out of my car and hoofed it to Ren’s.
Get this done and get gone.
Done and gone.
I tried the door, found it unlocked and walked right in.
The TV was on and Ren was in jeans and a tee, lounging like the hot guy he was on the couch, watching it. But the minute I entered, his eyes turned to me.
My mouth filled with saliva.
I tore my eyes from him and made a beeline to his kitchen.
I heard the TV go off.
I didn’t take this as a good sign.
I dropped the key on his counter and moved out of the kitchen.
He caught me at the doorway. Arm hooking my waist, he shuffled me to the side and closed in so I was back to the wall and Ren was pressed to me.
I looked up at him and his face was set to sweet.
Somebody.
Please.
Kill me.
“We need to talk this through, baby,” he said in a voice set the same way.
But this time there was no way he was going to get to me through his sweet.
“We haven’t talked about much in all the time we’ve been together,” I replied. “Except this. And we never agreed. I’m thinking we never will. You’ve got a life to lead, so do I. So I also think we should get on with doing that.”
His free hand came to my jaw and I fought swallowing because I didn’t want him to get anything from me. He already had enough.
In fact, everything.
“You love someone, you compromise. We’ll find a way to compromise,” he told me.
“What you mean is, I’ll find a way to compromise,” I told him.
“Ally—”
I was losing it, so my voice was scratchy when I asked quickly, “Why are you doing this?”
His fingers flexed into my flesh and his face got closer when he answered, “Because I believe in us.”
“There is no us,” I returned.
“There’s always been an us, but I get you needed not to believe in that and why. That said, you can’t deny there’s been an us the last three days, honey.”
“That was all fantasy.”
He blinked and whispered, “What?”
“That Ren and that Ally don’t exist. That was just you and me wanting to believe we could. But we couldn’t. We fight. We don’t agree on important things. We want the same thing in different ways. We don’t work, but for those three days, we pretended we do. We can’t pretend anymore, Ren. We have to be honest, see this isn’t going anywhere and move on.”
“So you’re saying right now you’re going to get your shit and leave and not sit down and see if we can work on finding a future we both believe in?” he asked.
“What I’m saying right now is that I think all that’s been said has said it all.”
“Right, then, you’re not in a space right now where you’re up for talkin’ about this, so I’ll ask you don’t make any decisions. Stick with me, sleep beside me, and tomorrow when we’re less raw, we give each other that time.”
I shook my head. “Nothing’s going to change, Ren.”
“It won’t if you don’t give it a shot, Ally.”
I held his eyes and laid it out. “You don’t believe in me.”
His jaw got tight.
Yep.
He didn’t believe in me.
Fuck.
Again my f**king eyes got f**king hot, but again I powered right the f**k through to end this.
“Even if I could talk you around, I can’t live with a man who doesn’t believe in me. And I can’t do what I have to do out there with half a mind to wondering what you’ll think about this case or that decision or a client or how you’ll react when I come home and tell you about my day. I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that shit if you trusted me. Believed in me. But you don’t and you won’t, because you don’t want this for me, or for you, or for our future. So what is the f**king point of dragging this shit out now when it already hurts in a way that if we even gave it days, it would kill?”
I then turned again and got the f**k out of there.
* * * * *
I clenched my teeth as I sat in my Mustang outside Ren’s house.
This was because, regardless of the fact that I texted him before I drove away from Mom and Dad’s, Ren’s Jag was at the curb.
During our Not-Really-Fuck-Buddies phase, I’d always wondered but never asked why he didn’t park in the two car garage he had out back. It was in good repair and had a kickass wooden garage door with these interesting windows at the top.
I figured it was because the front was closer and had easier access to the house since his backyard was long. Some of it was terraced so he had a boatload of steps to climb up. That wouldn’t be all that fun for lugging in groceries, even if you were a tall, strong, fit hot guy.
Then again, the front required, without fail, parallel parking, which was something I, like only three point two seven percent of the population (my estimation, not based on a study or anything), had the skills to do. Still, that didn’t mean it didn’t suck having to do it.
I was sitting there thinking I would never get an answer to this question at the same time I was thinking there was nothing for it. I had to go in, even with Ren there. I needed clothes, and my clothes were in Ren’s house. So even if he wasn’t going to be cool and let me get in and out without hassle, I had to get my meager belongings.
But before I did that, I knew I had to make a clean getaway. Therefore I had to have somewhere to get away to, and I’d made my decision on the drive there where that was going to be.
I pulled out my phone, found the contact and hit go.
On ring three, Daisy answered, “Everything good, sugar?”
“I ended things with Ren and I need a place to stay,” I announced and ignored her sharp gasp. “Can I crash with you and Marcus for a couple of days?”
Silence before she asked, “You ended things with Ren?”
My eyes got hot and my voice was husky when I requested, “Please, Daisy. Not now.”
This bought me more silence, but it lasted a lot less time before she said, “Absolutely, darlin’. I’ll go up and make sure one of our guest rooms is ready for you and I’ll be doin’ that right now.”
I so freaking loved Daisy.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“No problem, baby,” she whispered back. “Now, you get here when you get here and we’ll sort you out.”
“Okay, Daisy.”
“See you soon, sugar.”
“Right.”
I hung up before she could keep being sweet. I didn’t have a lot left in me before I lost it, and Daisy had a lot of sweet and that would undo me. So I had to cut that off. Pronto.
I twisted his key off my ring in order to be ready, angled out of my car and hoofed it to Ren’s.
Get this done and get gone.
Done and gone.
I tried the door, found it unlocked and walked right in.
The TV was on and Ren was in jeans and a tee, lounging like the hot guy he was on the couch, watching it. But the minute I entered, his eyes turned to me.
My mouth filled with saliva.
I tore my eyes from him and made a beeline to his kitchen.
I heard the TV go off.
I didn’t take this as a good sign.
I dropped the key on his counter and moved out of the kitchen.
He caught me at the doorway. Arm hooking my waist, he shuffled me to the side and closed in so I was back to the wall and Ren was pressed to me.
I looked up at him and his face was set to sweet.
Somebody.
Please.
Kill me.
“We need to talk this through, baby,” he said in a voice set the same way.
But this time there was no way he was going to get to me through his sweet.
“We haven’t talked about much in all the time we’ve been together,” I replied. “Except this. And we never agreed. I’m thinking we never will. You’ve got a life to lead, so do I. So I also think we should get on with doing that.”
His free hand came to my jaw and I fought swallowing because I didn’t want him to get anything from me. He already had enough.
In fact, everything.
“You love someone, you compromise. We’ll find a way to compromise,” he told me.
“What you mean is, I’ll find a way to compromise,” I told him.
“Ally—”
I was losing it, so my voice was scratchy when I asked quickly, “Why are you doing this?”
His fingers flexed into my flesh and his face got closer when he answered, “Because I believe in us.”
“There is no us,” I returned.
“There’s always been an us, but I get you needed not to believe in that and why. That said, you can’t deny there’s been an us the last three days, honey.”
“That was all fantasy.”
He blinked and whispered, “What?”
“That Ren and that Ally don’t exist. That was just you and me wanting to believe we could. But we couldn’t. We fight. We don’t agree on important things. We want the same thing in different ways. We don’t work, but for those three days, we pretended we do. We can’t pretend anymore, Ren. We have to be honest, see this isn’t going anywhere and move on.”
“So you’re saying right now you’re going to get your shit and leave and not sit down and see if we can work on finding a future we both believe in?” he asked.
“What I’m saying right now is that I think all that’s been said has said it all.”
“Right, then, you’re not in a space right now where you’re up for talkin’ about this, so I’ll ask you don’t make any decisions. Stick with me, sleep beside me, and tomorrow when we’re less raw, we give each other that time.”
I shook my head. “Nothing’s going to change, Ren.”
“It won’t if you don’t give it a shot, Ally.”
I held his eyes and laid it out. “You don’t believe in me.”
His jaw got tight.
Yep.
He didn’t believe in me.
Fuck.
Again my f**king eyes got f**king hot, but again I powered right the f**k through to end this.
“Even if I could talk you around, I can’t live with a man who doesn’t believe in me. And I can’t do what I have to do out there with half a mind to wondering what you’ll think about this case or that decision or a client or how you’ll react when I come home and tell you about my day. I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that shit if you trusted me. Believed in me. But you don’t and you won’t, because you don’t want this for me, or for you, or for our future. So what is the f**king point of dragging this shit out now when it already hurts in a way that if we even gave it days, it would kill?”
